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UCONN / Human Development / HDFS 1060 / How good am i at getting to know other people?

How good am i at getting to know other people?

How good am i at getting to know other people?

Description

School: University of Connecticut
Department: Human Development
Course: Close Relationships Across the Lifespan
Term: Fall 2019
Tags: socialcognition, communication, interdepndency, friendship, love, and sexuality
Cost: 50
Name: HDFS 1060, Midterm Study Guide
Description: This Study Guide covers the content on the Midterm, chapters 4-9.
Uploaded: 10/23/2019
15 Pages 34 Views 2 Unlocks
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HDFS Exam 2 (Chapters 4-9) Study Guide


How good am i at getting to know other people?



Key Concepts

● Social Cognition

● Communication

● Interdependency

● Friendship

● Love

● Sexuality

-Chapter 4 Content 

● Social Cognition- Processes of perception and judgement with which we make sense of our social worlds

● Symbolic Interactionism- Behaviors and objects are symbols that represent more than just their tangible qualities

● 1st impressions are important- why?

○ Allow us to immediately stereotype and categorize others

○ Lay foundation for future expectations

● Primacy effect- the first info we get ab someone


What is social exchange theory?



○ Assign the most importance to it

● Accuracy

○ Ppl typically overconfident in their beliefs ab others

○ Accuracy doesn’t increase over time, but confidence that you’re right does causes gap to grow over time

○ Existing beliefs are influential at every stage of relationships, not just beginning ○ Outsiders actually often best judges of a relationship

● Dysfunctional “destiny” beliefs 

○ Some examples

■ Partners can’t change

■ Sex should be perfect every time

■ Men and women are different

■ Great relationships just happen

● Functional “growth” beliefs 

○ Some examples


How do you compare alternatives?



■ Happy relationships result of hard work

■ Good relationships develop gradually

■ Any relationship can succeed if you work at it

● Positive illusions

○ Balance of idealism and reality is best We also discuss several other topics like How are choanoflagellates related to animals?

● Attributions- why we think people do the things they do

○ Internal v external

○ Stable v unstable

○ Controllable v uncontrollable

○ Global v specific

● Actor/observer effects- Ppl likely to agree on what they each did, but disagree on why they did it

● Attributional Patterns 

○ Relationship-enhancing

■ when our partner does something nice, it’s internal, stable, controllable, global

■ When our partner does something bad, it’s external, unstable,

uncontrollable, specific

○ Distress-maintaining

■ When our partner does something good, it’s external, uncontrollable, specific, unstable

■ When our partner does something bad, it’s internal, stable, controllable, global

● John Gottman- P and Q space

○ More positive Ps lead to positive Q, More negative Ps lead to negative Q ○ If you’re in a negative Q, you’ll notice -Ps, If you’re in a positive Q, you’ll notice +Ps

● Self-Serving Biases- We take credit for success, avoid blame for failure ● Reconstructive memory- past becomes tinged with our current moods, thoughts, knowledge

● Self-Fulfilling Prophecies- False expectations which become true due to expecter’s actions Don't forget about the age old question of What is syndication?

○ Ppl enter interactions w certain expectations (expectancy)

○ Expectations lead them to act in certain ways which communicate those expectations to the other person

○ Other person interprets behavior and responds in a reciprocal way that matches 1st person’s behavior and their expectations

○ 1st person thinks, “See, I was right,” completely missing their own role in interaction’s outcome

● Self-concept (our individual perceptions of our behavior, abilities, and unique characteristics) v. self-esteem (confidence in oneself)

○ Marriage shift

■ Closer the relationship, more we want self-verification 

○ Impression Management- Trying to influence impressions of us that others form ○ Positive strategies

■ Ingratiation 

■ Self-promotion 

○ Negative strategies

■ Intimidation 

■ Supplication

● Partner legibility- How easy are you to get to know?

● Perceiver ability- How good am I at getting to know other people?

● Threatening perceptions- anything we don’t like/want to acknowledge/want to be true, we play it off the closer the relationship is Don't forget about the age old question of What is the national integrated ballistic information network nibin database used for?

● Perceiver influence- I can influence who they become w me based on my expectations

Definitions

1. Social Cognition- Processes of perception and judgement with which we make sense of our social worlds

2. Symbolic Interactionism- Behaviors and objects are symbols that represent more than just their tangible qualities

3. Primacy effect- the first info we get ab someone

4. Dysfunctional “destiny” beliefs- beliefs that are detrimental to a relationship 5. Functional “growth” beliefs- beliefs that are beneficial to a relationship 6. Attributions- why we think people do the things they do

7. Attributional Patterns- patterns that shape the way we view our partners 8. Self-Serving Biases- We take credit for success, avoid blame for failure 9. Reconstructive memory- past becomes tinged with our current moods, thoughts, knowledge

10. Self-Fulfilling Prophecies- False expectations which become true due to expecter’s actions

11. Self-verification- how we view ourselves is true

12. Impression Management- Trying to influence impressions of us that others form 13. Ingratiation- praising the other person If you want to learn more check out How did the movie and tv industry work before netflix?

14. Self-promotion- praising yourself

15. Intimidation- threats

16. Supplication- whiny, self-deprecation ingratiation

17. Partner legibility- How easy are you to get to know? If you want to learn more check out How is hereditary information passed through generations?

18. Perceiver ability- How good am I at getting to know other people?

19. Threatening perceptions- anything we don’t like/want to acknowledge/want to be true, we play it off the closer the relationship is

20. Perceiver influence- I can influence who they become w me based on my expectations

-Chapter 5 Content 

● Intended v. received message is not always same thing

● Power of expectations

○ Happy couples look for positive interpretations, unhappy couples look for negative interpretations regardless of intent

● Interpersonal gap- gap between what was originally intended and what was ultimately received

● Verbal

○ Self-disclosure- What’s appropriate to say, and when?

○ Social penetration theory

● Nonverbal Don't forget about the age old question of Why is culture important to an individual?

○ Object communication- use of objects to communicate a message ○ Facial expressions

■ Display rules- how we manage facial expressions

● Can maximize (amplify), minimize, neutralize (no expression), or

substitute (mask) an expression

■ Microexpressions- brief moments of authenticity before we hide it

○ Paralanguage/vocalics- how you say things (pitch, tone, pace, emphasis, volume, accent)

○ Kinesics- body movements

○ Oculesics- communicating with eyes

■ Visual dominance ratio 

○ Haptics- touch

○ Proxemics- physical distance

■ Intimate zone (1.5 ft)

■ Personal zone (4 ft)

■ Social zone (12 ft)

■ Public zone (beyond 12 ft)

○ Chronemics- time

○ Mimicry- ppl unconsciously imitate partners’ nonverbal behaviors (if they’re comfortable + like them)

○ Ppl vary widely in their ability to send/interpret nonverbal cues

■ Encoding errors

■ Decoding errors

● Secrets- things we actively hide from our partners

● Taboo topics- things we’d rather not talk ab

● Triangle test- how they respond to other attractive ppl

● Endurance test- overcoming contrived difficulties

● Separation test- does it matter when I’m gone and are you happy to see me? ● Gender Differences between women and men

● Kitchen-sinking- Complaining ab everything “but the kitchen sink”

● Drifting off-beam- Gradual back and forth complaining

● Yes-butting- Discounting everything the other person tries to say

● Cross-complaining- I raise a complaint ab you so you complaint ab me ● 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse (in order)

○ Criticism- Character assassination

■ Criticizing who they are as a person as opposed to a complaint

○ Defensiveness- refusing to take responsibility

○ Contempt- hostile, condescending, hateful view of your partner being beneath you, not worthy of attention

○ Stonewalling- one person checks out

● Behavioral description- focus on the behavior you don’t like

● I-statements- Describe yourself and then situation you’re upset about, then say what your partner can do to make it better

● XYZ statements- When you do X in situation Y I feel Z

● Active listening 

○ Paraphrasing- making sure we’re not mindreading and we really are getting what they mean to communicate

○ Perception checking- ask what’s going on

Definitions

1. Interpersonal gap- gap between what was originally intended and what was ultimately received

2. Self-disclosure- know what is appropriate to say and when

3. Social penetration theory- breadth and depth, reciprocity, responsiveness 4. Object communication- use of objects to communicate a message

5. Display rules- how we manage facial expressions

6. Microexpressions- brief moments of authenticity before we hide it

7. Paralanguage/vocalics- how you say things

8. Kinesics- body movements

9. Oculesics- communicating with eyes

10. Visual dominance ratio- how much do you look at the other person when you’re talking, v. how much do you look at the other person when they’re talking

11. Haptics- touch

12. Proxemics- physical distance

13. Chronemics- how much time is put in, how time is used

14. Mimicry- ppl unconsciously imitate partners’ nonverbal behaviors

15. Secrets- things we actively hide from our partners

16. Taboo topics- things we’d rather not talk ab

17. Triangle test- how a partner responds to attractive people

18. Endurance test- overcoming contrived difficulties

19. Separation test- does it matter when I’m gone and are you happy to see me? 20. Kitchen-sinking- Complaining ab everything “but the kitchen sink”

21. Drifting off-beam- Gradual back and forth complaining

22. Yes-butting- Discounting everything the other person tries to say

23. Cross-complaining- I raise a complaint ab you so you complaint ab me 24. 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse- criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling 25. Behavioral description- focus only on the behavior you don’t like

26. I-statements- Describe yourself and then situation you’re upset about, then say what your partner can do to make it better

27. XYZ statements- When you do X in situation Y I feel Z

28. Active listening- made up by paraphrasing and perception checking

-Chapter 6 Content 

● Social Exchange Theory- Outcome = Rewards - Costs

● Comparison level (CL)- satisfaction/dissatisfaction

● Comparison alternatives (CLalt)- dependence/independence

● People leave if the outcomes are lower than CL, CLalt

● Importance of perception

○ Some people’s rewards may be others’ costs (ex. Clinginess, PDA, etc.) ● 4 Types of Relationships

○ Happy + Stable- Outcome is higher than CL + CLalt

■ Your relationship is the best “deal” you think you can get, no better alternatives

○ Happy + Unstable- Outcome is higher than CL but lower than CLalt ■ Being treated better than you think you deserve, but still think you can find a better alternative

○ Unhappy + Stable- Outcome is higher than CLalt, but lower than CL ■ Not being treated as well as you should be, but you don’t see any better alternatives

○ Unhappy + Unstable- Outcome is lower than both CL and CLalt

■ You’re not being treated as you think you should and you see better alternatives

● CL rises over time, outcomes usually drop

● Intimates frequently more obnoxious to each other than they’d be to others ● Need tons of positives to outweigh negatives

● Rewards

○ Start out same for both successful and unsuccessful relationships

○ Increase in successful relationships, do not in unsuccessful

● Costs

○ Costs rise initially in both successful and unsuccessful relationships ○ Costs start higher and stay higher in unsuccessful relationships, and successful relationships eventually decline

● Relationships take work

● Critiques of Exchange Theory

○ Feminist perspective: exchange theory has presumption of a “Separative Self” rather than a “Connected Self”

○ Impossible to know what ppl truly value + think

○ Theory doesn’t leave room for things that are costly to me, but I still stay and do it for you

● Exchange v. communal relationships

○ Exchange- keeping score kind of a relationship

○ Communal- for longer, more committed relationships

○ Lots of times relationships start as exchange but become communal (and vice versa)

● Proportional justice- As long as what you’re giving matches what you’re getting, it’s equitable

● Underbenefiting- putting in more effort for less reward

● Overbenefiting- getting rewards without effort

● Actual equity- actually change the situation itself to become more equitable ● Psychological equity- nothing actually changes other than the way we think about it ○ The person underbenefiting recognizes this as the situation, not the person being selfish, so they’re okay with it

● Abandon ship- leaves the relationship

● Equity isn’t very important if you’re happy

● Investment Model- High satisfaction + low alternatives + high investment = I’ll stick around

● 3 Types of Commitment

○ Personal commitment- I want to continue this relationship

○ Constraint commitment- I have to continue this relationship

○ Moral commitment- I should continue this relationship

Definitions

1. Social Exchange Theory- Outcome = Rewards - Costs

2. Comparison level (CL)- satisfaction/dissatisfaction

3. Comparison alternatives (CLalt)- dependence/independence

4. 4 Types of Relationships

5. Exchange relationships- keeping score kind of a relationship

6. Communal relationships- for longer, more committed relationships

7. Proportional justice- As long as what you’re giving matches what you’re getting, it’s equitable

8. Underbenefiting- putting in more effort for less reward

9. Overbenefiting- getting rewards without effort

10. Actual equity- actually change the situation itself to become more equitable 11. Psychological equity- nothing actually changes other than the way we think about it 12. Abandon ship- leaving the relationship

13. Investment Model- High satisfaction + low alternatives + high investment = I’ll stick around

14. 3 Types of Commitment

-Chapter 7 Content 

● Similarities btwn friendship and romance: High trust, knowledge, commitment ● Differences: Love is

○ More complex

○ Includes fascination, sexual desire, greater exclusiveness

○ Has more stringent standards

○ Has more overt expressions of positivity

○ Results in spending more time together

○ Involves sexual intimacy

● Elements of Friendship 

○ Respect- I like and value you as a person

○ Trust- I can count on you to meet my needs in a responsive way

○ Responsiveness- I want you to meet my needs

○ Capitalization-idea that if you have exciting happy news, they build upon that excitement

● Social support- people are there for us

○ Emotional support

○ Advice support

○ Material support- ex. lending $20, borrowing car

○ Physical support- ex. Hug, pat on back, holding hand, etc.

○ Invisible support- Help someone w/o them realizing they’ve been helped, often the most helpful

○ Sometimes it comes with strings attached, costs

● Friendship Rules

○ Both sides putting in time and effort

○ Honesty

○ Supportive

○ Don’t follow the rules → usually consequences

● Friendship in Infancy

○ Social referencing- in unknown/unfamiliar situation, look to people they know, watch how they react, react the same way

○ Dif forms of play

■ Functional- activity for the sake of an activity (no goal)

● Ex. shaking a rattle, sucking your thumb, wiggling toes, etc.

■ Constructive- play with a goal

● Drawing a picture, blocks, puzzle, etc.

■ Associative- kids occupying the same space, doing the same activity, w/o really interacting

● Also called parallel play

● See this more earlier on

■ Cooperative- interaction

● Building a sandcastle together

● Friendship in Early Childhood

○ Playmates take on stable characteristics, start to use label “friends” ○ Based on enjoyment of similar activities rather than personality

● Friendship in Middle Childhood

○ Based on similar attitudes/interests and personality traits

○ Fair-weather cooperation v. intimate-mutual sharing

○ Acceptance initially is key motivation, then later shifts to emotional intimacy ● Friendship in Adolescence

○ Friendships aid in movement towards “coupledom”

○ Decreased time spent w family

○ Importance of peer influence

● Friendship in Young Adulthood

○ Key is search for intimacy (emotional, not necessarily sexual)

● Friendship in Midlife

○ Dyadic withdrawal 

○ Increase in shared “couple friendships”

○ Increase overall in size of social networks

■ In-laws

■ Parents of other children

● Friendship in Old Age

○ Less sociable than younger individuals

○ Barriers perspective 

○ Disengagement perspective 

○ Socioemotional selectivity perspective 

● Gender Differences in Same-Sex Friendships

○ Women’s friendships- “face-to-face”

○ Men’s friendships- “side-by-side”

● Cross-Sex Friendships

○ Mutually platonic- both people truly want nothing other than friendship ○ Romance- one person wants to be more than friends

○ Rejection- one person does not want to be more than friends

○ Mutually romantic- both people want to be together, but it hasn’t happened for some reason

○ Friends w/ benefits- friends w/ sexual benefits

● Shyness

○ Shy people create self-fulfilling prophecies

○ Perceived negatively

○ Is a cycle

■ Enter situation w concern over negative negative evaluations

■ Others get a negative impression and think you’re unsociable and unfriendly

■ Others respond negatively

● Loneliness

○ Social Isolation- don’t have enough people in your network

○ Emotional Isolation- don’t have close relationships

○ Worldwide- social integration in dif countries

■ US is not a highly socially integrated country- value independence → more loneliness

■ Socioeconomic status (SES)- Higher it is, less lonely you are

○ Attributions

■ Internal (it’s my fault) v. external (it’s the situation’s fault)

■ Stable v. unstable (this is only temporary)

○ Interpersonal behaviors

■ Negative attitudes

■ Lack social skills

○ Lonelieness v. solitude

■ Being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely- it’s all in attitude

Definitions

1. Elements of Friendship

2. Types of social support

3. Social referencing- in unknown/unfamiliar situation, look to people they know, watch how they react, react the same way

4. Different forms of play

5. Fair-weather cooperation- Friends one day, not friends the next day

6. Dyadic withdrawal- people withdraw from friendships to spend more time w partner 7. Barriers perspective- as you get older, things happen that make it more difficult to maintain friendships

8. Disengagement perspective- as you prepare for your death, you disengage from the world so it won’t be as painful and people won’t be as dependent on you 9. Socioemotional selectivity perspective- we get selective about who we want to spend our remaining time and resources on

10. Types of Cross-Sex Friendships

11. Social Isolation- don’t have enough people in your network

12. Emotional Isolation- don’t have close relationships

-Chapter 8 Content 

● Romantic love as basis for marriage is exceptionally new (and relatively rare globally) ● About 80% of cultures prefer polygamy

● Polygamy- one partner having more than one husband or wife

● Polygyny- one man married to multiple women

● Polyandry- one woman married to multiple men

● Polyamory- any combination of partners beyond monogamy

● Primary partner + others- you are in one main relationship, and then you have other connections beyond that central relationship

● Group approach- engaged in a relationship with the same people

● Egalitarian network approach- no one relationship is considered to be the main relationship

● Solo Approach- in relationships, but maintain their solo identity

● Importance of compersion 

● Sternberg’s Love Triangle

● Sternberg’s Typology of Love

TYPE

Intimacy

Passion

Commitment

Non-love

Infatuation

X

Liking

X

Romantic love

X

X

Companionate love

X

X

Fatuous love

X

X

Empty love

X

Consummate love

X

X

X

● Passion- Lust, controlled by sex hormones

● Attraction- Pair bonding, pleasure centers in the brain (dopamine); often what we think of as “love” (romance)

● Attachment- Comfort, security, connection; companionship (oxytocin) ● Romantic love tends to decline consistently over time

○ Novelty wears off

○ Habituation- over time, as the same stimuli is presented to us, react less strongly (because you’re used to it)

○ The Coolidge Effect- more excited and have more energy in relationships that are new and different

○ Companionate love tends to be more stable and to increase over time ● Caring- empathy, looking out for best interests, taking on emotions of partner ● Lee’s Styles of Loving 

○ Eros- high intensity and passion, physicality, erotic

○ Ludus- game-playing

○ Storge- all about friendships

○ Mania- drama

○ Agape- very selfless

○ Pragma- practicality

● Secure attachment- I like relationships, I trust others, if I get hurt I’ll be okay ● Preoccupied attachment- needy, clingy, insecure, I’m worried others don’t love me as much as I love them, want a relationship but are afraid to trust

● Fearful attachment- relationships will end in me hurt, I’m afraid of

rejection/abandonment/betrayal, so I’m avoiding all relationships

● Dismissing attachment- I’m okay on my own, I don’t want a relationship

Positive View of Self

Negative View of Self

Positive View of Others

Secure

Preoccupied

Negative View of Others

Dismissing

Fearful

● Secure- Higher relationship satisfaction

● Arousal- any physiological arousal that makes your system on high-alert ● Excitation transfer- misattribute situational feelings to the person

● Intimacy- openness, trust

● Attachment/dependence- longing, need to be around them

● Caring- looking out for other’s welfare

● Some differences

○ Men tend to value passion slightly higher

○ Women tend to value commitment slightly higher

○ Men fall in love faster than women do

○ Men tend to be higher in romantic beliefs

■ Believing in love at first sight, believing in destiny, believing in 1 true soulmate

○ Women tend to take things slower, on average, and are more practical and cautious

● Arranged Marriage- A marital union in which the man and woman are introduced to each other thru their parents, elders, or extended family for the purpose of marriage due to religious, educational, economic, and social compatibility

○ Types

■ Traditional 

■ Semi-arranged marriage 

■ Love Marriage

○ Research suggests that compared w love/choice marriages, arranged marriages ■ Less likely to divorce

■ More in love w one another over long-term

■ Have higher levels of marital satisfaction

Definitions 

1. Polygamy- one partner having more than one husband or wife

2. Polygyny- one man married to multiple women

3. Polyandry- one woman married to multiple men

4. Polyamory- any combination of partners beyond monogamy

5. Primary partner + others- you are in one main relationship, and then you have other connections beyond that central relationship

6. Group approach- engaged in a relationship with the same people

7. Egalitarian network approach- no one relationship is considered to be the main relationship

8. Solo Approach- in relationships, but maintain their solo identity

9. Compersion- rather than referring to a person as a possession, referring to them as a gift that should be shared with others

10. Passion- Lust, controlled by sex hormones

11. Attraction- Pair bonding, pleasure centers in the brain (dopamine); often what we think of as “love” (romance)

12. Attachment- Comfort, security, connection; companionship (oxytocin) 13. Habituation- over time, as the same stimuli is presented to us, react less strongly (because you’re used to it)

14. The Coolidge Effect- more excited and have more energy in relationships that are new and different

15. Caring- empathy, looking out for best interests, taking on emotions of partner 16. Lee’s Styles of Loving

17. Secure attachment- I like relationships, I trust others, if I get hurt I’ll be okay 18. Preoccupied attachment- needy and insecure

19. Fearful attachment- I’m afraid of getting hurt, so I’m avoiding all relationships 20. Dismissing attachment- I’m okay on my own, I don’t want a relationship 21. Arousal- any physiological arousal that makes your system on high-alert 22. Excitation transfer- misattribute situational feelings to the person

23. Arranged Marriage- A marital union in which the man and woman are introduced to each other thru their parents, elders, or extended family for the purpose of marriage due to religious, educational, economic, and social compatibility

24. Traditional- Offers potential benefits to society as it helps preserve social and class structure

25. Semi-arranged marriage- The “ideal” marriage model which successfully combines tradition and modernity (free choice w consent of elders)

26. Love Marriage- Few people opt for this mode for finding suitable partners due to many restrictions

Chapter 9 Content 

● Sexual orientation can’t be determined from sexual behavior

● Continuum v. categories of sexual orientation

● Casual sex- Men more likely to be okay with this

● Premarital/unmarried sex- Have grown to be more accepting of casual and premarital sex, but still feel more comfortable when sex occurs in a relationship

● Sex and intimacy- Typically like it to have emotional intimacy

● Stereotypical sexual roles

○ Men are initiators, women are gatekeepers

○ Causes many problems

○ Sexual double standard

■ Totally okay and expected for men to have lots of sexual partners, since they’re “initiators”

■ If women have lots of sexual partners, they’re sluts

○ Dating partners v. mates

■ Different expectations for casual dating vs long-term mates

○ Sexual roles + relationship power

■ Gives women power over whether or not sex happens

● Alcohol myopia- When you drink, you lose sight of long-term consequences and can’t rationalize

● Illusion of unique invulnerability- Bad things only happen to other people ● When you have sex w someone, you have sex w everyone they’ve had sex with, and everyone they’ve had sex with, and everyone they’ve had sex with… etc ● Most common form of rape is date rape- victims usually know their attackers ● Perpetrators frequently underestimate their use of force and coercion ● Victims frequently overestimate their responsibility for the attack

● Sexual Assault- Any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs w/o explicit consent of recipient

○ Sexual violence doesn’t just happen to women

● Consent

○ Affirmative consent- an active, informed, unambiguous, and voluntary agreement by a person to engage in sexual activity w another person that is sustained throughout the activity and may be revoked at any time by any person

● Rape Culture- Cultural practices that excuse, tolerate, or even encourage sexual violence

Definitions

1. Alcohol myopia- When you drink, you lose sight of long-term consequences and can’t rationalize

2. Illusion of unique invulnerability- Bad things only happen to other people 3. Sexual Assault- Any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs w/o explicit consent of recipient

4. Affirmative consent- an active, informed, unambiguous, and voluntary agreement by a person to engage in sexual activity w another person that is sustained throughout the activity and may be revoked at any time by any person

5. Rape Culture- Cultural practices that excuse, tolerate, or even encourage sexual violence

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