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UW / Communications / COM 202 / What is the source of communication?

What is the source of communication?

What is the source of communication?

Description

School: University of Washington
Department: Communications
Course: Intro to Communications II
Professor: Malcolm parks
Term: Spring 2016
Tags: Communications, Language, relational, Culture, and Nonverbal Communication
Cost: 50
Name: COM 202 Midterm Study Guide
Description: This guide covers everything we've done in class up to this point, lectures 1-10. I have defined key terms for each lecture by week. I have also answered all the questions on the weekly study questions for every lecture. Hope this helps, happy studying, and good luck on the Midterm! I believe in you! :)
Uploaded: 04/29/2016
48 Pages 11 Views 13 Unlocks
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Communications 202 Midterm Study Guide  Weeks 1-2


What is the source of communication?



Key Terms

Source- The sender of a certain message who encodes the message.

EX: Writer, TV producer, Advertising company

Message- What the source encodes to the receiver.

EX: Advertisement, public service announcement, conversation with your friend- what you want to tell  them (can be intentional or unintentional)  

Channel- the medium through which the message gets sent and influence how the message is  interpreted.

EX: TV, radio, internet, app on mobile phone, speaking  

Receiver- person or group that gets the message and decodes it into meaning. EX: Audience, person you  are talking to

Feedback- a message the receiver creates in response to the sender’s message- source and receiver  become interdependent and each behavior depends on others.  


What is semantic differential scales?



We also discuss several other topics like What is the yoshinogari site?

EX: response to someone’s comment  

Noise- Distractions and things that interfere with the message reaching the receiver EX: radio static, loud conversations next to you, feeling of hunger distracting you from lecture  

Encoding- translating and/or expressing inner thoughts and feelings into observable behavior or words not automatic and inner thoughts are often imperfectly expressed  

Decoding- interpreting and assigning meaning to the messages. Meanings are in people not in messages

Selective exposure- the types of information and sources for information you seek rather than others  EX: types of TV shows, music, people  

Selective attention- what we choose to think about deeper- can’t give equal attention to every bit of  information- Things that guide our attention:


What is the form of a language that shares much with the standard language but differs in ways?



1. Potential threat or danger  

2. Comforting familiar things  

3. Vividness and novelty  

Selective perception- organize stimuli into patterns and interpret them by relating them to past  experiences and expectations  

Selective memory- we forget most of what we say and do and memory is constantly reconstructed  If you want to learn more check out anatomy exam 1

Transactive memory- social memory, how we use other people to remember things for us  EX: asking a friend to remind you to do your laundry

Transactive encoding- asking others to remember something for you- other people become external  storage

Transactive retrieval- thinking about who in a group is the most likely to have remembered something  you forgot

Co-constructed memory- when a group of friends have a shared experience, each pieces together what  happened and different version of the story converge

Contested memory- when these people in the group don’t agree on what happened  EX: Coach Owens  

System 1- largely automatic and fast level of information processing that has helped us to respond  quickly- fast math, assumptions, stereotypes

System 2- slower, more effortful, deliberate processing when we really think about something and can  over-ride errors of system 1- not automatic  

Baseline information- simple information we often ignore in quick evaluations  EX: the number of farmers in the world is higher than librarians  

EX: only a bank teller is more common because adding a second criteria narrows the pool  

Semantic differential scales- a scale from good to bad, weak to strong, or passive to active something  rates from 1-7 – how you assign things and people and make judgements  Don't forget about the age old question of wade nichols isu

Language- A collection of symbols, letters, or words with arbitrary meanings that are governed by rules  and used to communicate  

EX: Words, drawings, carvings, gestures

Denotative meaning- The most used, most agreed upon meaning for a word

EX: dictionary definitions  

Connotative meaning- personalized meanings for a word, a meaning that reflects an identity and/or  experience. The receiver’s connotative meaning will be different than the sender’s  Don't forget about the age old question of math 1300 study guides

EX: sex- we all have meanings beyond the dictionary definition  

Temporal & spatial displacement- not in the here and now that creates social coordination, group  cohesion, and deception.  

EX: recalling the past and planning the future

Symbol- it represents something else that it does not resemble  

EX: the word bottle represents a bottle but it does not look like a bottle

Referent- what we refer to when we think or say something  

EX: A girl sees a fluffy white puppy and says “dog.” A boy hears the word “dog” and thinks of the Husky  mascot. The girl’s referent is the fluffy white puppy, the boy’s referent is the husky mascot.  

Semiosis- when we pair a symbol with an inner idea we want that symbol to refer to  EX: calling a fluffy white puppy “dog”

Sapir-Whorf hypothesis – The language we use determines our perception  

EX: the eskimos have 100 words for snow and we aren’t able to perceive the differences in snow. If we  don’t have the word for it, we can’t perceive it If you want to learn more check out a firm's resource-allocation process (rap) has very little effect on its realized strategy.

Linguistic determinism- Language determines the way you think and perceive  

FOXP2 gene- a brain gene associated with language, was thought to mutate 50,000 years ago

Regionalisms- different ways to say the same word or communicate the same idea  EX: soda, pop, dope, coke, pepsi  

Dialect- a form of a language that shares much with the standard language but differs in ways more  than accent or a few words but in grammar too EX: Appalachian English  If you want to learn more check out conterseption

Technical jargon- specialized language to facilitate discussion on technical issues- makes communication  more precise and enhances group cohesion  

EX: legal, professional, business, sports  

Slang- informal language used by people who belong to the same group or share and interest  

Specialized relational talk- similar to jargon but about relationships  

EX: nick names, insults, words and phrases, inside jokes

Key Concepts  

Lecture 1:

1. According to the opening lecture, what is main thing that the study of communication about? - How we influence each other. No influence, no communication

- We influence each other in many ways but words matter the most

2. According to the lecture on models of communication, where can we find meanings? - Meanings are in people and not in messages.  

- Messages are how we get to meanings but the receiver has to decode and interpret a meaning  

3. According to Dr. Parks, what is the most important communication skill?

- Anticipating how others are likely to interpret what you say and do and how others might  respond to your message

4. Do sources always have to intend to communicate in order for communication to occur?

- No, sources can send messages without knowing it – when silence says something to a receiver.  The messages can also be decoded in a different way than the source intended and often are EX:  someone wears something that they don’t know is distracting their message

5. In the opening class, Dr. Parks pointed out that many children born into poverty experienced a  “communication disadvantage.” What was it?

- Kids in poverty have less opportunities to talk and develop communication skills than those in  wealthier families- parents don’t model and talk and practice communication enough with their  children

6. According to the first lecture, what kinds of talk are especially important for helping very  young children develop language and social skills?

- Modeling interaction before the child begins to speak  

- once the child talks, waiting for and responding to what the child says- engaging with and  responding is key

7. According to the first lecture, what are the effects of expressing affection (kissing) more  often?

- More satisfied in relationships, less stress, lowered levels of cholesterol  

Lecture 2:

1. Perception involves a number of highly selective activities. Are we usually aware of these  processes as they are occurring?  

- Not unless we stop to think about them  

2. What is the reinforcement principle? How does it affect the way we process messages?  

- We seek information that agrees with our current views and avoid information that disagrees  with them EX: if you dislike opera, you are likely to make decisions leading away from further  discovery in the genre

- This affects our selective attentions, exposure, perception and memory by making those things  we select more familiar and easy for us to pay attention to, expose ourselves to, perceive, and  remember  

3. What are three principles guiding what we pay attention to?

- Potential danger or threat- physical or social

- Things that are comforting and familiar- instant gratification  

- Vividness and novelty, out of the ordinary  

4. Be able to distinguish between selective exposure, selective attention, selective perception,  and selective memory.

- Selective exposure (what you seek)

∙ You choose some types of information and sources for information rather than others  EX: Types of TV shows - Types of music- Types of people you avoid and seek- places you avoid and seek

- Selective attention (what you dwell on)

∙ A 2009 study by Roger Bohn and James Short at the University of California in San Diego  

∙ The average American consumes about 34 Gigs or about 100,500 words per day from media  alone

∙ Leaves out conversations with other people and face-to-face interactions- lectures  - Selective perception (organizing and interpreting perceptions)  

∙ Once you orient to something, you next have to make sense of it and we do that through  selective perception by:

1. Organizing the stimuli into patterns  

2. Interpreting them by relating them to past experiences and expectations  All perception is influenced by the context  

Examples of selective perception

∙ Poor sales of early bread making machines that got better after a more expensive model was  introduced

∙ The more expensive model made the other models seem not as expensive and sales shot up ∙ Restaurants do the same things with menu items  

∙ Putting high priced items on the menu to provide a context for other items  

- Selective memory  

∙ We forget most of what we say and do, what happens

∙ We do a better job at remembering things that reinforce our previous perceptions that were  particularly striking  

EX: something really mean someone said  

Memory is not fixed- It is like a book being revised by each new experience  

∙ The memory of today will change over time  

∙ Especially with social relations- like a book re-written with each new experience EX: Breakup- After time and a new relationship, you re-evaluate past perceptions of that person  

Police do about 75000 eye witness identifications every year- New York Times 2011

But eyewitnesses are often wrong  

a. About 1/3 are incorrect  

b. In one study of 40 cases in which convictions were overturned by later DNA evidence, 90% of  involved mistaken eyewitness identification  

5. How much information does the average American consume from media each day? - 34 Gigs or 100,500 words per day from media alone

6. Once we put something into memory, does it ever change?

- Yes, memory is never constant and always being reconstructed to tell a better story  

7. What do errors in eyewitness identification of crimes tell us about how accurate our  memories are? How often are eyewitnesses wrong?

- Our memories are often not very accurate even if we are fairly certain

- Eye witnesses are about 1/3 incorrect  

8. How does the fact that so much information is available via computer change the way we go  about remembering things?  

- We are often less likely to remember something if we are told or if we think it can be found  online

- We put things in computer and phone planners and rely on them to remind us of appointments - Taking notes on a computer is not as effective in remembering material as writing them by hand  

9. What would Plato say about our use of books and computers to remember things for us?

- Plato would be outraged! He thinks that even writing things down and placing internal memory  onto an external source diminishes our ability and strength in remembering

Lecture 3:  

1. What are positive steps you can take to overcome the biases of your tendency to think with  “System 1”?

- You can use mental reminders  

- Think about baseline information  

- Slow down and do the math

- Think about the exceptions to your stereotypes  

2. When you are trying to persuade others, what is the key question you should ask to determine if  they are going to be responding with “System 1” or “System 2”?

- Is my listener motivated to process my message in depth?

3. What should you do to be effective when trying to persuade people who are likely to respond with  “System 1”? How about “System 2”?

- If the listener is NOT motivated to process your message in depth, they are using system 1. You  can:

∙ Portray yourself as an expert

∙ Focus on being attractive

∙ Phrase your message in terms of stereotypes and mental shortcuts  

∙ Appeal to listener's emotions

∙ Make it easy for other's to respond the way you wish  

EX: Magazine renewal form  

"3 years (18 issues) $36.00- Best Deal!"  

∙ Takes advantage of system 1  

∙ Bold letters, top of the list  

- If the listener IS motivated to process your message in depth, they are using system 2. You can: ∙ Help the listener by eliminating disractions  

∙ Prompt listener to bring in prior knowledge

∙ Use logical arguments supported by evidence  

∙ This is used in public speaking and debate- classic persuasion

4. In class, we explored our meanings for words such as “love” and “football.” What were the four  ideas illustrated by these examples?

- Each word, each perception instantaneously triggers a set of associations in the brain (system 1)  ∙ It happens rapidly

∙ We have little conscious control over it  

- These associations don’t reveal inner secrets, but they do show the other words and ideas that  are most easily available to you once you think of the first word or idea  

- No two people will have exactly the same set of associations (though there may be some  overlaps)  

∙ Overlaps are more common when people have closer longer relationships

∙ Overlaps are common among people who share the same culture and same pattern of media  consumption  

- The associations you have for a particular word or idea are part of your meaning for it  

5. No two people will have exactly the same meanings for a word, but some pairs have more  meanings in common than others. What makes these “overlaps” more common?

- Overlaps are more common when people have closer longer relationships with each other  - Overlaps are more common among people who share the same culture and media consumption

6. What are the three basic dimensions of affective meaning?

- Whenever you encounter a word, person, or object you assign meaning along three dimensions: Evaluative: good ←→ bad  

Potency: strong ←→ weak  

Activity: active ←→ passive  

7. What kinds of product names are most memorable for people?

- Sounds that require the speaker to open the mouth wider ex: Omega

- Names that have a “plosive” sound ex: Prozac, puma, fiesta

- Bestselling trucks: Ford F-Series, Dodge Ram, Toyota Tacoma  

8. How do advertisers and others take advantage of our positive and negative associations to  persuade us?

- They use positive associations to distract customers from facts that would make the product  look bad if they thought about it

- EX: Coke introduces "handheld" new size of coke in 2011

- Aimed at convenience store market  

- Claims they were sensitive to hard economic times  

- If you think about it, the name doesn’t make sense

- Consider price: 12.5 oz for 89 cents when 16 oz goes for 99 cents  

- New 12.5 oz bottle is 7.1 cents per oz but the 16 oz bottle is 6.2 cents per oz. that's a 15% price  increase

Lecture 4:

1. What are the essential characteristics of language?  

- Language is symbolic- it refers to or represents something else that it does not resemble  Ex: the word bottle doesn't look like a bottle- words are symbols that stand for something else

- Humans share a universal grammar that enables language acquisition among the very young babies come hardwired to learn language

∙ Still helps language grow if it is encouraged, modeled, and practiced

- Language allows the generation of an infinite variety of messages within a rule-governed  system (grammar)- no limit to correct sentences  

- Language lets us communication about things not in the here and now: (temporal and spatial  displacement) This creates:

a. Social coordination- ability to work together in complex ways  

b. Group cohesion- feel a part of a group  

c. Deception- its not a language if you cant use it to tell a lie - create false reality

Ex: recalling the past, planning the future  

- Language works in conjunction with nonverbal codes to facilitate multi-faceted, even self contradictory messages

a. Irony

b. Strategic ambiguity/ equivocation  

c. Conflicted messages  

2. Be able to define and recognize examples of these four levels of language: phonetic, semantic,  syntactic, pragmatic

- Phonetic- the sounds of language- every language has a distinct set of sounds - Semantic- words and word meanings  

- Pairing two things: inner meanings and arbitrary symbols  

- We pair a symbol with some inner idea we want it to refer to  

- EX: For her "dog" is the symbol and that actual fuzzy white puppy- the referent- the thing she  refers to- puppy

- For him, he may think of "dog" as "dawg" and think of the husky mascot- the referent- the thing  he refers to - husky  

- Syntactic

a. Grammar: set of rules and patterns for forming words into larger thought units like phrases and  sentences  

∙ Learning to diagram sentence structures will make you a better writer and thinker  b. Word order matters  

∙ "I am going tomorrow" vs "Am I going tomorrow?"  

∙ Same words different order and different meaning  

- Pragmatic- refers to the way our use of language is affected by the social situation we are in  - Grammar is about more than the order of words

- It is more about the relationships among speaker, listener, objects, and actions- Grammar  connects them all

3. Approximately how long ago did humans acquire language?  

- 50,000 years  

4. What are two factors that may have helped humans to develop language? - Growing social and cultural complexity of interactions, relationships, and growing societies  - FOXP2 gene associated with language centers in the brain started to mutate  

5. What are three major functions of language?

- A tool for influencing others  

- A tool for social bonding  

- Shapes the way we think and remember through words  

6. Language allows us to communicate about events and things outside of the “here and now.” This  helps create three very important things. What are they?

- Social coordination- the ability to work together in complex ways like building a bridge - Group cohesion- feeling of belonging in a group  

- Deception- telling lies, creating false realities  

7. What are two specific functions that jargon and technical language serve?

- Makes communication more precise  

- Enhances group cohesion- sense of belonging to a group when you use the same jargon  

8. What are the major factors that cause languages to change over time? (Hint: migration is one,  what are the others?)

- Migration, isolation, invasion, colonization, travel, communication- as the world becomes more  inter-connected, language becomes more shared  

9. According to lecture which of the world’s language families has the most speakers? What single  language is spoken by the most people?

- The Indo-European family has the most speakers with 3 billion  

- but Mandarin Chinese is the single language with the most speakers at 1.2 billion

10. What is the difference between a dialect and a language? What role does power play in  distinguishing the two?

- What’s the difference  

∙ Not just having different words or pronunciation  

∙ No clear line between dialect and language  

∙ Calling something a dialect is about politics and culture as much as language  

- "He been done work" vs "he finished work earlier"  

- People who view "Black English" as poor English make a political judgement  

∙ Comes down to power

∙ Linguist Max Weinreich (1945) "A language is a dialect with an army and a navy"  

Language

 ↓

Family  

 ↓

Dialect  

11. What level of language changes to fastest? Slowest?

- Dialect changes the quickest based on region and groups of people, then families and then the  language itself. EX: French and Italian eventually deviated enough from Latin to become their  own languages

12. How many languages are spoken in the world and what proportion of them are in danger of going  extinct?  

- Between 6,000 and 7,000 languages are spoken and roughly half of them are in danger of going  extinct

Week 3  

Key Terms  

Culture- A unique combination of rituals, religious beliefs, ways of behaving that unify a group of people

Co-culture- A group that exists within a larger, dominant culture but differs from it in one or more  significant ways (replaces “subculture” because of negative connotations)  

Social identity theory- Surface factors count and small differences can matter a lot. We use standard  approaches to communication and focus on visible things to instantly classify in-group and out-group  members. This triggers differences in the way we feel about and interact with people.  

In-group vs. out-group- A group of people who are similar to us vs different  

Individualism-people see themselves as independent, favor personal goals and values over group goals  and values. They think that it is right to follow personal beliefs and to leave groups if they have  differences. They value directness and clarity

Collectivism- People see their identities in terms of the group, prioritize relationships over individual  goals, and emphasize loyalty to group over personal desires, and follow group norms and rules. They  value indirectness if it preserves "face" for the group

Vertical cultures- emphasize power differences, hierarchy, acceptance of inequalities between  individuals and groups, loyalty to one's own group

Horizontal cultures- seek to minimize power differences, reduce hierarchy, inequalities not seen as  fixed, emphasize equality between people

Shibboleth-A word whose pronunciation identifies the speaker as being a member or not a member of a  particular group  

EX: Haiti- French/ Creole  

Dominican republic- Spanish

October 1937- The Dominican Republic president Rafael Trujillo wanted to get rid of people of Haitian  decent who lived along the border so he ordered his soldiers to hold up a spring of parsley and ask what  it was. They assumed that the people who could not pronounce the word correctly were Haitian. Those  who failed were killed. 20,000 people were killed during a five day period.

Anything can function as a shibboleth- pitch, pace of speech, even dress can mark a cultural group  

Ambient communication- Atmospheric and just there. Ambient communication are those things that  we take for granted. EX: culture as ambient communication. Cultural assumptions form a basis for ways  of convincing people, and for evaluating what they say and who they are. Culture is a tool kit for creating  shared meanings  

Kinesics- Body movement and facial expression.  

A. Affect displays (affect = emotion)  

• Displays of emotion on the face, but may involve other parts of the body as well  

• We are capable of thousands of expressions but Six most recognizable are happiness, surprise,  fear, disgust, anger, and sadness

• Seem to be universal, Panhuman= displayed the same across cultures  

• Some cultures value open display of emotion and others do not  

• Basic six expressions are shared in all cultures but some triggers are different  • May also involve body changes like blushing or stomping feet  

B. Emblems

• Gestures that have more or less standardized meanings and can substitute for words  C. Illustrators

• Gestures that go along with and reinforce verbal messages  

• Not standardized and cannot stand alone  

• Always go with speech  

• We use illustrators even when the person we're speaking to can't see us- cell phones  D. Adaptors  

• Nonverbal movements involving touching one's own body  

• Thought to be related to anxiety of attention to some other inner state  E. Regulators

• Nonverbal movements that control the pace or direction of interaction  • May include gestures, facial expressions, body orientation, tone of voice  

• People use them to signal it is their turn to talk, they do not want to be interrupted, they want  to leave or come closer-- turn taking cues  

Examples  

• Dance is the ultimate form of regulation- cues from partner  

• Basketball- the no look pass  

• The too small dorm room or kitchen- learn other person's cues  

Chronemics- The organization and use of time for communication  

• Includes our expectations for how time should be organized- one activity at a time  (monochromic) vs multi-tasking with several activities at once (polychromic)  

EX: texting when we should be talking  

Includes rules and expectations about:

• How events should be sequenced (can you just ask someone out or should you text first?)  

• How long events should last (How long do you have to stay at the family dinner table after  you've finished before you can leave?)

• How quickly something should happen (how long can you delay responding to a text or voice  message?)

Paralanguage / paralinguistic codes- vocal but nonverbal  

• Includes pitch, rate, inflection, volume, pronunciation, silence  

• We often judge people according to slow/fast, loud/soft,

• Influences our attention

• Judgements of intimacy, power  

• Can be sounds alone (cries, lauging) but usually accompany speech

Proxemics- The use of space and distance to send messages  

• Humans are territorial and mark defined space

• We judge status based on how much space someone controls- ex: office vs cubicle  

• Space when we talk to people is different based on our relationships with them- public, social,  personal and intimate space  

• These distances when speaking to people are culturally influenced  

• Affects comfort and relationship

• Proxemic codes are very sensitive to individual, gender, and cultural differences  

Tactile communication-communicating using touch  

a. The first communication code we learn

b. Touch from caregivers is essential for babies and infants to thrive  

c. Touch is important both in rituals and in expressing support and affection  d. Large cultural and gender differences in the use of touch  

• Women touch and are touched more often  

• Women touch men more than men touch women

• Large cultural difference - (Spanish > U.S. > Japan)  

e. Touch also conveys power- the more powerful people touch the less powerful people  • Being touched inappropriately is also linked to abuse and discrimination  

Territoriality- Humans are generally territorial and mark our spaces. Goes with proxemics.

Personal space- Space when we talk to people is based on our relationships with them. Personal is  reserved for people you are close with, not strangers  

Affect display- (affect = emotion)  

• Displays of emotion on the face, but may involve other parts of the body as well  

• We are capable of thousands of expressions but Six most recognizable are happiness, surprise,  fear, disgust, anger, and sadness

• Seem to be universal, Panhuman= displayed the same across cultures  • Some cultures value open display of emotion and others do not  

• Basic six expressions are shared in all cultures but some triggers are different

• May also involve body changes like blushing or stomping feet  

Emblem- Gestures that have more or less standardized meanings and can substitute for words  

Regulator-Nonverbal movements that control the pace or direction of interaction  • May include gestures, facial expressions, body orientation, tone of voice  

• People use them to signal it is their turn to talk, they do not want to be interrupted, they want  to leave or come closer-- turn taking cues  

Examples  

• Dance is the ultimate form of regulation- cues from partner  

• Basketball- the no look pass  

• The too small dorm room or kitchen- learn other person's cues  

Adaptor- Nonverbal movements involving touching one's own body  

• Thought to be related to anxiety of attention to some other inner state  

Illustrator- Gestures that go along with and reinforce verbal messages  

• Not standardized and cannot stand alone  

• Always go with speech  

• We use illustrators even when the person we're speaking to can't see us- cell phones  

Vocal cues / Paralanguage

Turn-taking cues- Part of regulators- body signals and movements, and facial expressions to dictate  who’s turn it is to talk.

EX: moving mouth before speaking to indicate you want to jump in a conversation or eye brow flashes  to do the same

Monochromic- One activity at a time

Polychromic- multiple activities at a time (multitasking)

Objects & Artifacts as codes

a. Personal artifacts  

• Hair styles, jewelry, body art, piercing, clothing  

• Objects that are associated with us as individuals  

b. Shared artifacts  

• Things we use with others  

• Houses, offices, cars

a. Public artifacts  

• Architecture, urban design, and things typical of place or culture

• Ex: Seattle is associated with Pike's Place Market  

Key Concepts  

Lecture 5: Culture & Communication

1. Prof. Parks said that culture was becoming both less important and more important at the same  time. How could that be?

Because we are having more and more diverse interactions and intercultural experiences

2. What are two factors that create cultural fragmentation and mixing?

Cultures and Co-Cultures mix and influence each other as never before in history  ∙ Fueled by migration, isolation, invasion, colonization, travel, and communication

3. Explain the idea that “culture is the stuff everybody takes for granted”

Culture is ambient and is often in the background of our lives  

It is information that you hear many times and in many places

It is information that you assume everybody knows  

The paradox is that you are not aware of what you take for granted so the most important things to  explain to someone from a different culture are the hardest to explain because we take them for  granted

4. Why do “surface factors” sometimes make a big difference in intercultural communication?

Social identity theory- surface factors count because we use them to instantly classify in-group and out group members which triggers differences in the way we feel and interact with people  

Example: Jay-Z calls out Charlie Rose on his show in Dec 2010 in his mispronunciation of Tupac  

5. In class we said that differences between cultures were often difficult to talk about. What was  that?

Differences that are the hardest to talk about are the ones we take for granted and are often just there  in the background.  

EX: a handshake is completely normal and polite in the US but it would be extremely inappropriate for a  man not of her family to shake a woman’s hand in Pakistan

6. What was Prof. Parks’ advice for improving communication with someone from another culture? How can we improve communication between cultures  

1. Understand our own attitudes and prejudices- avoid ethnocentrisms  

2. Don’t stereotype

3. Be sensitive

4. Value diversity  

What works

1. Positive attitude: curiosity and sense of humor, managing one's own anxiety  2. Actively seek and give descriptive feedback- what you mean- ask questions  3. Pay particular attention to non-verbal expressions  

4. Ask for help when needed  

5. Focus on shared tasks- on what each person is trying to accomplish- build on shared ways of  doing things  

• Don’t need understanding of other's culture to work together  

• Do understand how each approaches a task

6. Find preferred codes- writing may be better than speaking sometimes

7. Most important: focus on the individual not the culture  

Communication with another person from another culture is just like communication with someone  from your own culture only more so

7. Be able to give examples of highly individualistic and collectivist cultures.

Individualistic- North America, Europe, Australia  

Collectivistic- South America, Russia, Asia  

This model doesn't sort out nice patters in people because most people fall somewhere in the middle  between individualism and collectivism  

Individualism- people see themselves as independent, favor personal goals and values over group goals  and values. They think that it is right to follow personal beliefs and to leave groups if they have  differences. They value directness and clarity  

Collectivism- People see their identities in terms of the group, prioritize relationships over individual  goals, emphasize loyalty to group over personal desires, and follow group norms and rules. They value  indirectness if it preserves "face" for the group.  

 

Vertical cultures- emphasize power differences, hierarchy, acceptance of inequalities between  individuals and groups, loyalty to one's own group

Horizontal cultures- seek to minimize power differences, reduce hierarchy, inequalities not seen as  fixed, emphasize equality between people  

8. Be able to explain this sentence: “Culture is a toolkit for creating shared meanings.”

Cultural assumptions form a basis for ways of convincing people and for evaluating what they say and  who they are- using culture as a toolkit means better understanding of how our own culture works and  the idea that others may be different from ours. Culture is a group’s way of shortcutting communication.  Kind of like an inside joke, we understand a shared meaning that others do not.  

9. What is the “paradox of intercultural communication”?

The paradox is that the most important things we may have to tell someone from another culture about  our culture is the hardest to talk about because it is ambient. There are certain parts of our culture that  are assumed like shaking someone’s hand.

Lecture 6: Nonverbal Communication

1. What are the six basic displays of emotion on the face?  

Happiness, surprise, fear, disgust, anger, and sadness

2. What nonverbal code is processed in the same area of the brain as language? Affect displays  

3. Chronemic codes are based on rules and expectations about three things. What are they? Chronemics- The organization and use of time for communication  

• Includes our expectations for how time should be organized- one activity at a time  (monochromic) vs multi-tasking with several activities at once (polychromic)  

EX: texting when we should be talking  

4. What is the first communication code humans learn?

Tactile communication  

5. How does the use of touch differ according to differences in gender, power, and culture? Tactile communication- communicating using touch  

a. The first communication code we learn

b. Touch from caregivers is essential for babies and infants to thrive  c. Touch is important both in rituals and in expressing support and affection  d. Large cultural and gender differences in the use of touch  

• Women touch and are touched more often  

• Women touch men more than men touch women

• Large cultural difference - (Spanish > U.S. > Japan)  

e. Touch also conveys power- the more powerful people touch the less powerful people

• Being touched inappropriately is also linked to abuse and discrimination  

Technology and tactile communication  

• Smartphones that vibrate when you get a text or call  

• Feedback on video game controllers

• Like-a-Hug- demonstration project by Melissa Kit Chow at M.I.T

6. How good are we at spotting others’ lies from their nonverbal communication?  

Humans are very poor lie detectors and even the machines we make are poor because they detect  physiological changes, not intent  

7. Are there any nonverbal cues that reliably signal deception?

no

Week 4  

Key Terms  

Communication code- The types of communication we use like language, nonverbal codes, and  specializations  

Multicoders- Humans are unique in their ability to communication in many different ways, using many  different codes at the same time

Repeating (codes)- when either code could stand alone, but you use both  

EX: Saying “three” while holding up three fingers  

Emphasizing (codes)- When one code makes another more or less intense  

EX: raising your voice while saying “this is really important”

Complementing (codes)- Neither code can stand alone and they make a message together EX: all the elements of an outfit coming together to make a certain look  

Contradicting (codes)- one code and confuse another  

EX: saying “I’m not mad” while your voice is still angry  

Self-concept- All the answers a person gives to the question “who am I?”

Self-esteem- The evaluative component of self-concepts- how we judge ourselves  

Assimilation effect- ignoring the small differences between message and our self-concept- we tend to  think that their idea and our idea of ourselves is close enough and tend to blend the two ideas together however this occurs in a small range  

Contrast effect- treating larger differences as if they were even bigger than they actually are

• We do this most of the time  

• When we think a message challenges how we see ourselves we interpret it in ways that discount  and ultimately reject the message  

• By challenging source's motives

• By challenging source's expertise

• By saying the circumstances are unusual

• By simply ignoring or forgetting  

Upward social comparison- look more often at people who appear to be doing better than you Downward social comparison-look more often at people who appear to be doing worse than you

Symbolic Annihilation- people who to an extent were not represented in the media so these groups  were annihilated from representation  

Key Concepts  

Lecture 7 - Ambiguity, Clarity, & Complex messages / Myth of Body Language

1. Be able to describe and identify examples of each of the four ways that communication codes can  fit together.

Four basic ways that codes can be related  

1. One code can repeat or duplicate another- either code could stand alone • EX: holding up 3 fingers while saying "three"

• EX: shaking your head while saying "no"

2. One code can emphasize another (make more or less intense)  

• EX: raising your voice while saying "this is really important"  

• EX: Looking angry while saying something critical about another person  • Look for a nonverbal to gage the importance of a verbal code

3. One code can complement another- neither can stand alone, need both to interpret the  message

• EX: all the pieces of an outfit come together to form a look  

• EX: how the elements of a room design come together to create a certain atmosphere or  aesthetic

4. One code can contradict another  

• EX: Saying "I'm not mad" in a still angry voice  

• EX: looking at watch while telling the other person that you want to hear what they have to say  • EX: wearing casual, soiled clothing while speaking a professional way to a group  • Messages can be undermined by clothing choices that don’t fit the context  

2. What makes a message ambiguous? Be able to identify examples of each way that a message can  become ambiguous.

Four ways a message can become ambiguous

1. Content is contradicting or difficult to interpret  

• EX: when someone asks you about your relationship and you don’t quite want to answer but  also don’t want to be rude -- "we're fine" "its going along"

2. Ambiguous if it is not clear that the opinion being expressed are those of the speaker • EX: same scenario "most people say we're doing well"  

• Shifted the source away from the speaker  

3. Create uncertainty about whether your message is intended for the listener  

• EX: Give a verbal response but also avoid eye contact or make it unclear that the response was  really directed at the person asking the question

4. Give an indirect answer or one that changes the topic

• EX: "well, we're going to Becky's party on Saturday"

3. Clarity is generally good, but in what situations could ambiguity actually be helpful? Five reasons people often choose to be ambiguous  

1. Politeness- you don’t want to lie but being completely honest would hurt someone's feelings  and being silent would be rude so you have to say something  

• EX: ugly sweater gift -- "So Sweet!" "You shouldn't have"  

2. Self-protection- you don’t want to lie but being completely honest would lead to criticism or  punishment  

• EX: did you mail the bills "I've got it"  

3. Maintaining privacy- an open response would violate privacy of an individual or relationship  • EX: not ready to tell specifics of a relationship  

4. Your feelings are still unsettled- trying to be too clear forces you to make decisions before you  are ready to  

• EX: initial feelings about a person may be strong but very changeable over time • When you don’t know how to feel about the subject yourself  

5. Managing receivers with conflicting expectations  

• EX: Letting different people read into a meaning how they want to  

• EX: politicians do this to appeal to a more diverse audience  

4. In what ways do nonverbal codes differ from verbal codes (language) ?

Four differences between language and nonverbal codes  

1. Language is more standardized  

• Education- dictionary- slang  

2. Language has inner structure

• Grammar and words that nonverbal codes do not have

3. We usually exert more conscious control over words than nonverbal codes  4. Very few nonverbal expression can be simply translated into words- exception: emblems  

5. What is the problem with thinking about nonverbal communication as “body language”?  Sometimes trying to follow "body language" does not add anything new  

It recycles and re-packages obvious information

Body language that signals deception doesn’t work and believing in it makes the person easier to lie to  By focusing on a single interpretation, body language book encourage you to

a. Assign meaning where the source may not have had any meaning  

b. Assign one specific meaning when there were many other interpretations possible  This limits you as a communicator  

EX: the shoe fondle in the definitive book of body language  

Thinking about nonverbal codes like language can get you into trouble  

6. What were Prof. Parks’ “keys to understanding nonverbal codes”?

Four real keys to understanding nonverbal codes  

1. Think about how they all fit together- focus on pattern- how the small things form something  bigger

2. Think about how they fit within language- is it repeating? Emphasizing? 3. Recognize that nonverbal codes do not always have to "mean" something  4. Remember the context  

Lecture 8: Self-Concepts and Communication  

1. We have many self-concepts. Are they all equally important?

No, the one’s that come most quickly to mind tend to be the most important to us  

2. Be able to recognize examples of how people express different self-concepts, or aspects of  themselves, in different situations.

Different situations bring out different self-concepts  

Examples:

• family vs friends  

• Online vs face-to-face

• Same person at different times  

• Especially online when it is anonymous  

Some self-concepts are more important to us than others  

3. What’s the difference between a direct message and an indirect or implicit message? 1. Shapes how we see others' messages  

a. Direct messages from others

• What other communicate directly to us

• Grades, awards, other kinds of behavior directed at us as feedback  • Nonverbal or verbal  

• Markers of success or failure or standing

b. Indirect, implicit messages

• What we imagine others think of us based on how they act  

• What we infer based on how they respond to us

• EX: that person that never seems to have time to talk may seem like they are avoiding you  

4. How does the reinforcement principle help explain why self-concepts are so hard to change?

Reinforcement principle- we prefer to associate with people who will accept us- that is who will  reinforce our self-concepts

We generally select other and interpret messages to reinforce our existing views Doesn’t matter if your self-image is positive or negative

This explains why self-concepts are so hard to change

How do self-concepts change?

1. Small increments (small steps, takes time)

2. Large number of messages (same message frequently)

3. Variety of sources- especially those who support new self-image (changing self-concept may  mean change in social networks)

4. Conscious effort to override our own defenses by seeking unbiased assessments and focusing on  counter examples  

5. When somebody says something that challenges how you see yourself, what are four ways you  might mentally discount and ultimately reject the message?  

• By challenging source's motives

• By challenging source's expertise

• By saying the circumstances are unusual

• By simply ignoring or forgetting  

6. What are some of the risks of using social network sites often for social comparison? Example- Facebook for social comparison  

Social comparison is easy on most social network sites with ever changing updates about others' lives  constantly  

There is so much information that we have to be selective  

Upward comparison: look more often at people who appear to be doing better than you  Downward comparison: look more often at people who appear to be doing worse than you  Neutral: little social comparison

Research says the more time spent on Facebook is linked to more upward comparison and less  downward comparison  

So how does frequent upward comparison effect self-esteem?

Research says the more likely you will feel inferior to others an there is a risk factor for depression How does frequent downward comparison effect self-esteem?

Research says there is a temporary increase in self-esteem but long term downward comparison makes  you feel defensive/ less secure and there is also a risk factor for depression  

Research also shows that being in a bad mood leads to more downward comparisons but most  comparisons are upward regardless of mood and the negative effects are the greatest for heavy users  who use Facebook for social comparison frequently

7. Digital media allow both individuals and advertisers to project strong, positive images. How does  this complicate social comparison?

Comparison is complicated  

• By others' tendency to present themselves in positive ways  

• Images of others are often highly manipulated in the media  

Comparison is further complicated by differences in cultural representation in the media • What if you rarely see people who you identify with in the media

In the 1970s George Gerbner looked at how minority groups were represented on TV and coined the  term "Symbolic Annihilation"  

• Minorities and women were and to an extent, still are greatly under-represented in the media

8. What are three types of symbolic annihilation that one might find in mass media? Be able to  recognize examples of each.

Comparison is further complicated by differences in cultural representation in the media • What if you rarely see people who you identify with in the media

In the 1970s George Gerbner looked at how minority groups were represented on TV and coined the  term "Symbolic Annihilation"  

• Minorities and women were and to an extent, still are greatly under-represented in the media

Feminist theorist Gaye Tuchman identified three types of symbolic annihilation  1. Omission- don't see your group represented at all

2. Trivialization- the group is there but represented as unimportant - stereotypes 3. Condemnation- the group is there but represented as bad or evil

9. How do self-concepts influence our choice of friends, people to associate with? Influence who we associate with, choose as friends, get close to  

In general, we prefer to associate with people who are like us

a. A form of selective exposure- seeking contact with people who are similar to us

b. We prefer those with similar age, ethnicity, economic position, political beliefs, tastes, interests,  etc.

This is true across cultures- group members stick together

Reinforcement principle- we prefer to associate with people who will accept us- that is who will  reinforce our self-concepts

We generally select other and interpret messages to reinforce our existing views Doesn’t matter if your self-image is positive or negative

This explains why self-concepts are so hard to change

How do self-concepts change?

1. Small increments (small steps, takes time)

2. Large number of messages (same message frequently)

3. Variety of sources- especially those who support new self-image (changing self-concept may  mean change in social networks)

4. Conscious effort to override our own defenses by seeking unbiased assessments and focusing on  counter examples

Week 5  

Key Terms  

Relationship- The way we communicate is the relationship rather than the other way around What each person says and does is related to how you think and feel inside  

Interdependence- how much and in what ways we influence each other in our relationships- the extent  to which each person’s behavior depends on what the other person does or says

Patterns of interdependence also set expectations in motion- like contracts  

Explicit contracting: if you do this, I’ll do this  

Implicit contracting: my roommate goes out every Sunday night to study with her boyfriend so I expect I  have the apartment to myself Sunday nights  

Secret tests: We set up personal tests that the other person is not be aware of  • Examples  

• If he forgets my birthday one more time, it's over between us  

• Taking a new partner to meet the parents or group of friends  

Relationships can have too much interdependence  

Codependence: when both partners are drained by the demands of the relationship

• EX: If you live with an alcoholic, you are affected by it in many ways and you learn how to shape  your life around them to not anger them, not talk about certain things

Depth of interaction-

• Expressing feelings and judgements about each other  

• Sharing more personal information  

• Becoming sexually intimate  

• Revealing negative information about ourselves  

• Being open about habits others may disapprove of  

The exchange of more personal, subjectively important information and behavior

Taking larger risks, putting more resources into play, greater consequences  

Can be either positive or negative- becoming more intimate or becoming more hurtful  

Breadth of interaction-range of things in the relationship  

Three aspects influence this

1. Variety of topics discussed  

EX: you go a certain barber every so often- you first talk about sports and weather, then start talking  about hobbies and jobs, then family and friends

There is a big expansion even if they are safe, surface topics  

2. Variety of behaviors exchanged, displayed in the relationship- show more aspects of yourself  3. Variety of settings in which the interaction occurs  

EX: You go to the gym every day at the same time and see a common person, the two of you start  talking, one day he asks you out to lunch, there was a shift in the setting  

A sign that a relationship deteriorates is when you close off certain topics, limit how you behave, limit  settings  

Amount of communication  

The amount or frequency of communication is important because

• More frequent interaction increases interdependence  

• Significant changes in amount of interaction are seen as relational evolutions - ex: first big talk  • More frequent interaction signals continuity in times of crisis

• Continuity means that the couple will continue the relationship even if things are hard in the  moment  

• EX: starting to talk again after a fight  

Predictability/ Understanding - Communication is driven by a desire to manage uncertainty and to  achieve some optimal level of understanding  

Trust and dependability are all about how you manage uncertainty  

• The feeling that you know how the other person is going to act

• The feeling that what they do and say makes sense to you  

• The feeling that you know how to respond to them  

Signs of deterioration are not knowing why someone does or says something or that they are  unpredictable

But wait, don't we also like surprises, new things?

Yes but in a particular way  

We only like good surprises  

If we think knowing might make us unhappy, we prefer not knowing (uncertainty) - this is the major  reason for silence in relationships

Code specialization -As relationships develop, people don't just talk about new things, they talk about  the same things differently and develop specialized and personalized ways of relating to each other  

Three ways communication changes as relationships develop  

• Abbreviation- shortening, leaving things out  

EX: completing each other's sentences or making specific shortened references like "palm springs '14" Downside: when the relationship is in trouble, it can be harder to communicate  

• Substitution- nonverbal expressions take the place of words (looks)  

• Specialization- special nicknames, terms of endearment, code words  

EX: 4/20 how the term came into being is debated but stoners everywhere know it is the weed holiday  

Commitment  

Three aspects of commitment  

1. Personal desire to continue the relationship (personal commitment)  

2. The belief that the relationship ought to continue (moral commitment)  Ex: If you believe that divorce is wrong or to stay together for the kids  

3. The belief that it would be difficult to end the relationship (structural commitment)  Examples:

• Staying with a bad roommate because you have a lease  

• Barriers getting out of personal relationships - the horror of dividing up property  

• Prof found public records of divorce and found that people stayed together for a long time  before getting a divorce because of the expense and hassle  

• You want to break up but all your friends are his friends too so it would disrupt your social  network  

Aren't there a lot of cultural and gender differences in relationships?  

• The dimensions themselves are universal but there are many cultural differences in how these  dimensions are expressed  

Criticism -attacking the other person's personality or character  

a. Generalizations: "you never" "you always" "you're the kind of person who " b. Demands for explanation: "why are you so…"  

c. Arguing about how to argue: "I refuse to listen when you use that tone of voice" Criticisms are about the person  

Complaint- About the behavior and not the person- EX: “I’m upset you forgot to take out the trash”  rather than “you never take out the trash” which would be a complaint  

Defensiveness -seeking to excuse of justify oneself, portraying yourself as the victim, warding off a  perceived attack  

• Making excuses (external circumstances beyond your control forced to act in a certain way)  • "It's not my fault"  

• Cross-complaining: meeting your partner's complaint or criticism with a complaint of your own • "You forgot to take out the trash" "yes but you forgot to make the bed" • We are better at recognizing other's defensiveness than our own  

• Yes-butting: start off agreeing but end up disagreeing  

• Undercuts proposals and ends up in a spiral

• Whining "that's not fair"

• Responding to proposed solutions with counter-proposals  

Stonewalling -refusal to engage in topic, withdrawing from interaction  

• Silence  

• Indirect answers  

• Very short answers  

• Changing the subject

• Making a subject "off-limits" for discussion  

• Removing oneself physically  

Especially damaging when done as punishment  

Contempt- attacking your partner's sense of self- abusive language and nonverbal behavior that places  them beneath you – The most toxic of the harmful messages  

• Insults and name calling  

• Sarcasm, mockery, hostile humor

• Dismissive nonverbal cues such as sneering, rolling eyes, curling upper lip

Arguing about how to argue- setting the terms of the argument with no authority “I refuse to listen to  you when you use that tone of voice”  

Cross-complaining -meeting your partner's complaint or criticism with a complaint of your own • "You forgot to take out the trash" "yes but you forgot to make the bed"

Yes-butting- start off agreeing but end up disagreeing  

• Undercuts proposals and ends up in a spiral

Key Concepts  

Lecture 9 - Connecting with Others: Relationships as Communication

1. Think of examples of how interdependence changes as a relationship develops and  deteriorates.

One example: John used to consult his girlfriend Tracy before making plans for poker  nights with the guys and Tracy used to consult John before her outings with the galls.  Their relationship started slowing down and they are slowly losing interest in each other.  Now neither John nor Tracy consult each other when they make plans with friends and  have arguments about it.  

2. How do the expectations created by interaction in relationships sometimes result in “contracts” between relational partners? What forms do they take?

Explicit contracting: explicitly stating an ultimatum or agreement  

EX: “If you cook, I’ll clean up after”  

Implicit contracting: Making a non-spoke contract based on behavioral habits

EX: my roommate goes out every Sunday night to study with her boyfriend so I expect I have  the apartment to myself Sunday nights

When the contract is broke and the roommate decides tonight is not the night to spend  studying with the boyfriend, you are upset because you made plans even though neither  of you had talked about it  

Secret tests: We set up personal tests that the other person is not be aware of  

∙ Examples  

∙ If he forgets my birthday one more time, it's over between us  

∙ Taking a new partner to meet the parents or group of friends- not as secret as surprise  

3. In general terms, what is it that happens when the depth of interaction increases?  Think of examples but also think about what your examples have in common.

When depth of interaction increases we…

- Express feelings and judgements about each other

- Share more personal information  

- Become sexually intimate

- Reveal negative information about ourselves

- Are open about habits others may disapprove of

The exchange of more personal and more important behavior is a higher risk and we place  more resources into pay with greater consequences

As people open up to each other, they get to know each other better and thus are at higher  stakes because they know how to hurt each other more  

4. We discussed three aspects of the breadth of interaction. What were they? Three aspects influence this

1. Variety of topics discussed  

EX: you go a certain barber every so often- you first talk about sports and weather, then  start talking about hobbies and jobs, then family and friends

There is a big expansion even if they are safe, surface topics  

2. Variety of behaviors exchanged, displayed in the relationship- show more aspects of  yourself  

3. Variety of settings in which the interaction occurs  

EX: You go to the gym every day at the same time and see a common person, the two of  you start talking, one day he asks you out to lunch, there was a shift in the setting  

5. What are three ways that people can feel committed to maintaining a personal  relationship?

Three aspects of commitment  

1. Personal desire to continue the relationship (personal commitment)  2. The belief that the relationship ought to continue (moral commitment)  Ex: If you believe that divorce is wrong or to stay together for the kids

3. The belief that it would be difficult to end the relationship (structural commitment)  Examples:  

∙ Staying with a bad roommate because you have a lease  

∙ Barriers getting out of personal relationships - the horror of dividing up property  ∙ Prof found public records of divorce and found that people stayed together for a long  time before getting a divorce because of the expense and hassle  

∙ You want to break up but all your friends are his friends too so it would disrupt your  social network  

6. What are the differences between weak ties and strong ties?

Strong ties bond while weak ties reach  

Strong ties bring people together and are interconnected  

Weak ties have few interconnections and reach more diverse people  

7. What are two things that our weak ties do for us personally that strong ties cannot do  as well?

Two personal functions  

∙ Allows you to compare yourself to a much larger, more diverse set of others- less  fortunate, more fortunate, different interests- this enriches the sense of who you are  ∙ Weak ties can provide support and information we cannot get from our strong ties support groups, online contacts, local news, and gossip  

8. What are two broader social functions of weak ties?

Two broader social functions- ways weak ties are good for society  

∙ Weak ties spread new ideas, products, and services farther, faster than strong ties  because there are more of them and they are less interconnected  

∙ Weak ties promote working together in larger groups and a sense of community- they  tie small groups together and allow diverse groups to stay in contact, to empathize  and feel more secure  

Strong ties are too small and gathered to connect a large community

9. We are three ways or three areas in which strong ties affect our lives?  Personal relationships are also important in two more ways  

∙ Personal relationships are big business - we spend on birthdays, mother's day, father's  day, more on weddings than 2/3 of the other countries income  

∙ Personal relationships play a key role in business innovation- we talk to people we are  closest to about our new ideas  

∙ Disordered personal relationships can create costs for taxpayers - kids in school social  programs- law enforcement  

10. What are the health risks associated with inadequate or disordered relationships?  How big are they?

Quality of our personal relationships affects our health- positive relationships  

∙ Help with stress

∙ Physically safer- less likely to engage in risky behavior  

∙ Better cardiovascular health  

∙ Better immune system functioning  

Risks of inadequate relationships are as great a risk as  

∙ Obesity

∙ Cigarette smoking

Lecture 10: Messages that damage, messages that enhance relationships 1. What’s the difference between a criticism and a complaint?

A criticism is about a person and attacking the other person's personality or character  a. Generalizations: "you never" "you always" "you're the kind of person who " b. Demands for explanation: "why are you so…"  

c. Arguing about how to argue: "I refuse to listen when you use that tone of voice" A complaint is about the behavior EX: “I’m upset that you didn’t take out the trash”  

2. How does giving an excuse for one’s behavior differ from justifying it?

Giving an excuse for one’s behavior avoids owning the behavior as their fault- EX: “It’s not my  fault, my computer wasn’t working”

Justifying one’s behavior takes ownership of the behavior but puts blame elsewhere- “Maybe I  wouldn’t have kicked the garbage can over if you hadn’t ticked me off”  

3. What are the characteristics of highly supportive messages?  

Explicitly acknowledging the other's feelings- may offer an additional or different perspective  

∙ "I understand you're really upset that you failed your test and received a bad grade in  class. It's really hard to get a grade like that, I'm sure the professor didn't like giving  it."

∙ "I really cared for somebody but I realized they weren't the right one. It doesn’t mean  they didn't care for you"  

4. How do highly supportive messages differ from unsupportive messages? Unsupportive but common responses  

Messages that ignore the other's feelings

∙ "if you studied harder, that wouldn't have happened"

∙ "maybe things would have been better if you talked about it"

Messages that challenge or deny the other's feelings  

∙ "don’t worry about it, you'll find a way- you always do"

∙ "don’t worry about it, you'll find another guy"

Worst kind- messages that condemn the feelings of someone

∙ "you shouldn't feel that way"

∙ "that’s stupid, you shouldn't feel bad about the situation"

Somewhat supportive but less effective messages  

Attempts to distract the other from the feelings being experienced  

∙ "lets go get drunk and forget about it"

∙ "there are other fish in the sea- lets go see if we can find someone better"

Messages that acknowledge the other's feelings but do not attempt to help achieve greater  understanding- these are good but not enough on their own  

∙ "sorry you feel that way"

Attempts to explain away the other's feeling  

∙ "maybe your professor graded the test wrong"

∙ "maybe she didn’t realize how you felt about her"

5. Prof. Parks passed along “three tips” about giving advice to people who come to you  for help. What were they?

1. Don't make advice the first or only response

∙ They may not be looking for advice

∙ Even if they are, they may want support too

2. There is more to advice than solutions- consider how advice might

∙ Make the other person feel or look

∙ Affect your relationship with that person

3. Effective advice is not so much given as negotiated, its worked out during interaction  with participants  

∙ Not giving advice till asked

∙ Asking the person if they want advice  

6. What were Fischer & Ury’s five principled negotiation strategies? 1. Focus on the problem to be solved, not people  

∙ Approach the problem as shared rather than something that resides with one person or  other  

∙ Try to agree on what the problem is  

∙ Seek to understand other's perspectives  

EX: Two friends disagree about which apartment to rent

Bad- Pam: "She's so rigid about this" Lyn: "I know which apartment is the best" Better- Both: "we haven't agreed on which is best"

Best- Both: "we haven't found the apartment that works for both of us"

2. Focus on interests not positions

∙ Find out what each person "gets" from getting their way

∙ What is each person trying to accomplish

∙ What do they like about their solution  

∙ What do you like about the other's solution

EX: Pam likes the natural light and Lyn likes being close to the bus stop  3. Invent options for mutual gain

∙ Once you identify both interests look for options that promise mutual gain- that  addresses both interests  

4. Evaluate options using objective or shared standards

∙ Standards not defined by one person  

∙ Objective standards are something separate from the people involved  ∙ Shared standards: agrees on standards even if they are subjective  ∙ EX: both agree its important to feel safe  

5. Gain flexibility by improving your "bail out" position  

∙ What you are left with if negotiations fail  

∙ Improving this gives you flexibility and power  

∙ BAINA- Best Alternative In Negotiated Agreement  

∙ EX: lyn explores dorm options while pan thinks about other people to live with  

7. What’s the difference between an interest and a position?

Focus on interests not positions

∙ Find out what each person "gets" from getting their way

∙ What is each person trying to accomplish

∙ What do they like about their solution  

∙ What do you like about the other's solution  

EX: Pam likes the natural light and Lyn likes being close to the bus stop

8. What is the “bail out position” (also called BATNA) in negotiation and why does  improving yours help you be successful?

BAINA- Best Alternative In Negotiated Agreement  

EX: lyn explores dorm options while pan thinks about other people to live with

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