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PHI 1120, Professional Ethics
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This 16 page Bundle was uploaded by Dana Notetaker on Wednesday February 24, 2016. The Bundle belongs to WRD 104 at DePaul University taught by Finstrom in Winter 2016. Since its upload, it has received 63 views. For similar materials see Writing and composition in Writing at DePaul University.
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Date Created: 02/24/16
(9/22/15) The lowering of the confederate flag in South Carolina was a huge mark in history. Some people believed this flag stood for segregation and racism, while others found it to represent freedom and the Civil War. Nobody has the exact answer to what the flag actually symbolizes or earlier actions would have been made, so it’s hard to know if it’s right or wrong to lower this flag. At first I thought it should be lowered if it’s causing controversy throughout the nation and the state and if people think the flag represents segregation, why would we even hesitate to take it down. After reading all the articles, I realized how much of a problem this flag was really causing. If the black boy from South Carolina wanted to hang the flag up in his dorm room, he should be able to without getting attacked like he did from the school. Abolish high school argument Notes: I was trying to tell her that some points are unrealistic like how bullying would go away if high school didn’t exist. I gave my opinion about the issues of high school and the issues in the article I had. As a result I would want her to realize not every high school is the same and she didn’t experience it so the article is biased. Specific points in my response: High school isn’t just about the learning What I would change about my paper: -Make more specific points -check grammer -Revise the end of the paper -Some of it is repetitive Dana Delaney WRD 103 10/15 Jannely Saucedo -I liked the questions you started the paper off with -But limit the amount you ask at the beginning -Some sentences needed to be rephrased to make more sense -One thought got broken up into two separate paragraphs -There were certain sentence structures that reflected what we learned in class -I don’t know if this was good or bad, but there were random sentences that had its own paragraph. I don’t know if it’s okay on its own or if they should be tied into another paragraph -Work on the conclusion because the sentences were a little confusing and could have come to a better conclusion One thing I really liked about the paper was the fact you got to the point and made it interesting. There was no rambling, and I liked the questions because it didn’t force a certain point of view on the reader. One thing I would change would be the clarification of some of the sentences. Some could be rephrased to make more sense. And to incorporate the random sentences that aren’t in a paragraph. Chapin Berk -I liked the opening of the paper; it was interesting and caught my attention -The use of asking questions wasn’t overused and fit in well with the paragraph -Most of the paper was discussing facts and research, it could use more analyzing -Strong conclusion -Lots of quotes, maybe too many -incorporate the use of quotes to flow better instead of just sticking them in One thing I really liked was the clarity of the paper, everything made sense. It had a good flow and was interesting One thing I would change would be the use of quotes because it feels like they don’t work with what you are saying. There is not enough analyzing of the quotes, they are just there to state more facts. Scott Summers -The sentence structure was good and reflected what we learned in class -A lot of numbers and research were incorporated in the paper -But wasn’t as interesting because of the amount of numbers and data in the paper -The analysis was really good and I liked hearing your opinion in the paper, but it wasn’t too much. -More quotes would have made it more interesting from different sources I liked the clarity and the analysis of the paper. A good argument was made. Less data and numbers, I got less interested as they were discussed more. Maybe replace the numbers with quotes from different sources. My paper: Was there enough analysis? Each topic was explained well. Good analysis. Was it interesting enough? Yes it was. Good real life examples. Good how im an inbetween age. How was my introduction? Intro and conlusion were well written Comments: vary the word choice, too repetitive. Good giving both perspecitves. Add a paragraph that explains how I feel. Reflection -I felt good about my writing because it was a topic I was interested in, but did not have a strong opinion about. -My challenge was trying to stay neutral and showing both sides of the opinion because its easier to write an essay on a subject you have a strong opinion about -I think the most effective part of my draft was the information from different sources and the personal examples because it shows what I have experienced and what I have seen through my own perspective. -In my revision I would change up my word choice and not be as repetitive with some of the research. I would add more quotes and bring in different sources 10/6/15 Carr makes very interesting points on computers and the Internet. It is extremely distracting and causes our minds to wander. I think it was interesting how he said its making us “stupid” because I never really realized the impact the internet has on us. I grew up with the Internet and mostly doing all my work on the computer. I haven’t written a paper by hand since 6 grade, and to realize what the Internet has done to its users is scary. I never realized how distracting surfing the web can be and clicking on different emails constantly and googling everything. It really does take your mind away from what you’re trying to focus on and is harder to concentrate. 2 periodic sentences: With all the open tabs, clicking through emails, and accessibility on Google, the Internet is a very distracting tool. Students main way of accessing research is through the Internet, but they also spend a lot of there free time there as well, therefore it is a difficult source to stay focused. Cumulative sentences: Ipads make it easier to stay focused verses computers because the tabs are sitting there right in front of you on a computer, while the whole page is taken up by the current app on an ipad. The Internet distractions are getting even more scary because more technology is being developed with more features and more distractions becoming available to the users. Carr explores his question by 10/27/15 I wanted to evoke the reader in a way to think students need more of a variety besides going to one place and getting the same food every day for the whole year. I wanted to introduce and persuade the reader to the idea that there are schools that have more than just a student center for a source of food. Real restaurants can be incorporated in the cycle of “school food.” Claims- If DePaul University should work with more restaurants or food options Reasons- students would be happier and healthier Evidence- Other schools do this and all the students are grateful for this Claim- There are tons of acceptable food sources that would work well with the University Reasons- they are literally connected to the school and are all around the campuses Evidence- ? Pathos- I tried putting the reader in the frame mind of what being a freshman or any year student is like at DePaul and what their eating schedule would consist of. I tried framing their mind to picture what it would be like to have different options than just the student center food. I also helped the reader picture how close everything is and how convenient it would be. Ethos- Not much ethos was incorporated into my work, it was mainly pathos. Not many statistics are involved because I was speaking from my own point of view, I tried incorporating personal examples because that’s one way of ethos, but not from big companies or sources data. It was more of an idea I was trying to convince my readers to agree with instead of pushing hard data on them and telling the reader to look at the stats. What feedback I want: How would you incorporate more ethos into this subject? Was it persuasive enough? Did my personal example make it work more or less? How could I make my introduction better? 10/20/15 Structure Activity-step 1 Introducing the problems technology brings to our society (1) How using an iPad as a child can increase intelligence levels but also weaken other skills (2) Personal example and social media connection (3) How family relationships are being changed due to technology (4) How consuming technology really is (5) Technologies relationship to bullying (6) The good and bad outcomes from the use of technology (7) Step 2 I would put my personal example (3) after my introduction and re reading it made me realize I should elaborate more on the personal example paragraph to exemplify my own opinion more. This would affect my essay by letting the reader know what my opinion is so the rest of the essay is clearer. It would make the essay flow better to not just stick my personal experience and opinion in the middle of the essay and more towards the beginning. The audience’s attention is strongest at the beginning and this is a very important part of my essay. Transition method 1: Repetition of words or phrases Transition method 2: Needs help transitioning but some words Transition method 3: transitional phrases and words Transition method 4: Repetition of key ideas Transition method 5: Transitional phrases but needs help Transition method 6: Repetition of ideas but needs help going into the conclusion Conclude with these: Question Quotation Vivid image Call for action Warning Different conclusion (ending with a question): Technology is a debatable topic because of how problematic it has become the last few years, but at the same time has made incredible progress due to the development in society. Yes, technology has damaged the conventional way of communication along with developmental skills children learn without sitting in front of a screen. The immense progress of our world is because of the technological advances though. Not only our country, but also the world has seen an incredible amount of success due to technology. Along with the decrease with in person communication and other skills people developed before technology consumed our lives. In the end can technology prove its worth and outweigh the negative side? 10/1/15 The purpose of my text is to explain the situation of the flight 370 and what had happened. Still today it is a mystery. The messages I am conveying are the flight is still unknown whether it crashed or where it crashed, or if the plane is landed somewhere and the passengers are hostages. I recorded information from the news articles I found and other sources. I found a story about a family that has to deal with the disappearance of his entire family everyday. And lastly I found an article that stated a piece of that flight had washed up on shore which indicates the plane had crashed somewhere near a French island. Process: My thought process on writing this paper started with finding the best four sources I could find that would make my paper its best. I constructed it in a way that would slowly evolve to the findings of part of the flight. The challenges about this subject was how it is difficult to find information on something that was missing, so there were no facts on what has actually happened. But this made the article interesting because its different than others. Revision plan: I could explore more about the conspiracy theories because that would be interesting towards the reader. Add more information to my paper to support my arguments. New information could be discovered tomorrow so that would be effective. Check how I put my sentences together. Sentence Self-Analysis Range: 8,9,10-40,48 Mode: 23 Simple statements mostly command Translating my writing: Malaysia, China, Thailand, Singapore, Indonesia, Vietnam, the Philippines, Australia, and the United States were all the major involved countries that helped search for the disappearance of the plane. No one else knew the answers. The only people who think the passengers had been kidnapped, but alive are the family members. But most of society has come to accept the plane had crashed, still unknown why, but that’s what we have to believe. My initial reaction to your piece was slightly confused. I wasn’t exactly sure what the first two pictures had to do with the topic at first. The third picture really helps bring it all together and I like the topic, but I’m not exactly sure what it calls me to do Is it to use my meal plan more or to shop at whole foods/other grocers more and get a smaller meal plan? The topic definitely will intrigue viewers considering most of us use some sort of meal plans. I suggest: 1. Making the message (what you want the reader to do) clear 2. Putting the pictures all together in order for the idea to mesh for the reader. My initial reaction was that I was confused as to what the message you were trying to convey was. Something to do with meals at DePaul, but it’s not evident as to what exactly you’re trying to say. Maybe adding text to the pictures about what you’re trying to convey would help out your rhetorical purpose. I’m also not sure how the first picture relates to anything without having any text on it to say what’s going on, so it would probably be beneficial to do something with that. The text on the last picture is also a tad confusing I’m not sure what he’s trying to say about meal plans exactly. So is the message here that we have meal plans but don’t use them? But its evident that your saying how we should eat at Whole Foods considering the picture of the students in the market. I think adding the President was a nice touch because it adds to the effect of your overall message. And even shows his support with Whole Foods. To my understanding, I see that you’re trying to point out how DePaul kids love whole foods rather than the food they get to eat for free at the student center and all on campus. I like the meme because it’s making fun of these same students but for what purpose? Maybe a better picture would be something persuasive especially since the first two photos don’t really have a message at all. Maybe put text on the group pic at whole foods. Luv The meme here, it’s super chill and funny and chill. That for sure gave me a hella clear message out here. However, the other two pics u posted up didn’t really do the same thing. I get you are tryna make a statement about that food tho. But Im still strugglin to really grasp that message you feel me? Maybe a caption for that first photo would help your rhetorical strategy fosho. Hell yea dawg, good werk out there. Synthesis and plan: My project 5 synthesis was that it was not very clear and I definitely agree. I was confused by this assignment because I missed the class before it was due, and now it is very clear to me and I am going to put a caption on both pictures to link them all together. After seeing other examples and the feedback I got, I understand what I need to do to improve my project 5. If it comes out to what I am hoping for I will include this because it would give my portfolio some color and excitement instead of just having 3 writing projects. I really want to improve my project because I know how to fix what I did wrong. I will put captions on the whole foods pictures and correlate them to the meal plan meme. Reflection-Why Self-knowledge- important in creating positive change Independence- we’re in charge of determining our grade Metacognition and permanence- more likely to remember Portfolios-all our work in the end Activity 1: My writing started off as an e-mail or letter type paper to address the author of this article. The last thing I wrote about the issue of bullying last because I thought it was most important. While writing my paper I was thinking how important high school really is, and I normally would’ve never reflected on that. I think reading this article was effective because it’s so much easier to write a paper on a subject that interests you. It made me so much more intrigued and made my writing stronger. I think the points I made in my draft were strong. My writing could have been read over more carefully. I found that reading my paper in print helped me realize a lot more of my mistakes versus reading it on the computer. I could have gone into better detail in paper as well. Plato- Rhetoric is “the art of winning the soul by discourse.” Aristotle- Rhetoric is “the faculty of discovering in any particular case of all of the available means of persuasion.” Modern rhetoric- every communicative act involves multiple elements interacting with each other in a balance that results in a response within a given situation. Rhetoric- looking at the big picture, considering how, why, what.
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