COMM1041 Semester Lecture Notes
COMM1041 Semester Lecture Notes
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Intro to Interpersonal Communication 09082014 Types of Communication Human communication creating and sharing meaning through the use of verbal and nonverbal messages Interpersonal Communication the transactional form of oneonone human communication involving mutual in uence usually for the purpose of managing relationships Involves 2 parties Small group 315 people Public speaker in person with an audience Mass virtual message to many people at once speaker and audience not in the same place lntrapersonal communication with yourself Impersonal treat someone like an objectjob involves two parties merely a transaction Theory vs Skill vs Model Theory concepts that attempt to explain describe andor predict a person s behavior Skill a speci c behavior that is enacted to enhance an interpersonal relationship ie empathizing Model a visual representation of the structure and key components of a process Why study communications Lots of professions law enforcement legal PRmarketing sales education business management hr arts hospitality healthcare Improve relationships on a personal level Most people spend 8090 of their waking hours communicating with other people Characteristics of IPC Transactional process back and worth people on equal footing Involving two people Using verbal and nonverbal messages To create understanding and to in uence each other to manage the relationship IPC is not just de ned by the number of people who communicate but also by the quality of the communication llt vs lThou Otheroriented to be aware of the thoughts needs experiences personality emotions motives desires culture and goals of your communication partners while still maintaining your own integrity lit impersonal treating them as objects roletask oriented more mechanical in nature just wanting to get something done short term lthou treating them as a unique authentic individual relationship is characterized by being patient and kind honest and open It shouldn t be judgmental and should be respectful It is an intimate emotional and longterm relationship in which the two parties are treated as equals and they give one another their full attention Nature of Relationships Longlasting relationships are sustained by mutual equality must be a balanced giveandtake Mutual in uence all partners in the communication are affected by the interaction not one person strictly giving and the other taking Relationship connection established with another person through communication constantly changing and evolving 0 Participants in a relationship are affected by The situation they are in Their personal skills Each other s responses and decisions Interpersonal Communication can help relationships by Establishing close personal relationships 0 Those who have such relationships are healthier and happier 0 Promote productive dialogue with others in your life 0 Develop creative constructive solutions to challenges 0 Avoid con ict and stress o If other oriented you can anticipate partner s reaction to avoid con ict 0 Forge productive happy relationships with family members friends and coworkers Human communication process 0 Human communication as action O 0 Simple transfer of meaning sent and received 0 Human communication as Interaction 0 Linear pingpong communication exchange messages with feedback and context 0 Human communication as transaction 0 Based off systems theory each element in the process in uences all of the other elements at the same time interconnected system 0 Simultaneous communication IPC Connects us to others o Is irreversible cannot take words back o Is complicated ls governed by rules 0 2 people create together learn and adopt rules as relationship progresses o In uenced by culture and media 0 lnvolves content and relationship dimensions 0 What people say and how they say it Electronically Mediated Communication 0 Communication that is not face to face but rather is sent via an electronic medium such as social media internet or phone messages 0 We use EMC to o Create and maintain friendships 0 Share information 0 Listen and respond to our connections 0 Con rm and support others 0 Can also be used as mass communication 0 EMC vs th o Asynchronous delay in response 0 Synchronous immediate response 0 Anonymity Gives people the chance to be more open 0 Potential for deception Easier to lie 0 Nonverbal cues Cannot pick up on tone body language facial expressions proximity with EMC 0 Writing skills Chose words carefully 0 Distance 0 Hyperpersonal relationship you can form a more intimate relationship with someone than you can with facetoface because online communication encourages people to disclose more and quicker than ftf Cues ltered out theory 0 EMC is more limited than th because all nonverbal cues are eliminated cannot form as good of a relationship compared to ftf Media richness theory 0 Different EMC and ftf mediums provide different levels of intimacy based on the feedback permitted the number of cues in the channel the variety of language and the potential for expressing emotions Choice of channel is what determines the level of intimacy Social informationprocessing theory 0 EMC can create the same relationships as th but they take longer since EMC lacks nonverbal cues IPC Competence To be a competent communicator your messages must be 0 Effective is easily understood by others and achieves what you intend 0 Appropriate ts the timeplacecontext of the message and is sensitive to the receiver s feelings and attitudes Becoming OtherOriented Be knowledgeable skilled and motivated Otheroriented skills 0 Selfawareness and awareness of others Using and interpreting verbal messages chose words carefully Using and interpreting nonverbal messages tone of voice Listen and respond to others Be empathetic feelingsemotions of others Be ethical be sensitivegive choices Best not to manipulate or guilt someone because it tends to bite you in the ass 0 Don t be egocentric o O 0000 Key Terms Self the sum of everything a person actually is factual no editorializingopinions impartial unbiased way to describe a person Selfconcept a person s subjective description of who they are includes your judgments part of our thoughts and emotions what we consider ourselves to be it s exible Beliefs in the middle 0 True vs false ideas about your reality 0 Example Abortion is murder Gay and straight people can marry whomever they want Attitude most super cial easiest to change 0 Like vs not like a person object or idea 0 Example Doctors who perform abortions are horrible people attitude HR2523 is a great bill Values most foundational most basic hardest to change 0 Beliefs and attitudes grow out of our values 0 Fundamental concepts of what s right and wrong 0 Example Life is sacred value All people must be treated equally Mindfulness distinguishes us from most other species ability to consciously think about what you are doingexperiencing and actrespond accordingly instead of us acting on instinct o Subjective selfawareness we are separate and distinct from everything else recognize ourselves as humans 0 Objective selfawareness think about who we are and what we are doing ability to imagine the future and re ect on the past critically o Symbolic selfawareness ability to use symbols language to represent ourselves to others ie talk about what it is to be analytical Your selves 0 Material self examples weight photos 0 Social self examples student boss child 0 Spiritual self examples pessimist agnostic selfinterest How your selfconcept develops Interactions with other people 0 Lookingglass self base your opinions on yourself on how other people see you Learn about ourselves from our interactions with others We emphasize feedback that is frequent credible and consistent 0 Attachment style derived from your emotional bond w parents as a child Secure attachment healthy relationship w others no problems selfdisclosing Anxious attachment not very comfortable with other people standoff harder to get to know them less comfortable w social norms Avoidant attachment uncomfortable with making themselves vulnerable would rather avoid it all together and rely on themselves 0 Association with groups social self 0 As you evolve your role changes and your selfconcept evolves based on those roles Roles you assume 0 Androgynous roles both male and female roles Selflabels 0 Characteristics that we internally label ourselves o Selfre exiveness our ability to think about ourselves in an abstract way 0 Personality and biology 0 Psychology internal components that in uence us our behavior and our interactions 0 Personality Big 5 personality traits n Extraversion how outgoing and socialable n Agreeableness how friendly compassionate agreeable n Conscientiousness how organized disciplined and efficient we are n Neuroticism degree to which we are anxious nervous stability n Openness how much we enjoy doing new things curiosity adventurousness Cyber self vs Real ftf self Take things more seriously in real life cyber life you are more sarcastic can joke around more Cyber self can rely too much on media and can cause greater feelings of loneliness Cyber self has more deceit due to the level of anonymity removes you from the consequences of lying face to face Real life has greater satisfaction in relationships Interacting ftf you develop a more clear selfconcept more feedback SelfEsteem Your SelfWorth Selfesteem Judgment of yourself based on what you think of your own skills abilities talents and appearance where we fitin in terms of how others see us how we compare to other people Selfefficacy your belief in your ability to perform a given task in a speci c situation Berne s Life Position Social comparison process of comparing ourselves to similar people in order to judge our own worth and value determine if we re pretty smart etc by looking at those around us and the media 0 Important to carefully and realistically chose who you are comparing yourself to Your judgment of yourself vs the world 0 I m okay you re okay 0 I m okay you re not okay 0 I m not okay you re okay You re in an inferior position 0 I m not okay you re not okay Unhealthy outlook person is depressed and feels poorly about themselves and sees everyone else in the same misery they are Maslow s Stages of Learning Unconsciousincompetence 0 Don t know how to do something and don t know the skill exists Conscious incompetence 0 Know about something but can t do it o Conscious competence o Able to do it but it still takes effort and you need to think about it o Unconscious competence 0 Know how to do something like its automatic don t need to think about it Facework Face the image of yourself you present to others for acceptance and con rmation 0 Facework using communication to maintain your self image and to seek approval of your face action 0 Saving face preserving a positive image in front of other people recover our image 0 Positive face when we project an image of ourselves that will be favorable to others 0 Preventative facework provide information to avoid others getting a negative impression of you 0 Giving excuse in advance for missing class Corrective facework trying to correct a negative perception that others have of you 0 Can be an apology a denial lying humor and a distraction to take the attention of what you did 0 25 of the time we are lying Facethreatening acts communicating in a way that threatens or challenges someone else s positive face create con ict 0 Trashtalking Politeness theory people promote positive face and have a positive perception of those who treat them politely and respectfully 0 Using appropriate titles common courtesies being attentive giving positive and supportive feedback Ways to threaten face 0 Avoid any mention of the rule violation 0 Mention the problem and offer solution 0 Bring up problem and acknowledge there may be a reason they re in the situation 0 Bluntly state it Responding to face threats 0 Defend deny 0 Explain what happened 0 Excuse o Apology o No response Improve selfesteem ntrapersona communication engage in realistic positive selftalk Visualization imagine yourself successfully completing a task Avoid unhealthy comparison with others and be realistic Reframe any past negative experiences in a larger context so that they don t prevent future success Develop honest relationships with people you can trust to give helpful feedback Let go of the past stop reliving negative experiences and make positive changes to move forward Seek social support through a professional or friends and family seek out pp you know will accept and con rm you and will comfort you through tough times Self concept and selfesteem affect your Sensitivity towards others Selfful lling prophecies o If you go into thinking you re going to fail you re more likely to fail Interpretation of messages 0 Level of selfdisclosure Social needs 0 Communication style Symbolic Interaction Theory 0 Make sense of the world based on our interactions with others we interpret a wordsymbol based on other people s reactions to it l our own perception of ourselves Me selfimage based on our idea of how others perceive us Otheroriented take note of how others react when you communicate based on your predictions and assumptions about them Selfful lling prophecy prediction about future actions that is likely to come true because the person believes that it will come true lntrapersonal needs 0 Inclusion participate w others and have human contactcompanionship Control we can in uence the relationships we have with others 0 Affection give and receive love support warmth and intimacy Low selfesteem More sensitive to criticism 0 More critical of others 0 Expect rejection and losing 0 Feel threatened and inferior High selfesteem Expect better outcomes and acceptance 0 Think highly of others 0 Seek opportunities to improve 0 Accept praise Admit strengths and weaknesses Selfdisclosure o Purposely providing information about ourselves to others that they would not know otherwise 0 It helps another person get to know you and to demonstrate your level of trust and acceptance Selfawareness Your conscious understanding of who you are Johari Window Model 0 Model of selfdisclosure that summarizes how selfawareness is in uenced by selfdisclosure 0 Open Info known to self and others 0 Hidden What you know but don t share with others 0 Blind Stuff known to others but not known to self a Reputation to others standing in a job application 0 Unknown Not known to yourself or others Communication Social Style 0 The way that we habitually communicate with others 0 Not black and white rather a spectrum Assertiveness accomplishing a task by making request asking for information and looking out for your own interests more self interested perspective 0 Categorized as masculine Relationshiporiented being sensitive and responsive to the needs of others in order to have positive relationships 0 Responsiveness o Categorized as more feminine o Interpersonal perception the process by which we decide what other people are like and interpret the meaning of their actions and messages 3 stages by using our 5 senses we make sense of the world by using these 0 selection lter 0 we have to pick and chose what we can pay attention to and remember 0 what we take in is biased by our personality BAVS hopes fears culture etc 0 selective attention we respond to some things and ignore others extremes positive or negative important or unimportant 0 selective exposure we tend to put ourselves in situations that reinforce our BAVs and behaviors instead of seeking out new and different activities and ideas 0 selective recall we remember things that reinforce our ideas and forget things that don t we give more importance to things that reinforce our worldviews forget things that prove the other side s point of view 0 thin slicing making a generalization about someone from a small exposure example of their behavior 0 organization 0 categorize organize the stimuli we perceive into similar groups that are easy for us to understand 0 punctuation further grouping perceptions to distinguish patterns 0 closure lling in missing information or gaps in what we perceive interpretation see below impressions collections of perceptions about others that we maintain and use to interpret their behaviors and messages passive perception what we perceive without effort active perception information that we seek out by observing or questioning uncertainty reduction theory we communicate to reduce our uncertainty about our surroundings and activities 0 seek out info to better understand and predict what happens primacy effect we give more importance to the rst pieces of information that we observe about another person first impression recency effect we give more important to the last pieces of information most recent info that we observe about another person halo effect tendency to attribute positive qualities to people we like tend to ignore or exclude info that is negative about them horn effect tendency to attribute negative qualities to people we don t like 0 look past positive qualities or things they do after we ve created impressions we interpret it interpretation we decide the meaning of the other person s messagebehavior based on verbal andor nonverbal cues 0 when we perceive and interpret we generally make the error of seeking to reinforce the world view that we hold attribution theory describes how we assign the causes motives explanations for people s messages and behaviors others and ours o causal attribution a person s actions can be caused by circumstances not calling because her phone is broken a external factor can t be controlled not really responsible stimulus she s sick or busy with work a external factor can t be controlled the person himherself she s a bad person and just doesn t care a internal factor their choice standpoint theory a person s social position power or cultural background in uence how the person perceives the behavior or others 0 no two people interpret things the same 0 can also be situational the same action or message can be viewed differently by a person depending on their position 0 doesn t focus on the cause so much as the position background of the sender and the position of the receiver focuses on where they re coming from culture a learned system of knowledge behaviors attitudes beliefs values and norms that is shared by a group of people 0 material tangible things we use to distinguish yourself social belief foundational ways of thinking and looking at the world aesthetics art and architecture language verbal and nonverbal symbolic interaction 0000 Perception errors Stereotype attribute a set of qualities to a person based on their membership in a category 0 Typically start out with a grain of truth Over generalize treat small amounts of information as though they were broadly true 0 quotall Asians are good musiciansquot social identity model of deindivualization effects SIDE 0 people are more likely to stereotype those they meet online because EMC provides fewer relationship cues because you don t get signals like facial expression body language people are more likely to make judgments ignore information overemphasize super cialobvious info and don t dig deeper disregard info that contradicts what we already know 0 bc our brain has to work harder to come up with a new idea impose consistency we believe people will continue to act in a way that ts the perception we have created of them focus on negative overemphasize negative information even when there are positive facts to counteract it fundamental attribution error when we attribute a person s behavior or messages to their willful choices and actions rather than to external causes 0 when it comes to someone else s behavior we are more likely to judge them harder than we would ourselves selfserving bias the tendency to perceive our own behavior as more positive than other people s behavior 0 when positive things happen to us we think its bc of something we did 0 when negative things happen its external not our fault 0 when positive things happen to others its bc of external reasons or a stimulus 0 when negative things happen to others its bc of something they did internal they re responsible Improving perception Beware of barriers and mindful of your perceptions know the cultural positional situational and personal constructs that you operate within and how we view the world 0 Living abroad will do this Keep a balance between details and the big picture avoid overgeneralizing Be sensitive of others perceptions about you Indirectdirect perception checking to gather more information rather than assuming something 0 Using observation to discover if your ideas are correct 0 Direct asking them Otheroriented Social decentering thinking about another person s thoughts and feeHngs 0 First step o Empathizing responding emotionally to another person s feelings 0 Listening v Hearing 0 Hearing physiological process of decoding sounds o Vibrations hit your ear drum and then ur brain decodes the sound waves 0 Listening Process 0 Selecting senses are bombarded by information so we can t process all of them at the same time so we select what we want to listen to 0 Attending not just a matter of what you re going to pay attention to but also focusing attention on speci c sounds 0 Understanding assigning meaning to a speci c sounds we hear 0 Remembering process of recaing information at a later time Long term memory is more powerful than short term 0 Responding exchanging a verbal or a nonverbal message that lets conversation partner know we have understood their message Listening Styles Relational concentrate on the emotional component of the message and the sender s feelings 0 Common in cultures w more feminine and coectivist values 0 Analytical consider facts and the sender s perspective before forming an opinion 0 Considers some emotional aspects 0 Critical evaluate accuracy inconsistencies contradictions errors assumptions logic and reasoning o A judgment is being made 0 Argument is to be made Taskoriented communicate efficiently to achieve a goal or complete a task 0 Focuses on the outcome Tend to be better listeners with strangers than people we know Listening Barriers Being selfabsorbed o Conversational narcissim focused on your own agenda thoughts wants and needs rather than your convo partner 0 Selective listening only listens to info they re interested in headng Unchecked Emotions 0 Our emotions get carried away with us and distracted us or make us defensive Criticizing the speaker 0 Negative opinion on the speaker thus they think message is irrelevant Speech vs Thought rate 0 Think much faster than we can speak 0 May make assumptions or ll in the blank which interferes w accurate interpretation of the message 0 Waiting for speaker to get the message out Information overload o Bombarded with lots of messages every day which can lead to fatigue and can also distract us External noise 0 Internal or external distractions that can prevent us from interpreting and attending to the message as much as we should Listener Apprehension o Particularly nervous fear of misinterpreting a message prevents you from being a successful listening 0 Paralyzed by fear which prevents accurate interpretation of the message Improvement Strategies Stop eliminate internal and external distractions focus on your partner be openminded Look make eye contact look to nonverbal cues for emotional content Listen absorb and interpret message don t interrupt let them speak respond and contribute to the discussion Determine Listening Goal 0 Learning acquiring info 0 Enjoyment to generate feelings of happiness and deepen relationship ties Evaluation make a judgment or take action on information o Empathy and support giving support to someone who needs assistance 0 Listening barriers can turn into listening goals o If you re aware of the barriers you can take steps to overcome them Summarize the details of the message 0 Map out major points or ideas the speaker is trying to say 0 Practice your listening skills 0 Analyze point of convo what is the desired outcome and how will you get there What are the possible rami cations Empathetic listening 0 Social decentering imagine what your partner is thinking 0 Think about how you would react 0 Consider what you know about the other person s personality and past experiences to predict how they re feeling and how they1lreact 0 Use what you know about people in general how would the average person react o Empathizing what your partner is feeling 0 Compassionate listening listening openly without prejudging without being defensive and judgmental 0 Active listening physical and mental engagement appropriate responses Show signs your taking in the message and giving it the thought and consideration it deserves Critical Listening 0 Listening to evaluate the quality appropriateness value or importance of the information you hear and use it to make a choice Focused on the information and your judgment of it as opposed to emotions 0 Information triage 0 Evaluating and sorting information determining importance and quality 0 Separate Facts from Inference 0 Fact something that has actually happened that s been observed or witnessed proven o Inference based on speculation opinion or conclusion based on what we think but it hasn t been observed or witnessed Accurate Responses Ask appropriate questions to get additional details and check understanding Paraphrase to ensure you have accurately understood what was said Offer helpful and welltimed feedback Provide useful and relevant information Adapt your responses Empathetic Responses Don t interrupt let your partner nish their point before you begin speaking Paraphrase emotions ask questions summarize content summarize feelings Provide social support positive sincere messages verbal and nonverbaD Con rming Responses an otheroriented statement that enhances your partner s selfworth Direct acknowledgement o Paraphrasing exactly what they say or the given situation Agreement about judgment 0 Provide opinion Supportive response 0 Express reassurance or understanding validating their feeHngs Clarifying Response 0 Asking something to arrive at better understanding Expression of positive feeling 0 Mirroring their feeling Compliment 0 Tell someone you like something about them an expression of appreciation Discon rming Responses a statement that undermines your partner s sdfwo h Impervious response 0 Don t respond at all ignore Interrupting 0 Talking over the person Irrelevant o What they say has nothing to do with what you told them TangenUal 0 Response is on the same topic but doesn t further the conversation Impersonal 0 Something that dehumanizes the other person and you make it a general statement about life and it trivializes what they re saying Incoherent o Respond with jibberish or quotum ahquot not helpful to further the conversation Incongruous o The words that you say don t match your nonverbal response 0 Words Are symbols they represent something else Denotative meaning 0 Literal de nition found in dictionary actual meaning or object it denotes Connotative meaning 0 Subjective emotional meaning unique for different people 0 Concrete 0 Describes something you can experience with your senses o On a spectrum 0 Abstract 0 Something that is purely conceptual just an idea we share no actual object associated with the word 0 On a spectrum 0 Arbitrary 0 They rely on communicators establishing common meaning 0 No reason why things are called what they are 0 Cultural 0 Words vary from culture to culture 0 The more similar the culture of communicators the greater the chance for common meaning 0 Triangle of meaning 0 There s a relationship between any given object we experience with our senses and the thought process 0 Referents objects that words represent and symbols are linked by thoughts mental process of creating an image sound concept or experience triggered by the referent of symbol Power of words 0 Sapir Whorf hypothesis 0 Language shapes our culture and culture shapes our language 0 Language both facilitates and restricts our worldview o Linguistic determinism Language shapes the way we think 0 Linguistic relativity Each language has unique embedded in it n Makes it hard to translate 0 Words can positively or negatively affect our relationships eg use of profanity vs use of euphemisms Words create perceptions by allowing us to label what we experience and communicate it to others 0 Words in uence thoughts by allowing us to verbalize what we feel and think can be limiting as well as liberating Words in uence actions because our thoughts in uenced by our words affect how we behave 0 Powerful vs powerless speech Powerless n Beating around the bush n Puts you in an inferior position Powerful n Position you take of equality with your partner Misunderstandings Occur because people don t always share the same de nitions and meanings for words Missed meaningbypassing 0 When the same word means different things to different people Ex gay Be clear 0 Gauge listener reaction use helpful context correct grammar proper order and punctuation and avoid malapropisms substituting words accidentally that don t belong there We give symbols meaning we don t get meaning from them 0 Listener creates the meaning not the one who says it Meaning Changes 0 Observe and acknowledge change in your thoughts and actions avoid using outdated labels 0 Static evaluation A statement that fails to recognize a change in meaning a Someone who was once a nerd isn t necessarily one 10 years later u quotwhen I went to gw students didn t need all of these fancy amenities to studyquot 0 Polarizing extremes Either or describing and evaluating what you observe in terms of extremes with an either or perspective no in between good or bad smart or stupid I Leaves out the middle ground and does not re ect reality 0 How to avoid 0 Be speci c use speci c and concrete language Indexing using statements that acknowledge that each individual situation is unique rather than making sweeping generalizations a All professors are unfair vs my math professor didn t give me the credit I deserve 0 Be unbiased Hate speech anything directed to offend someone Sexist language a Anything that re ects stereotypes of men and women n Describing something exclusively in male or female terms Ethnically or racially biased language a Demeaning toward a speci c group of people 0 Getting jipped refers to gypsies cheating people in the past Demeaning language a Anything that demeans someone s age physical appearance etc a quotyou can t be a basketball player you re too shortquot 0 Avoid 0 Restricted codes Set of words that has a speci c meaning to a subgroupculture o Jargon Specialized or technical terms or abbreviations that are known only to members of a particular group people who don t work or study in the same area wouldn t understand o Allness statements Broad generalized statements based on one person Statements that deny individual differences or variances n quotall football players are dumbquot Hate speech Sexist language Ethnically or racially biased language 0 Demeaning language Supporting words 0 Describe your feelings vs evaluating partner s behavior quotyou 0 Extended l statements Use to preface negative feedback to your partner a quotI know you ve been working really hard butquot 0 Focus on solving problems 0 Avoid critical comments questions and focus on the issue as impartially neutrally as possible 0 Be genuine 0 Present yourself honestly avoid manipulation consider the other individual 0 Empathize 0 Include messages to foster emotional support and understanding along with problem solving messages 0 Be exible 0 Don t stick to extremes 0 Try to nd middle ground allow for disagreement and negotiation as part of the problem solving process 0 Be equal 0 Focus on collaboration 000 Ill 0 Avoid jargon that is unfamiliar to your partner 0 Use elaborated code give additional info and comparisons for people who are not as familiar with the subject we are and humor when appropriate coming from the same perspective Apologizing Apology admission that we made a mistake and a request for forgiveness from the offended person 0 Admit we made a speci c mistake and ask pardon for that Helps us save face and repair damaged relationships Sincerely admit that you were wrong speci cally reference the offense show that you truly understand hw your error hurt your partner 0 Avoid false apologies Being Assertive Assertive 0 Make requests ask for information stand up for your rights pursue your own best interests without disregarding your partner s rights and interests 0 Appropriate assertiveness is otheroriented and judgmentfree o Aggressive o Pursuing your interests by denying the rights of others self interested and meanspirited Ways to be assertive 0 Describe Describe how you view the situation as neutrally impartially as possible 0 Disclose Express your feelings using I language avoid judging blaming the other person 0 Identify Identify the effects of the behavior without attacking your partner 0 Be silent Give time and wait for a response so you can gauge your partner s reaction Paraphrase O Paraphrase to ensure correct interpretation of each other s messages Nonverbal communication Behaviorcontextual factors other than written or spoken language that creates meaning 0 00000 0 Tone of voice Eye contact Facial expression Posture Movement Appearance Use of personal space and environment 0 Primary way we communicate feelings attitudes and emotions relationships and how we feel toward the person 0 Most of it is unconscious and therefore harder to fake and more trustworthy About 93 of our communication is nonverbal FuncUons Manage verbal messages 0 O O 0 Substitute instead of saying something use a gesture or movement Repeat messages quotroom is to the leftquot and point left Reinforce and duplicating Contradict verbal message is different from nonverbal Regulate turn taking raising hand to say you want to speak in class Augment verbal messages 0 Increase or decrease the emotional impact of our verbal messages Respond and adapt appropriately to our partner 0 Interaction adaptation theory We respond to our partner s nonverbal cues as well as verbal messages 0 lnteractional synchrony Mirroring of nonverbal behavior among communication partners consciously or unconsciously a They lean in we lean in a They raise their voice you raise their voice 0 Relationship development 0 65 social relational meaning is communicated nonverbally Information about the state of the relationship and feelings toward partner Ss relationships deepen use and understanding of nonverbal messages increase while need for verbal decreases Nonverbal cues signal level of satisfaction in the relationship Understanding nonverbal codes Kinesics study of human movement and gestures o Emblems Have speci c wellknown meanings and can substitute for words 0 Illustrators Contradict accent or complement a verbal message 0 Affect displays Communicate emotion I Facial expressions vocal cues posture n Things that give cues to our partner about our emotional state and the intensity of it o Regulators Control turntaking and ow a Hand raising eye contact and leaning in o Adaptors Help you satisfy a personal need and adapt to your situation a Not necessarily communicating a message to us but about themselves Sneeze shiver etc 0 Eye contact Cognitive a Judge what the other person is thinking Monitor n Their evaluations what judgements their making about the topic like dislike comfortable uncomfortable Regulatory n lnitiate terminate contact a lndicate whose turn it is to talk Expression a Help determine their emotional state their emotions o Facial expressions Movement of our brow forehead eyes nose cheeks lipsmouth n The more characteristics you share with someone the more likey you are to correctly interpret their facial expressions Microexpressions a Last less then half a second a Ways we give away information without realizing it 0 Vocal cues paralanguage Voice pitch high or low rate fast or slow volume loud or soft intensity and quality pronunciation and articulation Communicate n Emotions likedislike trust levels n Con dence n Competency Manage conversations n Backchannel talk not contributing to the content of the conversation but letting them know you understand and are paying attention U Turn taking and termination of conversation Silence I Positivecomfortable and intimate experience if you re comfortable with someone a Can be negative and used to stonewall someone and prevent a conversation from taking place nonresponsive way Proxemics how close or how far away from peoplethings we place ourselves re ect relational intimacy level of likinginterest and power dynamic cultural speci c 0 Intimate space 015ft for closest partners 0 Personal space 154ft for friends and family 0 Social space 412ft formal and professional strangers groups and colleagues 0 Public space 12 ft too far for IPC to occur Territoriality how we communicate occupancy or ownership of a space using behavior or objects 0 Territorial markers Things which signify that someone has claimed an areaspace n Fence around your house a ag like in colonialism signs personal belongings Touch haptics expressincrease intimacy 0 Also vital to our health lncrease immune system and lower stress and stress hormones Appearance physical attributes body shape facial features hair eyeskin color etc artifacts clothing accessories etc 0 Give clues to partner s background personalities talents and how they might behave o Attractive people are perceived as more credible happier more popular more sociable and more prosperous 0 Golden rule ratio of 11618 nose mouth front teeth to side Nonverbal signals in EMC Emoticons Punctuation Underlineitalicize Capitalization Message length 0 Communicates interest in subject uncertainty if you need to go into detail o If its short they make thing you re angry or not paying attention to them Response time Media choice Interpreting nonverbal messages Immediacy cues 0 Communicate liking Close proximity touching frequent eye contact inward lean open body posture smiling high pitch Arousal cues 0 Communicate interestattention Forward lean head nods concentrated stare with eyes and forehead animated voice and gestures Dominance cues 0 Communicate powerstatus Raisedlower head and faze formalinformal posture handshake style use of space and artifacts Consider context 0 Are they distracted uncomfortable running late etc Look for clusters 0 Don t focus on just one signal 0 Watch for eye contact facial expressions body posture etc Consider past experiences 0 What are their particular responses Compare expectations and observations 0 Expectancy violation theory We interpret others messages based on how we expect them to behave Know your skill level 0 women extroverts and people with high self esteem are more able to accurately interpret nonverbal messages check your perceptions emotions are contagious 0 people catch the emotions of those around them deception cues o more pauses faster speech phony smile more fidgeting less eye contact with increased eye blinking more you than I statements negative and passive language nonverbal messages are ambiguous 0 what we pick up may not have any meaning or a meaning that is foreign to us conUnuous 0 generally do not have a starting or stopping points to aid our understanding 0 harder time understanding them because there is no beginning or end multichanneled 0 have numerous sources face posture eyes tone etc brains are only capable of focusing on 1 thing at a time culturebased 0 each culture has unique rules for displaying and interpreting nonverbal behavior lmprove skills 0 Beware of our own nonverbal behaviors Observe how other people respond to you 0 Especially important in other cultures 0 Ask con dantes for feedback 0 Direct perception check 0 Practice 0 Especially important in situations where you feel uncomfortable o Interpersonal con ict 0 An expressed struggle from mild disagreement to ghts 0 Problem both people are aware of 0 Between two interdependent people they are affected by one another 0 With incompatible goalsscare resources interference when people want the same thing but only one can have it or when they want oppositeincompatible things 0 To achieve goals 0 Seeking to get what they want Con ict process 0 Source 0 De nes the beginning of the problem Some sort of difference between the two parties Frustration awareness 0 At least one party becomes aware that the differences are creating problems not yet in open con ict 0 Active con ict 0 Both parties are ware of the problem and discussion begins 0 Source lets their partner know the problem 0 Resolution 0 Problem is managed and solved 0 Varies depending on the partners and the nature of their relationship 0 Followup 0 Addressing hurt feelings grudges fallout from the solution lasting effects on the relationship Constructive con ict 0 makes relationship stronger progress in the relationship Destructive con ict deteriorates relationships personal insults Con ict triggers Criticism 0 Feeling entitled Perceived lack of fairness More perceived costs than rewards Different perspectivesstandpoints Stress 0 Makes you more sensitive o Dialectical tension 0 Managing relationships is about managing where you are on a spectrum privacy vs intimacy togetherness vs independence Con ict TF o If you follow all the steps in the chapter you can solve any con ict FALSE 0 People can understand each other and still be in con ict due to having different goals TRUE Interpersonal con ict is scary and bad FALSE 0 Can be healthy and bene cial o Interpersonal con ict only happens in negative personal relationships FALSE 0 Happens in healthy relationships and all kinds of them 0 You should engage in interpersonal con ict instead of avoid it TRUE Con ict Types Pseudocon ict o Misinterpreting the meaning of a message basic misunderstanding Simple con ict 0 Differences in ideas de nitions perceptions or goals 0 Actual con ict no misunderstanding but still arguing Ego con ict 0 Engaging in personal attacks rather than solving the problem 0 Actual problem gets pushed aside and partners focused on hurtingblaming one another How to avoid con ict Clarify any perceptions that may lead to misunderstandings Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal messages 0 Send supportive as opposed to critical or belittling messages 0 Focus the discussion on the facts and the problem 0 Write down what you want to say Brainstorm creative solutions beyond your individual goals 0 New ways to look at the problem and new solutions 0 Discuss issues one at a time 0 Find common ground where possible 0 Start from where you agree then go from there 0 Cool off if the discussion starts to get personal Don t reciprocate personal attacks Avoid contempt o Contempt is number one predictor for divorce Interpersonal power 0 The degree to which we can in uence or control our relational partner 0 Exists in all relationships 0 Derives from the ability to meet each other s needs 0 Its circumstantial o Negotiated Trade off decisions 0 Something that both partners have Not always balanced Dependent relationship 0 One person has a greater need for their partner to satisfy their needs unbalanced Power sources 0 Legitimate power 0 Respect for the position they hold 0 Parents teachers law enforcement bosses o Referent power 0 Attraction personality charisma 0 Romantic partners friends 0 Expert Power 0 Their knowledge and experience 0 Auto mechanics doctors athletes Reward power 0 Their ability to satisfy your needs 0 Flight attendants who upgrade you to rst class Coercive power 0 Withhold or remove things you want 0 Pickpockets who steal your stuff unless you hire them as secur y Persuading with power 0 Compliance gaining strategies 0 Taking actions in interpersonal relationships to gain something from our partners to get them to give us what we want 0 Your relationship with the other person helps you determine your compliancegaining strategy Bossemployee parentchild studentteacher friend fdend Use different strategies depending on our level and type of power in the relationship a Suggesting vs demanding a Complaining vs informing n Excusing vs apologizing Con ict management style 0 Con ict style 0 Consistent pattern or approach used to manage disagreements with others Avoidance o lgnore and sidestep any problems 0 Loselose way to manage con ict because nothing gets resolved and can lead to bigger problems down the line 0 Can allow partners to save face and take time to cool off o Demandwithdrawal pattern Characteristic of not so functional relationships One partner brings up things they re unhappy about and trying to start a dialogue while the other person just shuts them down and prevents the conversation from happening Accommodation 0 Giving in to what the other person wants 0 Winlose 0 Typically done out of fear of rejection 0 Sacri cing their own needs for the sake of others Competitive 0 One partner seeks to win while the other person loses Threats and warnings Coercive power 0 Winlose dynamic Competitive person seeks to win the argument 0 Opposite of accommodation Compromise o Seeks a solution where each person gives up something and gets something 0 Each person winning and losing Collaboration 0 Seeks a solution that meets the needs of both partners without requiring them to give anything up 0 Winwin Con ict management skills Manage your emotions 0 Be aware of your rising temper CO OO O 0 Examine the reasons for your anger Decide when and how to express your anger context Select an appropriate time and place with your partner to discuss the problem Plan a calm goaloriented message Breathe Monitor the nonverbal messages you are sending to avoid escalation If you re using hard words use soft nonverbal messages Avoid personal attacks namecalling and gunnysacking Establish a healthy positive rapport Talk about subjects you have in common do something you enjoy together Use selftalk to steer yourself towards more productive behavior 0 Manage information 0 O O O O 0 Describe events rationally so the other person understands where you re coming from Take turns speaking Use quot language and beware of quotbutquot language Listen effectively by giving your partner your full attention and processing what they say Check your understanding by asking questions Be empathetic Manage goals 0 O 0 Identify your goal and your partner s goal using listening and responding skills Find common ground where your goals overlap Develop objective criteria for the solution 0 Manage the problem 0 Negotiation skills Separate the problem from personal issues Focus on shared interests Brainstorm lots of potential solutions Establish and adhere to objective criteria that the solution needs to meet 0 Problemsolving De ne the problem Analyze the cause and effects of the problem as well as potential roadblocks to resolution Understand each other s goals Establish and adhere to objective vriteria that the solution needs to meet Brainstorm lots of potential solutions Select the best solution Interpersonal Relationships 0 Shared perception o The closer the partners perceptions of the relationship are the stronger it will be Both partners are invested and aware of the relationships 0 Dynamic amp lnterdependent o Constantly evolving rational system transactional process in which both partners affect each other simultaneously A change effects both partners 0 Relational Expectations 0 Partners establish continually evolving expectations unique to their relationship 0 Expectations are important because they reduce uncertainty 0 When expectations are violated it can cause con ict Con ict is a natural process because we re constantly evolving and not always in the same mindset as the other person o Intimacy The degree to which partners mutually con rm value and accept each other s sense of self in what way they offer support and acceptance to each other Different levels of intimacy n Continuum of Interpersonal Intimacy and Friendship Stranger acquaintance casual friend friend close friend best friend spouse Relationship of circumstance n Because our lives happen to overlap with others Interactions with people simply because of chance family work colleagues Relationships of choice a Because we seek out and intentionally develop them Power and interpersonal relationships 0 The way partners share power or decision making responsibilities 0 Complementary one partner defers to the other One partner is always making the decisions Boss and employee relationship 0 Competitive symmetrical Both want power both want to control the resources and want control more so than nding compromise to meet other person s needs 0 Submissive symmetrical Neither want power no one wants to make a decision constantly in state of indecision and stagnation Not very healthy dynamic 0 Parallel Power shifts back and forth Shared decisions More healthy and ideal El Interpersonal attraction The degree to which you want for form andor maintain and interpersonal relationship 0 Two types of IP attraction o Shortterm initial attraction degree to which you sense a potential for developing and IP relationship a What makes you want to communicate initially D Information we get as a result of this interaction determines whether its long term 0 Longterm maintenance attraction Level of liking that motivates us to maintain or escalate a relationship 0 Predicted Outcome Value POV People predict the value of a relationship based on its potential to meet our need for selfimage con rmation vs potential costs a Any sacri ces we have to make what the person has to offer us a Dynamic process of constantly rewarding the rewards and costs in our relationships 0 Factors that determine interaction Proximity n Being near people increases communication opportunities and potential attraction physical or electronic proximity Physical Appearance n Nonverbal cues that we observe about another person 0 We use them to make judgments about who is most likely to reciprocate and reinforce our selfconcept At a basic evolutionary and biological level we use physical appearance to determine adequate partners for physical reproduction 0 We typically look for youth 0 Elements that help us determine initial and longterm attraction Competence a Quality of being skilled intelligent charismatic and credible 0 Someone we can trust who appears to be sincere and honest with genuine motives SelfDisclosure n Revealing personal information that the other person wouldn t know otherwise communicates openness and interest to your partner a Increased level of selfdisclosure can increase levels of attraction Must remain appropriate can t be too much too soon can t be too little because that ll come across that you re not interested Reciprocation of liking n Using signals such as smiling eye contact proximity posture and voice pitch to let the other person know we like them Similarities n We like people whose personalities values upbringing personal experiences attitudes and interests are similar to ours Differences a People who are different from us provide novelty and exposure to new ideas activities and perspectives n Complementary needs 0 Each partner contributes something that the other person wants Relationship development 0 De nition the movement of a relationship from one stage to another toward or away from greater intimacy 0 Relationship escalation Movement of a relationship toward greater intimacy o Preinteraction awareness gain info about others indirectly a No interaction has been established yet 0 Acquaintance Friendly discussion about super cial topics I Introductions 0 Share names and demographic info a Casual banter 0 Discuss impersonal topics current events etc 0 Exploration Lowrisk selfdisclosure about family hobbies etc while still maintaining social distance 0 lntensi cation More dependence increased contact and riskier self disclosure 0 Intimacy Con rm and accept each other s sense of self communication is personalized and synchronized n Rely more on nonverbal messages a Increased contact comfortable in intimate space a Discussion about the relationship and the roles each person plays 0 Relationship deescalation movement towards decreased intimacy or relationship termination o Turmoil Increase in coercive con ict negative tactics and unequal outcomes Communication is tense and difficult o Stagnation Loss of vitality and sense of complacency o Deintensi cation Decreased interaction and dependence increased physical emotional and psychological distance I Keep things to yourself or share things with another person quottaking a breakquot 0 lndividualization Partners focus on themselves as individuals Further decrease in interaction and self disclosure and reHance No longer things we do rather things I do Rely on other people for support as opposed to relational partner 0 Separation Partners decide to limit or entirely eliminate their interaction Things that were once common are now divided resources friends common property Coming to grips with reality that what you once had no longer exists a Nostalgia Going back down the elevator no longer best friends or boyfriend now just acquaintances o Postseparation Lasting effects that the relationship has on you and your currentfuture relationships What you learned from the relationship habits you picked up expectations you formed Grave dressing n Putting a positive spin on the end of the relationship quotno longer together but its for the best 0 Postintimacy relationship Changing an intimate romantic relationship to a friendship or acquaintanceships Relationship Stages Principles 0 You can choose to remain in one stage with a person 0 Reach a ceiling and don t go beyond that 0 Most relationships don t progress past acquaintance or casual f end Speed of progress varies Change signals 0 Causal turning point Event that causes a change in the relationship 0 Re ective turning point Signals a change has occurred in the de nition of the relationship 0 Changes occur within each stage 0 Change occurs between stages 0 Qualities of each stage before reaching the new one 0 Movement can be forward or backward Change must be negotiated 0 Both parties need to agree of de nition and expectations of the relationship Social exchange theory 0 We base reationa decisions on getting greatest amount of reward with the least amount of cost 0 Immediate rewards costs occur in the present moments The good things or efforts we have to make Friendship ove fun money favors support assistance rewards Loss of time loss of autonomy spending money self esteem negativity potential abuse costs 0 Forecasted rewardcosts Rewards and costs you predictproject you will receiveincur in the future 0 Cumulative rewardscosts Total rewardscosts accumulated over the history of the relationship a The longer you re in a relationship the more you are inclined to hang onto the relationship despite current turmoil 0 Expected rewardscosts The preconceived rewardscosts hardwired into our relational templates n We go into a relationship with an idea of how the relationship should be 0 Get these from our background and experiences with other people 0 Comparison Compare rewardscosts of our current relationships to other potential relationships Deescalate relationships that aren t meeting our needs and leave for another one and sometimes go back to the rst one when you realize its not what you expected Relational Dialectics Management of tensions that pull us in opposite directions simultaneously acknowledges that humans want contradictory things Increase our relational intimacy based on where we lie on the following spectrums o Connectedness vs autonomy Need to feel accepted and attached as well as the need for independence and self determination Closer to connectedness is more intimate o Predictability vs novelty Con icting desire to know what to expect reduced uncertainty like routine and stability but too much stability and routine makes us bored have a need to stay interested and have a need for excitement More predictability is more intimate o Openness vs closedness Need to disclose information and share and our need for privacy and caution for being too trusting Closer to openness is more intimate 0 Ever changing balancing act the decisions we make about where we fall in the spectrum pushes us toward or away greater intimacy from our partner Each tension is present in every relationship but evolves as the relationship progresses You weigh the positive and negatives of moving towardaway from each pole Decisions and resolutions of these tensions produce changes in the relationship Coping strategies To manage anxiety over the tensions o Denial ignore feelings in situation 0 Disorientation paralyzed by uncertainty feeling confused not taking steps to achieve clarity o Cyclical alternation Set schedule of things you do together as well as things you do apart 0 Moderation sharing activities in a way both of you enjoy compromising o Segmentation situations you decide you re going to do something together or separate ie every time you go shopping you go with friends 0 Recalibration reframing agreeing to make a change and accepting it as a new stage in the relationship Social peneration theory 0 Movement towards intimacy is connected to increased breath and depth of selfdisclosure o Breath is all the possible topics about you demographic family hobby info goals attitudes beliefs values 0 Depth is how personal or intimate information about you is 0 Social penetration is the extent to which your partner knows varied breadth and intimate depth information about you Like peeling an onion n Levels go from super cial intimate personal core problems and issues 0 Our relationships become more intimate through the process of mutually revealing information 0 People feel uncomfortable if they re the one either giving or receiving all the information o A large amount of lowrisk disclosure takes place early on as relationship escalates breadth decreases and depth increases 0 Disclosure increases and decreases throughout the relationship and can be prompted by certain circumstnces Positive outcomes from disclosing information 0 Increased attraction and intimacy Negative outcomes from selfdisclosing 0 Become less attracted to them and deescalation of the relationship Selfdisclosure typically occurs incrementally 0 Communication privacy theory We have individual rules about what when and with whom we share our information a Determined by cultural background attachment style and risk tolerance Selfdisclosure moves from super cial topics to intimate topics 0 Clich to factsdemographics to attitudes to feelings to peakgut inner core deepest thoughts fears feelings things we typically keep to ourselves Selfdisclosure ls reciprocal we expect the other person to share what we have shared 0 Demonstrates trust and liking Involves risk and requires trust 0 Warranting looking for evidence to corroborate people s statements trying to gure out if they re telling the truth Reveals your perceptions of the quality intimacy and nature of your relationship 0 Unwilling to selfdisclose it typically re ects disinterest But each person has a different perception of risk and what s appropriate to disclose Violating Expectations Sociallybased expectations societal norms for friendships relatives workschool roles romantic partners etc 0 See on media through socialization Relationshipspeci c developed between you and your partner 0 Implicit understandings unspoken compacts o Explicit understandings verbally stated agreements 0 Failure event an incident breaking a relational understandingagreement Severity violations exist on a spectrum from least to most severe Reproach 0 Message indicating an expectation as been violated and a failure event has occurred Account response to a reproach o Apology Accepting responsibility and showing remorse for its effect on the partner 0 Excuse Acknowledge it occurred but assume no responsibility 0 Justi cation Explanation for why the situation happened but doesn t acknowledge the failed event gives circumstances that event wasn t a failure 0 Denial O Don t acknowledge it occurred lgnodng After hearing the account the partner can choose to forgive or retaliate Forgiveness 0 Examples accepting the event moving on coming to terms getting over it letting go of negative feelings and grudges and continuing the relationship Likely to increase forgiveness O Sincere apologies genuine remorse admittingaccepting responsibility restitution and empathy Forgiveness on person being offended depends on 0 Factors such as personality relationship quality nature of the transgression type severity intentionality opinions of our con dants available alternatives evaluate costbene t Seven Steps to Forgiveness O O Confront the transgression Both parties aware of failure event Manage emotions Social decentering and empathizing necessary Need to acknowledge and validate emotions of others Engage in sensemaking Cognitive aspect why did they do that What were they thinking Seek forgiveness If you re the offender Grant forgiveness Nonverbal smile laugh hug Verbal but conditional forgiven if they do something Minimizing brush it off like it didn t matter Discussion acknowledge reasons etc Explicit unconditional grant of forgiveness quotI forgive you don t worryquot 0 Negotiate values and rules Talk about what to do to prevent it from happening again 0 Transition Monitor Maintain Renegotiate Both parties will monitor the relationship and any additional changes Retaliation An attempt to hurt our partner in response to the hurt they caused us 0 Aggressive communication 0 Active distancing Not talking to them avoiding them putting up barriers to prevent contact 0 Manipulation Try guilt the person into feeling bad and thus whatever you want them to do Test their apology o Invoke jealousy Let them know you re interested in other people Let them see you with another person or mentioning it in conversation 0 Violence Physically assaulting someone out of anger LongDistance Relationships 0 In uencing factors that make them unique Nature of relationship Expected length of separation Length of time between FtF interactions Geographical distance 0 COO 0 Choice vs circumstance o LDR partners report equal relational satisfaction it is easier to idealize partners in LDR We must weigh costs and rewards o Tensions autonomy traveling planning social difficulties Challenging Norms o Intercultural relationships can form between people of different races religions ethnicities socioeconomic backgrounds that challenge the norms of their societies 0 Can experience more con ict due to different communication codes norms biases and negative reactions 0 Contact hypothesis the more contact you have with those who are different the less prejudicestereotypes you develop about them and the more positively you view them Deceonn o Severity how much there is to gain from the lie vs how much you would lose if it were discovered 0 High stake vs ow stake When a lie is discovered we can act 0 ndignant o Restate our claim 0 Elaborate or add evidence 0 Come clean 0 Interpersonal deception theory 0 We intentionaystrategicaly manipulate information to achieve a goal while our partner istens and evaluates truthfulnessusefulness Omission o Intentionally holding back information our partner wants expects concealment Commission 0 Deliberate presentation of false info lying White ie sight falsi cation with minimal consequences Exaggeration embellishing actual facts with false details Baldfaced lie outright falsi cation intended to deceive the listener Altruistic vs self serving reasons 0 Gain resources 0 Avoid hard or loss 0 Protect selfimage 0 Entertainment 0 Protect another s resources selfimage or safety 0 Effects 0 Incorrect decisionsactions o Harm to relationships 0 Loss of trust 0 Harm to bystanders Consequences o Punishment 0 Embarrassment o Guilt o Diminished reputation Hurtful messages 0 De nition insults criticisms teasing about personal qualities abilities relationships appearance etc Discon rming messages 0 Undermine our selfesteemworth o Perceived intentionality delivery stye laughs around while hurting our feelings vs yelling nature and quality of the relationship after the impact of the message on the recipient Recipient can react o Verbal statement That s hurtful heres why 0 Acquiescent Just get upset but don t mention it o Invulnerable response Don t say anything about it Jealousy o Envy o Coveting what another person has things lifestyle Jealousy 0 Reaction to the threat of losing a relationship 0 Relationship we have with a person is threatened by a relationship they have with someone else Cognitive thinking about what you do together etc Emotional affective Behavioral any emotions you take to prevent that person from developing a relationship with another person 0 Demonstrates feelings for them but also low trust level and high uncertainty feelings 0 Can be used as a tactic invoked to get reationa rewards or revenge using Distancing irtation facade reationa alternatives 0 Options Acceptignore relationship changes Seek more information Identify and repair reationa programs Unwanted attention Obsessive reationa intrusion o A person desires or assumes a close relationship with and repeatedly invades the privacy of another person after repeated rejection Unregulated selfdisclosing Trying to get the other person to disclose Offering unwanted gifts notes calls expressions of affection Arranging meetings Initiating physical contact Stalking 0 Pattern of repeated unwelcome intrusions that create concern for personal safety and fear in the target 0 To address stalking harden the target make yourself inaccessible secure inform others keep friends family updated on your movements communicate with law enforcement enlist others to keep an eye out for the stalker avoidance don t answer calls messages or other attempts at contact use privacy settings on social media Relational Violence 0 Full range of destructive behaviors including aggressiveness threats violent acts verbal physical psychological abuse 0 Communicate anger frustration lack of control and disregard for partner 0 Engenders fear potential retaliation counterattacks and subversion how do avoid partner go behind their back to accomplish things 0 Precipitated by negative comm patterns ineffective con ict management and problemsolving skills and lack of argumentation skills 0 lntimate terrorism using violence to control or dominate 0 Mostly male 0 Violent resistance responding violently to attempts at control Situational couple violence responding with violence to a speci c relational con ict or tension 0 Both partners escalate to violence Relationship Troubles o 4 choices when confronting relational problems 0 wait and see what happens don t change anything and look for improvement 0 rede ne mutually agree on new ideas 0 repair issues 0 end the relationship indicators of deterioration o criticism criticizing partner and behavior 0 contempt partner s thoughts ideas priorities are inferior to your own 0 defensive behaviors o stonewalling refusing to acknowledge a problem exists possibly leading to more damage Repair and Rejuvenation o The nature of the problem the type stage and quality of the relationship and the partner s motivation affect the success of repair efforts 0 Focus on speci c needs concerns and issues that underlie the problem adapt strategies to resolve it o Relational talks 0 Behavior improvement 0 Reconciliation after separation o Acceptanceforgiveness 0 Counseling Relational Termination Bilateraldissolutions 0 Both parties agree to end the relationship Unilateral dissolution 0 One partner wants it to end while the other doesn t Fading away the partners have less and less contact and gradually drift away Sudden death abruptunplanned ending due to choice or circumstance lncrementalism systemic progression through the deescalation stages Dissolution stages lntrapsychic 0 We privately evaluate our partner Con dant 0 Discuss our concerns and options with trusted advisors o If they encourage you then move to dyadic if they discourage you go back to repair and rejuvenation Dyadic 0 Discussion with our partner about termination or rejuvenation Social 0 Making the dissolution public telling friends and family Gravedressing o Reframe the dissolution to conceal hurtpain o quotit was for the bestquot Resurrection 0 Review and adjust our expectations and behaviors as we pursue new relationships Dissolution strategies 0 Indirect termination strategies avoiding explicit mentioning of ending the relationship 0 Withdrawal o Pseudodeescalation Someone frames the relational termination in a way that seems nice but isn t a Lets just be friends when in reality they want no contact 0 Cost escalation Trying to aggravate the other person to the extent their the one that wants to end the relationship Putting responsibility on other person 0 Direct termination strategies 0 Negative identity management Blame insults or accusations as excuses to end the relationship quotyou re too quiet for mequot o Justi cation quotoh I m going to be moving across the country so I don t think we can see each otherquot 0 Deescalation Both parties actively agree they will move down the relationship escalator 0 Positive tone Complimenting while saying you re not right for each other Recovery Strategies 0 Express your emotions Figure out what happened Realize don t idealize Prepare to feel better Expect to heal Talk to others 0 Get perspective 0 Move forward 0 Family relationships Qualities of a family components 0 Selfde ned unit Everyone is in agreement that they are family 0 Form relationships with one another Authoritysubordinate parentchild equality siblings 0 Live together in a common space over time Have the base to go back to even if you ve moved out 0 Usually united by marriagekinshipadoptionblood relation Not always feelings and emotions are more important than genetics and biology Family types 0 Family of origin 0 The family in which you were raised can be more than one type if you move among different families 0 Natural nuclear family Mother father and one or more biological children Increasingly rare sometimes referred to as the idealized family 0 Blended Two adults and 1 or more children formed as a result of divorce separation death adoption etc a May not be biological ties among all of the family but there s some ties among some of the members 0 Singleparent One parent and one or more children result of divorce or death child being born to a different family Most common family in the US Subtypes n Con icting coparenting o Divorced parents with frequent con icts poor con ict management communication emotional turmoil a Parallel coparenting Low con ict low communication emotional disengagement little emotional connection a Cooperative coparenting Ideal Good coordination communication exibility in roles and norms of custody agreement cooperate to minimize impact on children Extended 0 Includes additional relatives and nonrelatives that play important roles in the family system everyone that provides support and assistance to the family Voluntary kin People who we consider family regardless of ega blood connec ons Substitute voluntary kin Fill in for absent family members missing a parent someone substitutes for them Parent or family member is completely missing Supplemental voluntary kin Meet de cits or voids in existing family relationship Strange relationship with parent someone lls in the role Family member is still present but someone else steps in Convenience voluntary kin Context makes them easily accessible People we work with or are surrounded by Circumstances change and relationships thus change Extended family voluntary kin Family members who are closer than normally expected Cousins act like siblings Circumplex model examines 3 dimensions to explain functional and dysfunctional family systems Adaptability 0 Ability to modify and respond to changes in structure and roles measured on scale from chaotic gt rigid Cohesion 0 Strength of emotional bond and need for togetherness how involved they are in each others business 0 Measured on a scale from enmeshed very intertwined constantly sharing to disengaged little knowledge and accountability for members 0 Communication 0 Strength amount and quality of communication determines cohesion and adaptability 0 Active listening problem solving supportive messages empathizing If all are present they will probably have a good adaptability and cohesion score very functional family Family Communication patterns examines 2 dimensions to describe family communication 0 Level of conversation 0 Degree to which members discuss any topic quantity of talk 0 Level of conformity 0 Degree to which members embrace the same values attitudes beliefs 0 Degree to which family members can have independent thinking 0 Result in 4 types of family 0 Pluralistic High convo low conformity o Consensual High conformity high conversation o Laissezfaire Low conversation low conformity People are disconnected do what they want 0 Protective Low conversation high conformity Not allowed to say anything or disagree Improving communication 0 Take time to talk 0 About super cial topics and deeper concerns 0 Otheroriented family conversation increases relational satisfaction 0 Listen actively stop look and listen 0 Give family members full attention by creating distractionfree environment 0 Support and encourage 0 Nurture express con rming messages recognize each member s contributions 0 Manage con ict and change 0 Pick battles select appropriate context follow an agenda moderate emotions acknowledge partner s viewpoint communicate nondefensively give positive reinforcement 0 Con ict and stress can lead to dysfunction and sometimes relational violence Committed couples 0 Traditional 0 lnterdependent high levels of sharing and companionship have a set routine value stability follow community traditions are not assertive not verbally aggressive 0 Ex husband and wife 0 Independent 0 Allow each other individual space while sharing companionship don t spend as much time together could be a longdistance relationship 0 Separate 0 Stress individuality and autonomy over togetherness 0 Still a couple just independence is more important that togetherness 0 Lower degree of con ict but also lower level of interdependence lack of communication results in lack of con ict 0 Mixed o Husband and wife prefer difference relationship type traditional vs independent 0 Can lead to a lot of discord in the relationship and can eventually lead to failure in relationship 0 4 predictors of divorce 0 criticism 0 contempt o defensiveness o stonewalling 0 Poor communication and inability to manage con ict lead to dissatisfaction dysfunction and possibly termination Parents and children 0 Children learn interpersonal communication skills from their parents in 3 main ways 0 Interaction Parent interaction affects our own communication styles and views on openness conformity and authority 0 Instruction Convey communication rules about politeness nonverbal behavior relational roles and expectations 0 Observation Children learn communication skills from mirroring what they re parents do especially approaches to handling con ict Sibling relationships Childhoodadolescence o Siblings provide companionship emotional support caretaking protection assistance and playmates o Psychosocial skills we learn then help us interact with friends and peers 0 Only children may be less wellliked by peers due to difficulty in managing con ict Earlymiddle adulthood 0 Communication decreases interaction continues by choice provide emotional support rather than task assistance Late adulthood 0 Communication increases focus on reminiscing and validating memories provide psychological support during crisis Workplace friendships Friendships generally form among people at the same level of hierarchy lnitial development is prompted by proximity task sharing similar life circumstances or similar interests Having friends of the opposite sex may be more likely than in other circumstances 0 Less likely to have opposite sex friendships as you get older because you re focused on your family and stuff Healthy workplace friendships bene t the workers as well as the organization 0 Creates a more positive climate and reduces turn over expense for the organization keeps people happy and working for the organization Functions of workplace relations Information sharing 0 Info related to the work passes more effectively and quickly if the employees have relationships Social support 0 Help you manage the stress of job Organizational support 0 More likely to try support or help the organize and make positive changes when necessary Help newcomers assimilate Improved performance 0 Work is performed at higher quality and quicker and more efficiently Retention 0 People are more likely to stay at the work place if they re connected to other employees Ease organizational change Enhance organization 0 Creates positive work environment and makes employees feel valued Workplace Romance At work you interact with and get to know people within de ned boundaries working on speci c tasks their professional side Proximity increases potential for interaction Over time trust and attraction develop similarities are discovered and intimacy increases 0 Partners share professional and personal information provide emotional support and task assistance and advocate for one another Personal relationships can interfere with the partners job performance 0 Can sometimes detract from the workplace environment Inappropriate info sharing unequal work distribution loss of respect and distraction of coworkers can result Quid pro quo harassment 0 When a superior promises a subordinate a reward in exchange for sexual favors Managers should intercede if a romance is interfering with work performance or environment Do s and Don ts Be discreet in the workplace and avoid PDA Keep your break habits professional Avoid relationships with people who buy from or sell to your company or have some kind of vested interest in its performance Follow any company guidelines that exist regarding dating Don t persist if a coworker does not reciprocate your interest 0 Not worth ruining professional relationship Keep communication professional when using company resources Be aware of norms regarding romantic relationships in other cultures Workplace communication Upward communication O O O O Travels from subordinates to superiors Pelz Effect Subordinates are most satis ed when they feel that their supervisor has power to effect change Productivity and quality can suffer if superiors do not receive honest feedback from employees Employee frustration increases if their voices are not heard Take into account your boss s goals strengths weaknesses and work style to increase success in upward communication 0 Downward communication 0 Travels from supervisors to subordinates Instructions reasonsrationales policiesprocedures performance feedback organization missionvision Positive supervisoremployee relationships improve commitment and productivity and reduce turnover Leadermember exchange theory a Supervisors develop different relationships with different subordinates Supervisory vs leadership relationships 0 supervisorytaskoriented relationships and fall within topics related to work 0 leadership more of a mentorship voluntary relationship more personal level goes beyond what the organization expects Hostile environment 0 0 An employee s rights are threatened through offensive working conditions or coworker behavior Supervisors who create or permit these situations are party to the harassment considered apart of the harassment o The receiver not the sender determines if it is hostile 0 Horizontal communication 0 Among workers of the same level Coordinate tasks share plansinfo solve problems clarify understanding manage con ict seek support Can take place during workplace sanctioned communication meetings conference calls but also outside of the workplace Informal communication enhances teamwork and independence in work groups 0 Employees practice problem solving negotiating decision making listening relating speaking and managing con ict Outward communication 0 Flows from employees to those outside the organization customers suppliers etc Strive to build positive relationships with those who support the organization Empathizing welldeveloped listening skills and awareness of nonverbal messages are keys to success NOTES 0 Final paper due December 5 at midnight 0 Final exam Monday December 15 520720 Extra credit due Monday December 15
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