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MIZZOU / Architectural Studies / ARCHST 160001 / architectural studies mizzou

architectural studies mizzou

architectural studies mizzou

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School: University of Missouri - Columbia
Department: Architectural Studies
Course: Foundations of Family Studies
Professor: David schramm
Term: Spring 2014
Tags: Human, developmental, family, Studies, HDFS, and 1600
Cost: 25
Name: HDFS 1600
Description: These are the notes for exam 2 and 3!
Uploaded: 01/02/2017
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-what happens to them after 5 years?




Why are weddings a public event?




-how were you socialized with regard to each of these influences?



September 11, 2013: exam 2 Chapter 4 Cont: Our Gendered Identities -the media often presents many differences in cognitive strengths,  communication styles, moral reasoning, and personality traits Gender Similarities Hypothesis: -Psychologist Janet Hyde, the hypothesis holds that males and females  are similar on most psychologiIf you want to learn more check out ohio u spring break
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cal variables -Hyde found virtually no difference on most traits, a few moderate  differences, and very few large differences Hyde found evidence of gender differences in: 1. motor performance, especially in throwing distance and speed 2. sexuality, especially male’s greater incidence of masturbation  and acceptance of casual sex 3. physical aggressiveness Male Dominance -a situation in which males assume authority over the female -on the societal level, male dominance is the assignment to men of  greater control and influence over society’s institutions -there are no known societies where women dominate men Male Dominance in politics  -before 1992, there had never been more than 2 women amoung our  100 US senators -as of 09 in the US congress, there were 17 women in the senate and  76 in the house of reps Male Dominance is religion -most US congregations have more female than male participants, yet  men hold more positions of authority -women are prohibited from holding Catholic clerical or lay deacon  positions -a majority of US Catholic laypeople and theologians believe the  Catholic church should ordain women priests. The Vatican disagrees Gender and Health: -male infants have higher rates of infant mortality and adverse  conditions -in the US around 105 boys are born for every 100 girls, with the boys  outnumbering girls under age 18-life expectancy for the total population reached 77.7 years in 06b,  80.2 years for females and 75.1 years for males, a difference of 5.1  years (males more likely to commit suicide, hold feelings in, smaller social  circles, higher rates of infection, etc.) Gender and Education -women have been the majority of college students since 1979 and  now surpass men in the proportion of the total population that are  college grads -in 07, women earned 57% of bachelors degrees, %50 of first  professional degrees, and 50% of doctorates Male Dominance in the Economy - in 08, women who were employed full time earned 80% of what  men earned - even in same occupational categories women earned less than  men Biological Theories of Gender -in order to continue their genes, individuals maximize their own and  their close kin’s reproduction -men and women have different adaptive strategies and skills encoded  in the genes -male and female brains differ due to greater amounts of testosterone  secreted by a male fetus Theories of Socialization -Social Learning Theory  - children learn gender roles as they are taught by parents, schools,  and the media -Self -identification theory  - children categorize themselves by age 3. They then socialize  themselves to fit that role from their environmental cues -Gender Schema Theory  - children develop a frame of knowledge about what girls and boys  typically do -Chodorow’s Theory of Gender  - infants develop a “primary identification” with the person that  cares for them the most in their early years. They then either model or  break from their primary caregiver Gender Roles -children learn much about gender roles from their parents, whether  they are taught consciously or unconsciously -parents model roles and reinforce expectations of appropriate  behaviorboys and girls in the family -encouragement of gender-typed interests and activities continues:  - girls have more dolls, fictional characters, children’s furniture, and  the color pink  - boys have more sports equipment, tools, toy vehicles, and the colors red, blue, and white -fathers more than mothers enforce gender stereotypes, especially for  sons.  -exploratory behavior is encouraged more in boys than in girls -household chores adhere to gendered notions -african American girls are raised to be more independent and less  passive social influences on gender differences: -family/parenting -friends -school/teachers -how were you socialized with regard to each of these influences?September 16, 2013 Chapter 5 Continued and Chapter 6: Sexual values of college students -david knox (2001) studied 620 never married college undergraduates -three sexual values which guide behavior in sexual decision making: 1. absolutism-strict moral code 2. hedonism-if it feels good, do it 3. relativism-it depends extramarital affairs -cultural differences -values and beliefs -frequency of extramarital affairs -characteristics of affairs -rational choice -strong sex interest -relationship dissatisfaction for women -sexual dissatisfaction and infrequency for men -opportunity -gender differences about 15% of women 18-59 admitted to having an affair 10% of people who said affairs are always wrong, ended up having an  affair relationship dissatisfaction is a prime reason to commit affair people who travel more likely to have affair more husbands than wives have affairs if wives do have affairs its most likely due to the fact that they feel  unappreciated and emotionally distanced by her husband husbands do because of sexual frustration, sexual excitement extramarital affairs continued -cyberadultery- facebook? -emotional infidelity -least disapproved -sexual infidelity -combined -most disapproved sexuality throughout marriage -young partners (more time, more hormones, no kids, society expects  them to) -middle aged partners (more broadly based) -older partners (public used to see sex for elders as inappropriate, tend to find partners attractive)sexual responsibility -prevention of pregnancy -prevention of sexual transmitted diseases -communication with partners and potential sexual partners and being  honest with their motives for wanting to have sex -responsibility to oneself to make decisions according to one’s own  values Chapter 6 Is love just a feeling? -more than just a feeling what is love? -one definition of romantic love “a strong emotional bond with another  person that involves sexual desire, a longing to be with the person, a  preference to put the other person’s interest ahead of one’s own, and a willingness to forgive the other person’s transgressions” 1. a deep and vital emotion 2. Satisfies legitimate personal needs 3. involves caring and acceptance love and commitment -love is viewed as the primary reason for getting and staying married -loving involves the acceptance of partners for themselves -loving requires empathy and commitment -commitment is characterized by a willingness to work through  problems and conflicts as opposed to calling it quits when problems  arise, it involves consciously investing in the relationship commitment -committed lovers have fun together; they also share tedious times -they express themselves freely -they do not see problems as indications that their relationship is over -they work to maintain their relationship -commitment is characterized by a willingness to work through  problems and conflicts six love styles 1-Eros (Characterized by intense emotional attachment and powerful sexual  feelings or desires) 2-storge(an affectionate, companionate style of loving focused on deepening  mutual commitment, respect, friendship, and common goals) 3-pragma (involves rational assessment of a potential partner’s assets and  liabilities) 4-agape (emphasizes unselfish concern for the beloved’s needs even when that requires personal sacrifice) 5-ludus (emphasizes enjoying many sexual partners rather than searching for a serious relationship) 6-mania (rests on strong sexual attraction and emotional intensity. It differs  from eros in that manic partners are extremely jealous and moody, and their need for attention and affection is insatiable) triangle theory of love three components of love 1. intimacy- close, connected feelings 2. passion- drives that lead to romance, physical attraction and  sexual consummation 3. commitment- the decision to love someone and maintain that  love three components develop at different times -passion is quickest to develop and quickest to fade -intimacy develops more slowly -commitment develops graduallySeptember 18, 2013:exam 2 Chapter 6: Love and Choosing a Life  Partner Three things love isn’t 1-martyring 2-manipulating 3-limerance Martyrs may: -be reluctant to suggest what they want -allow others to be constantly late and never protest -help loved ones develop talents while neglecting their own -be sensitive to others’ feelings and hide their own  Manipulators may: -ask others to do something that they could do -assume that others will happily do whatever they choose -be consistently late -want others to help them develop their talents but seldom think of  reciprocating Love isn’t limerance: -people in limerance fantasize about being with the limerant object in  all kinds of situations -limerence is characterized by little, if any, concern for the well-being  of the limerent object -limerence can turn into genuine love, but more often than not, it  doesn’t (limerance is like an obsession) emotional interdependence -therapist john Crosby distinguishes three types of dependence -A frame (dependent) -H frame (independent) -M-frame relationships (interdependence) A-frame relationships  -symbolized by the capital letter A. -partners have a strong couple identity but little sense of themselves  as individuals -like the long lines in the letter A, they lean on each other -the relationship is structured so that if one lets go, the other fallsH-frame relationships -partners stand virtually alone, each self-sufficient and neither  influenced much by the other -there is little or no couple identity and little emotionally -if one lets go, the other hardly feels a thing M-frame relationships -rest on interdependence -each partner has an adequate sense of self (unlike in the A-frame  relationship), and partners experience loving as a deep emotion (unlike in the H-frame relationship). -the relationship involves mutual influence and emotional support Three basic styles of attachment -secure: trust that the relationship will provide necessary and ongoing  support -insecure/anxious: concern that the person will disappear, a “fear of  abandonment” -avoidant: evades relationships or establishes distance in intimate  situations Wheel Theory of Love four stages of love: -rapport- rests on mutual trust and respect -self revelation- sharing intimate information -mutual dependency- developing interdependence -personality need fulfillment- developing emotional exchange and  support ^^look at diagram in book 5 Love Languages - words of affirmation (love getting compliments, “you look good  today”) - physical touch (hugs, snuggling, hold hands, sex, etc) - acts of service (little kind things: did the dishes, mowed the lawn, etc) - quality time (“wanna go to the grocery store?” just spending time together) - receiving gifts (just stuff, going shopping, etc) LOOK UP REST OF SLIDES ON BLACK BOARD! -dopamine, is a chemical naturally produced in our brains that acts  upon the pleasure center giving us powerful feelings of enjoymentoxytocin-bonding hormone that is released in sexual  touch/kissing/hugs/etcSeptember 13, 2013: exam 2 Chapter 6: Our Sexual Selves How we learn about sex 1-parents:  -how parents feel  - how teenagers feel 2-religion   -direct influence  -indirect influence *about ½ of all mothers with sexually active teens believe their  children are still virgins 3-friends and siblings 4-sex-education programs 5-sexual partners  -sexual script-set of expectations as to how one should behave in  sexual situations, whether male or female, heterosexual or homosexual  -men’s sexual scripts (supposed to be in charge, aggressive,  purpose of sex is orgasm, men objectify women)  -women’s sexual scripts (not supposed to talk about sex) Sexting -there is no changing your mind in cyberspace- anything you post will  never truly go away Sexual Orientation -sexual orientation: refers to whether an individual is drawn to a  partner of the same sex or the opposite sex Asexuals -asexuals may desire intimate relationships, but not sexual ones -some asexuals experience physical arousal, but feel no desire for  partnered sexuality -in 1994 study based on a national probability sample of british  residents 18-59, 1.05% reported themselves to be asexual even  though 44% were or had been married or cohabitating Theoretical perspectives on human sexuality Exchange perspective- satisfaction depends on the costs and rewards  of a sexual relationships Interactionist perspective- men and women are influenced by the  sexual scripts they learn from society Early America: Patriarchal Sex -sex was valued for procreative potential-characterized by beliefs, values, attitudes and behaviors developed to  protect the male line of decent -men are thought to be born with an urgent sex drive, while women are naturally passive Twentieth Century: Expressive Sexuality -sexuality is basic to the humanness of both men and women  -women’s sexual expression is encouraged -sex is not only for procreation but is a means of enhancing human  intimacy 1960’s: Sexual Revolution -birth control pill!! Avialbel -laws regarding sexuality became more liberal -peoples attiutudes and behavior regarding sex became radically more  permissive -significant change within marital sex: today’s married couples have  sex more often 1980s and 1990s: Challenges to Heterosexism -americans are more likely to approve of civil rights protections for  gays and lesbians  -publics attitude toward homosexuality has become more favorable’ 21st Century: Risk, Caution, and Intimacy -more health risks in sexual encounters (HIV, AIDS, STDS) -relationships between the sexes are more egalitarian -emergence of sexting Standards of non-marital sex 1. abstinence -intercourse outside of marriage is always wrong  2. Permissiveness with affection  -intercourse outside of marriage is permitted in stable,  affectionate relationships 3. Permissiveness without affection  - intercourse is allowed regardless of the stability or affection in the  relationship 4. double standard  - women’s sexual behavior must be more conservative than men’sSeptember 25, 2013 Chapter 7 Phases of Marriage 1. beginning phase- greatest satisfaction, roles are similar, share  tasks, adjust, negotiate, balance 2. child-rearing phase- mar sat changes, more stress 3. middle-age phase- “empty nest”, sad, boomerang effect, mar sat goes up or down 4. aging phase- retire, relax, travel, sickness Utah Newlywed Study Findings -actual predictors of marital quality -respect for each other -commitment to your marriage -expressing appreciation -mutual affection -time together -trust in your spouse -communication with your spouse Ted Huston- longitudinal (14-year, 4 phase) study of 168  newlywed couples -women who sense future problems while they are courting generally  find out after they are married that their concern was right -couples who are particularly lovey-dovey as newlyweds are more likely to divorce -whether a marriage is happy or headed for divorce can be foretold by  how things go during the first 2 years -men with traits stereotyped as “feminine” make better husbands -anxiety, moodiness, and emotional swings did not predict divorce, but  did predict unhappiness in marriage -the birth of a child transforms couples’ lifestyles, but it did not change  the feelings spouses have for each other -wives’ maintenance is significantly associated with husbands’  satisfaction when spouses are newlyweds -wives engage in more maintenance behaviors than husbands -spouses’ maintenance behavior declines over the first two years of  marriage After 14 years -62 reported being happily married -38 reported being unhappily married -10 were married less than 2 years -21 were married 2-7 years before divorce -25 were married 7+ years before divorceStudy of Strong Families- over 21,000 families around the  world Acronym- ACTCC (memorize this) -appreciation and affection -appreciation: -short and sweet -frequently, right after it happens -invisible work  -(law of reciprocity- “I expect to get back what I give”) -affection: -tender, nonsexual/sexual -compassion -commitment: -“go and ask” -long-term view—“I will try” vs “I will do” -couple identity—“we-ness” -priorities -sacrifice—think of other first  -time together: -“purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship” -time alone -time with spouse -time with family -creative problem solving: -happy couples resolve them sooner (2.5 minutes) -break the cycle-put the relationship first -“stop” method -beware of approach/withdraw -let some things go- “irritation is an invitation for self evaluation” -humility -communication- 3 levels -superficial – chit chat, weather, dinner (pretty harmless-low risk) -personal – significant events of the day, appreciation,  responsibilities, etc -validating – share deep feelings, emotions ACTCC- “B” -invisible “B”- belief in God (higher power)September 25, 2013: exam 3 Chapter 7 Marital Status: The Changing Picture -today fewer than 57% of US adults are married -throughout the first half of the twentieth century, the trend was for  more and more people to marry and at increasingly younger ages -about 80% of those unions last until the children left home Weddings Why are weddings a public event? -it’s a family experience for some people, it’s a celebration (want the  gifts) Are weddings becoming more or less public? -Less The Marriage Premise: Expectations of Permanence -expectations of permanence derive from the fact that historically  marriage was a practical institution- has diminished over time -in the US today, marriage seldom involves merging two families’  properties. -providing love and ongoing emotional support-has become key for  most people -marriage in the US legally requires monogamy, along with  expectations of sexual exclusivity (only have sex with each other) -broadened to include expectations of emotional centrality, or putting  one’s partner first Issues for Thought: Three Very Different Subcultures With  Norms Contrary to Sexual Exclusivity -polygamy: having more than one spouse -polygny-1 man multiple wives -polyandry-1 woman, multiple husbands -polyamory: “many loves” -swinging: exchange partners for sex Polygamy -polygamy has been illegal in the US since 1878, when the US supreme court ruled that freedom to practice the Mormon religion did not  extend to having multiple wives -the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints no longer permits  polygamy -some dissident Mormons follow the traditional teachings and take  multiple wives (ex: sister wives)Polyamory and Swinging -polyamory- one or both spouses keep option to sexually love others  and their spouses -swinging is a marriage arrangement in which couples exchange  partners in order to engage in purely recreational sex -it has been estimated that there are now about 3 mil married swingers in the US Individualism and Collectivism -in individualism societies, one’s own self-actualization and interests  come first -collectivist societies, others come first Individualist Orientation and Marriage -with regard to marriage, an individualist orientation resulted in 3  developments: 1. the authority of kin and extended family weakened 2. individuals began to find their own marriage partners 3. romantic love came to be associated with marriage Deinstitutionalization of Marriage -a situation in which time-honored family definitions and social norms  count for less than in the past -in other words, dr. Andrew cherlin makes his case that the  deinstitutionalization of marriage has weakened the social norms that  define American couples’ behavior in marriage -institutionalized-companionate-individualized  Institutional Marriage -marriage is a social institution based on permanence -institutional marriage was organized according to the patriarchal  authority, requiring a wife’s obedience to her husband and the kinship  group -offered practical and economic security, along with rewards Companionate Marriage -the companionate marriage emphasized love, compatibility, and  separate gender roles “American Dream”, gender roles, etc Individualized Marriage -spouses in individualized marriages remain together because they find self actualization, intimacy, and expressively communicated emotional  support in their unions Individualized Marriage-4 interrelated characteristics distinguish individualized marriage: 1. it is optional 2. spouses’ roles are flexible- negotiable and renegotiable 3. its expected rewards involve love, communication, and emotional  intimacy 4. it exists in conjunction with a vast diversity of family forms Results of High Expectations of Marriage 1. A person’s deciding not to marry, because he or she cant find a  “soul mate” who can promise this level of togetherness 2. A high divorce rate 3. A lower birth rate as individuals focus on options in addition to  raising children Comparison: Married and Unmarried Households -demographer linda waite compared married and unmarried  households and reported that spouses: 1. had greater wealth and assets 2. earned higher wages 3. had more frequent and better sex 4. had overall better health 5. less likely to engage in risk taking 6. fewer alcohol related problems 7. had lower rates of marijuana use 8. were more likely to engage in healthy behaviors 9. evidenced and “orderly lifestyle”October 4, 2013: exam 3 Chapter 8: Living Alone, Cohabiting,  Same-Sex Unions, and Other Intimate  Relationships When does it begin? Among those cohabiting -66% started cohabitation before plans -23% started cohabitation with plans, but no engagement -11% started cohabitation with engagement -people who were already engaged are more likely to have made a  decision about cohabitating  Why: “I felt it was time to take the next step in my relationship. I feel that if I love him, I need to know if living with him will change anything”  very  common Men were more likely than partners to endorse: 1. testing as a reason for living together 2. feeling trapped in their relationships 3. that they moved in with their partners, rather than marrying,  because they didn’t want to break up, but also couldn’t see a  long term future together So what? -what happens to them after 5 years? -14% still together (stable cohabiters) -37% broke up -49% married (over time this number is going down) -about half last less than one year, because the couple either breaks  up or marrys Children and Cohabitation -38% of cohabiting heterosexual households contain children under  age 18 -approximately 40% of children in the US will at some point live in a  cohabiting household (prior to age 16) -among those children that were born to married parents about 11%  will break up within 3 years compared to over 30% who are born to  cohabiting parents (by age 3) “The Cohabitation Effect”-those who live together prior to marriage are generally at greater risk  for marital break up and lower marital quality (couples who cohabit  premaritally are 1.26-1.86 times more likely to divorce) Cohabitation effects -premarital cohabitation is associated with: -lower marital satisfaction -poorer perceived and observed communication in marriage -more marital conflict/more negative interactions -lower levels of self esteem/ more depression -fewer positive interactions -higher marital instability -higher rates of domestic violence/more aggressive interactions -higher rates of infidelity Causal or Selection Effects? -does the experience of cohabiting cause a couple to experience a  greater risk in some way? -or, do those who cohabit already have differences that exist that make them different than people who do not cohabit prior to marriage? -example: historically the people who are more likely to cohabit are  less traditional in their beliefs and values about marriage and less  religious -the issue is very complicated Latest research -even after controlling for selection effects, many studies still find a  quasi-causal effect -the more people live together (duration or with more partners): erodes the values, attitudes, and beliefs that: -marriage is special –raising  children is a valuable thing to do -these eroded values are related to a lower likelihood of marital  success Explaining the Cohabitation Effect 1. its about he people who cohabit- education example: 70% of  women w/o HS diploma lived with partner as first union; 47% of  women with BS degree 2. its about the experience of cohabitation changing values about  marriage 3. its about cohabitation creating inertia that makes it harder to  break up Inertia -cohabitation may make it harder to break up-constraints such as sharing debt, having a lease, or major purchases  increase in cohabitation and are associated with thinking its less likely  the relationship will end -some might marry a person they would not have married if they  hadn’t been cohabiting Gender and Commitment -men who cohabited premaritally are less dedicated in marriage than  men who did not -for couples who cohabited before engagement, men are also less  dedicated than their wives -constraint commitment (have to) vs. dedicated commitment (want to) -“maybe I do?” Summary of the Research -couples who are engaged, or who have decided they will be getting  married (they are clear about their commitment together), and then  cohabit show no differences in levels of marital stability compared with married couples who did not cohabit -“commitment always is making a choice to give up other choices”October 2, 2013 Chapter 8: Living Alone, Cohabiting,  Same-Sex Unions, and Other Intimate  RelationshipsOctober 7, 2013: exam 3 Chapter 9: To Parent or Not to Parent Life boils down to 2 choices: -get a dog…? -have kids…? Consider the facts: -children decrease marital satisfaction, but stability increases -stability does not equal marital satisfaction -more children = lower marital satisfaction -higher levels of marital sat. in child-free marriages -parents are also more likely to experience depression than are  nonparents -in the past, having children was not as much a choice -it’s now more of a choice, including ‘if’, “when”, “how many”, and  “how” Why again do we have children if they lower marital  satisfaction? Social Pressure: -family members -religion -society Personal rewards: -psychologically, emotionally, and socially -change in social identity  -purpose and meaning -joy of loving and being loved -satisfaction that is lacking from jobs -add liveliness to households -broadens a parents role Motivations for Parenthood -value of children perspective- the idea that children bring unique  benefits to parents -social capital perspective- the anticipated social capital benefits  (social ties) of parenthood as a motivation for childbearing Social Pressures to Have Children -our society has a pronatalist bias: having children is taken for granted -83% of American women say being or becoming a mother is important to their identity -some of the strongest pressures may come from a couple’s parentsIs American Society Antinatalist? -some argue that US society has become antinatalist—slanted against  having children or not doing all it can to support parents and their  children -compared to other nations at our economic level, nutrition, social  service, financial aid, and education programs directly affecting the  welfare of children are not adequate Costs of having children -economic  -opportunity costs- economic opportunities for wage, earning and  investments that parents forgo when rearing children -non-economic costs -restrict parents’ activities -additional work -permanence of status -marital strain Remaining Child free -voluntary childlessness: 70% of women surveyed in 2001 say no to  the question of whether a woman needs the experience of motherhood to have a complete life, including 69% of mothers -factors: -greater ability to control fertility -participation of women in work force -concern about overpopulation -rejection of the traditional familyOctober 14, 2013- exam 3 Chapter 10: Raising Children in a Diverse  Society Cont. What is the goal of parenting? -“to help a child grow up to be a decent human being, a person with  compassing, commitment, and caring...” What is the most important thing parents can do for their kids? -love them/build relationship—listening, understanding, kindness,  respect, empathy, feelings -set and enforce reasonable limits -learn skills and principles that support the first two “as parents its our job to help children get what they want within the  limits we establish” two different questions: 1. what do we do when things go wrong? 2. How do we help things go right? Key of effective parenting is to reverse this order in expenditures of  time and energy 4 basic questions about parenthood 1. am I correcting my children without teaching them? (majority of parenting books are written about the best way to  discipline children—but the most important fact to understand  about correction is this: the effectiveness of our correction of our  children, will always depend on the effectiveness of our prior to  teaching them) 2. what is the quality of my relationship with my children? (children will not learn much from our teaching if they don’t like  us!, bonds of affection must be strengthened before teaching  and learning can take place, work on building the relationship,  become interested in what children are thinking and feeling, and  respond not just to their behavior, their outward compliance or  rebellion but to the feelings that trigger that behavior) 3. what is the quality of my relationship with my spouse/partner? (the quality of my relationship with my children largely depends  on the quality of my relationship with my partner, this  relationship is the central relationship in the family—it colors all  the others, if parents have difficulties with each other, children  often get sucked into them) 4. how pure is my “way of being”(at the bottom of it all is our fundamental way of being—who we  are as people, the key to my relationship with my partner is my  way of being with them, our personal way of being affects every  other part of the pyramid) Parenting pyramid summary -the solution to a problem in one part of the pyramid lies below  that part of the pyramid -what if there isn’t time to implement the deeper solutions?  Sometimes correction has to be implemented immediately  Communication Fruitless dialogues: preaching and criticizing create distance and  resentment -children feel that parents talk too much -less is more -“I don’t tell my mother anything. If I start in with her, I have no time  left to play”—8 year old David  -“parental criticism is unhelpful. It creates anger and resentment. Even worse, children who are regularly criticized….. “ -When things go wrong it is not the right time to teach an offender  about his personality. -when things go wrong, respond rather than react Key principle: Don’t try to teach something when a child is upset or angry, this is a  time for compassion Mirroring emotions: reflecting children’s feelings helps them to  understand how they feel -from a mirror we want an image, not a sermon read their signals: red light: don’t discuss details, reflect feelings yellow light: test and see if they want to talk green light: after they are calm, discuss issues, define the problem,  and suggest a solution if necessary or help child think of solution TEST REVIEW: -ACTCC -goals related to disciplining children -different types of parenting styles, permissive, authoritative, etc. -different views of spanking -parenting pyramid -bolded terms in the chapters -cohabitation (selection effect, both sides, etc)-how much it costs to raise a child $235,000 -social pressures to having kids -pros and cons -self betrayal self deception stuff -theories -companionate marriage, individualized marriage, etc -three sources of problems -bias anti bias, antinatalists, pro natalist -cohabitation effect -voluntary temporary, (different types of singles, etc) -2 most important things you can do for your kidsOctober 11, 2013: exam 3 Chapter 10 Continued: Raising Children in a Diverse Society Three parenting approaches: -authoritarian child rearing -low on emotional nurturing, high on parental direction and  control -parents tend to be repressive, controlling, and unreasonably  strict; more typically working class -often use physical or harsh punishment -permissive child rearing (Laissez-faire) -parents are warm and reasonable; more typically middle  class/lower class -can lead to the classical “spoiled child” -low on parental direction or control, high on parental emotional  nurturing -let children set own limits -authoritative child rearing -parents are strict and controlling yet, warm and supportive -“warm, firm, and fair” -encouraging individuality and accepting child’s personality while also consciously setting and enforcing rules/limits Discipline -to guide, train, instruct, or educate -goals of disciplining children: 1. decrease some behaviors 2. develop other behaviors 3. promote socialization more generally -does discipline have to be punishing to be effective? Spanking as a form of discipline -defintion of spanking: hitting a child with an open hand without  causing physical injury -why some oppose spanking -is controversial, but still popular with parents -it is estimated that between 70 and90% of US parents spank their  children, at least occasionally -analysis of data from 13,000 responsdents in the national survey of  families and households show that about 1/3 of fathers and 44% of  mothers had spanked their child during the week before the interviewThree views of spanking -pro-corporal punishment: -desirable consequences follow from use of spanking…  undesirable consequences result from not spanking -anti-corporal punishment -corporal punishment likely to have short and long term negative consequences -violence begets violence -conditional corporal punishment -effects of spanking not necessarily negative or positive, may be  either depending on other conditions (frequency and intensity) -blanket opposition to spanking cannot be supported  scientifically Research findings—pros and cons of spanking -positive outcome of spanking: -immediate compliance of child (found to be only positive) -negative outcomes of spanking: -associated with decreased internalization of morals, diminished  quality of parent-child relations, poorer child and adult mental health,  increased delinquency, and antisocial behavior for children -also associated with increased risk of being victim of abuse or of abusing one’s own child or spouse Issues of research on spanking -varied definitions of spanking -lack of evidence showing spanking to come before negative outcomes -other variables as cause of negative outcomes time-outs.. an alternative to spanking -used to stop a negative behavior by removing your child from the area of trouble, then placing the child in an isolated area -is unpleasant for the child because it takes away his/her freedom to  play and interact with friends and family -serves as a cooling-off time for both the parent and the childOctober 9, 2013: exam 3 Chapter 10: Raising Children in a Diverse  Society What are some dilemmas that parents face today that parents  did not face a few decades ago? -internet, social media, etc -not as much outside time (possibly) more time spent inside -spanking -fast food What are some advantages that parents have today that did  not exist decades ago? -can track child  -easier to get ahold of children -web resources; blogs; ways to find out if what is going on is normal -check grades Family Ecological Theoretical Perspective -How does the larger environment make parenting especially  difficult today? -everything can’t be filtered -kids have access to everything and anything at earlier ages Features of the Social Context of Child Raising 1. the parenting role conflicts with the working role, and employers  typically place work demands first 2. Today’s parents raise their children in a society characterized by  diverse and conflicting values 3. The influence parents have on their children can make parents  anxious about their performance as parents 4. Child-raising experts disagree among themselves and expert  have changed their recommendations regarding child-raising  techniques 5. Today’s parents are given full responsibility for raising successful  or good children, but their authority is often questioned Other Factors That Make Parenting Difficult -Many parents are responsible for working, raising children and caring  for aging parents (sandwich generation) -differing family forms can cause parents special difficulties because  they are different from the idealized norm of the intact, nuclear familyImages of parenting -“raising children will be fun” -“I want to do things for my kids because I know they’ll show  appreciation” -“parenting is simply doing what comes naturally” -“just give kids enough love, and they’ll turn out all right” -“good parents raise good children” Transition to parenthood -“I no longer think about myself the same way” -“my partner and I are really having to adjust” -“my parents and I are having to adjust our relationship” -“my employer and my friends and I are having to adjust” the transition to parenthood continued -Alice Rossi analyzed the transition to parenthood. She compared  circumstances in assuming the parent role with those of other adult  roles, such as worker or spouse. -She found that the transition to parenthood is more difficult than the  transition to these other roles for several reasons What she found: -cultural pressures to have children before ready -little/no parenting or child care experience -it happens overnight -less time available for relaxation -declines in emotional and sexual relationship -employed mothers with established egalitarian relationships with  husbands may find their role becoming more traditional -if relationship was high quality prior to parenthood, the transition was  easier The transition to parenthood continued -the transition to parenthood can be difficult for a number of reasons,  including upset schedules and lack of sleep -paradox of parenting -new parents feel overwhelmed -the motivation to overcome stress comes from the stressor -the child is a source of love, joy, and satisfactionA stress model of parental effectiveness -stress that parents experience from sources such as job demands,  financial worries, concerns about neighborhood safety, feeling  stigmatized due to sterotypes— causes: -parental frustration -anger and depression -increasing likelihood of household conflict this leads to poorer parenting practices: -inconsistent discipline  -limited parental warmth or involvement -lower levels of trust and communication poorer child outcomes result having social support mediates this adverse relationship

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