Midterm/Final Study Guide Combined With All Textbook Review Session Notes/Class Notes
Midterm/Final Study Guide Combined With All Textbook Review Session Notes/Class Notes CMS 315M
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This 80 page Study Guide was uploaded by Willa Rosenblum on Wednesday August 10, 2016. The Study Guide belongs to CMS 315M at University of Texas at Austin taught by Dr. John Daly in Fall 2016. Since its upload, it has received 13 views. For similar materials see Interpersonal Communication Theory in Communication at University of Texas at Austin.
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Date Created: 08/10/16
CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE Deaf - Deaf people live and function in a very different communication world from that of People people with normal hearing - There are many similarities, of course. But there are crucial differences, nonetheless Commu - Being a foreigner in your own land nication - A fouryearold interpreting on the phone for his father - You can’t hear your kids. That’s good and bad in Deaf - Best way to stop an argument with a Deaf person: Close your eyes. life - Deaf people are multimodal: They use lots of different methods to communicate Deaf Deaf vs. hard of hearing: Commu o A functional definition: Deafness is a hearing impairment serious enough such that the person’s sense of hearing is not functional for ordinary nication purposes of communication, even with a hearing aid. Even if you make it Definitio ns louder, they still can’t hear clearly (or at all) o Prelinguistic deafness: Acquired before the acquisition of language (congenital [at birth] or before 3 years of age) = Hereditary Deafness Modes Deaf communication is characterized by: of o Multimodality (lots of different ways) Commu Why? - Because deaf individuals are visually orientated. nication - Without the sense of hearing, the usual channel for natural speech and language acquisition is missing. - For most, visual communication is necessary; it may be combined with speech and hearing or used alone. Oral modes: (Speech, listening, lipreading) - Hard to teach speech and language (doesn’t come naturally) – varying degrees of clarity - They have a lot of catching up to do - Assistive listening devices (hearing aids, cochlear implants) - Lipreading (Lipreading follies…) - Difficult because it involves guessing Manually coded (signed) English: - Systems for “showing English on the hands”, to accompany vocal speech, possible to communicate by presenting a very visual gesture - Writing American Sign Language: - A full language in the visual – manual modality, with its own grammatical system (not just signing along with English words) – Primary channel isn’t speech and listening - Different versions of sign language across the world Channels of ASL discourse: Hands, arms: Hand shapes Locations Movements Orientation Head, face: Head tilt Direct of gaze Eye Mouth Eyebrows (raise eyebrows to indicate you’re asking a question) Body, shoulders: (To tell us Bill hit john, he shows us where Bill “is” and then where John “is” - The grammatical role of 3D space itself (Where you’re hands are placed matters – Ex. Signing the same thing close to your chest vs. away from your chest means two different things) CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE Features Multimodality, bilingualism: of Deaf - Many deaf people know ASL and English (two different languages) Signaling strategies: Commu - With a deaf person, you have to poke or tap them nication - In a small apartment you can stomp your foot (They will feel the vibrations) - Classrooms built for the deaf have light switches right by the front of the room so the teacher can use it to get people’s attention Use of eyes – Eye contact is what its all about - Can’t drive and have a conversation Interpreters (Translators) Technologies: TDD, text pager, and Videophone conversations - TDD = primitive texting, over a phone line - Videophone = relayed message between videophone user, video interpreter and phone user - One must adapt! (Signaling devices such as “baby criers”; driving; being in the dark; arms loaded; etc.) Tips for Speech style: clear and focused Encount - Don’t try too hard to annunciate (Makes it even harder to read lips) ers Visual (body) style: - Watch for lighting - Don’t turn your back to the person Ask for guidance – Don’t assume Tips on use of interpreters: o Talk directly to the deaf person! (Don’t tell them to “tell sally….”) – Don’t speak indirectly Network A. The importance of networks ing and - Confident people for who they know not what they know, have a really good network, Stories old doctor whole network is gone B. Types of networks – Using - Social Support: Network of people you know outside of work Network - Ex. you are getting old and living need this, network in community, people who watch s out for you, network in life outside of work, live longer if you have this - Women are much better with social support, women better at creating this networks wherever they go, men don’t make networks outside of work and kids sports, moms better at this - Organizational Networking: Men are better at networking in the workplace – but this is changing - Women do networking better in world they live in outside the work place - Ex men went got drinks w/ other men and women did work and women had to leave at end of day to get kids, women network better in life environment and men better in work environment, everyone can do networking but it’s just the context C. Some principles - It isn’t who you know, it is who knows you goal is that they think about you before anyone else, want to be a person that people remember, doesn’t matter who you connect with just that you know who they are (we shouldn’t just be focused on meeting people, we should focus on making them remember us) Network A. You have a bigger network than you think ing and - You have a big network, 6 degrees of separation, 1960s everyone is connected with 6 links but now with internet everyone is connected with 4 links, some Stories connections, reconnecting and building new connections as well – Network - Everyone in the U.S. is connected within 4 links B. Never underestimate the value of “connecting” ing - Always want to take advantage of opportunities to expand your network, building Skills that network, can’t rest on who you already know you need to keep meeting new people overtime C. Don’t burn bridges You may need them later - Don’t make enemies just make people that you don’t like irrelevant, make sure CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE you leave on a good note so people will invite you back - Ex. when you leave a job they want you back D. Keep in touch—regularly - When you lose touch it is hard to get back in touch, would be weird to get in touch with people after many years but could easily call someone immediately and get help from them if you talk to them/see them every year, stay in touch before you will need help from person - Ex. You may need the person later in life, but if you only get in touch with them when you need them for something, it is manipulative E. Do favors that cost you a little and gain you a lot; be proactive offer favors before they are asked - When you do proactive favors it builds your network, do without being asked people think it’s amazing, asking is okay but doing favors before they ask makes all the difference - Ex. Buying snow globes for a friend’s daughter (without being asked) F. Keep recordsstay personal - Use technology (Facebook) you can use Facebook to learn a bit about someone before you meet them - Get better at “Individuating characteristics” things that make that person in your network feel like are different then any other person in the entire world, friends from HS know the dirt on you, anytime you get someone’s business card write down trivia about the person on the card, write down individuating characteristics that help you remember the person (ex. hobbies, weird little things they say, etc.) G. Exercise your network a network that isn’t used disappears - Every time you do a favor you are investing in the other person, secret to success if other people feel they are responsible for your life, goal is to get everyone invested in you, good to ask for favors over period of time because they are going to reciprocate and it is also good, every time someone gives you money he is investing in you and should give you more money, asking for advice gets people to invest in you people feel like they are helping you out, get other people to help you and get them invested ( people who are invested in you are more helpful) - Ex. Have someone introduce you H. Befriend those without friends - Party people talking to each other but rarely see one person standing by themselves, when you befriend someone who has no friends they will be a great friend to you for a long time, many times they want to be helped by someone b/c they don’t know anyone yet - Ex. Balmer and Bill Gates Bill gates no friends but Balmer reached out to him and became friends, your mother still matters when it comes to networking (Bill Gates) – By befriending a geek (Bill Gates), Steve Ballmer became really successful I. Become the parent of relationships - Introducing someone to someone else – people will remember you for doing this - As long as you like partner you have to like person that introduced you guys, become the parent of relationships, when you get people to meet each other people remember you positively for a long time afterwards J. Differentiate between power and position - Never assume that position implies power titles means nothing, power means everything, always look for person who has the power not position - Look for the informal influencers not obvious but have informal influence over period of time - President Truman being persuaded into meeting with people by is best friend (A shirt salesman) - Family business weird aunt may have more power then anyone else - Ex parents as grown ups took you to McDonalds because you had power over them - Kids influence their parents to go to Chuck E Cheese - There are secretaries that have much more power than professors K. Seek out opportunities to expand your network CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE - Everyone knows everyone else in the network very well, strong links not that helpful because you all know the same people - Weak links matter know people who know people you don’t know, weak links are better, gain an entire network from someone you know who knows people you don’t know, weak links more interesting can tell you something you didn’t’t know before (ex roommate majoring in something you had never thought of before) L. Proximity, proximity, proximity - Out of sight is out of mind, if not around you won’t get the opportunity, if not in place where job is then you don’t matter, great network of friends in HS but now you have a new network, distance makes heart grow yonder not fonder M. Remember “Thumper’s rule” - Don’t be negative, it will get back to them if you have nothing nice to say don’t say it, take it in but don’t give it back people will think better of you if you are above trash talk, good networks are not negative about anyone but not necessarily positive either, what they don’t say is what matters N. Manage your disclosures don’t overestimate your relational strengths - Associative friends because you have things in common (most friends are this because of common association, need to manage disclosure a lot more) - Reciprocal friends true friends (tell everything to them and they will listen, can disclose anything you want to them, mom, forget the bad and remember the good, forgive almost anything) Friends A. Momentary - Playing next to each other not with each other hips – Growing - After you’re done playing, you wouldn’t call them your friend into B. Oneway (Receptive friends) - You have a friend but the friend doesn’t know it Friends - Friendship is one way and not both ways hip - Ex. Little kid said that his teacher is his best friend - Anyone in professional setting experience this – doctor is a good friend of mine – you could truly believe your doctor is your true friend but they aren’t – you pay them – Dr. doesn’t know you as a friend - Ex. Feeling like a politician knows you - Saying president is a friend of yours C. Fair weather - Friends when you have things they need (ex. They’re your friends when you have a car, food, money, etc.) - Friends who are there when things are good - If anything goes bad, they don’t know you anymore - Ex. Politicians and famous people – when not famous or politician anymore – lose status lose friends D. Mutual sharing - Our best friends - We live with them emotionally - Best buddy kind of friend - Txt, talk 24/7 - Girls are more like this than guys - What ruins these friendships are often boyfriends E. Autonomous - We know our friends have other friends - We are not that possessive of our other friends Friends A. Types hips – 1. Associative - Friends share a common association (ex. Same class, same frat, same sorority, Adult Friends kids on the same soccer team) - Men have more associative friends hips 2. Receptive - One way friends CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE - Who I consider my good friend doesn’t necessarily consider me their good friend” 3. Reciprocal - Women have more reciprocal friends than men - Men don’t know how to have reciprocal friends as their kids get older - Dad’s network will most likely fade away when they retire due to associative friends – harder time developing reciprocal friendships later in life - Self disclosure o Tell them things you wouldn’t tell most people (secrets) - Responsiveness o If you’re sick, they’ll bring you chicken soup (take care of you) - Interaction o Like spending time together. Love talking to each other - Positivity o Forgive them more easily, almost immediately o Frame things they do more positively B. Characteristics 1. Gender: More versus deeper: - Women > more intimate; more exclusive - Men have more friends, women have deeper friends Skill - Women better at developing and maintaining friendships because they tend to be more responsive and think about their friendships more often - Important for women to keep in touch Basis - Men’s friendships = activitybased; women = talkbased - Men: Conversations about doing things; women: conversations about the feelings of things - Would be weird if two guys met up to talk and talked in Starbucks - Guys need activities to maintain friendships – go to football games, the gym, or go out to drink together - Girls talk for a long period of time – guys wont Spouse as “best friend” - After 5 years of marriage, husband will still think his wife is his best friend, but his wife wont think her husband is her best friend. - Husband will assume friendship is being married, but wife doesn’t think he’s showing what friendship is - Husband won’t do the things that her female best friends will Length - Malemale friendships last longer than female – female ones - Men will talk about old friends (high school friends) but women will not - Women will have deeper friends New friends - If women are friends at 40 = lifelong friends - Women’s friendships increase after 40 - Men build friendships until 30; after that few new friendships - Men have to work harder at creating friendships when they are grown ups than women do Tolerance - Men are more tolerant of their male friends than females are of their female friends - Women have less patience with their friends; women more likely to hold grudges about their friends than men - Men will get over something more quickly and “let it go” CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE 2. Age - People in their 70s have the most friends - Have different friends from different stages of their lives - Your parents have friends they haven’t seen for 25 years - You have more experience, more friends over a period of time 3. Relational Dominance - One person has veto power of friends - Ex. You keep your friends, he loses his friends 4. Similarity - Friends tend to be similar to us in some ways (In attitudes and values) - We tend to hang out with people who are like us increases our similarity to these people - Signals of similarity: o Can see who belong to what friend groups just by seeing what they are wearing o You want similarity o Ex. Cheerleaders, skaters, stoners, jocks o Band geeks look like each other in some ways o Jocks will look like each other over a period of time o You chose to sit together which will increase your friendship, which will make you similar etc. 5. Proximity - Out of sight out of mind - At younger ages the absence of proximity destroys friendships - Ex. When you move in grade school you lose your friends - When your not spending time around your friends anymore it becomes awkward 6. Functions Utility - Friends we have because they are useful to us (ex. Friend that is good at math, can help you do the homework) - Network friends – help you get something, get a job Pleasure - Friends that are just fun to be around, not useful, just fun Virtue - Goodness - Goodness is different than pleasure, and different than useless - You know this friend is a good human being you know they would stand up for you o Virtue is what we want our best friends to be like o The friends we want to get old with 7. Making friends What you see on TV isn’t real - Most people are not that close of friends as you see on TV Join activities that create friendships - Activities lead to friendships very quickly – Gives you something to talk about automatically - Ex. If you like rowing then spend time with people who like rowing (rowing team) Reciprocity is critical - Cannot be a taker all the time – when people take advantage you don’t want to be friends with them anymore - Ex. Cant have someone drive you all the time, must offer to pay, or drive every so often CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE - If someone does nice things for you, you need to do nice things back Support the friends self identity - Identity is how you define yourself, what you see yourself as - Ex. If someone thinks they are athletic, don’t tell them they’re not - Its what people should know about us and respect about us in our lives - You must support the other persons identity - Some people are unrealistic of who they are but you have to support it Time is a must; make it a priority - Friends take time - Many people give up their friendships when they get in a relationship because they don’t have any time anymore - It is a choice you have to make – balancing a boyfriend and friends - Balancing friends and family Labeling things positively - Rather than say someone is a jerk, say she’s under a lot of stress right now - Give your friends a break! - They didn’t mean to forget to invite you to something - Transition is about labeling things positively - (Ex. Everyone makes mistakes, rather than I raised you the wrong way) Have some “give” – be flexible - No one is perfect, but to maintain a friendship you have to accept that they may not be good in a certain area Friends A. Characteristics 1. Perceived hips Loneline - Sometimes you feel loneliest when surrounded by people - Loneliness is a perception, not a reality ss - Not about the number of friends, about the quality of friends - You may have lots of friends but no one meets your criteria of that and that makes you lonely 2. Chronic vs. situational - Chronic: Someone who is lonely is lonely all the time - You can be chronically lonely even surrounded by people you love and miss (lonely across situations) - Situational: most of us feel this way, can do things about situational loneliness B. Correlates of loneliness Lonely people see: - The world less accurately (anger, fear, sadness) - Fixate more on negative image of people (people in distress - Have less trust in others - Assume people have a motive behind everything if it is something positive (Ex. Lonely person is suspicious as to why you are trying to become friends with them) Physiologically: - Loneliness is as much a risk factor for poor health as smoking, obesity, high blood pressure - Greater chance of alcoholism and suicide - Take less care of their bodies, exercise less, sleep more poorly - Experience more stress and greater depression C. Chronic loneliness CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE Gender difference - Boys and girls are equally lonely - We tend to think we are more lonely than other people Age - Loneliest age group 1215 (Young adolescents are the most lonely) – They have unrealistic expectations of what friendships should be - Ex. would never abandon me at a party, text me every second, would always take me away with them - Have unrealistic views of what friends are there for unless no one meets your friendship External locus of control - Lonely people don’t believe they control their own fate - Non lonely people go out and make friends - Ex. Waiting for friends to show up for them rather than going out and making friend – they assume friends will come to them Lower selfesteem - Lonely people have low selfesteem - They don’t get much positive feedback because they tend to push people away Rigid rules Social skills deficit - Interactions are of poorer quality and provide less support and comfort - Lonely people behave in ways that encourage others not to interact with them D. Situational loneliness Initiators - Any big change in our lives leads to loneliness - Ex. Moving to a different school, losing a loved one, relationship ends etc. - Sunday afternoons you are the loneliest - You feel lonelier when you’ve been dumped than when you are together Coping Friends A. What you don’t talk about - Sex hips – Cross - Attraction - Things you need to stay away from if you want to have platonic Sex friends – too much disclosure, it becomes creepy friendsh - Simply cant talk to them about some things ips - Like talking to your siblings about sex B. Gender differences o No difference in number; men want more female friends because women tend to be more responsive o Ex. People would want to have a female boss rather than a male boss because they are more responsive - How they see them o Men think about their female friend’s body more than women think about their male friend’s body o Men think about sex o They will never tell you that, but they do notice things even about you C. Marital status single people want them more than married people - When your single you have other single friends - Married have more married friends - Difficult for married people to have platonic friends at the same time CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE D. Age - Older people have more platonic friends - Don’t think about relationships as much C. Making it romantic - We get to know people in a big group, and then have to go off to get to know them separately - You need to take a risk when you get/receive signals from the other person - You can blow up a platonic friendship by making it into romantic - Exes: You know you can be friends when you see your ex when you are extraordinarily happy when you see them with someone else - Even one tang of jealously you cant move to a platonic relationship F. Why do crosssex friendships end? 1. Grow apart/fade away 2. A new romantic relationship 3. Raising romance 4. Conflict - “Turn others against me” - Lost trust - “Started rumors about me” - “ Talked about me behind my back” - “Didn’t respect me” - Told others about private conversations - Annoyed me Self – SelfDisclosure: Give people information about yourself that is kind of secretive wouldn’t Disclosu want everyone to know about revealing intimate things about ourselves in every relationship we do this re Functions A. Expressive - Want to express something - Express deep emotions and thoughts not looking for feedback - Ex. Screaming without someone asking what is wrong B. Seeking Validation - Moments where you think you are weird you want somebody to tell you are that what your feeling is perfectly normal - We don’t want advice – we want validation of our feelings - Ex. It is completely normal what you are feeling I would do the same thing C. Clarification - Sometimes you need to think out loud in order to clarify - Ex. Some people just need to talk things through to clarify what they’re thinking D. Relationship Development - We disclose to help other person understand us - We need to know the other person in a relationship - We want people to understand where we are coming from - Always come up with set of rules for next relationship based on previous ones E. Informationgiving - We don’t want advice, we just want to explain ourselves - If you want people to understand why, you have to give them information F. Impression Management - Some people use selfdisclosure as manipulative tactic - Ex. Someone lies about their grandfather dying but they’ve done it three CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE years in a row so they could get out of class – use disclosure so people sympathize and understand that they are disclosing information - Manipulate impression by doing that G. Rewards - Rewarding to disclose things about ourselves - When disclose things about ourselves, it lights up the same part of our brain that is associated with both primary food, and sex) and secondary rewards (money). - People like talking about themselves H. Seeking Advice - We sometimes seek advice - Ex. “Here’s the situation, what do you think I should do.” - Most of the time when people disclose they have no interest in your opinion/advice what you have to say – All functions this is true except Seeking Advice - Sometimes you just want to work through it and talk about it - Men give more advice than women - Sometimes you just want the man to listen without giving advice - However, limited times you seek advice and say that you want their advice on what to do - If you want people to talk to you, don’t give advice unless they ask you for it. - Most of the time when people disclose they don’t want advice - Ex. Last night my boyfriend almost broke up with me. He found out that I spent the night with some guy last year after a party. He got really upset even though we both know he’s done the same - Ex. You need to understand…my dad’s family has lots of problems… his mom is nuts, his dad left the family when he was six, and he has a brother in prison. So, if he drinks a little too much… - Ex. Okay, we’ve known each other long enough that I need to tell you my family is really really rich. Like more rich than you can imagine. - Ex. Your favorite color is blue. That’s amazing… it’s my favorite color too. Judging disclosure Intentional? - Trust unintentional disclosure every time - Ex. If I overhear you talking about something, I trust it more than if you tell me directly - Overheard disclosure is much more believable - Ex. Parents put you to bed then speak loudly and say they have a great daughter – you believe them more than if they say it to your face because they have to tell you that Honest? - Honest needs to be contrasted with accuracy - Honest is not the same as accurate – just because you think you remember it doesn’t mean it happened - Somebody can be completely honest but terribly inaccurate - I can have a feeling that makes sense based on totally inaccurate data but I have that feeling anyway - Both honest but completely different stories - Honesty is different from accuracy in almost every case Accuracy? (See above) Depth? - Just met = not deep, not broad CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE - Acquaintance = not deep, broad - Short fling = deep, but not broad - Long term = deep and broad - Depth – how deep you go into it - In an enduring relationship, we have depth and breadth - Have both breadth and depth in relationships - When you first meet someone, you don’t have breadth or depth Breadth? - Breadth – how broad it is – know lots of little things – type of ice cream and friends and other things Valence? - How positive or negative disclosure is - We trust negative disclosure more than positive disclosure - Think they might be manipulating us – not appreciated as much as negative disclosure Clarity? - Must give clear disclosure - Unclear is that you just don’t feel good today but you can say why - You can have unclear disclosure but don’t anticipate the other people will have anything to help you with – hard for other people to respond when you disclose unclear feelings Relevance? - We like disclosure that is relevant - No relevancy – don’t like disclosure - Ex. Pull you out of a party and say that you don’t like steak anymore Appropriateness? - Must be appropriate in the time and setting - Some disclosures are not appropriate in certain settings - Ex. Don’t just say to someone that your boyfriend is good in bed - You can disclose things to your friends about that but you don’t go and tell his parents that – inappropriate - We have to disclose appropriately - Times that we shouldn’t be disclosing things Correlates A. Personality Shyness - Shy people disclose less to strangers (when they get to know someone they disclose just as much) Selfesteem - People with high and low selfesteem disclose the same amount but people with low selfesteem disclose more negative things about themselves Sex - Boys and girls disclose the same amount - People disclose more to girls more than boys - Girls and guys disclose differently – both disclose Attractiveness - Boys prefer to disclose to people less attractive than themselves - Girls don’t care if the person is good or bad looking get help form anyone - Boys don’t want to be tutored by a good looking person because it will make them feel stupid - Guys disclose more based on physical criteria B. Behavior CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE Dyadic effect - We tend to match disclosure to the other person in terms of quality and depth - If someone talks about their parents, you will talk about your parents - If you want your partner to disclose more, sometimes you need to talk more about yourself Interruptions - If you want people to disclose more, shut up – stay quit - Ex. When you call a family member up and all they do is talk and talk – you can put the phone down and they will keep going – you wont disclose to that person - Interruptions shut down disclosure Alcohol - Drunk people disclose more - Sometimes people are not always honest when they are drunk - You cannot always trust people when they are drunk - Some nice people get mean when they are drunk - You cannot assume drunken talk is accurate talk C. Environment Lighting - We disclose more when there is darker lighting - Ex. Bars are always dimly lit, nice restaurants - Very few people have a deep disclosing conversation at McDonalds where it is so light Fewer participants - When you want your partner to disclose to you, go somewhere where there are fewer people - Disclosure happens more often when there are less people around - Easier to disclose to your parents separately rather than both of them or with your siblings there – Ex. Alone in the car with mom or dad Evaluating Disclosures A. Timing - It freaks you out when someone discloses so much when you first meet them - When you first hookup with someone for the first time, you don’t tell them everything about your past relationships - 6 weeks in the relationship, they should know that - Ex. You don’t want to know some things about your partner’s past relationship when you first start dating B. Equity - We want people to disclose as much as we disclose – You want to disclose the same amount to your partner as they disclose to you - Both people feel uncomfortable when it is not equal - Ex. Want to marry someone who has the same tendency to disclose as much as you do – someone who has the same tendency to disclose things you do – otherwise they embarrass you C. Distinctiveness - Someone feels special if they are told something that no one else knows – We want people to think our disclosure is special because most people don’t know it. - Disclosure is what makes a relationship special is distinctive secret - When it is not distinctive we don’t feel special D. Sex - Both boys and girls disclose - When a girl discloses we like her more - When a girl doesn’t disclose we think she’s a bitch CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE - When a guy doesn’t want to disclose we think its ok - When a guy does disclose we think he’s kind of weird Family Disclosures A. Couples Matching - Couples should be matched with how much they disclose - If you are high disclose, marry someone who is high disclosure - Match on trust, family beliefs, modesty Why not? Why don’t you tell your partner disclosive things? - Each person assumes the reason we don’t disclose is because the other wont - Men – I want to keep work and home separate - Women – Think men wont understand - Man wants wife to disclose – want wife to bring work home - Women will believe they wont understand Satisfaction - Positively related to positive disclosure - Marital satisfaction - The more positive disclosure you have makes a more positive relationship (linear) - Nonlinearly relative to negative disclosure - Everyone wants some, but too much makes you pissed off - You don’t want to hear too much negativity Relationship length - Most disclosure happens early in the relationship and whenever there is a major life change - Ex. When to have a baby, when losing a loved one, losing job – more disclosure - Ex. Grandparents don’t disclose much, but when a friend dies they disclose about their experiences. - Cannot use age as a measurement - When you graduate from college you have more disclosure too “what’s next” - Whenever there is a punctuation mark you disclose more - Also if there is a life change you disclose more - 80 year olds probably don’t disclose much unless a neighbor dies or someone loses job or goes into retirement Working vs. at home - Dual career couple – have more to talk about – have more in common and therefore disclose more to one another - Both have bosses - Can understand deadlines and the politics of the office if both of them understand - Harder to see where person is coming from when both people don’t work - Hard to have that conversational background - Cell phones actually make happy relationships happier because there is more of an opportunity to selfdisclose B. Children Mom vs. Dad - Who you disclose more to – mom or dad - Not genetic – who you feel more comfortable with - Based upon five variables: o Availability: whichever parent is around more - Mom is just there more CMS FINAL STUDY GUIDE - Depends who is available more – longer car rides with o Getting it - They simply cant get it - Different culture, different background - They don’t get it - One could say give her a break, she is under a lot of stress while the other says to keep person o Evaluation: You don’t go to the parent that will judge you - One parents judges more than the other - We don’t like people toe valuate us - Say that we got a bad grade – one yells at us and one helps us improve - Ex. A girl wouldn’t talk to her dad about birth control o Trust - Sometimes you cant trust your parent - Why would you disclose if you cant keep a secret o Topic - You even have limits in terms of topics - Girls wont tell their dads about birth control - Guys wont tell mom about sex life – but will tell dad Satisfaction - Your moms satisfaction/happiness/ value as a mom is deeply tied to you disclosing things to her - Your dad doesn’t care that much - In his family, he makes up a crisis every month so his mom knows he is disclosing things – he makes things up and says that her granddaughter is having issues with some things – she loves it because she is a mom – he makes up issues so he can disclose things Amount Discrepancy - Parents think they get more disclosure from their kids than kids think they give them – Parents think they understand you more than they actually do - Parents think they know their kids more than they really do - How much you have changed in the past years – your parents don’t know that much - They tend to know more than you think they do but there is discrepancy Parents vs. Peers - Disclose more to friends than parents - When you are young, you disclose more to your parents - As you get older you begin to disclose less to your parents and more to your friends disclose more to our friends than anyone else as we get older Getting someone to talk
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