Love and Sex Week 2: Love
Love and Sex Week 2: Love SOCIOL 2340
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This 5 page Class Notes was uploaded by Maya Notetaker on Wednesday August 31, 2016. The Class Notes belongs to SOCIOL 2340 at Ohio State University taught by Kathleen Lamb in Fall 2016. Since its upload, it has received 6 views. For similar materials see Sex and Love in Modern Society in Sociology at Ohio State University.
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Date Created: 08/31/16
Week 2: Love “Falling in Love is the Easy Part” TEDtalk § 36 questions to fall in love § Have to sustain and work at love, choosing your partner and staying together Sternberg’s “Searching for Love” § Sought to identify what love is, how it develops, and why it succeeds or fails o Identify a structural model of love o Triangular theory of love – love composed of some degree of/absence of intimacy, passion, and commitment o Love stories explain what love is or should be; how people view love and think it should unfold § Love is war (need conflict and drama), fantasy, fairytale, love is travel (on a journey together – need to keep introducing novelty), love is horror § Need the same love story/concept as your partner so you are on the same page and the relationship works out o Compatibility in their thinking styles – 3 different ways of approaching problems; need compatibility between styles, balance each other out with strengths and weaknesses § Legislative – good at coming up with ideas § Judicial – critical and analytical § Executive – good at executing and putting ideas into practice o Couples must exhibit Wisdom, Analytical Intelligence, Practical Intelligence, and Creativity, Synthesized (need to use all abilities simultaneously) (WICS) § All five elements are important for relationship success – understand what love is comprised of, what you look for in love, how love functions within a couple WICS Model § Wisdom – Using knowledge and creativity for the common good o Reflect on where they’ve been to make decisions for the COUPLE o Requires level of adaptation in the environment – think outside of themselves § Analytical intelligence – evaluate courses of action, intellectual intelligence o Think hypothetically to look at all possible outcomes for the future § Practical intelligence – use past experience to solve problems; common sense o Able to learn and draw on past experience, draw of failures; self awareness § Creativity to adapt to changing life circumstances, self efficacy (feeling you can do something), active agent in situations you’re put in § Work on yourself to function positively in a relationship Theories in Love Sternberg’s Triangular Theory § Intimacy – worth in a relationship; trust, social support, friendship aspect § Passion – the heat, desire for your partner, physically intimate, arousal, excitement § Commitment – cool headed element, devotion, willingness to want to work to maintain it § All three elements are important for maintaining some sort of balance in a relationship; have same balance between three aspects in a working relationship § Each partnership exhibits a differently-‐shaped triangle § There is a variable intensity to each component § Non-‐love: an acquaintance – absence of all three § Liking: high level of intimacy but low or no level of commitment and passion; a new friend § Infatuation: passion; fixated on thinking about somebody § Empty love: only commitment and nothing else; stay together because of a vow or cultural force; an arranged marriage could start out this way § Romantic love: intimacy and passion, no commitment (maybe haven’t gotten to that point yet); beginning of a relationship § Companionate love: intimacy and commitment, there is passion but it has subsided; reality of long-‐term relationship; excitement of having sex with a partner dies down because of habituation § Fatuous love: foolish love; passion and commitment but no intimacy; shared social support is missing; Bachelor and Bachelorette, sleeping with an ex consistently, couple with great chemistry and they elope quickly – build intimacy later possibly § Consummate love: relatively rare, high levels of all three – goal for many people; physiologically humans cannot sustain a level of passion for that long (a full lifetime) Research associated with Sternberg’s Theory § All three components are strongly correlated with relationship satisfaction, but emphasis placed on each changes over time o Traumatic life events (death and illness), distance (stay in contact or not), having children, etc. “The Brain in Love” TEDtalk § Evolutionary theorist Helen Fisher – three biological systems play a role in partnering to people together o Lust – free floating thing that everyone has; motivation to have sex and evolutionarily it gives us the drive to procreate § When you meet someone you could see yourself having a relationship with, lust is focused on one person § Passion o Attraction – drive to pair up with one specific person (or multiple people), all consuming phase; neurochemically produced because brain is producing a lot of dopamine (rush and euphoria) o Attachment – relationship can continue long-‐term; the pair is bonded and you feel comfort and security; neurotransmitter oxytocin is produced (produced when woman breastfeed to bond them with their baby), also produced when you have an orgasm (sex coma) § Commitment & intimacy o Dopamine and oxytocin paly a role in pairing up – if your brain doesn’t produce these chemicals then a relationship that “should” work out might not end up working in the end Research on Romantic Love § Feelings of arousal enhance feelings of romantic love Rubin’s Love Scale – 3 components § Intimacy – friendship, support, and companionship § Dependence – like passion, but you have a longing for your partner (not only sexual), need your partner to feel satisfied § Caring – willing to put the welfare of another person ahead of your own; selflessness and altruism Romantic love leads to partner idealization § Partners tend to overestimate positive attributes and underestimate negative attributes § Point when couples may move in together, get engaged, or have babies § Couples look at each other through “rosed-‐colored glasses” and make life-‐ altering decisions during this time Self-‐expansion model (Aron and Aron) § See yourself through a more complex light – where are you coming from, where are you going; what are your successes and failures § Higher self-‐esteem when you are in romantic love than when you are not § Change in self-‐concept during romantic love because… o You are valued by someone else, they are choosing both the good and bad of you o Looking at the future and you have to reflect on yourself to find out what you want The decision to marry, or cohabit, occurs when romantic love is at its highest point § Should take a step back and look at the whole person because once the romantic love phase wears off, you will have to live with this person (the good and the bad) forever Companionate Love § Intimacy and commitment with passion in the background § Exhibited by long-‐term couples § Sense of humor, friendship, shared interests sustain the relationship o Couples that have a high level of friendship are the couples that stay together the longest § Oxytocin may be more prominent – bonds the couple together for long-‐term § Can co-‐exist with romantic love, but comes to be the dominant love type over time – Rated as the number one type of love for couples married for 15+ years (long-‐term couples) Compassionate Love Additional type of love identified by Fehr and Sprecher § Intimacy, compassion, and caring § Very highly correlated with relationship satisfaction § Deep selflessness; selfless type of love – would put your partners needs ahead of your own and expect NOTHING in return o Invested in their happiness and their basic needs are met § A more “realistic” style than romantic love; more limitations because of aging and the couple accepts that § Examples: o One spouse who is taking care of their partner who has a long-‐term chronic health condition § Alzheimer’s, dementia, etc. § Expectation of long-‐term couples, romanticized in movies as an expectation or what might eventually happen (Me Before You); taken for granted John Lee’s Styles of Love § Eros – passionate, focused on intense passion and physical gratification; the way their partner looks is important o Fetish – attracted to certain types of people (physically) o Young adolescents like to date the “popular” kids who are “cute” o Attractiveness ranking – common in all age groups, but especially younger groups o Attracted to what you look like, couples look similar to each other; true to race, religion, income also § Ludus – invested in game playing; love and sex is something they want to “win” at; getting the partner is the prize; may move from one partner to the next or juggle multiple partners; non-‐committal o “Player”, Charlie Sheen, chronic cheater, “slut” or “whore” § Different titles depending on gender o Men score higher § Storge – slow moving type of love; friendship evolves and develops into something that is passionate, intimate, and romantic o High school sweethearts, long-‐term relationships; people who were friends first and evolved overtime o Doesn’t start with fun, exciting, passion o Getting out of the friend zone is difficult but also risky o Women score higher § Mania – dramatic, lots of highs and lows, ups and downs; the person who has this love style is very demanding and always needs to keep tabs on their partner; enjoy the breaking up and making up aspect of love o High school, celebrities, relationships involving abuse o Mindy from The Mindy Project – layer of obsessiveness, wants the fairytale in movies § Agape – giving type of love; selfless; directed at another partner or how people approach individuals in general o Associated with certain religions o Pragma or Storge can evolve into this o Athlete who isn’t playing this season because his wife is having surgery o Someone who compromises their career for their partner § Pragma – practical love; put in a level-‐headed assessment of partner’s characteristics and determine if the person will satisfy your practical needs – do they have what you are looking for o Shared goals, religion, economic status, etc. o The passion you have with a partner takes a back seat o Someone middle aged + and is very particular in what they want, someone with more life experience o Arranged marriages – blending families o Women score higher Does not overlap with Sternberg’s Triangular Theory – choose someone who has the same style or complimentary styles of how you approach love Variation in Love Gender differences § Feeling passion – men feel it more quickly § Men say “I love you” first 70% of the time; women are more hesitant o Women more selective because they are finding a partner to have children with (evolution) o Men are very capable for deep level of feelings for their partners Differences across age and relationship duration § Less intensity § Romantic love is less predominant – habituation (familiarity with partner); novelty subsides and passion wears off § Relationship between habituation and sexual frequency – sexual frequency decreases with increased habituation o People who remarry or who move from one relationship to another have sex more frequently because they are less habituated to their partners “The Mask You Live In” Documentary
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