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Date Created: 04/04/14
Tuesday April 1 2014 Lecture 1 Introduction Albert Einstein Love Life Mileva Maric Einstein39s first wife 0 Einstein and Mileva met in University in the early 190039s 0 Being a woman at a university during this time is a huge feat and this reflects upon Mieva39s intellect o Einstein and Mileva shared a love over math and physics and would study together one thing led to another and they fell in love 0 Mileva got pregnant and moved away from University to have her child which died shortly thereafter 0 Married and had two boys together despite strong objections by friends and family 0 They thought she was too severestrongwilled for him 0 Einstein later wrote that he thought that he quotmarried her out of obligationquot o Einstein would travel and leave Mileva at home to take care of two boys although she could have applied her great intelligence toward more intellectuallychallenging things 0 Einstein39s priorities were outside of the household in his contributions to physics 0 Separated Einstein never saw children again Elsa Einstein 2nd wife 0 Elsa was Einstein39s first cousin and had 2 children from a prior marriage 0 Not an intellectual herself o Elsa managed Einstein39s secretarial work 0 Einstein had affairs 0 Elsa got sick and died relatively young Einstein39s Position on Intimate Relationships 0 Einstein wrote a letter to the son of his friend and said he respected that the son39s father could manage to stay in a lifelong relationship quotsomething I tried vainly to do and failed to do twicequot 0 Really wanted a lasting relationship but was unable to maintain one 0 Found relationships in physics easier to understand than intimate relationships 0 Intimate relationships DO matter The Power of Intimate Relationships 0 Who cares Everyone o Intimate relationships are of lasting interest to nearly all fieldsdisciplines eg art literature philosophy law economy etc o Intimate relationships is the domain of life that is most strongly associated with happiness as compared to work health etc 0 Considered one of the most powerful human phenomena in a person39s life Tuesday April 1 2014 Lecture 1 OI41 029 025 Overall Friendships j 020 happiness 021 Hobbies in life Goals of this class 0 After this course you should have 0 Understanding of what scientists have learned about intimacy and intimate relationships relationship science Appreciation for the complexity involved in acquiring this knowledge 0 Information to inform your opinion on current controversies and issues related to relationships What makes a relationship 0 z is the state of being where the actions of one person affect the outcomes of another person and vice versa 0 The defining feature of any relationship 0 Everyone is interdependent with each other but the extent to which one person affects the other person is what defines the level of intimacy in a relationship John Thibaut quotteebowquot and Harold Kelley o Developed the definition of interdependence o Studied the behavior of dyads and endeavored to work their way up to studying groups of three then groups of four etc 0 2 the smallest possible group 2 people 0 Lived long lives but died before finishing the dyad Tuesday April 1 2014 Lecture 1 0 Never finished their book on groups Social Psychology of Groups never got past their study of twoperson groups 0 Defined a relationship as the extent to which one individual can affect another individual Dimensions of Interdependence 0 Frequency of contact 0 Some people in our lives that we have a lot of contact with while others we have little to no contact with 0 Duration of contact 0 quotHow long will this relationship last3939 0 Longest relationship most people have in their lives siblings 0 Diversity of different interactions 0 Diversity refers to the range of different types of interactions that occur in a given relationship 0 eg teacher does most of the talking and the student listens 0 not very diverse because they have a limited range of different types of interactions 0 eg roommates sometimes discuss rentbills argue of household topics comfortsupport each other etc o Quite diverse because they have a very large range of different types of interactions 0 Direction of influence uni or bidirectional O eg the professor cannot influence Cameron Diaz very much unidirectional O eg partners tend to have a great amount of equal influence on each other bidirectional o Strength of influence 0 Strong influences can make lives worth living or tear us to pieces 0 Other relationships can have a weak influence between people What makes a close relationship 0 quotThe close relationship is one of strong frequent and diverse interdependence that lasts over a considerable period of timequot Kelley et al 1983 p 38 0 Strong 0 Frequent O Diverse O Lasting o Kelley did not think that a close relationship necessarily had to be bidirectional O eg relationship between a father and child while both do affect each other the father affects the child a great deal more than how much the child affects the father 0 Examples of close relationships 0 Siblings O Fnends O Parentchild What makes an intimate relationship 0 Recognizing the partner as special and unique this is a personal relationship 0 eg 3939It doesn39t bother me that my friend has a bunch of other friends but it would bother me if my partner had a bunch of other intimate partnersquot 0 Desire especially lust and sexual desire Tuesday April 1 2014 Lecture 1 o a relationship with someone that you want to have a unique relationship with that involves a sexual charge of desire o Is physical intimacy by itself intimacy O No physical intimacy does not necessarily mean it is intimate 0 Not diverse o Frequent contact 0 Short duration 0 Are intimate relationships the same as romantic relationships 0 If a relationship that starts out as both intimate and romantic loses its sexual aspect becomes less romantic it is still an intimate relationship because at some point in the relationship there was sexual charge 0 An intimate relationship does not necessarily require sexual desire 0 As long as there is desire eg a person has a hunger for a unique and personal relationship with another individual 0 Personal relationships are broad close relationships are closer and intimate relationships are the closest Why Intimate Relationships Matter Intimate relationships are universal 0 Found in every culture 0 We as a species have evolved a capacity for intimate relationships that manifests wherever human beings are found 0 Evidence Fisher 1989 Jankowiak amp Fischer 1992 Intimate relationships are powerful o Are the source of our peak experiences as well as our lowestworst experiences 0 Highest highs o eg quotThe best moment of my life was when I found out that the person I loved the most loved me backquot 0 Lowest lows o eg quotThe worst moment of my life was when the person I loved the most betrayed mequot o Depressive episodes in adolescents tend to occur as a result of the breakup of their first intimate relationship 0 1 in 3 times the murder of a woman is performed by her partner 0 We tell the little lies to everyone but we tell the biggest lies to our loved ones Intimate relationships affect our health 0 Evidence 0 Coan Schafer amp Davidson 2006 o Studied how the brain responds to stress fMR of women39s brains An X was presented on a screen indicating that they would receive an electric shock in 5 seconds 0 3 conditions 0 Alone Tuesday April 1 2014 Lecture 1 I High brain activity when the X was presented 0 Hold the hand of a male research assistant I No significant difference from those in the quotalonequot condition 0 Hold the hand of their relationship partner 39 Reduced brain activity as compared to the other two conditions 39 The closer the relationship the higher the effect on brain activity 0 Brains wired to act differently when in an intimate relationship than when not in an intimate relationship 0 The act of holding hands did not make a difference the strength of the relationship is what mattered the most 0 Coyne et al 2001 0 People hospitalized for congestive heart failure observed how they interacted with their spouses o Followed up a few years later 0 Positive interactions with spouses associated with increased likelihood that the heart failure patient was still alive relationships are literally a matter of life and death What do we want to know about intimate relationships The Longevity Question 0 Which relationships last and which ones don39t last Tuesday April 1 2014 Lecture 1 Diwjrcels 4 Till 1 I ll 1 E Yoars Mlquot11 139lecll 0 Highest divorce rates in the 198039s leveled off in following years 0 Married population in the US has gotten older 0 Younger people marrying at lower rates older people less likely to divorce 0 Today39s 50yearolds are more likely to get divorced as compared to 50yea rolds 20 years ago 0 50 risk of divorce for those getting married today 0 Peak divorce rates during the 2nd to 3rd year of marriage most often in the first 7 years of marriage 0 The longer people stay married the less likely they are to divorce The Satisfaction Question 0 What makes people satisfied with their relationships 0 People like partners who like them back and treat them well The Change Question 0 How does the same relationship go from good to bad What do we need to know to understand an intimate relationship Tuesday April 1 2014 Lecture 1 High Level of intimacy HusbancI 9 Wife E D 39 E U 5 E3 M an 1 IU E i 3 395 E J I 39 Q lD391 s395 Since Wedcling 0 Why is the husband always happier than the wife Thursday April 3 2014 Lecture 2 Methods People Disagree about Intimate Relationships 0 Attraction 0 Express interest or play hardtoget 0 Conflict 0 Should couples embrace it or avoid it 0 Divorce 0 How does it affect children 0 Should you break up because you don39t want to expose your children to a disintegrating relationship or should you stay together to protect your children from the other damaging consequences of two households 0 These are unknowable questions 0 We cannot figure out these answers 0 How do we decide where the truth lies 0 Senator William Proxmire 0 Based his election campaign efforts toward reducing wasteful government spending 0 Created the quotGolden Fleece Awardquot for projects that took government money but didn39t have any real value 0 The first award would go to two social psychologists that studied how people fall in love 0 William argued that love cannot be measured scientifically and thus considered this study a waste Methods Matter 0 Direct experience matters but people have different experiences 0 What if we want to give advice or set policy 0 eg some states have different views on the effectiveness of parenting by same sex couples 0 People have argued in court that being raised by samesex couples is detrimental to the child but research shows that children raised by samesex couples perform just as well as those raised by heterosexual couples 0 Should we devote money to a quothealthy marriage initiativequot 0 What tools have we got for sorting out different versions of the truth about intimate relationships 0 We don39t have a quotthermometer of love3939 What do we measure 0 Relationship science measure constructs o an abstract idea eg love commitment satisfaction 0 It might not exist if we didn39t think about it o Eg mass exists whether or not we think about it but love may not exist if it was not thoughtabout 0 Does not necessarily mean it is imaginary It is real people fight and die for love but it is very abstract Thursday April 3 2014 Lecture 2 0 Needs to be made measurable through operationalization o the process of translating an abstract idea into concrete terms so it can be studied How can we measure love Strategy 1 selfreports 0 Some things you just have to ask about 0 Eg quoton a scale from 110 how much do you love your partnerquot 0 Most common form of study used in studying relationship science 0 indicating the degree to which a person agrees with 13 statements concerning their attitude toward their current romantic partner on a scale from 1 indicating strong disagreement to 9 indicating strong agreement 0 The more the person agrees with these items the more likely the person is to remain in the relationship 0 This is one operationalization of love If my partner were feeling badly my first duty would be to cheer himher up I feel that I can confide in my partner about virtually everything I find it easy to ignore my partnerquots faults I would do almost anything for my partner I feel yery possessiye toward my partner If I could never be with my partner I would feel miserable If I were lonely my first thought would be to seek my partner out One of my primary concerns is my partner39s welfare I would forgive my partner for practically anything I feel responsible for my partnerfs wellbeing When I am with my partner I spend a good deal of timejust Iooking at himher I would greatly enjoy being confided in by my partner It would be hard for me to get along without my partner 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 rare I 39 Pros and Cons of SelfReports 0 Pros 0 Easy to do 0 Cheap 0 Quick 0 Sometimes gets at exactly what we want to know 0 No other way to get inside a person39s head and find the answer 0 Cons 0 People do not always tell the truth 0 Eg research on violent behavior 0 If you ask a couple to report their physical aggression on the partner and their partner39s physical aggression on them we can compare their responses 0 Husbands often underreport their physical aggression as compared to their wives report 0 People do not always know the truth 0 Eg quotHow many times did you text your partner last weekquot A I don39t know a lot 0 Evidence Jacobson amp Moore 1980 Thursday April 3 2014 Lecture 2 o Eg emotional awareness construct some people are more aware of their emotional states whereas others are not 0 Selfreport measure used to measure behavior of both members of a couple eg did you engage in this behavior in the past 24 hours 0 50 of the time spouses agreed on the behaviors that occurred in the last 24 hours 0 Happy people don39t actually know all of the behaviors they did in the past 24 hours but they assume they did happy behaviors because that is what makes them happy whereas unhappy people assumed they didn39t do happy behaviors o No bearing on what these people actually did Strategy 2 Systematic Observation 0 What should we observe O Verbal communication 0 Do they say 3939I love youquot 0 Use of the first person plural we us etc is also a sign of closeness O Nonverbal communication 0 Holding hands eye gaze 0 Written communication 0 Biological responses 0 fMR responses in the brain when people see an image of their partner as compared to a picture of a shoe a car etc 0 Types of couples measured 0 new couples 0 old couples that indicated that they loved their partner as much as they did in the beginning 0 Old couples fMR responses glowed just as strongly as that of new couples 0 Not definitive it is not clear what the glows actually mean Pros and Cons of Observation 0 Pros 0 Very relevant if you choose well 0 Great detail 0 Able to get more information from asking about problems in a couple39s marriage than looking at circled responses on a selfreport questionnaire using a scale 0 Ability to define things 0 Cons 0 Very expensive 0 Pay people to code videos 0 Takes a lot of time 0 observation of a behavior changes the behavior you are observing o Eg if you are whistling and notice someone watching you you may stop whistling and walk away 0 Eg when people are either recorded in a laboratory setting or in a home setting recordings at home were more negative than those in the lab Thursday April 3 2014 Lecture 2 0 People try to be their best selves when they are aware that they are being observed 0 The meaning problem 0 People define things differently o Eg if a person is gazing into another person39s eyes is it because they are deeply in love or because they see that the other person has an eyelash in their eye Designing Research 0 when several variables are all measured at the same time 0 Helps with description 0 Eg Do divorce rates differ across the 50 states 0 Divorce rates are way higher in the Bible Belt states than the other states likely because economic factors play a large role 0 when the same variables are repeatedly measured over long periods of time 0 Helps with prediction 0 Eg Does marital satisfaction vary during the course of a marriage 0 Results 0 People who just got married reported high satisfaction 0 People who have been married for a while reported lower satisfaction 0 People who have been married for a long time reported high satisfaction again 0 Results may be a little biased though because the people who just got married include those who have never been in a relationship before those who have gotten a previous divorce those who have been in a nonmarital relationship for a long time and then just recently gotten married and those who have gotten multiple divorces o Crosssectional vs longitudinal O The case of the disappearing curve Fl l J39RF ll lV39lmrquotilsLll H1j rquotriIIEarivllr39 M1Iriliill l3LIr1iI1II1l39l1r l3939Fll 539m1pla lJtI39iwas lu39lL39li1PLl 2 Marital Haplpint i by Marital L39JmLraIIii In lllrum the lquoti1icrirJlE39T39I39l7lr39ct Qumtl mtiic Eumas Morluals 32 No E lr l v Knwlodlel 3 l w 2 Gus Pfllquotr ElI M Aliilscrtircaisuijrmcieli 5 E I av 5HgE mg ml Ha cs new 1 I39uiari1aI Hanpiirless Ei Hi 1 E o in 20 3390 4 1 Am I lirnwgur of yuars rnanimd in llzurrIir1I lapuvusia I 5 1 5 31 35 my 5 i g ilhrlairital Druramn In fears Who are we studying o Intimate Relationships may differ for different groups of people Thursday April 3 2014 Lecture 2 0 American vs Chinese 0 Chinese newlyweds tend to be more negative than American newlyweds 0 Chinese newlyweds don39t ca re because of social differences Rich vs poor 0 Rich couples tend to care more about emotional wellbeing than finances or staying out ofjail 0 Young vs old 0 Different variables that affect satisfaction for young vs old couples 0 eg 3939I love my partner because my partner will take care of me when I am sickquot is more relevant to older couples than younger couples 0 Dating vs married 0 Marriage is more defined 0 Marriage is considered the most important relationship in people39s lives 0 Studying individuals or couples 0 Is this ethical o The power of mere questions 0 Researchers must be sensitive about the questions that are asked because they39re asking people about the most emotionally loaded topics in their entire lives 0 The effect of being studied 0 Is the relationship altered by merely participating in this study 0 Cost vs benefits 0 Do the benefits outweigh cost 0 May cause people to realize how goodbad their relationship is when they normally don39t think about it 0 Ethical obligations 0 Also have an ethical obligation to do this work even though there are costs
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