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This 12 page Class Notes was uploaded by Holly Houser on Tuesday March 3, 2015. The Class Notes belongs to PSY370 at University of Miami taught by Franklin Foote in Spring2015. Since its upload, it has received 73 views. For similar materials see Human Sexual Behavior in Psychlogy at University of Miami.
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Date Created: 03/03/15
Chapter 13 Attraction Love and Romantic Relationship General Frameworks for Attraction and Relationships 0 Evolutionary Theory 0 Oriented to adaptions necessary to huntergatherer acenstors from very many thousands of years ago 0 Social Context Social Cultural and Cognitive Learning 0 Based on one s social learning history 0 Oriented to person s experience of current context 0 These two general approaches are often seen as complimentary or supplementary to each other for attraction love romantic relationships What Attracts us to Others Initial Awareness 0 Propinquity amp Familiarity o Propinquity How physically close you are to someone Ex the person sitting next to you in class gt more likely to meet them 0 Familiarity If you re a familiar sight from causal runins etc PhysicalAttractiveness 0 So Do Nice Guys Finish Last 0 Women prefer mediocre nice guy than the good looking jerk but big limitation of study what we cognitively think may be different than how we actually behave Ex Who would you actually make out with at a frat pa y More likely to get a job if you re attractive 0 It s better to be more attractive unless you used your attractiveness to commit the crime easier sentences for more attractive people 0 We tend to like people we interact with Ex Pass them in the hall every day amp look at them 0 The confederate who showed up to every class was more liked than the confederate who only showed up every second class or the confederate who showed up only to exams or who never showed up 0 Architecture gt you ll be more popular if you live somewhere that people see you coming in and out have runins with 0 Only variable that predicted who they liked after the dance was physical attractiveness same for men amp women 0 WHAT IS A39ITRACTIVE 0 Both men amp women are attractive if they have 0 Symmetrical face 0 Clear complexion 0 Large eyes 0 Prominent cheekbones 0 Big smile Women also should have 0 Small nose 0 Small chin 0 Narrow cheeks 0 High eyebrows 0 Large pupils Men also should have 0 Large chin What Attracts us to Others Earlv Contact Flirting o Verbal Playful entertaining interaction 0 Often gives complements 0 Sometimes 0 Sometimes Speaker target amp onlookers should all hear as humorous never hurtful 0 Sometimes puts the target quotoffbalance speaker in control Speaker target amp onlookers should all hear as playful fun never demeaning or feel like actual forcing control 0 Non Verbal smiling moving closer eye gazing laughing 0 Women make clear very brief direct 0 Grooming selftouching cheek or neck smoothing one s hair 0 Body displays tightening abdomen arching back stretching hair ip 0 Touching the other person What Attracts us to Others Earlv Contact in addition to irting Reciprocal Liking Should Women Play Hard to Get Arousal Mutualitv and lntimacv Mutuality quotWenessquot 0 Types of Intimacy types often overlap 0 Sexual o Emotional 0 Intellectual 0 Personal facts 0 Shared experience Intimacy lt Social Penetration Intimacy Theories Don t typically get intimate in one aspect of our lives Intimacy can be used to hurt another person Reciprocal amp Gradual When we form relationships intimacy forms gradually amp it s usually reciprocated We get very uncomfortable if we re only intimate in one way 0000 Recommendations for Successful Relationships 0 Never tell lies of commission 0 Don t say you have a 38 average if your average is a 25 0 It s okay to leave out things in the beginning 0 Be gradual in self disclosure amp intimacy 0 Be guarded at rst 0 Explore greater self disclosure as comfortable and if feeling respected and reciprocated 0 After relationship becomes serious and lasts some years push to continue self disclosure and increase intimacy force yourself to be vulnerable Mutuality and Intimacy Preferences and sexual history 0 Following Romantic Scripts 0 A Romantic Script is like a love story 0 How many is too many sex partners 0 Script intertwined expectations 0 Even if it s something we haven t actually done before we still have a script about what you ll expect will happen 0 Scripts come from culture experiences close friends amp relatives 0 We re comfortable when our scripts are being followed doesn t necessarily mean it s a happy script 0 It s possible to change your script but it takes a lot of effort 0 Romantic script is like a love story 0 Like self ful lling prophecies Fisher s Three Components of Love Lust is sex drive Drives you to nd a mate 0 Romantic love focuses on one person 0 Obsessiveness 0 Can t stop thinking about them 0 They take on special signi cance amp meeting 0 We focus on what we like about the other person 0 We can recognize that they re not perfect but we don t pay much attention to those 0 Intense hot literally o Feels like a fever 0 Related to infatuation but not the same thing 0 lnfatuation is a very immediate form of this 0 Not under control 0 Psychologists call it passionate love 0 Not an emotion it s motivation 0 We are motivated to be with this love object o The emotion is how we feel when the other person responds to us o If the other person responds similarly we feel ecstasy o If not we feel extreme disappointment amp hurt 0 At most it lasts 3 years 0 Attachment 0 Tolerance for a long term companionship o Companionate love psychology 0 Security peace contentment Can Romantic Love Survive Longterm Measures of romantic love ex Passionate Love Scale include obsession as well as intensity engagement amp sexual interest 0 When obsession items are deleted from the scale then several studies suggest that romantic does continue in many longterm relationships 0 Can continue well past 3 years Caudate Nucleus and Passionate Love Passionate love lives in the Caudate Nucleus Brain Changes in Romantic Love Over Time 1 Rectosplenial cortex same part of the brain that tells us when we ve had enough chocolate and passionate love Brain Changes in Romantic Love Over Time 2 o Anterior amp Posterior Singulate Cortex correlated with slowly deteriorating passionate love Romantic and Maternal Love aC anterior cingulate cortex an ventral anterior cingulate cortex C caudate nucleus hi hippocampus l insula S striatum putamen caudate nucleus globus pallidus PAG periaqueductal central gray 0 They are different but they have some similarities Stvles Colors of Love 0 Lee created the 6 differences in love 0 Agapealtruistic Very self sacri cing The person will do anything for their lover Very forgiving Unconditional caring If partner is happy they re happy amp vise versa Allconsuming emotional experience with strong physical attraction High on extraversion agreeableness amp conscientiousness Low on neuroticism Lust amp emotional attachment 0 Ludus Player Not looking for commitment at all 0 Mania Possessive love lntensely jealous very obsessed quotWhere are you What are you doingquot Needs repeated reassurance that their lover loves them Neuroticism 5 factor model 0 Pragma Practical person Have a checklist if they have all checks then I love you 0 Storge Friendship love We don t fall in love right away Develop friendship amp then out of that maybe develop love Sense of warmth amp sharing with partner Majority of people aren t just one of these 0 Usually 2 or 3 0 You hope to nd you re the same with your partner 0 Order doesn t matter as long as you re the same 2 or 3 0 BEST mix of eros amp agape 0 Doesn t matter if you re this just matters if you match Attachment Styles 0 Secure Good with own self esteem Think most people are good people Form lasting relationships Enjoy intimacy amp nurturing Prefer sex to be within an intimate relationship As teens it s usually within an intimate relationship when theyloseit o Passionate amp positive emotions while having sex 0 You want to be this lnsecure o Fearfulavoidant Not good self esteem Avoid relationships Doesn t think other people are trustworthy When they nd themselves falling into a relationship it ends up being unhappy o Preoccupied Not very good self esteem Think other people are good Would like to have close relationships but they realize that they are unworthy Vulnerable to rejection Clingy o Dismissive I m okay you re not High self esteem Deserve close relationship but there s nobody good enough to be close to Reject people just because they know they ll let them down OOOOOO quotStories We Lovequot 0 Chinese are higher on companionate love than Americans 0 Chinese songs are more sad amp American are about people amp infatuation 0 Expected to see cooperation strategies discussed among Chinese idealization in American Questionnaire about how people think of love metaphors for love Collected data by giving questionnaires to students amp having them ask couples to ll it out so they get extra credit non random sample 0 Devotion is universally important to satisfaction 0 Americans are better at open expression of con ict 0 Chinese view con ict as a threat to harmony Chinese expect to not understand eachother We expect more direct amp open communication US Idea of happily ever after is not something viewed in China 0 They look at the history of the relaitonship as being important 0 US thinks in shorter time spans China looks far into future Pornography had to do with debasing each other common in both cultures 0 Similarity in love stories was important to satisfaction in US but not China Limitations 0 Only 2 cultures amp it wasn t representative of the cultures 0 Only used 12 of 25 love scales so might not be accurate Developed in American culture probably scripts unique to China that weren t captured 0 Sample 150 couples 100 items supposed to have 10 people per item should ve had 1000 people in each sample Negative Side of Love Unrequited Love 0 The Unrequited versus the Rejectors o Unrequited Love 90 of college students 0 One person wants the relationship amp the other doesn t o A few years later the Unrequited says sucks it didn t work out but it was exciting Rejector felt guilty angry etc 0 Experience is more negative for the rejector than the suitor Negative Side of Love leaousy o A unique emotion 0 When most likely to happen 0 Individual difference lnvolves limbic system 0 Hippocampus notices there s something going on you don t like o Amygdala generates emotional reaction 0 Hypothalamus energizes sympathetic nervous system 0 Involves 3 people minimally 2 people is envious 0 Most likely to happen when you re in a monogamous relationship 0 High on neuroticism amp low on agreeableness are more likely to be jealous o Evolutionary Theory Explanation o Matevalue quotMy mate s hot but I m hotterquot less likely to get jealous quotMy mate s really hotquot more likely to get jealous o Mate Guarding Gender Difference in jealousy o Emotional women versus Sexual men 0 Varies with speci c study method culture SES Attributional differences between partners 0 People are Basically Weird o Induced jealousy make my partnerjealous relationship distancing Say you have other plans than hanging out with them when you don t irtation facades o Pretending to be irting with someone or pretending someone is chasing after you when they re not 0 Ex sending yourself owers relational alternatives 0 quotWhen I was with Mary blah blah blahquot o Fidelity Checks I do something that might make me jealous tests strength of relationship manipulatecontrol partner Doing something to give you an excuse to be jealous 0 Pathological jealousy Truly mentally deranged A Nested Ecological Model Macrosystem broad cultural values and belief systems 0 eg patriarchy dominate religious dogma One gender should have control over the other Usually males over females The more empowered women are the less likely they are to be abused OOO Excosystem social structures 0 eg friendships peer group work stress winslosses by important sports teams unemployment 0 When there s a lot of stress at work people are more likely to be abusive 0 When sports team does bad more likely to be abusive according to some studies Microsystem immediate context 0 Family unit couple interactions antecedents and consequences of con ict including any violence or other abuse Directly related to the couple 0 Distancing one person wants to talk about something amp the other person says not now as a pattern More likely to lead to abuse if the female is the approacher Ontogenetic individual development 0 eg personality learning history 0 If you grow up seeing abuse you re more likely to be abugve o Disorders 0 Depression PTSD O Negative Side of Love Breakinq UD 0 Many causes of breaking up 0 Active HarmAcute Crisis Active Harm being abused Acute Crisis cheating o Insidious Unease Insidious things that happen over time Something that initially attracts you to a person becomes something you dislike Poor Con ict Resolution Investments Equity and Alternatives Passive Deterioration have to nurturetake care of the relationship quotFatal Attractionquot In women 0 Lack of autonomy equity or openness In men 0 Lack of magical quality Negative Side of Love In delity o 25 of married men and 15 of married women reported having engaged in extramarital sex at least once 0 Types 0 Accidental Not intentional or preplanned Doesn t last 0 Romantic in delity o Philanderers One affair after another or multiple at the same time Cyberaffairs o On Internet 0 Evolutionary Theory Explanation o QUESTION what percent of married people have affairs ON TEST 0 20 Polygamy and Polyamory o Polygamy married to more than one person at the same time o Polygyny one man several wives Very common 0 Polyandry one woman several husbands Much less common When it does occur it s often due to economic s ua ons Ex two brothers might share one wife because they can t afford a wife on their own 0 Polyamory responsiblely and ethically loving multiple people simultaneously Many variations some examples 0 Not just having sex with several people 0 Being in love with several people at the same time 0 Closed Group Marriage of people living amp interacting the same way a married couple does except there s more than 2 people Sometimes has same gender sex Not legally married but it s like a marriage 0 Share nances raise children etc o Intentional Communities Started by one charismatic usually male person Small group of people who settles down amp everyone who lives in this community has sex with everyone else in this community Don t last forever but some has lasted a long as 20 years Typically when the person who made it dies they break up Wanderlust Very rare 0 Intimate Networks Primary relationships 0 normal marriage or closed group marriage 0 It s just like a marriage Secondary relationships 0 People they have sex with on a frequent basis 0 Good friends with them Tertiary relationships 0 People they don t do much except once amp a while have sex 0 Not much of a relationship otherwise 0 Big problem time management 0 Communication is important So you are thinking about getting married 0 Avoid Potential Spouses Who Are 0 Addicts o Neurotic 0 Violent as an adult 0 Look for quottrait expressivenessquot or FFM high on agreeableness high openness amp emotional stability or secure attachment 0 Trait expressiveness 5 Factor Model 0 Probability is better when you wait a longer to get married 0 Have children before 30 0 Want to be actually married for a full year before you get pregnant 0 Age Not before 25 0 Living Together 0 People who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce 0 Don t live together until you re formally engaged 0 Should not be a trial marriage 0 Finances honesty amp planning 0 Signi cant other needs to know about all of this 0 You should plan are we going to live in an apartment or should we buy a place 0 Talk about having children 0 Have professional premarital counseling 0000 Not talking to priest or rabi Also not just a 4 hour marriage course Go to a psychologist Couples have worse communication a year after marriage than a year before unless they have this counseling
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