o Mask = what we don’t want others to see Public self designed to conceal what is private ∙ Social Penetration Theory (SPT) o HUGE self disclosure theory o Peeling back the layers of the onion (self) 1. Peripheral (outermost) – demographics, age, name, etc 2. Intermediate – attitudes & opinions, things that characterize you 3. Central (innermost) – self-awareness/concept/esteem, fears, values ∙ Most personal o Based off levels of intimacy (closeness & union) o Breadth vs Depth of information Breadth = range/# of topics Depth = deepness of conversation OTHER Saving other’sDamage other’∙ Usually starts high breadth then evens out then more depth than breadth as relationship becomes more intimate Mon Jan 23 ∙ Johari’s Window o Peering into someone’s windows (different than SPT where you peel back layers)
YOU DON’T KNOW
Public Ex: physical appearance
Blind Ex: you are rude & unaware
OTHERS DON’T KNOW
Hidden Ex: secrets
Unknown Ex: subconscious; an experience you haven’t had
We also discuss several other topics like there are two broad classifications of costs manufacturing costs and
We also discuss several other topics like What is the study of language history and change over time?
Wed Jan 25 ∙ Perception: the process of selecting, organizing, & interpreting info from our senses o Selection organization interpretation responds Selection – focus our attention on specific senses in the environment (salient/important – what attracts our attention most) 5 Organization – formulating selection in to a coherent pattern in your mind (punctuation – structure info in to chronological order) Interpretation – assign meaning to the info creating explanation (schema – mental structures in your brain based off previous experiences) Response o Attributions: answers to the “why” question of everyday life 1. Internal attribution – attributing someone’s behavior to their internal characteristics (personalist, attitudes, values) 2. External attribution – attributing someone’s behavior to outside causes (in the environment) (unrelated to personal qualities/characteristics) o Attribution ERRORS 1. Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE) – tendency to only attribute other’s behavior to internal causes (the kind of person they are) ∙ Ex: romantic relationships, technology ∙ Study does the FAE cross cultures? Took people from Canada & Korea, made them watch a video of fish swimming. o Individualistic cultures talked about fish behavior *way more likely to commit the FAE o Collectivistic culture noticed things in the outside environment Fri Jan 27 2. Actor-Observer Error – the tendency of people to make external attribution regarding their OWN behaviors 3. Self-Serving Bias – the tendency to credit ourselves internally for our success instead of internally ∙ Driving force = ego protection o Uncertainty Reduction Theory Must reduce uncertainty about new communication partner Gather enough info The less uncertainty the more likeable a person is Strategies: ∙ Active – asking 3rd parties about a person ∙ Passive – gather info by watching ∙ Interactive – starting a direct conversation with the person 6 Kam & Lee (2012) Study: how to reduce alcohol & drug use among adolescents ∙ Used interactive strategy but talking directly to the parents about alcohol use ∙ Passive strategy would be “watching the videos” which is apparently not influential enough ∙ Perception, Culture, & Gender o Culture: Ingoupers vs outgroupers People similar to you vs people not similar to you Gudykunst et al. (1987) came up with the idea o Gender “when it comes to interpersonal communication, mean & women respond in a similar manner 99% of the time” ∙ Personality & Perception o Openness – being able to consider other people’s ideas (imaginative) o Conscientiousness –persistence about achieving goals (dependable) o Extraversion – how much someone thrives off interpersonal encounters o Agreeableness – how trusting & cooperative a person is o Neuroticism – how often we view ourselves negatively (insecure, emotional instability, NOT “crazy”) Mon Jan 30 ∙ Interpersonal Expressions: mental pictures of who people are & how we feel about them o Gestalt (based off schemata) – general feelings about a person based on your past experiences w them o Positivity bias – tunnel vision that people are good (ex seen a lot in abusive relationships) o Negative effect – we only define someone based off their negative aspects o Halo vs Horn Effect – halo is when someone does something good we attribute it to their internal attributions; when something is bad it’s attributed to external reasons (viewed like an angle) VS Horn is the opposite (positive is external, negative is internal) ∙ Improving Impressions o 1. Empathy o 2. World-Mindedness o 3. Perception-Checking (5 Steps) p.94 o *KNOW: implicit personality theories & stereotyping 7Wed Feb 1 ∙ Emotion Definition: an intense reaction to an event that involves interpreting event meaning, becoming physiologically aroused, labeling the experience as affective, managing reactions, & communicating through emotion displays & disclosures o Triggered by our perception of things ∙ Emotions & Communication o Technology & communication o Emotion sharing – how we talk about our emotional experiences w other people o Emotional contagion – experiencing an emotion that spreads to people around you ∙ Feelings vs Mood vs Emotion o Feelings – short-term, produce limited arousal (small baby emotion) o Mood – low-intensity, longer-lasting o Emotions – high-intensity, produces higher arousal; 6 primary emotions Jealousy is a blended emotion (anger, sadness, & fear) ∙ How We Shape Emotions o Culture – display rules o Gender – expressing emotions o Personality – the big 5 (OCEAN) ∙ Emotional Intelligence o Definition: “the ability to interpret emotions accurately & to use this info to manage emotions, communicate them competently, & solve relationship problems” o Skill sets 1. Self-awareness: knowing & labeling experiences & emotions 2. Self-control: appropriateness 3. Motivation: you have to be motivated to use emotional intelligence 4. Empathy: perspective taking 5. Social Skills: socially appropriate Fri Feb 3 ∙ Studies Suggest… o Emotional intelligence is associated with success at work o Higher emotional learning scores higher company rank & greater merit pay increases ∙ Can you teach/improve emotional intelligence? 8o Yes!! But it’s very challenging o Focus on perception of, use of, understanding of emotions, & managing of emotions Understanding & managing are easiest Perception & use are hardest because they involve another person o How can we teach it? Role play, journal writing The more you can incorporate other people, the better ∙ Managing & Preventing Emotions o Emotional Management Suppression = internalizing Venting = emotions dominate thoughts then we explosively express them (typically leads to more anger) o Preventing Emotions (4 strategies) 1. Encounter Avoidance (people, places, etc) 2. Encounter Structuring (topics of conversation) 3. Attention Focus (only focus on parts of an encounter that avoid the bad emotions) ∙ Ex: in a divorce, only focus on the kids 4. Deactivation (desensitize yourself to an experience) ∙ Reappraisal o “Actively changing how you think about the meaning of emotion eliciting situations so that their emotional impact is change” o Before an actual emotion reaction begins… 1. What are the positives of this encounter? 2. What are the short-term/long-term consequences of my actions? ∙ Anger o Primary emotion (but studies are starting to say otherwise) o Suppression in the easiest way to avoid anger o Passive-aggressive communication o Chronic Hostility – suppress anger so much that you become chronically hostile o Catharsis – belief that venting will give you a temporary state of satisfaction ∙ Grief Communication o Grief: the intense sadness to a substantial loss (ex: death, divorce, subjective to the person o Greif & communicating are related o Oscillation = to go back & forth Should be what grieving people should be doing (loss oriented restoration-oriented) ∙ Passion 9o Blended emotion of positive feelings (ex joy, excitement, etc + sexual attraction Mon Feb 6 ∙ What is Culture? o An established, coherent set of beliefs, attitudes, values, & practices shared by a large group of people o 4 important aspects: 1. Learned (parents, teachers, media) 2. Communicated 3. Layered 4. ∙ Culture & Self o Remember: culture is like a larger version of the self-concept (a collective sense of self shared by a large group of people) o Individualistic vs collectivistic cultures ∙ Key Communication Values: collectivistic o Close ties among extended family/community o Core value: mutual obligation (takes a village to raise a child), rely on each other to grow o “we” language o Focus on harmony o Listener-oriented culture o “yes” doesn’t often mean yes, “no” is rarely used o Shame (in comparison to guilt, public vs internal) o Listening styles 1. People-oriented (therapists, good listeners) 2. Content-oriented (lawyers, people looking for detail/content) Wed Feb 8 ∙ Key Communication Values: Individualistic o Independence & individual rights o Core value: self-fulfillment o Large # of loose relationships o Be clear & truthful o Speaker-oriented culture o Guilt o Listening styles (goal driven): 1. Action oriented 2. Time oriented (asap) ∙ Co-Cultural Communication Theory (Orbe) o People within a society who have more power determine the dominant culture o Members who don’t conform to the dominant culture form co cultures 10 Co-culture: having one’s own culture that coexists within a dominant cultural sphere ∙ High vs Low Context Culture o High: assumption that others share the same viewpoints, & in turn, perceive situations the same way Often collectivistic People speak indirectly & vaguely Ex: china, korea, japan o Low: do NOT assume similarity in viewpoints Often individualistic People are competitive, persuasive, informative, & concise Ex: US, Germany, Canada, Norway ∙ Uncertainty Avoidance (UAI) o Anxiety about unknown or uncertain matters o Deals with a society’s tolerance for uncertainty & ambiguity o UAI – High (ex Germany) Unknown situations = threatening Slow to adapt change Low innovation/modernization (slower than other countries) Conflict avoiders Extensive judicial/legislature system Prefer formal structure & rules o UAI High Communication Individuals typically expect explicit instructions & directions for many tasks Provide very detailed & formal responses to requests Ask many questions when unsure, not likely to “wing it” o UAI – Low (ex US, India, China) More open to innovation & risk More accepting to conflict Informal rules are preferred o UAI Low Communication Open to more casual communication patterns Open to changing things up (adaptable) Willing to pitch new ideas & change quickly UNIT 2 Wed Feb 15 ∙ Listening: A 5-Step Process o 1. Receiving – seeing visual input & hearing auditory input o 2. Attending – devoting “attention” to the info you’ve received Salience is a big contributing factor here 11o 3. Understanding – interpreting meaning by comparing newly received info against past knowledge Affected by schema ∙ Short-term vs long-term memory o 4. Responding – clearly & constructively providing feedback to the speaker Feedback can be: ∙ Positive OR negative (not interested) ∙ Paraphrasing (receiving only part of the message) Active listening o 5. Recalling – remembering info after you have received, attended to, understood, & responded to it Accuracy depends on the situation ∙ Can lead to conflict ∙ Ex: memory = high recall, more complicated things = lower recall ∙ Studies show that we want to view our behaviors as more positive than they (maybe) actually are & view others as more negative (because we want to be great) Fri Feb 17 ∙ Understanding Listening Styles o Listening style – a habitual pattern of listening behaviors that reflect your attitudes, beliefs, & predispositions regarding the listening process People-Oriented – listening w concern for others’ emotions & feelings Action-Oriented – listening w preference for/emphasis on organized, accurate, & concise messages (ex: the CEO of a company) Content-Oriented – listening w focus on facts & details of message (ex: jury & lawyer) Time-Oriented – listening w focus on conveying message in shortest amount of time possible (ex: “drive-by”) o Active Listening – convey attention & understanding to others by clearly & constructively responding through positive feedback, paraphrasing, & clarifying Impersonal interpersonal Responding (5-step process) o 5 Types of Incompetent Listening 1. Selective listening – salience 2. Pseudo-listening – fake listening, pretending, people would catch on, might not be your fault (ex noise) 12 3. Aggressive listening – ambushing, listening to others solely to attack (ex presidential debates & election) 4. Narcissistic listening – monopolizing, self-absorbed listening, not paying attention then skewing the conversation back to you 5. Prejudging – walking into a conversation knowing what’s going to happen (“know-it-all”) Mon Feb 20 ∙ Verbal Communication o Exchange of spoken or written language with others during interactions Defined by use of language o Serves as a bridge between the different types of media o Language is… A set of symbols a culture recognizes as a means of communicating Symbolic – words are symbols used to stand in for verbal communication Governed by rules ∙ 1. Constitutive – word meaning (words represent objects) ∙ 2. Regulative – how we use the language Flexible Cultural ∙ High-context vs Low-context cultures Evolving o Functions of Verbal Communication Sharing meaning ∙ Denotative (literal meaning/dictionary definition) vs. Connotative (how our schemas shape our understanding of the world) Shaping Thought (the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis) ∙ Linguistic Determinism: language defines the boundaries of our thinking ∙ Linguistic Relativity: people speaking different languages perceive & think about the world in different ways ∙ Study – Bilingual Speakers o French-Americans French scripture is a lot more romantic & emotional that English o Chinese was a lot more about Chinese culture, etc. Naming – we use words as labels Wed Feb 22 13 Performance ∙ “speech acts” – words are part of the visual ∙ Words that help you perform are the “speech act” ∙ Representative – assertion/conclusion, representing how you feel (literal), “I am in this classroom” ∙ Directive – trying to get the reader to do something for you, demands/requests/questions ∙ Commissive – committing yourself to future actions, promise/threat ∙ Expressive – trying to convey some psychological or emotional state, apologies/ ”thank you” ∙ Declarative – declaring something with the goal of producing a dramatic effect, engagement announcement, pregnancy announcement ∙ Creating conversations o A script is a structured pattern of talking ∙ Managing Relationships o Verbal communication helps us convey emotion, navigate conflicts, self-disclosure ∙ Cooperative Verbal Communication o Definition: producing messages that… 1. Are spoken in ways that others can easily understand 2. Use language that is informative, honest, relevant, & clear (cooperative principle) o Utilize “I” & “we” language (taking responsibility) “you” language is more defensive ∙ Apologies Require “I” Language o A good apology: 1. Shows appropriate emotions 2. States the violation 3. Self-blame 4. Future behavior 5. Penance or restitution (depending on the severity) o Accounts can weaken apology (blaming your mistake on external/outside factors) o Different than a justification or excuse ∙ Barriers to cooperate verbal communication o 1. Polarization – the tendency to describe events, behaviors, & objects in extremes. Most languages are best equipped to do that o 2. Allness - the dogmatic (persistent know-it-all), unqualified, categorical attitude that we know all there is to know about something; often keeps people from listening to what you’re 14saying, curtails conversation (“all”, “always”, “never”, “everybody”, “everyone”, “every time”) Fri Feb 24 o 3. Communication Apprehension – fear or anxiety associated w an interaction 4 types… ∙ 1. Traitlike CA is a relatively enduring apprehension towards communicating o Experience anxiety in most situations where you might have to communicate w others (except family members or close friends) ∙ 2. Context CA is a consistent apprehension toward communication in a specific setting or context (ex: fear of public speaking) o Ex: nervous about all interviews in general ∙ 3. Person-Group CA is a relatively enduring orientation of feeling apprehensive about communication w a given person or group of people o Most people feel apprehensive when communicating w at least some individuals, so person-group CA is quite common o Ex: nervous about all interviews with Taylor Swift ∙ 4. Situational CA is an emotional response to communicating w another person or persons at a given time o Short-lived or transitory o When the situation passes, the anxiety goes away o Ex: nervous about a particular interview w Taylor Swift at 9am tomorrow How does CA feel? ∙ Red face, sweaty palms, stuttering, twitching, trembling, shortness of breath, accelerated heart rate, upset stomach, obsessive thoughts Outcomes related to HIGH apprehension ∙ Select occupations they perceive as requiring little communication ∙ Often get jobs less frequently & are offered lower salaries ∙ Can be seen as less socially attractive (depending on type of CA, typically interpersonal or group) ∙ Report feeling more isolates & secluded 15∙ Report lack of trust in others o 4. Defensive Communication (aka defensiveness) – impolite messages delivered in response to suggestions, criticism, or perceived slights Dogmatic messages – dismiss other suggestions & refuse to consider other views because what you say is law Superiority messages – speaker claims a special knowledge of status far beyond the other people Control messages – you experience criticism & you manipulate the situation Indifference messages – you claim criticism is irrelevant/not important Mon Feb 27 o 5. Verbal Aggression – the tendency to attack others’ self concepts rather than their positions on topics of conversation Can evolve into bullying (READ ABOUT THIS!!) o 6. Deception – occurs when people deliberately use uninformative, untruthful, irrelevant, or vague language for the purpose of misleading others Concealment (leaving info out) is the most common ∙ Communication Accommodation Theory (CAT) o Communication similarities & dissimilarities exist in all conversations o The way we perceive the communication behaviors of another determines how we evaluated conversation o Language & behaviors impart info about social status & group belonging o Norms guide the accommodation process which varies in its degree of appropriateness o Convergence - When we change our speech styles to be more like the person we are speaking with Motivated to converge when… ∙ Seeking approval ∙ Wish to establish relationships ∙ View others’ language as appropriate ∙ Want to be efficient Ex: changing pitch, slang used, how fast/slow we talk o Divergence - A strategy used to accentuate differences bw communicators (to not-accommodate) It is NOT an effort to disagree w another 3 types ∙ 1. Counter-Accommodation – direct ways of maximizing the difference bw two speakers o Ex: one big blatant statement vs very detailed 16∙ 2. Under-Accommodation – persisting in your original form of communication regardless of the other person’s communication behavior ∙ 3. Over-Accommodation – demeaning & patronizing talk; going above & beyond w vocal amplification, over repetition o Ex: talking to someone who speaks a different language (yelling at the new cleaning lady who speaks broken English thinking she’ll understand you better) Motivated to diverge… ∙ To maintain a social identity ∙ To show cultural pride & distinctiveness ∙ When power between communicators is important ∙ Diverge via over-accommodation is often a misguided attempt to accommodate o Research on CAT Moderate Language Accommodation & Culture ∙ Ex: trying to speak the language & respect the culture in a foreign country Research on stepparent-stepchild interactions ∙ Non-Verbal Communication o Definition: message transmission through non-spoken physical & behavioral cues o Can be intentional or unintentional o 4 main distinctions: 1. Uses multiple channels (at once) ∙ Ex: sound, touch, sight, etc (senses) 2. Way more ambiguous (many different meanings) 3. Has fewer rules (more flexible); more informal 4. Has more meaning (60-93% of meaning within ALL interactions) ∙ Can account for cultural/gender differences o Functions of Nonverbal Communication Convey Meaning ∙ 1. Reiterate something/repetition ∙ 2. Contradict (using nonverbal to go against your verbals) Wed Mar 1 ∙ 3. Enhance/complement ∙ 4. Replace/substitute (no verbal at all) 17∙ 5. Spotlight (highlight certain words with tone or inflection in voice) Expressing Emotion ∙ Affect displays (showing through face) o Intentional or unintentional o Facial cues & vocal cues Presenting Self Managing Interactions ∙ Have to be able to read the person you are interacting with Defining Relationships ∙ Intimacy ∙ Relationship/power roles o Influences on Nonverbal Communication Gender…. 4 patterns seen consistently among men & women ∙ 1. Sending/receiving (women are better) ∙ 2. Facial expressions (women show more) ∙ 3. Eye contact (women hold gazes better/more, ex flirting) ∙ 4. Personal physical space (men have a larger personal space, more territorial) Mon Mar 13 o Nonverbal Communication Codes: ways of transmitting info nonverbally 8 different codes… (to strengthen skills) ∙ 1. Kinesics – communication through body movements o Facial expressions o Eye contact o Posture (immediacy/degree of interest & power) o Gestures Embelms – specific verbal objects Illustrators – accent/illustrate the verbal message Regulators – control people we are interacting with Adaptors – touching to get a physiological or psychological response ∙ 2. Vocalics – vocal characteristics used to communicate nonverbally o Tone (richness & breathiness of voice) 18o Pitch (high vs low) o Loudness (volume) o Speech rate (fast vs slow) ∙ 3. Haptics – using touch to communicate nonverbally o 6 types of touch… Functional-professional (coach-athlete) Social-polite (social norms & expectations) Friendship-warmth (liking towards someone) Love-intimacy (strong level of intimacy) Sexual-arousal (physiological) Aggressive-hostile (physical violence) o Culture plays a big role ∙ 4. Proxemics – communication through the use of personal space/distance o Territoriality o 4 levels of closeness… Intimate space (0-18in) – embracing, touching, whispering Personal space (1.5-4ft) – interactions among good friends or family members Social distance (4-12ft) – interactions among acquaintances Public distance (12+ft) – used for public speaking ∙ 5. Chronemics – using time to communicate during interpersonal encounters o M-time (monochromic – time is SUPER important) o P-time (polychromic – time is NOT a resource) ∙ 6. Physical Appearance – visible attributes such as hair, clothing, body type, etc o Strongly influences others’ perceptions of you ∙ 7. Artifacts – things/objects we possess that we use to express our identities to others o Ex: ring on finger, house, car o Artifactual codes ∙ 8. Environment – physical features of our surrounding o Influences interpersonal communication through… Fixed features – stable (walls, floors) Semi-fixed features – not permanent (furniture, lighting) 19Wed Mar 15 o Expectancy Violation Theory (EVT) Definition: expectations for another’s nonverbal communication develops based on one’s experience with… ∙ 1. A specific person ∙ 2. A relationship type ∙ 3. Social rules/norms Possible outcomes… ∙ Arousal (psychological or physiological) o Flight or fight, discomfort ∙ Conscious thinking/thoughts ∙ Evaluation of violation (positive or negative) o Reward value (high reward = positive evaluation; low reward = negative evaluation) EVT empirical evidence ∙ 1. EVT & interviewing o Most likely to get a job = strong resume status + high eye contact ∙ 2. EVT & Long-Term Romantic Partners o When you really love someone & they do something bad/negative, you consider it temporary o When you don’t love someone & they do something positive you consider it suspicious w negative reward ∙ 3. EVT While Dating o Men have higher sexual expectations, & even high when women initiate the date o However, less intimacy happens when women initiate the date (the opposite happens) ∙ Conflict Styles o Conflict occurs when… people perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference in achieving their objectives o Conflict is a process & is dynamic ~66.4% of conflicts have a focus shift at some point o Conflict Styles vs Tactics Styles – patterned response Tactics – the means used to carry out their general approach to conflict Fri Mar 17 o 5 basic conflict styles… (+ 1 more) 20 1. Competitiveness – I win/you lose, I presume my goals w no regard to other people, overriding position, verbal dominance, perseverance ∙ Good when… a quick decision is necessary (may be unpopular but necessary), it shows you care o Ex: president of the US ∙ Bad when… you need unanimous commitment or teambuilding, you have no power to back up your threats ∙ Destructive Competition o Sometimes we become too verbally competitive or individualistic in our behavior o Threat is credible it… person has power, the source is willing or administer punishment, & punishment is something you want to avoid o Negative Sanction (destructive) & source controls outcome = threat (most common) & source does NOT control outcome = warning o Positive Sanction & source controls outcome = promise & source does NOT control outcome = recommendation 2. Collaboration – problem solver, people should strive for this, win/win approach by confronting the fight & working for an integrative solution, most time consuming & energy exerted, everyone wins ∙ Good… time & energy, when the relationship is important ∙ Bad… when manipulative, if used too often, when issues really are not open for collaboration ∙ To avoid responsibility 3. Compromising – intermediate style, expedient mutually acceptable solution, both parties win/lose, less depth & time consuming than collaborative, gave up more than competing but less than accommodating ∙ Give a little, get a little ∙ Good… some solution is better than stalemate, 2 parties have equal power, cooperating important but time pressure ∙ Bad… when you really can’t make concessions, when trading/bargaining means you give up principals, long-term objectives 21 4. Accommodate – to smooth over, self-sacrifice, doing what the other person wants, you win/I lose ∙ Good when… you don’t care about issue, when you’re powerless, no wish to block the other ∙ Bad… bc you harbor resentment, habitually used to gain acceptance, when others want you to collaborate or compromise 5. Avoidance – withdraw, remove yourself physically or psychologically from a conflict, or not instigating a conflict when you really are upset ∙ Good when… the timing is wrong for a fight, you need more info, system doesn’t reward conflict, ppl don’t want to invest the energy, issue is trivial, low power but want to block the other ∙ Bad when… issues are important (to you or the other), issues won’t go away, when it signals you don’t care Mon Mar 20 ∙ Avoiding topics vs. people o Kitchensinking – bringing up a bunch of irrelevant things during the past during conflict o Gunnysacking – holding grievances for a long time then all at once exploding it all out (a lot can result in health problems & affect well being) Can lead to cumulative annoyance Psuedoconflict – perception that conflict exists but it doesn’t ∙ Common Forms of Avoidance o Skirting – changing the topic & avoiding conflict by making a joke o Sniping – being super negative then just leaving 3 3 Assertiveness 221.5 0.5 0.5 Cooperativeness 6. Rhetorical Sensitivity – change conflict communication style based on the demands of the situation ∙ Adaptable ∙ Deal well w ambiguity (critical thinkers) ∙ Often think about the larger picture before they speak ∙ Highly competent communicators ∙ Adapts to the communicator AND the situation ∙ Use tactics wisely & vary them o Having a really strong conflict style can be a disadvantage bc you lose your surprise element (other people can provoke or manipulate you) o Sequence of Styles If primary doesn’t work, you typically have a back-up… ∙ Avoidance competitive ∙ Collaborative avoidant ∙ Competitive compromise ∙ Accommodating compromising ∙ Power o What is power?... The capacity to which one can influence &/or control people & events o Interpersonal power is the degree of influence one person exerts over another in a relationship o Characteristics of Power Present in all meaningful social interactions ∙ Symmetrical power = when everyone is equal(ish) ∙ Complementary = unequal power Can be utilized ethically or unethically Not innate (not born)… it is granted/earned (relational) Goes hand-in-hand w conflict o Power currencies – a resource/skill that others value, given that person has influence others who value/need it (PRICE) Personal – any characteristic about yourself that others find desirable ∙ If you lack the other 4 currencies, you can still achieve a degree of influence/stature w strong personal currencies Resource Control – materialistic needs (money, property, food) ∙ Can be used to obtain other currencies (like intimate currencies) Wed Mar 22 23 Interpersonal Linkages – one’s position in the larger system (where are you within the communication exchange?) ∙ Social network currency – being linked w a network of individuals that hold significant influence within a specific concept ∙ “who you know” currencies Communication Skills – conversation skills, persuasive ability, listening skills, group leadership, the ability to communicate care & kindness ∙ Intimate currency – when you share a close bond w someone that no one else shares Expertise – special skills, knowledge, or talents ∙ The higher your specialty &/or the more unique that skill is, the more expertise power you possess ∙ Ex: medical students try out all fields o Power & Culture Power-distance – the degree to which people view the unequal distribution of power as acceptable ∙ HIGH-power distance = normative for people of differing social/professional status to be widely separated by power (remember Hawaii example) ∙ LOW-power distance = people in high-status positions strive to minimize the distance o Relational Theory of Power Power is a property of the social relationship rather than a quality of the individual (a product of the relationships) Power dynamics are fluid, changing, & can shift during a conflict PAB=DBA “the power of A over B is equal to the dependence of B over A” PBA = DAB “the power of B over A is equal to the dependence of A over B” ∙ Ex: your boss depends on your loud voice to give a speech & you depend on him for you pay o Dyadic Power Theory Developed to explain patterns of dominant & submissive behavior in romantic relationships Examines CONTENT of interactions Assumes: ∙ Power is an integral part of any relationship ∙ People make judgements about how much power they have in relation to their partner (relative perceived power) 24 Dominance refers to interactional patterns in which one actor’s assertion of control is met by acquiescence from another ∙ So, dominance is about the tactics people use to exert or express power ∙ Use of dominance/control strategies is curvilinearly related to power o The Chilling Effect Occurs when individuals stop discussing relationships issues out of fear of their partner’s negative reactions ∙ Low-power individuals are unlikely to express grievances if they fear that retaliation, violence, or termination of the relationship will result o Nonverbal Power Communication 1. Confident, poised, open posture 2. More eye gaze 3. Composed/relaxed facial expressions 4. More relaxed body 5. Less smiling 6. Fewer hesitations, less stuttering UNIT 3 Mon Mar 27 ∙ Romantic Relationships o Liking = feeling of attraction & respect that we typically have for our friends Affection – sense of warmth & fondness Respect – admiration for a person apart from how he/she treats & communicates with you o Loving = deep & intense emotional experience compromised of… Intimacy (closeness & union) Caring (concerned for partner’s welfare) Attachment (longing to be in their presence) o Passionate vs Companionate Love Companionate – deeply intertwined lives, invested in each other, strong liking ∙ Ex: your best friend, your dog Passionate – all about attachment, longing for union w a person ∙ Constant positivity bias 25∙ Not culturally specific ∙ Not gender or age specific ∙ Negatively related w relationship duration Biggest difference bw loving someone & being in love is sexual attraction (80% of people believe so) ∙ Knapp’s Stages of Relationship Development o 5 stages of coming together o 5 stages of coming apart o Relationships may go through all, some, or none of the stages o Relationships may skip stages or follow their own unique trajectory o COMING TOGETHER 1. Initiating: goal is to show that you are interested in making contact & to show the personal that you are worth talking to ∙ Size up, check-out, draw on visual info, come up w appropriate greeting ∙ Low in breath & depth ∙ Predicted Outcome Value Theory o If reward seems high, you are more likely to talk to the person ∙ In 2010, more than 16 million people were using online dating 2. Experimenting: begin searching for common ground bw the two people ∙ Exchange demographics, small talk, find common interests, casual “light” dating 3. Intensifying: aka “coming together” stage; feelings become stronger & are communicated more directly ∙ Meta communication, lots of time spent together, increase in social support, stated commitment, secrets are revealed, sexual activity & physical intimacy begins ∙ “we” language & pet names increase 4. Integrating: lovers being to take on identity as a social unit ∙ “we” & “our” language becomes a norm ∙ Personalities mesh as one; sexual activity takes precedence; exchange of belongings; public recognizes & treats you as a couple ∙ Deepest level of info sharing ∙ Cohabitating (sliding vs deciding) 5. Bonding: symbolic & formal public ritual occurs to show the world that their relationship exists 26∙ Ex: marriage license, wedding ring ∙ Relational commitment Wed Mar 29 o COMING APART 6. Differentiating: beliefs, attitudes, & values that distinguish you from your partner come to dominate your thoughts & communication ∙ Partners become more individualistic; bickering ∙ Can be temporary is partners recognize & communicate through it 7. Circumscribing: focus shift from differences to setting limits & boundaries on communication within the dyad ∙ Fear deep discussions; avoid conflict altogether; restricted quantity & quality of info; create “safe zones” for conversation; intimacy goes way down 8. Stagnating: a continuation of circumscribing, insofar as communication becomes even less frequent; no more progression in relationship ∙ No more safe topics; communication is pointless; feel resigned or trapped ∙ Reminiscing on what once was (when things were good in the relationship) 9. Avoiding: avoid each other both physically & via communication ∙ Ignoring texts, changing relationship status on social media, going out when partner is home 10. Termination: the actual break up ∙ Discuss the breakup & conditions of it; talk about past/present/future; verbal & nonverbal often indicate lack of intimacy Fri Mar 31 ∙ Flirting Styles (not in book) o “How we communicate romantic interest” o 5 styles 1. Physical ∙ Expression of sexual interest through body language ∙ Develop relationships quickly ∙ More sexual chemistry w partner 2. Polite ∙ Proper manners, non-sexual communication ∙ Longer, more meaningful relationships 3. Playful 27∙ Little interest in romance ∙ Flirting to boost self-esteem, to have fun! 4. Sincere ∙ Intense emotional connection ∙ Intimate communication is important 5. Traditional ∙ Men should make the first more ∙ Women are less likely to be direct ∙ Men w this style get to know woman for longer time first ∙ Romantic Attraction o Proximity The Mere Exposure Effect – you are more attracted to those you have frequent contact with The dorm study o Physical Attractiveness Beautiful is Good Effect – we innately assume that if you are attractive you are intelligent & a competent communicator Matching – we are attracted to& develop long-term relationships w people who we are similar in attractiveness to o Similarity Birds-of-a-Feather Effect – we are attracted to people we view as similar to ourselves Study: similarity in personality traits ∙ 2 personality traits that are most likely to flock together = agreeableness & low neuroticism o Reciprocal Liking Both communicate clearly that you like each other Most common factor that leads to love o Resources Social Exchange Theory – what resources the person offers ∙ Asserts that you are drawn to people that offer resources appealing to you ∙ 2 things happen… o 1. You think about rewards/resources (is it what I really want?) o 2. Can I get it better elsewhere?... Evaluate equity (should be relatively equal) Mon Apr 3 ∙ Lee’s 6 Love Styles 28o 1. Eros – Physical Love Passion, physical attraction, sexual intimacy escalates faster, intense communicators May have trouble settling into long-term relationships o 2. Storge – Compassionate Love Friendship is the most valuable asset, shared values, overall compatibility, more interested in stability & dependability than passion Relatively enduring, can get boring o 3. Ludus – Game Playing Love Playful, not super focused on commitment, slow to develop relationships, like the challenge/chase/pursuit to get the person Seen more in younger people, before you really want commitment o 4. Mania – Possessive Love Could be temporary, more demanding/dependent, need to feel in control of relationship, interrogative communication, get jealous a lot easier Usually after a bad break up, relationship moves quickly o 5. Agape – Unselfish Love All about the feelings, selflessness, deep love & concern for their partner, willing to sacrifice for partner or greater good of relationship Accommodate too much & lose sense of self o 6. Pragma – Practical Love Looking for someone who fits standards & criteria, evaluates goals, shared values are critical Take a long time to emotionally commit o Research on Love Styles Shows… Eros & Agape are positively associated with: ∙ Constructive approach to conflict ∙ Ease in communicating intimacy & passion ∙ *Ludus is negatively associated with above Mania is positively associated with: ∙ An obliging approach to conflict ∙ Accommodation Agape & Storge are least likely to use the “secrets test” w their significant others (trying to bait the other person to test loyalty) ∙ Ludus & Mania are most likely ∙ Romantic Betrayal 29o An act that goes against expectations of a romantic relationship & thus causes pain to partner (sexual & emotional infidelity, lying/deception) o Dealing w Betrayal… Confrontation Forgive & forget Anger towards transgression (anything that goes against relationship, extreme or tiny) Ending the relationship o Jealousy Protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship Blended emotion or anger, fear, & sadness Can lead to wedging (intentionally trying to split up relationship) o Relational Intrusion Violation of one’s independence & privacy by a person who desires an intimate relationship Can be done through “monitoring & controlling” OR “invasion of privacy” Wed Apr 5 ∙ Family o Definition: a network of people who share their lives over long periods of time & are bound by marriage, blood, or commitment o Characteristics of Family Possess a strong sense of identity Use communication to define boundaries Emotional bonds underlie family relationships Shared history May share genetic material Multiple & competing roles o Types of Family Nuclear – traditional style (husband, wife, kid(s)) Extended – all the other people (grandparents, aunt/uncle, cousins) Stepfamily – remarried w a child from previous relationship (aka blended family or remarried family) Cohabitating couples – 2 unmarried, romantically involved people that live together ∙ Study (Haas): same sex cohabitating couples o Q: why cohabitate if you can’t get married? 1. Symbolizes commitment 2. Provides emotional support 3. Makes them a family 30 Single Parent – only one adult w sole responsibility of raising child (27% of children in US live in single-parent households) o Attachment Theory Our communication & interactions w caregivers powerfully shape our beliefs regarding the functions, rewards, & dependability of interpersonal relations Help shape two dimensions regarding our thoughts, feelings, & behavior (adult version) ∙ 1. Attachment Anxiety – how much you fear rejection ∙ 2. Attachment Avoidance – how much you desire close interpersonal ties o 4 Attachment Styles 1. Secure: low anxiety, low avoidance ∙ Comfortable w intimacy ∙ Warm & supportive relationships ∙ Willing to be vulnerable ∙ Research shows more empathetic & responsive ∙ Most secure relationships seen in older people 2. Preoccupied: high anxiety, low avoidance ∙ Love the closeness but fear rejection ∙ Overly concerned about others’ thoughts/views ∙ More clingy ∙ Seek validation & approval ∙ Emotionally driven in conflict 3. Dismissive: low anxiety, high avoidance ∙ Don’t fear rejection, don’t need closeness ∙ Close relationships don’t take priority ∙ Value self-reliance ∙ Higher view of self & lower view of others ∙ Does not show emotions readily ∙ Conflict leads to quick exit ∙ Preoccupied & dismissive DO NOT mesh well together 4. Fearful: high anxiety, high avoidance ∙ Scared of rejection & relationships as a whole ∙ Expectation that intimacy will hurt them ∙ More dependent individuals ∙ Ex: relationships w a big age gap or big money gap (power differences) Fri Apr 7 31o Research on Attachment Study (Roberto): parental verbal aggression ∙ Parents of children w a secure attachment style were perceived as lower in verbal aggression & higher in responsiveness Study (Kennedy): identity gaps in marriage ∙ Fearful attachment style is even stronger in wives; husbands w a preoccupied attachment style reported most identity gaps (what does it mean to be “husband”?) o Family Communication Patterns Theory Family communication patterns originate from the ways by which families establish social reality for themselves Two dimensions associated w communication bw family members: ∙ 1. Conversation Orientation – the degree to which family members are encouraged to participate in unrestrained communication (talk about a wide range of topics) ∙ 2. Conformity Orientation – the degree to which family members want similarity/diversity in thoughts o 4 Patterns of Family Communication… 1. Consensual: high conversation, high conformity ∙ Openness is encouraged ∙ High disclosure, active listening, & high levels of expressions of care, concern, & support in family ∙ Sharing one’s viewpoint is encouraged, but family emphasizes only 1 viewpoint ∙ More competitive conflict styles 2. Pluralistic: high conversation, low conformity ∙ Openness is still encouraged, but not restrained by view ∙ Children’s contributions to discussions are valued ∙ Highest rate of conflict resolution out of 4 family type patterns 3. Protective: low conversation, high conformity ∙ Communication serves the role of enforcing rules, obeying parents, parent-child power differences ∙ Little value in exchanging ideas & discussion ∙ Low levels of disclosure ∙ Avoidant conflict style 32
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