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last part of study guide exam 4

by: elenaspeake

last part of study guide exam 4 HDFS 1610

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Intimate Relationships and Marriage

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Intimate Relationships and Marriage
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This 60 page Study Guide was uploaded by elenaspeake on Wednesday September 16, 2015. The Study Guide belongs to HDFS 1610 at University of Missouri - Columbia taught by in Fall 2015. Since its upload, it has received 65 views. For similar materials see Intimate Relationships and Marriage in HDFS at University of Missouri - Columbia.


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Date Created: 09/16/15
TAM Study Guide Test 1 Components of Culture Nonmaterial culture Religion Languages Nontangible assets of culture Material culture Constantly connecting with nonmaterial Everything that society produces High vs low culture High culture ballet fashion couture Low culture street dance Low culture is accessible to everyone Ethnocentrism the assumption that one s own culture is normal Cultural relativism Recognition that one culture can t be judged on the standards of another Subculture shares in the overall culture but has its own values norms and lifestyle Counterculture Con icting values and disagreement over goals ideals and policies Acculturation adapting foreign practices into one s culture Everybody Dresses Why Warmthprotection from environment Modesty Decorationattraction of mates Social identification Inclusive of all body modifications and body supplements Permanent and temporary Body Supplements Enclosures Wrapped Suspended Preshaped Attachments to body Inserted Clipped Adhered Attachments to body enclosures Inserted Clipped Adhered Theories of DressIdentity Sex 0 Gender Symbolic selfcompletion Activities and objects serve to establish or reinforce individual identities The more uncertain you are about your identity the more you are going to cling and rely on external objects to solidify your identity Symbolic Interactionism Identities are constantly recreated based on individuals interaction with social environment Obj ectification Much of material culture is intended to enhance our capacity as human beings The thing created can become a hindrance to our abilitiessurvival Some objects forever change ourselves and our culture Dress as language Structuralist approach to dress Symbols embedded in dress can be interpreted by those in the know Dress and modernity Changes in dressfashion allow individuals and societies to cope with social change Makes change tangible and sensible Change is evolutionary rarely revolutionary Conspicuous consumption class distinction Demonstration of wealth through material culture Emulation of wealthy by lower classes I wealthy move on to new style Sumptuary laws laws put in place to make sure lower class does not dress like the wealthy Genetic foundations Assigned at birth Two options male or female Culturally constructed Constantly performed Mutable Dress as key indicator Stereotypes A way to organize information Helps to predict behaviors and outcomes Limit expectations Stand in the way of empathy Cognitive dissonance Men Strongpowerful Rational Decisive Rugged Aggressive Women Weaker Emotional Nurturing Talkative Intuitive Androgyny combination of masculine and feminine characteristics Bifurcation a garment with two legs Ideals goals achieved by only a few people 3 general body types 1 Ectomorph Thin Small bone structure Fast metabolic rate Mesomorph Medium bone structure If they are active lots of lean mass Lower body fat Endomorph Larger bone structure Higher amounts of total body mass Ideals and Pathology In uences of cultural expectations and media messages Affects both genders Image disorders Eating disorders Exercise disorders Domestic scale culture and dress Society Tribes and Villages Kinship based Status based on age and gender I authority of elders Economy Household based Subsistence Feasting and display Leisure time for all Technology Foraging Herding Gardeninghorticulture step below agriculture Dress Immediate natural resources Visible demarcations of status Body modifications wrapped suspended Limited quantity Gender differentiating Political scale culture and dress Society Highdensity Villages Urban centers Rankedhierarchy Monumental building Status ascribed by birth lCastes Economy Accumulation of wealth Specialization Local markets Barter system Leisure time for nobility Acquisition through conquest Tribute tax Technology Intensive agriculture Writing Early machines Dress In uenced by trade Natural and metal fibers Visible status markers Growing availability for wealthy Increased gender differentiation Garments made with little waste Sumptuary laws Political scale examples Incan Tributes Rank squares Qing dynasty Boy scoutsgirl scouts Military Commercial scale culture and dress Society Highdensity urban areas Class based Capitalistconsumer oriented Wide range of achieved status Economy Global markets Corporations Currency Unequal distribution of wealth Leisure time limited Technology Industrial machines Mass production Monocrops Telecommunication systems Dress Cosmopolitan dresstraditional dress diVide Synthetic fibers and dyes Standard sizing Tailoring custom fit I more textile waste Decreased gender differentiation Fashion Emphasis on indiVidualism Postcommercial scale Sharing economy DIY Reduce reuse recycle Growth in craft industry McDonaldization Efficiency Predictability Calculability Quantity vs Quality Mechanization of human ability Control Irrationality of rationality Global sameness Race to the Bottom trying to find cheap labor and chasing the cheap labor Triple bottom line regarding sustainability financial social environmental Alterity the quality or state of being radically alien to the conscious self or a particular cultural orientation Sumptuary Laws codification of power and status Pros and cons of school uniforms Cost less than fashionable dress Reduced anxiety of what to wear Disciplined bodies Concentration on lessons Decreases Violence Reduces Visible marks of status wealth age gender Con Decrease expression of indiViduality Cannot become aware of diversity Need for two wardrobes school and nonschool Decrease in comfort level while learning Difficult to enforce Nationalism in Dress National symbols Ethnic dress Made in Satire and Fashion Ideology WorldviewIdeology Work of art which uses humor irony exaggeration or ridicule to expose and criticize immorality or foolishness especially as a form of social or political commentary All of the unobserved but inferred beliefs that an individual has about the world and the universe that are hidden aspect of their behavior Feelings and attitudes vs formulated opinions Learned early in life difficult to change Verbal and nonverbal expressions 0 Ontology the nature of existence 0 Epistemology the nature of human knowledge Rituals 0 Not all rituals are religious but they all connect to ideologies Mythslegends 0 Creation 0 Heroes 0 Morality Hierarchiesleadership 0 Keeps of myths 0 Interpretation of sacred texts 0 Direct connection to cosmic Modesty Comparing Amish and Mormons 0 Similarities Experienced persecution Embrace large families Believe in modest clothing Dress serves as a daily reminder 0 Mormon Seek in uence on political life Embrace education Embrace technology Embrace outside world Dress insideoutside Mass produced garments 0 Amish Not involved with politics Fundamental education Lowtech Avoid outside world Dress insideoutside Hand sewn hats made in Pennsylvania Hijab Islamic cover Cloister to seclude the place in which seclusion occurs Purity of rac one drop rule meaning if you had one drop of different color you were nonWhite 0 Hypodescent rule 0 Example President Barack Obama Folk groups of people Diaspor any group of people Who have spread or become dispersed beyond their traditional homeland or point of origin Eurocentrism when the White perspective is taken as the standard Ethnocentrism your culture is the standard Cultural ADDropriation Adoption of practices of one group by another 0 Often the majority adopting practices of the minority 0 Adopted Without regard to history or meaning of practice TAM Study Guide Test 2 Aesthetics a human response to the artifact or process 0 Process the art of dressing 0 Artifact dress as an object of art Cultural aesthetic ideals have 2 parts 0 Forms how it visibly comes together 0 Associated meaning what it means when certain items or practices are combined Tattoos 0 joining a club 0 Way to mark membership in a group Theory localized improvements in body image may lead to general improvements in selfesteem Plastic surgery and body image 0 Plastic surgery appeared to provide more fulfilling public and private lives 0 People may elect plastic surgery in order to improve their performance in key social roles 0 Cosmetic surgery may serve as an act of symbolic selfcompletion during or following role transitions Emergent themes from studies on plastic surgery 0 Role transitions Plastic surgery as reintegration of self to feel complete Plastic surgery as catalyst for further change 0 Sexual selves and romantic fantasies 0 Taking control 0 Identity play The Kimono 0 Evolved into the national dress of Japan 0 Simple in construction complex in meaning 0 Strong connection to seasonal changes 0 Connection to age for women 0 Importance of accessories Furisode long sleeved kimono that young unmarried women wear Shibori Japanese tie dye Geishas Embodiment of artful living Companion for hire not prostitutes Hippies New age love peace nature Punks aggressive stance against society Black leather studs Participant Observation Form of ethnography Key research method in anthropology and sociology Complete immersion in social group studied Urban anthropologysociology Ted Polhemus Street style Style tribes groups of people that show their culture in how they dress Incorporation of countercultures l 2 PS Wave of hysteria in press Styles associated With group simultaneously promoted by fashion and reviled by serious press Con uence of dress and deviant behavior Rationalizing of behaviors by press and society just a phase reduces threat Neutralized and sold back to public as consumer goods Bourdieu s Cultural Capital Status in society acquired through various mechanisms usually lived experience and personal embodiment Authenticity External validation Hipster s lack authenticity and embodiment Style Without substance Dismissing hipsters contradicts cultural value in freedom of expression Milestones in life often marked or remembered With particular dress practices Rites of passage Birth Childhood young adulthood Walkabout Aborigines in Australia young men go into woods to try and survive 0 Senior Red hat societv based on red and purple being colors older women can pull off 0 Death Hair art and jewelry dress practice that extends beyond death Lari drape wrapped around waist with one end over shoulder Salwar Kameez 0 Salwar pajama like trousers 0 Kameez long shirt or tunic Dhoti traditional men s garment worn in India Adolescence 0 Period between the onset of puberty and adulthood 0 Puberty both a biological change and a symbolic transition 0 Example bratz dolls Britney Spears on Rolling Stone magazine Quinceanara rite of passage into womanhood for 15 year old Latin girls 0 Most symbolic act is the changing of the shoes African Fashion Network 0 Fueled by economic desperation 0 World of creative power in the objects meanings and its modes of exchange 0 Informal 0 Brings people from different African cultures together for economic survival Fashion Plates visual illustrations of the latest fashions Le Mercure Galant First culture and fashion magazine 0 1672 Prescriptive and Proscriptive literature and images 0 Prescriptive what to do 0 Proscriptive what not to do Theatre de la Mode exhibit of fashion mannequins crafted by top Paris designers 0 19451946 Armchair ethnOgraphv sitting in your armchair consuming others culture 0 EX going to a musuem Blogs 0 Challenging hegemony of mainstream fashion media 0 Establishing its own hierarchy Personal style blogs vs street style blogs 0 Establishing a type of street style photography 0 Question of authenticity Rethinking how dress is made 0 New sources of raw materials 0 No waste pattemmaking 0 Engineered digital textile designs 0 3D Printing Invisibility Cloak Military starting to wear cloaks with technology that makes them inVisible 0 Re ects objects around them Lotus plant that cleans itself Intimate Relationships Study Guide Chapters 13 Chapter 1 Need to Belong frequent pleasant lasting caring 0 Support for the theory Ease of formation Resisting dissolution Consequences of solitude Benefits of intimacy Evolutionary perspective Intimacy 6 distinct characteristics knowledge caring interdependence mutuality trust commitment Interdependence in uences on one another that are frequent strong diverse enduring Relationships in a Cultural Context Social norms and expectations in uence how relationships unfold People are choosing to marry later 0 Some choose not to marry Cohabitation living together but not married Teenage childbearing has decreased About half of all marriages end up divorcing More than half of kids will live in a single parent home Divorce is decreasing among college educated couples Consequences of recession expensive to get divorced divorces go down during recession Individualism pursue our own success Technology meeting helps long distance relationships texting Sex Ratio the number of men for every 100 women 0 High Sex Ratio more men than women traditional gender roles 0 Low Sex Ratio more women than men more permissive attitudes shorter skirts Sex biologically with genitals Gender all the things we expect society Men and women have similar attitudes and beliefs far more similar than different Individual differences are more important Gender Roles culturally constructed behaviors 0 Can make a difference in how people behave in relationships 0 13 is inherited 23 is learned 0 Instrumental traits associated with men masculine traits such as ambitious decisive strong 0 Expressive traits associated with women feminine traits such as nurturing kind Few differences from heterosexual couples 0 Gay men tend to be more expressive 0 Divide up housework more equally 0 Have less con ict 0 Feel more compatible intimate and satisfied Differences may be attributed to the sex of the people in the relationship Attachment styles global orientation toward relationships characterized by physical closeness and emotional connection 0 Early experiences shape later relationships 0 Established in the first 18 months of life In adults we see 2 underlying processes 1 Avoidance of intimacy low to high 2 Anxiety about abandonment low to high Secure Attachment 0 Low avoidance of intimacy comfortable closeness 0 Low anxiety about abandonment 0 Easily bond with others 0 Relationships characterized by relaxed trust 0 60 of adults are securely attached Preoccupied 0 Low avoidance of intimacy want to be close but worried about being left 0 High anxiety about abandonment 0 Nervous and clingy 0 10 of adults have a preoccupied attachment 2 Types of Avoidant Attachment 1 Dismissing 0 High avoidance of intimacy 0 Low anxiety about abandonment 0 Selfreliant independent 0 Uninterested in intimacy indifferent 2 Fearful 0 High avoidance of intimacy 0 High anxiety about abandonment 0 Suspicious and angry at others 0 Fearful of rejection shy 0 25 of adults are categorized as avoidant Attachment can change experiencing good or bad adult relationships can shape attachment 0 13 may change 0 Others may stay stable if you re in the same types of relationships similar partners Divorce rates among remarried couples are higher People Who marry multiple times are less likely to be preoccupied and more likely to be avoidant 0 They don t like the idea of abandonment more independent The combination of attachment styles impacts relationship satisfaction 0 Lower satisfaction if Wife secure and husband preoccupied Wife fearful and husband secure 0 High satisfaction if Wife secure and husband dismissing Wife secure and husband secure Big 5 Personality Traits 0 Personality is relatively stable 0 Continuum low to high 0 5 central traits in uence the quality of relationships 1 Extraversion how social outgoing Agreeableness how much do you go With the ow get along With Conscientiousness dependable on time Neuroticism worry level Openness to experience 9593 Neuroticism negative impact on relationships 0 Related to feelings of anger anxiety and pessimism Evolutionary Psychology starts With 3 fundamental assumptions 1 Sexual selection involves advantages that result in greater success at reproduction 2 Men and women should differ from one another only to the extent that they have historically faced different reproductive dilemmas 3 Cultural in uences determine whether evolved patterns of behavior are adaptive and cultural change occurs faster than evolution does Self Esteem our evaluations of ourselves 0 Sociometer Theorv cycle of high or low self esteem self esteem is a subjective gauge when others like us we like ourselves Chapter 2 Why research 1 Need to be a good consumer 2 Core of our class material 3 The way we study things impacts what we find out about them Research Questions or vaotheses questions that come from personal experience social problems previous research theories Who we study 0 Population group of people we want to know something about 0 Sample selection of people who we research belong to population 0 Convenience Sample first people to participate easiest to access 0 Volunteer Bias people who choose to do research different 0 Representative Sample sample to look like population expensive time consuming Generalizabilitv what is found in sample can be applied to population Most studies on relationships use sample from cultures that are western educated industrialized rich democratic Choosing a design 1 Correlational 2 Experimental 3 Developmental Quantitative 0 Datanumbers 0 Follow same procedure with each participant 0 Very little interpretation 0 Analyze using statistics Qualitative 0 Data anything but numbers 0 Interviews 0 Less structured exploratory 0 Coding looking for themes and patterns Correlational Design determines whether 2 things are related not that one causes the other 0 Small medium and strong correlations 0 Positive and negative correlations 0 Example age and divorce negative Experimental Design 0 Comparing groups 0 Controlled manipulation Example medical drug tests 0 Random assignment 0 Causation yes 0 Down side can t use very often Longitudinal follow people over time 0 Participant Attrition when you try to study people over years people drop out of the study Crosssectional try to understand development by looking at people in different stages 0 Common 0 How might these couples be different Changes in social environment values Retrospective ask people to recall different times in their relationships 0 Can be over years or a much shorter period of time Where do we conduct the study 0 Laboratory more control less authentic 0 Natural Environment less control more authentic Data 0 Selfreport reporting own experiences Most common SelfServing Bias human tendency to take credit for what we do well excuses for what we do bad Social Desirabilitv Bias when people perceive to have a socially acceptable answer we will lie 0 Couple Reports talk to both members 0 Observations watching and evaluating behavior EXperience sampling Coding numerical codes Reactivity people behave differently when they know they re being watched 0 Physiological measures 0 Archives data that already exists Measures the questions or procedures we use to gather data 0 Strongly agree to strongly disagree 17 Ethics 0 basic guidelines informed consent minimize psychological distress do no physical harm 0 IRB Institutional Review Board review proposals and research Chapter 3 Direct Rewards The obvious benefits partners provide for us approval acceptance affection good company 0 The more we can get the more we are attracted Indirect Rewards Benefits that we receive by association similarity to us gene pool status and power Proximity being physically or psychologically close 0 Enhances our feelings about someone good and bad Long Distance Love 0 Less rewarding 0 More common due to technology 0 Helps if out of sight doesn t become out of mind 0 Idealized images 0 Stressful reunions Mere Exposure simply seeing someone a lot makes you like them more Caveat if you see someone you DON T like all the time you start to dislike them more 0 Saturation too much of a good thing Who are we attracted to 0 Everyone has different opinions 0 There is more agreement than disagreement 0 Babies recognize attractive people Faces for Women baby face large eyes small nose small chin full lips prominent narrow cheekbones broad smile Faces for Men strong jaw broad forehead 0 baby faced and feminized also attractive because when women are ovulating they are more attracted to masculine men Body Type for Men 0 not too thin not too heavy 0 9 waist to hip ratio 0 Women prefer men who are taller than they are Body Type for Women 0 7 waist to hip ratio Evolutionary Perspective People all over the world tend to agree on who is and who is not attractive Thin Women are only attractive in cultures where there is plenty of food As the US has achieved economic prosperity thin women have become more attractive African American women are more likely to be overweight happier with their bodies and African American men like heavier women White women are more concerned with how they look and are less happier with their bodies Men would be less likely to go on a blind date Men value physical attractiveness more than women Attractiveness matters to both men and women Speed dating 0 make judgments in the first few seconds 0 matters more in urban areas than rural because there are more options for partners Interactions 0 Good looking men and women have uent conversations with each other usually positive 0 Less attractive women still have interactions with men 0 Less attractive men interact less frequently with women 0 Attractiveness impacts men more than women People assume that beautiful people are kind strong outgoing nurturing sensitive interesting poised sociable exciting dates better character sexually warm and responsive Benefits of Beauty 0 Beauty is often confused with talent 0 More likely to get a job make more money get a promotion receive softer punishment for a crime Downsides of Beauty 0 Viewed as vain and promiscuous 0 Are lied to more often 0 May distrust praise Contrast Effect what happens when we compare average people to attractive people Matching tend to pair with someone who shares our level of attractiveness 0 The more similar the better 0 We may date up but we never date down 0 If matching diminishes it can cause tension Mate Value all the traits that attract partners to us wealth talent health personality 0 Provides a base for our standards 0 Men prefer youth and beauty women prefer status and wealth Once we evaluate physical attractiveness then what 0 Chances of rejection 0 Desirability Physical attractiveness X probability of acceptance 0 Best acceptance is from choosy partners Balance Theory suggests that people desire consistency among their thoughts feelings and social relationships 0 When two people like each other their feelings fit together well and is said to be balanced Opposites do not attract 0 We like people who are similar to us in demographic race age attitudes values personality Couples become more similar over time ComplementaritV we compensate for each other 0 Based on talents and experience 0 More of a behavioral exchange than stable personality StimulusValueRole Theory 0 Stimulus external characteristics that attract us 0 Value likes and dislikes 0 Role ideas of What makes a good life spouse parent We want What we can t have 0 Reactance if someone tries to limit our freedom we tend to struggle against that 0 Romeo and Juliet Effect being told you can t be With someone makes you more attracted to them 0 The Closing Time Effect people seem more attractive as closing time happens and there is less people to choose from Intimate Relationships Studyguide Chapters 46 Chapter 4 Social cognition the process of perception and judgment with which we make sense of the social world 0 How we think about our relationships affects how we experience them We make quick decisions on first impressions first impressions stay with us 0 First 39 milliseconds basic emotion 0 First 110 of a second attractiveness likeability trustworthiness 0 5 second conversation extraverted conscientious intelligent Stereotypes allows us to categorize people easily 0 Unconscious timesaving technique 0 Often incorrect The Primacy Effect our first knowledge about someone is more important than information we learn later 0 First few words are more important First impressions are a filter for the other information we learn Confirmation Bias we seek information that will prove us right 0 Over time people are overly confident that they have made accurate decisions about others 0 Over time people become more confident but their accuracy stays the same Judgment can be hindered by emotional attachment and hopes for the future Best predictor of relationship length women s roommates and friends Positive illusions we tend to think of our partners traits as particularly wonderful and downplay negative traits 0 Helps to maintain satisfaction 0 Judge partner more positively than others and themselves 0 Do not ignore partner s shortcomings 0 Improves our selfesteem 0 Eventually identify our partner s attributes as our ideal 0 As long as we do not deceive ourselves 0 Created through interpretations deficiencies are less important commonplace and routine positive qualities are rare unique and special Attributions how we explain why our partners did or did not do something 0 observe the same behavior in different ways Internal vs External personality situations faced Stable vs Unstable how lasting Controllable vs Uncontrollable were they in control of the situation or not Happy couples tend to make relationship enhancing attributions Unhappy couples tend to make distress maintaining attributions Negative behavior external unstable and specific to the situation Positive behavior internal and stable ActorObserver Effects generate different explanations for own behavior than for other people s behavior 0 more aware of external in uences 0 perspective taking helps Selfserving Bias take credit for success but avoid responsibility for shortcomings 0 aware of our own good intentions 0 judge the actions of others at face value Reconstructive Memorv fill in gaps combination of what happened then and what we know now Couples coconstruct history together A couple s account of how they met predicts the future of their relationship Memories in uence subsequent interpretations Dysfunctional relationship beliefs some beliefs have negative effects on the quality and stability of relationships 0 Disagreements are destructive 0 Great relationships just happen 0 Partners cannot change 0 Sex is perfect every time 0 Men and women are different 0 Mindreading is essential Destinv Beliefs the happily ever after principle 0 If 2 people are meant to be together they will know as soon as they meet have no doubts and experience 0 Downside takes an in exible view of intimate relationships Romanticism the view that love should be the most important basis for choosing a mate Growth Beliefs relationships gain strength through hard work 0 Benefit stable and lasting relationships Expectations come from relationship beliefs Selffulfilling prophecie false predictions that become true because they lead people to behave in ways that make the erroneous expectations come true Expectations Reality Our assessments of ourselves are powerful Selfconcept encompass all of the beliefs and feelings we have about ourselves Selfenhancement desire for positive complimentary feedback Selfverification the desire for feedback that is consistent with one s existing self concept Narcissists possess highly in ated unrealistic perceptions of their talents desirability and selfworth 0 Strong selfserving bias 0 Less committed to romantic partners Impression Management trying to in uence the impressions of us that others form 0 Accomplishing interpersonal objectives 0 Most people do not misrepresent themselves Impression Management Strategies Supplication Ingratiation Intimidation Self promotion We don t try as hard in impression management in close relationships We use impression management on behalf of our partners SelfMonitoring motivation with which people manage their impressions 0 High selfmonitors have more friends than low selfmonitors but they are also less close to them 0 High selfmonitors have less committed relationships and have partners who are great companions for some particular pleasure We perceive that our partners are more like us than they really are Perceiving similarity and understanding increase satisfaction in relationships Perceiver Abilitv skills to judge others 0 Emotional quotient 0 Openminded people have higher perceiver ability Sometimes it s good to be unaware on occasions where a partner s feelings or behavior is distressing or omnious 0 Higher stakes for perceiver accuracy Preoccupied attachment style more accurate when the situation is threatening Right or wrong our judgments of our lovers and friends can either support or undermine our contentment in our relationships Chapter 5 The Communication Process Sender s intentions Sender s action Effect on Listener 0 Stars potential points of miscommunication because of interference and interpretation Interpersonal Gap 0 Sender s intentions Effect on receiver 0 Email texting 0 Perception is reality happy and unhappy couples We communicate in a variety of ways 0 Complex messages 0 Sometimes verbal and nonverbal communication is inconsistent Nonverbal communication powerful tool 0 80 of communication is nonverbal Functions of Nonverbal Behavior in Relationships 1 Providing information a person s behavior allows others to make inferences about his or her intentions feelings traits and meaning 2 Regulating interaction nonverbal behavior provides cues that regulate the efficient give and take of smooth conversations and other interactions 3 Defining the nature of the relationship the type of partnership two people share may be evident in their nonverbal behavior 4 Interpersonal in uence goal oriented behavior designed to in uence someone else 5 Impression managemen nonverbal behavior that is managed by a person or a couple to create or enhance a particular image Facial Expressions are universal signals of emotion 0 Basic emotions in less than a second 0 We hide our true emotions Display Rules socially acceptable rules for how we express certain things and not Intensify feeling more Minimize feeling less Neutralize making it appear you have no emotion hiding emotion Mask feel one emotion displaying a different one If you re hiding emotions you re likely to get caught by others Microexnressions things that give away that you re hiding your emotions Some evidence that we can tell a person s sexual orientation by nonverbal 0 72 accuracy 0 Heterosexual men swagger women sway Switch them and we tend to identify them as gay or lesbian 0 Half a second of face time 70 accuracy Gazing the direction and amount of a person s eye contact 0 Eye contact communicates interest 0 Loversfriendsacquaintances 0 If you make eye contact across the room and you think they are unattractive look away Touch way to gain information handshake 0 Dominance high status touch low status 0 Men and women respond to touch from strangers differently Women Men Visual Dominance Ratio when powerful people are speaking we look them in the eye and they demand it Interpersonal Distance how far away we stand or sit from someone when interacting with them indicates level of intimacy status culture Public zone 12 feet Social zone 412 feet Personal zone 154 feet Intimate zone 0 18 inches Paralanguage how a person speaks rhythm pitch loudness rate Lovers use different paralanguage longer delays more silence women are more submissive Women sound more attractive just before they ovulate When verbal and nonverbal communications do not convey the same message nonverbal are more reliable Reading nonverbal cues is linked to relationship satisfaction Women are better at reading nonverbal because they practice and work at it Men in unhappy marriages are better at reading nonverbal cues than at their wives Men who are violent low in nonverbal sensitivity Both men and women in unhappy marriages had a difficult time reading their partners nonverbal cues Women in Nonverbal Smile more touch less Use smaller interpersonal distance Use submissive paralanguage Have more nonverbal sensitivity Have lower visual dominance ratio eye contact Use closed symmetrical posture Men in Nonverbal Open asymmetrical posture SelfDisclosure the process of revealing information Immediate closeness Linked to relationship satisfaction Women disclose more than men in established relationships but not with strangers Blirtatiousness say what you re feeling impulsively Coming out is an important act of selfdisclosure Aware of samesex attraction age 12 Identify as gay age 16 0 First samesex experience age 17 0 Come out to first person age 18 0 Come out to parent age 19 Strangeronaplane 0 Sometimes we disclose a great deal to strangers 0 High benefit low cost Social Penetration Theorv the development of a relationship is systematically tied to changes in communication 0 Begin shallow and narrow 0 Increase in breadth and depth 0 Reciprocity we tend to match the level of disclosure to the person we re talking to Eharmony offers guided communication 5 multiple choices a list of 10 must haves and can t stands exploring deeper questions open communication Taboo Topic issues we feel we can t talk about 0 68 said the state of the relationship was off limits Relationship Olympics Triangle Test look at partner s response to an attractive third person Endurance Test having partner endure something Separation Test create a situation to be away for a little and how excited the partner is when you re back Interpersonal Gap encoding and decoding 0 Nonverbal communication is hard to read 0 Men are not great at it Poor communication skills bad relationships Kitchen sinking when your partner finally listens you include all of your problems in one convo Offbeam drift from topic to topic Mind reading assuming they should know Interruptions cutting a partner off escalates conversation Yes But explaining why all potential solutions won t work Crosscomplaining responding to a problem with your own problem or complaint 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse 1 Criticism attacking a person s personality character or behavior 2 Contempt characterized by insults mockery or hostile humor sarcasm to make them feel stupid worst of all 4 3 Defensiveness response is equally negative 4 Stonewalling emotionally shutting down and cutting off the conversation 0 In 15 minutes 8390 accuracy about whether a couple will get divorced Strategies for better communication 0 Behavior description focus on discrete behaviors avoid always and never 0 IStatement put yourself at the center of the statement 0 XYZ Statement when you do X in situation Y I feel Z X and Y are behavioral description Z Istatement Paraphrasing being able to repeat in your own words what your partner has said to you Perception checking ask questions to clarify what they re feeling 0 Very difficult once you get angry Validation acknowledging what someone thinks feels or says about something Chapter 6 Social Exchange Theory economic view of relationships Social Exchange social life entails a mutual exchange of desirable rewards with others 0 Both partners must feel like they re getting a good deal 0 Maximize rewards minimize costs Rewards anything we experience as positive good Costs anything punishing negative Approach Motivation we seek positive experiences rewards SelfExpansion Model expand interests skills experiences Avoidance Motivation we avoid negative outcomes costs Rewards costs outcome 0 Positive outcomes are not enough 0 We evaluate outcomes based on our expectations and how well we could do without our partner Comparison Level CL what we believe we deserve expectations for relationship outcomes standards 0 Based on our past experiences 0 Satisfaction is based on the relationship between the CL and outcome High CL more options Low CL less options Comparison Level for Alternatives evaluation based on how well we could do with someone else 0 If prospects are better we will leave 0 If prospects are worse we will stay even if the relationship is miserable 0 College students who monitor their alternatives tend to have shorter relationships 0 Being alone is part of CL Alt The balance of costs and rewards helps us to 0 Decide to enter a relationship 0 Evaluate our satisfaction in a current relationship 0 Weigh the costs of ending a relationship Investments the things you would lose if the relationship ended 0 Tangible the stuff 0 Psychological example of having to start from the beginning Men have lower basic standards for low investment relationships especially men with high selfesteem Women have higher standards for low investment relationships not if she has low self esteem Both men and women have higher standards for high investment relationships Key Processes How we make decisions in relationships is based on the interplay of many factors the simple equation of rewards cost is not enough to explain behavior 1 Evaluating Satisfaction 0 CL compared to outcome 0 Any time the outcome is higher than your CL you should be relatively happy 2 Evaluating Stability 0 CL Alt compared to outcome 0 If your CL Alt is higher than your outcome the relationship is unstable 0 Divorce increase in CL alt 0 Satisfied couples tend not to pay much attention to their alternatives Nature of Dependence 0 Poor alternatives high dependence on current partner 0 The worse the options the more dependent we become 4 Principle of Lesser Interest 0 The person who is least dependent has more power 0 The person with a higher CL alt better alternatives has less to lose by leaving Intimacy is Costly 0 Unique rewards and frustrations 0 Pushing their buttons 0 Ruderless forgiving to partner than anyone else 0 The more you trust someone the more liberties you take in how you treat them such as parents 0 Bad is more powerful than good The In uence of Time 0 Cannot predict whether a relationship will last based on the initial rewards 0 The only defining factor are the initial costs 0 Rewards become less satisfying costs go up Changes in Effort 0 Comparison levels rise over time but our desire to be charming might diminish lower outcomes 0 We have a hard time maintaining the outcomes that initially kept us in the relationship Defining Costs and Rewards 0 We define costs and rewards individually 0 We have to value the rewards that we re getting 0 Gender can play a role 0 Task oriented rewards vs emotionaffection Exchange Relationship we want to maintain a balance of costs and rewards keep a mental tally Communal Relationship mutual responsiveness to the other person s needs don t keep a careful account of costs and rewards we assume that over time things will even out Eguitable relationship relationship is equitable when the ratio of your outcomes to your contributions is similar to that of your partner or when your outcomes your contributions your partners outcomespartner s contributions Overbenefitting receiving better outcomes than he or she deserves Underbenefitting receiving less than he or she should Commitment a person s intention to continue a relationship can be positive or negative Investment Model commitment emerges from the elements of social exchange Types of Commitment Personal Commitment we stay in relationships because we have genuine desire for the person we love them Constraint Commitment there are things holding you in the relationship such as money and kids Moral Commitment sense of obligation to stay what we feel is right Consequences of Commitment Can tolerate periods of high cost and low reward Protect and maintain relationship Accommodative Behavior level of exibility accommodate costs Willingness to sacrifice Perceived Superioritv idea that our relationship is better than other people s Intimate Relationships Study Guide Chapters 8 9 10 Chapter 8 Ancient Greece Platonic love was idealized Ancient Rome focus on reproduction Courtly love elegant and romantic 0 Young men aristocratic married women 0 Nonsexual theoretically Love worked up to the idea of a happy ending Romanticism is highly culturally specific Love an intense feeling of deep affection 0 We don t have an allencompassing definition for love so we talk about how it takes form Sternberg s Triangular Theory of Love proposes three different building blocks for love 1 Intimacy bonded closeness 2 Commitment expectation of future together 3 Passion physical desire to be with someone 0 Each construct is a continuum low to high 0 Combinations form 8 types of love Sternberg s Types of Love 0 Nonlove low levels of all 0 Liking high intimacy 0 Infatuation high passion 0 Empty love high commitment 10w intimacy and passion 0 Romantic love high passion and intimacy 10w commitment 0 Companionate love high intimacy and commitment 10w passion 0 Fatuous love high passion and commitment 10w intimacy 0 Consummate love high levels of all Sternberg s Update Narratives ask people to tell stories and analyze 0 People coconstruct a narrative about how they interact as a couple 0 Flexibility 0 Individual variation Combinations can vary over time Passion goes down Commitment goes up Related constructs Also distinct Lee s Love Styles similar to a person s work style or style of dress M want love to be romantic fairytale love Ludus love is playful a game Storge love based on friendship grows over time Pragma practical specifications to match Agape altruistic love loving without something in return Mania obsessive and possessive Unrequited love loving someone who doesn t love you back Happens more to men High attraction Overestimate liking Rewards How do we measure love Passionate Love Scale assesses fascination and preoccupation with high desire for and strong emotions about the object of one s love Rubin s Love and Liking Scale indication of what lovers are thinking Friendshipbased Love Scale measure of companionate love Physiology of Love Chart brain activity M sexual drive Related to sex hormones Attraction pursuit of romantic partner Dopamine and Serotonin reward centers Attachment feelings of comfort and security Oxytocin Oxytocin Produced by new mothers Makes her cuddle and gaze Released during orgasm Produces a feeling of relaxation May encourage enduring attachments Love is like a drug 0 Some researchers have compared falling in love to being on amphetamines 0 Very high highs and very low lows 0 Love is also a distraction Suspension Bridge Study 0 Men on the suspension bridge used more sexual imagery reported higher feelings of attraction for the female researcher were more likely to call her later Does the type of arousal matter 0 More attracted by negatively arousing AND positive arousing than neutral Didn t matter which type of arousal 0 High arousal increases our feelings of love or attraction Older people are mellower less arousal and more positive feelings Men have more romantic attitudes are more likely to believe in love at first sight and fall in love faster Does love last No most couples don t maintain the passionate longing for each other that leads them to commit in the first place because ideals are easily tarnished and reality gives us a warts and all view of our partners Coolidge Effect the novelty of a new partner piques new interest Social Institution a fundamental component of social organization 0 Joining of 2 individuals and 2 kin groups 0 Context for enacting family roles 85 of Americans marry at some point in their lives 54 of Americans were married in 2000 African Americans are less likely to be married than their white peers Legal Requirements 0 Age parental consent 0 Not married 0 Not biologically related incest 0 Male and female in most states 0 Able to consent 0 License or ceremony Defense of Marriage Act l996 bars federal recognition of same sex marriages Samesex marriage 0 States have responded individually 0 Moral and legal arguments hospital visitation survivor benefits health insurance 0 Challenges being made Civil Unions Acknowledging a relationship with some or most of the same rights and responsibilities of marriage 0 Definitions vary 0 Access to benefits 0 Adoption 0 Kinship ties Marriage market the hypothetical pool of all available partners Freechoice marriage individuals choose their own partners 0 May have input from parents 0 Relatively new phenomenon Arranged marriage parents or other elders choose 0 Observed in most of the world into 20th century Assisted marriage parents choose and children approve 0 Expectation that love will develop after marriage and it typically does Sleepwalker imagine the lifestyle but not the specific person who will share it Calculators have specific characteristics that are looking for in a spouse 0 Have happier marriages Assortive Mating process by which people sort out potential marriage partners Homogamy tendency to form committed relationships with people who share our social characteristics 0 Race age education religion Endogamy marrying with one s group Exogamy marrying outside one s group Interfaith Marriage 0 Concerns about conversion 0 Concerns about how children will be raised 0 Homogamous couples happier and more stable Less problematic if you agree about how to raise children have support from family and have open communication about issues Interracialinterethnic marriage 0 Interracial marriages were not legal in state until 1967 0 Less stability overall 0 Sharing values and having family support What do people expect in their marriages 0 Historically not love Creation of a good family union political Labor force survival 0 Increasingly intimacy and companionship Expectation of permanence it will last until one person dies 0 More critical when marriage was a practical union Expectation of sexual exclusivitv spouses promise to have sex only with each other 0 Historically about women 0 Now a marker of romantic commitment Arranged marriage more explicit contract between the couple and their families Modern American marriages people make unspoken contracts which may be challenged after marriage Women who expected to contribute about as much as their husband to family finances 0 Almost all women in their twenties 0 Almost none in 50s and 60s In households where domestic jobs are shared the women earns as much or more money than her husband 0 Younger women expect help with housework 0 Older women were signing up for housework Deinstitutionalization of Marriage family definitions and social norms are less rigid and less valued than they used to be 0 Children before marriage 0 More acceptable to divorce Individualized Marriage modern view that marriage is 0 Optional 0 Spouses roles are exible negotiable and renegotiable 0 We expect rewards of love communication and emotional intimacy 0 It exists in conjunction with diverse family forms Chapter 9 Sex in Dating relationships 0 More acceptable in serious or committed relationships 0 permissiveness with affection idea that sex is okay outside marriage as long as you love that person 0 95 of people have premarital sex Sex in samesex relationships 0 Results in negative stereotypes 0 Acceptance is improving 52 morally acceptable Roots of homosexuality 0 Biological in uence positive views 0 Choice or socialization negative views Sociosexual orientation beliefs and behaviors that describe our perspective about sex 0 Restricted believe sex should happen in relationships 0 Unrestricted believe sex is okay in casual relationships United States is more sexually conservative than a lot of countries Men are more permissive in general 0 endorse sex without intimacy Women prefer to be emotionally close to sexual partners The gap between men and women is getting smaller Sexual Double Standard 0 More subtle than it used to be 0 Sexually experienced women are judged more harshly but men are encouraged to explore their sexuality 0 Men prefer permissive dating partners but inexperienced marriage partners Social desirabilitv based on what is socially acceptable Very difficult to get good data about behaviors on sex Timing of first intercourse 0 African American Men 15 0 Latino Men 16 0 White Men 17 0 African American Women 17 0 Latina Women 18 0 White Women 18 Most people have sex by age 20 By middleage Men 7 partners and women4 partners Men and women may disagree about what constitutes sex Is oral sex really sex 0 Yes sexual behaviors saying that oral sex is not sex ignores sexual health issues and invalidates the sexual practices unwanted oral sex can be considered sexual assault 0 No oral sex is an alternative girls have oral sex to avoid intercourse less intimate than intercourse clothes on no eye contact no contraception Sexual behaviors 0 Masturbation 0 Oral sex in marriage more common among college educated The Kinsey Scale 0 06 0 0 exclusively heterosexual 0 6 exclusively homosexual 0 7 asexual was added later 4 stage model of sexual response 0 Excitement arousal 0 Plateau staying steadyheightened level of arousal 0 Orgasm peak of pleasure 0 Resolution pre arousal state Most common combination vaginal and oral sex With gay men oral sex is the most common Frottage rubbing penises together Tribadism rubbing vulvas together Cohabiting couples has sex 3 times per week Married couples has sex 2 times per week Older people have much less sex 0 Viagra may have changed this 0 Seniors are one of the fastest growing groups infected with HIV Gay men have more sex than heterosexual couples in the beginning of their relationships but less than any group after 10 years Lesbians have less sex throughout the relationship 4 themes to why people have sex 1 Emotional wanting to feel close 2 Physical feels good 3 Pragmatic practical to have kids to get what you want 4 Insecurity want assurance about yourself Hookups sexual encounters that have no present or future expectation for love Why don t people use condoms 0 Illusion of unique invulnerabilitV people assume bad things will happen to other people than to you 0 Change their minds in the moment 0 Alcohol mVopia don t think as clearly when you re drunk 0 Pluralistic ignorance we tend to misjudge what people around us are doing and go along with that group 0 Power inequalitV less likely to use if you feel you don t have power 0 Some abstinence education believe condoms don t work 0 Interpersonal issues feel awkward asking to use condom ExtradVadic Sex haVing sex with someone other than one s partner 0 More likely if Unrestricted sociosexual orientation Boring monotonous sex Not enough sex Unhappy with partner People who have more sex also have better sex SelfDetermination Theory sex is best when it fulfills 0 Autonomy control a situation 0 Competence confidence to please partner 0 Relatedness connection to person Couples who have satisfying sex lives have happier more committed relationships Satisfying sex more likely to do other things together happier Communicating desire most common sexual communication Nonverbal indirect in order to avoid rejection Most people have difficulty talking about position likes and dislikes sexual history 0 Becomes easier if both partners selfdisclose 0 Clear communication is associated with greater satisfaction Gay and lesbian couples have better communication about sex Consenting to sex should be an enthusiastic and ongoing yes Sexual Coercion 0 The type of pressure that is applied can range from Mildly coercive verbal persuasion that may involve false promises guilt induction or threats to end the relationship Plying someone with alcohol or drugs to weaken his or her resistance The threat of or actual use of physical force to compel someone s submission Men use more physical force and women are just as likely to use verbal coercion Cohabitation unmarried romantic partners sharing a residence Phenomenon cohabitation Noun cohabitors Verb cohabit cohabited cohabiting Why is cohabiting so common 0 Earlier sexual relationships 0 Later marriage 0 Leaves a wider gap for nonmarital relationships 0 Economy growing acceptance Stayovers staying overnight 3 or more nights per week while you keep 2 homes 0 These couples don t consider themselves to be cohabiors 0 Don t combine finances don t keep lots of personal items sometimes abstain from sex and aren t ready for more formal commitments Why do people cohabit Spend more time together save money take relationship to the next level path to marriage two parent family Why do people not cohabit Not ready money social networksreligion independence Serial pattem cohabit with more than one person over time The Cohabitation Effect couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce People who cohabit are different from those who don t It s not one kind of person who cohabits anymore The act of cohabitation erodes positive views of marriage leading to instability in marriage Couples who cohabit when they are already engaged are not at higher risk of divorce Inertia resistance to change in motion or direction 0 It takes some energy to get something moving but it also takes energy to stop it The Inertia vaothesis cohabiting couples who otherwise would not stay together or get married do because they experience increasing constraints to a break up Once people are living together the constraints to breaking up increase such as financial investments social pressure expectations 2 kinds of sliding into cohabitation and into marriage 0 not a very thoughtful process lease is up I m there all the time anyway save money Men who cohabit before marriage are less dedicated to their wives because they may have slid into their marriages Higher Risk Model Couple Transition Collect Information Lower Risk Model Collect Information I Couple Transition Chapter 10 Relational Evaluation extent to which other people value their relationships to us Relational Devaluation hurts more when someone used to value relationship with us and now they don t Degrees of Acceptance and Rejection 0 Maximal inclusion others seek us out and go out of their way to interact with us 0 Active inclusion others welcome us but do not seek us out 0 Passive inclusion others allow us to be included 0 Ambivalence others do not care whether we are included or not 0 Passive exclusion others ignore us but do not avoid us 0 Active exclusion others avoid us tolerating our presence only when necessary 0 Maximal exclusion others banish us sending us away or abandon us Ostracism being ignored Threatens need to belong Used to punish partner avoid confrontation or to calm down Leaves partner angry and confused Hurts even when we don t care about the groupperson Consequences selfdefeating choices put downs become less generous High selfesteem don t tolerate ostracism Low selfesteem will stick around J ealousy the potential loss of a valued relationship to a real or imagined rival 1950s1960s Jealousy is a sign of love 1970s1980s Jealousy is unhealthy and improper 2000 a little bit of both Observed in children as young as 2 Results in feelings of hurt anger and fear Direct anger at partner not rival Reactive J ealousv response to a realistic danger Suspicious J ealousv no misbehavior from partner Imagination By product of previous infidelity Men and women don t differ in jealous tendencies Jealousy is high when Rivals Person is dependent low CL Alt Feel inadequatelow self esteem Lower mate value Preoccupiedfearful attachment styles Neuroticism is high Value sexual exclusivity Traditional gender roles Rivalry from friends Renewed interest in an ex Someone who is good competition Women more threatened by rivals who are goodlooking Men more threatened by rivals who are confident Mate Poaching behavior that is intended to attract someone who is already in a relationship 45 succeed 0 Who poaches Extraverted horny approve of adultery Why do we get jealous 0 It gives us a reproductive advantage 0 Paternity uncertainty 0 Need for commitment in women 0 Natural selection may have favored jealous people Responses to Jealousy Anger evoke jealousy violence spying restricting behavior threatening rival Secure or preoccupied attachments talk things out Avoidant attachments ignore the problem Break the connection between your partner s faithfulness and your selfworth Selfreliance Stay cool and avoid feeling angry and embarrassed Selfbolstering think about your good qualities Men are bothered more by partner enjoying passionate sexual intercourse with another person Women are bothered more by partner forming a deep emotional attachment to another person How would you know if your partner was cheating If they really are cheating 0 Women more sex more romantic 0 Men more quality time more attentive Deception creating an impression that the deceiver knows is false 0 Make things up 0 Concealing information married couples 0 Divert attention from the facts 0 Telling halftruths College students lie an average of twice a day Adults off campus tell 1 lie a day Most lies are casual Deceiver s Distrust when people lie to others they perceive the recipient to be less trustworthy over time 0 everyone is like me so you must be lying too Mismatch liars tend to view their deception as less serious than the recipient SelfServing Bias tend to take credit for the good things you do Good liars have high social skills not much to lose an unattractive target How to catch a liar 0 Speak hesitantly 0 Higher pitch 0 Grammatical errors 0 Blink more often 0 Mismatch between facial expressions and tone of voice 0 Know the person well Betrayal hurtful actions by people we trust 0 Most intense hurt from people we love 0 Loyalty to multiple people 0 Women betray friends and family 0 Men betray intimate and business partners Who is more likely to betray others 0 College students majoring in social sciences education business or humanities 0 Younger people 0 Those with less education 0 Less religious people Forgivenes a decision to give up your perceived or actual right to get even with or hold in debt someone who has wronged you 0 Secure attachment 0 2 key ingredients 1 Apology 2 Empathy from victim have to understand why they did something After Happily Ever After Movie 0 Traditional marriage is a recent invention 0 You could have a decent marriage in the fifties 0 Stakes are higher today high aspirations of what marriage is supposed to be 0 It s about what works for 2 individuals 0 People are physiologically more healthier with relationships 0 Societies in history easy to get a divorce 0 People have learned how to do marriage better marriages can and will become more stable as people enter them Intimate Relationships Study Guide Chapters 11 12 13 Chapter 11 Interpersonal Con ict occurs when someone s motives goals beliefs opinions or behavior interfere with those of another 0 Preventing someone from doing getting what they want Con ict is unavoidable because people inevitably differ in their moods or preferences Dialectics we uctuate in our pursuit of different goals opposing motivations 0 Examples Autonomy desire to be independent vs Connection desire to be connected to be with someone Change see and do new things vs Stability routine Openness vs Closedness Integration vs Separation Frequency of Con ict 0 Dating partners 23 con icts per week based on diaries 0 Married partners 12 unpleasant disagreements per month 0 Failure to report 40 of irritations to their partners Predictors of high con ict 0 High neuroticism 0 Preoccupied attachment style 0 Younger couples 0 Incompatibility dissimilarity 0 Alcohol Con ict steadily increases from age 1925 and tapers off after that 0 Establishing career and lasting partnerships Top 5 topics of con ict among married couples 1 Children 2 Chores 3 Communication 4 Leisure 5 Workmoney GayLesbian couples more similar than different Heterosexual couples have more disagreement about social issues ex Political attitudes Homosexual couples have more issues with trust Instigating Con ict 0 Criticism pointing out something negative about partner 0 Illegitimate demands doing something you don t expect to have to do 0 Rebuffs don t get response from partner that we think we should 0 Cumulative annovances small issues accumulate into a bigger issue Attributional Con ict two interpretations of the same event can lead to con ict 0 Fighting about whose account is correct 0 ActorObserver effects think differently about what we do than other people 0 SelfServing bias take credit for what we do well 0 Men often judge con ict as a sign of intentional betrayal and disrespect they are more prone to anger Negative patterns of con ict 0 Escalation to decide to argue or fight 0 Negative affect reciprocitv partner gives negative emotion you give negative emotion back 0 DemandWithdraw one partner demands resolution other partner refuses Vicious cycle Men and women take different roles Positive patterns of con ict 0 Negotiation say your side and work toward a common solution 0 Accommodation acting constructively in the face of attack The 4 categories differ in being active or passive and in being either constructive or destructive 1 Voice behaving in an active constructive manner by trying to improve the situation by discussing matters with the partner changing one s behavior in an effort to solve the problem or obtaining advice from a friend or therapist 2 Loyalty behaving in a passive but constructive manner by optimistically waiting and hoping for conditions to improve 3 Exit behaving in an actively destructive manner by leaving the partner threatening to end the relationship or engaging in abusive acts such as yelling or hitting 4 Neglect behaving in a passive but destructive manner by avoiding discussion of critical issues and reducing interdependence with the partner When one is neglectful one stands aside and just let things get worse Con ict Styles 0 Volatiles like to fight passionately make up passionately 0 Validators sit down and share each other s perspectives 0 Avoiders try to avoid con ict gt All result in stable and enduring marriages Key maintaining the 51 ratio positiveznegative Hostiles critical and demeaning to partner 0 Actively engage in con ict in a mean way 0 Fail to maintain a 51 ratio Ending a Con ict 0 Separation withdraw without resolving 0 Domination one person wins 0 Compromise partners meet in the middle Neither person gets what they wanted 0 Integrative agreements creatively satisfy both partners interests 0 Structural improvement partners get what they want and improve the relationship Fighting can be good depending on 0 The similarity of the partners preferences 0 The manner in which arguments are conducted Con ict is an opportunity to increase intimacy Showing Understanding skill 0 Listen in a way that shows strong interest 0 Become your partner 0 Repeat your partner s thoughts feelings and concerns 0 Accept and make changes graciously 0 Empathy Expression Skill 0 Think before you speak 0 Start by remembering what s good 0 Speak from your own point of view 0 Talk about your feelings 0 Ask for what you want 0 Avoid trigger words Always and never 0 Be specific 0 Clarity Soft start avoiding accusations and criticism when expressing a problem Harsh start beginning with a mean or angry comment 0 97 of conversations will go downhill with a harsh start When you re angry 0 Heartbeat over 150 logic is compromised 0 Emotions take over 0 Not more honest 0 Just more likely to say something regrettable Best practices 0 Be positive 0 Exercise gratitude 0 Be explicit about expectations 0 Avoid contempt 0 Be respectful Chapter 12 Social power the ability to in uence the behavior of others and to resist their in uence on us Most people say the ideal relationship is an equal partnership Principles of Power 1 Power is based on control of valuable resources Access to resources not only possession You can only derive power from having a resource if other people want it The more they want it the more power you have Principle of Less Interest the person with less interest in a resource has more power Applies the first 2 principles to relationships If something we want is readily available elsewhere we don t have to rely on one person to get it 0 CLAlt if you can get love affection companionship elsewhere you don t rely on your partner for it Partners interactions emerge from their mutual in uence on one another SHOP 4 0 Both partners have power 0 Power may uctuate Broad types of power 0 Fate control I get to determine what happens next Example Parentchild relationship 0 Behavior control changing our own behavior to get partner to do what we want Example romantic relationship 6 Specific Types of Power 1 Reward power If you do what I want I will give you X 2 Coercive power If you don t do what I want I will punish you by X 3 Legitimate power you have a reasonable right to tell me what to do and I feel compelled to do it 0 Authority reciprocity equity Referent power I love you so I will do what you ask of me 5 Expert power you know more than I do about this so I will do what you ask of me 6 Informational power you have information that I need or want so I will do what you ask of me Resources that Grant One Power Type of Power Resource Gets people to do what you want them to do because Reward power Rewards You can give them something they like or take away something they don t like Coercive power Punishments You can do something to them they don t like or take away something they do like Legitimate power Authority or norms of They recognize your equity reciprocity or social authority to tell them what responsibility to do Referent power Respect and or love They identify with you feeling attracted and wanting to remain close Expert power Expertise You have the broad understanding they desire Informational power Information You possess some specific knowledge they desire Men are assumed to have more legitimate and expert power 0 Veto powe ability to make definite changes even if something is decided Women are assumed to have more referent power 0 Women using direct assertion unfavorable 0 Women using referent power favorable 0 Domain specific expertise on certain topics female dominated topics are more powerful for women In heterosexual relationships the male often has more power Men and women have a disparity of relative resources 0 Higher pay higher positions In no known culture are women dominant Women are more likely to engage in constant duties such as cleaning cooking childcare Men are more likely to engage in intermittent duties such as yard work fixing the car Expressions of Power 0 Language Men interrupt women more but women dominate conversations about traditionally feminine topics Assertive women are more powerful with other women but less powerful with men 0 Nonverbals touch eye contact posture Power Strategies 0 Direct ask for what you want More satisfied peoplemen 0 Indirect hinting or pouting Not as satisfiedwomen 0 Unilateral work alone Less powerfulwomen 0 Bilateral work together More powerfulmen Catch 22 women tend to use unilateral and indirect issues but it makes them unhappy But people don t like it when they use direct or bilateral Status is even more important than gender 0 Low status low likelihood of acting in assertive and authoritive ways associated with depression 0 High status not good at other peoples point of view associated with positive moods Violence behaving with the intention of physically hurting the other person 0 16 couples have experienced some kind of violence 0 Gay men most 0 Heterosexual menwomen middle 0 Lesbian women least Intimate Partner Violence IPV 0 Situational couple violence SCV Most common form of violence When heated con icts lead to physical violence Both partners are angry grab push hit Occasional and usually mild Unlikely to reach lifethreatening violence Instigating Triggers anything about a couple s interaction that causes frustration or aggravation jealousy evoking events remembered or discovered betrayals real or imagined rejection verbal or physical abuse Impelling in uence in uences that predispose one to violence from earlier in life violent family origin neuroticism mismatched attachment styles heat and noise Inhibiting in uences counteract aggressive urges cultural norms conscientiousness satisfaction and commitment sobriety Commitment to one s partner makes violence less likely so spouses are less violent than cohabiting couples are Intimate terrorism IT 0 Violence used to control or oppress 0 Usually threats isolation other control tactics are used 0 Frequent and one sided 0 Escalates over time 0 Results in serious injury 0 Most often used by men Violent resistance When the victim of intimate terrorism fights back Mutual violent control 2 intimate terrorists are trying to control Men and women display similar levels of situational couple violence Men are more likely to use coercive violence and are perpetrators of intimate terrorism Gaining power and control 0 Threats and coercion 0 Emotional abuse 0 Isolation and stalking 0 Preventing access to money Men s occupations 0 Violent work 43 more intimate partner violence such as military or law enforcement 0 Low income may be related to low selfesteem feelings of inadequacy 0 Come from violent families Escaping violence 0 33 of women stayed in abusive relationships for 25 years 0 They didn t think they would be better off if they left CLAlt 0 Financial barrier 0 Fear of partner s reaction After a positive attribution Instigating events I engagement I negotiation After a negative attribution Instigating events I engagement escalation L gt Sep aration Conciliation V Reconciliation l V Negotiation L Chapter 13 Divorce rate close to 50 A child born to a married couple in the US is less likely to live with both parents than a child born to cohabiters in Sweden Historically marriages ended in different ways such as deathabandonment Divorce rate peaked in 1980s and since then rates have dropped slightly and leveled off Fault divorce couples had to prove Adultery universal Desertion abandonment Physical and later mental cruelty 0 Very adversarial 0 Difficult for families No Fault divorce added incompatibility and irreconcilable differences 0 Started in California 0 All states by 1985 Age at marriage is the best predictor of divorce African American couples are more likely to divorce because 0 Cohabited for a longer period of time 0 Children prior to marriage 0 Lower incomes increase in stress 0 Come from divorced families Process of divorce is more complicated than premarital dissolution but ways of ending are very similar Personal Phase disinterest in relationship Dyadic phase disclosure to spouse Social phase disclosure to family and friends Gravedressing phase reframing to move on After Divorce 4 categories 1 Fiery foes very angry cannot work together 2 Anger associates may at least work together 3 Cooperative colleagues not good friends but work well together for children 4 Perfect pals strong bond even though no longer in romantic relationship Effects on children 0 Most children have temporary stress 0 Some have poorer outcomes in school behavior emotional problems 0 Most do fine 0 When parents handle it well kids do too Reasons why kids struggle from parents divorce 0 Parent loss view children are presumed to benefit from having 2 parents who are devoted to their care 0 Parental stress model the quality not the quantity of the parenting a child receives is key Married couples break up less than gay lesbian and cohabiting couples 0 Marriage makes it hard to leave 3 factors that in uence break ups 1 Attraction rewards in the relationship 2 Alternatives 3 Barriers high for married couples Vulnerability qualities that may make relationships unstable such as neuroticism dysfunctional relationship beliefs M difficult things happen Adaptation how the couple deals with those stressors gt The interplay of these 3 factors Some relationships end because they don t meet our expectations of being easy exciting and passionate Greater life expectancy leads to longer marriages Enduring dynamics spouses bring to their marriages problems and incompatibilities that surface during their courtship 0 Usually aware of shortcomings before marriage Emergent distress couples fall into dysfunctional and negative interactions 0 Not there from the beginning 0 Problems develop over time Maintain a cheerful generous kind and attentive attitude toward your partner Disillusionment people are less wonderful than they seemed in the beginning 0 Romance fades Try to remain realistic about your partner and evaluate both their good and bad qualities How does this apply to you Doubts and uncertainties con icts and low warmth spell trouble 0 Marriage won t fix current problems Disillusionment was the best predictor of divorce 0 The higher your expectations the further you have to fall How do people break up 0 Direct vs indirect 0 Other oriented vs selforiented Combination of indirect and selforiented wait them out Relationships tend to meander to an end series of ups and downs 0 Most common pattern gradual individual indirect protracted nonmending Rules of Relationships the standards we expect in relationships 0 Autonomy 0 Similarity 0 Supportiveness 0 Openness 0 Fidelity 0 Togetherness 0 Equity 0 Magic Intimate Relationships Chapter 14 Study Guide Relationship Maintenance Mechanisms the strategic actions people take to sustain their partnerships Cognitive Mechanism people think differently about relationships when they are committed Coanitive interdependence identifying as a we Mutuality Positive illusions thinking of our partners traits as unique Perceived superioritv we tend to think our relationships are better than others Inattention to alternatives Derogation of tempting alternatives Appreciate attractive people Devalue real threats to the relationships Example celebrities vs attractive students on campus Behavioral Mechanisms Willingness to sacrifice Accommodation respond constructively Harder when you are stressed tired or distracted HALT You are less able to do positive techniques when you are hungry angry lonely tired Play Couples who do active exciting and challenging things together are happier Forgiveness Michelangelo Phenomenon we are more committed to a person when they help us to become the person we want to be Strategies Positivity Openness Assurances Social network Sharing tasks Sharing activities Support Con ict management Avoidance Humor gt Healthy relationships rely on doing these things consistently Positivity assurances and sharing tasks are the most important Premarital Education 0 Preventative Maintenance 0 Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program 10 hours spread over 5 sessions Topics commitment fun communication about sex inappropriate expectations Repairing Relationships 0 Beware of self help books 0 Repairing relationships isn t simple 0 Reputable sources can offer helpful solutions Individual therapv partner and therapist Collaborative therapv 2 partners and 2 therapists separate sessions Concurrent therapv 2 partners and 1 therapist separate sessions Conioint therapv 2 partners and 1 therapist together 0 Most common Conioint group therapy multiple couples and one or more therapists Behavioral Couple Therapy 0 Replace negative behaviors with more positive ones 0 Love Days days set aside to be affirming and caring to partner 39 Ouoid Pro Duo Contract behavior change in one behavior change in the other 0 Good faith contracts good behavior is rewarded CognitiveBehavioral Couple Therapy 0 Change how you think about your partner 0 Selective attention notice some things but not others 0 Positive attributions 0 Try to judge each other fairly kindly and reasonably Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy 0 Both cognitive and behavioral 0 Accept partner s imperfections 0 Empathetic joining no resentment 0 Unified detachment no heated emotion 0 Tolerance building lower sensitivity 0 Give up efforts to change everything they dislike Emotionally Focused Therapy 0 Based on attachment 0 People seek affection and affirmation from each other 0 It s bad if a partner responds negatively 0 Demand and Withdraw 0 Set up structure to satisfy both partners Insightoriented Therapy 0 Addresses how past patterns or assumptions impact the present relationship 0 Working on baggage 0 Affective reconstruction finding a way to change negative emotions from the past 0 Building empathy between partners


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