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Love and Sex Week 2: Love

by: Maya Notetaker

Love and Sex Week 2: Love SOCIOL 2340

Marketplace > Ohio State University > Sociology > SOCIOL 2340 > Love and Sex Week 2 Love
Maya Notetaker
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These notes cover week 2's lecture notes and lists the videos shown in class.
Sex and Love in Modern Society
Kathleen Lamb
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This 5 page Class Notes was uploaded by Maya Notetaker on Wednesday August 31, 2016. The Class Notes belongs to SOCIOL 2340 at Ohio State University taught by Kathleen Lamb in Fall 2016. Since its upload, it has received 6 views. For similar materials see Sex and Love in Modern Society in Sociology at Ohio State University.


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Date Created: 08/31/16
Week 2: Love “Falling  in  Love  is  the  Easy  Part”  TEDtalk   § 36  questions  to  fall  in  love   § Have  to  sustain  and  work  at  love,  choosing  your  partner  and  staying  together       Sternberg’s  “Searching  for  Love”   § Sought  to  identify  what  love  is,  how  it  develops,  and  why  it  succeeds  or  fails   o Identify  a  structural  model  of  love   o Triangular  theory  of  love  –  love  composed  of  some  degree  of/absence  of   intimacy,  passion,  and  commitment     o Love  stories  explain  what  love  is  or  should  be;  how  people  view  love  and   think  it  should  unfold     § Love  is  war  (need  conflict  and  drama),  fantasy,  fairytale,  love  is  travel   (on  a  journey  together  –  need  to  keep  introducing  novelty),  love  is   horror     § Need  the  same  love  story/concept  as  your  partner  so  you  are  on  the   same  page  and  the  relationship  works  out   o Compatibility  in  their  thinking  styles  –  3  different  ways  of  approaching   problems;  need  compatibility  between  styles,  balance  each  other  out  with   strengths  and  weaknesses   § Legislative  –  good  at  coming  up  with  ideas   § Judicial  –  critical  and  analytical     § Executive  –  good  at  executing  and  putting  ideas  into  practice     o Couples  must  exhibit  Wisdom,  Analytical  Intelligence,  Practical  Intelligence,   and  Creativity,  Synthesized  (need  to  use  all  abilities  simultaneously)  (WICS)   § All  five  elements  are  important  for  relationship  success  –  understand  what  love  is   comprised  of,  what  you  look  for  in  love,  how  love  functions  within  a  couple     WICS  Model   § Wisdom  –  Using  knowledge  and  creativity  for  the  common  good   o Reflect  on  where  they’ve  been  to  make  decisions  for  the  COUPLE     o Requires  level  of  adaptation  in  the  environment  –  think  outside  of   themselves   § Analytical  intelligence  –  evaluate  courses  of  action,  intellectual  intelligence   o Think  hypothetically  to  look  at  all  possible  outcomes  for  the  future   § Practical  intelligence  –  use  past  experience  to  solve  problems;  common  sense   o Able  to  learn  and  draw  on  past  experience,  draw  of  failures;  self  awareness   § Creativity  to  adapt  to  changing  life  circumstances,  self  efficacy  (feeling  you  can  do   something),  active  agent  in  situations  you’re  put  in   § Work  on  yourself  to  function  positively  in  a  relationship       Theories  in  Love   Sternberg’s  Triangular  Theory   § Intimacy  –  worth  in  a  relationship;  trust,  social  support,  friendship  aspect   § Passion  –  the  heat,  desire  for  your  partner,  physically  intimate,  arousal,  excitement   § Commitment  –  cool  headed  element,  devotion,  willingness  to  want  to  work  to   maintain  it   § All  three  elements  are  important  for  maintaining  some  sort  of  balance  in  a   relationship;  have  same  balance  between  three  aspects  in  a  working  relationship   § Each  partnership  exhibits  a  differently-­‐shaped  triangle     § There  is  a  variable  intensity  to  each  component       § Non-­‐love:  an  acquaintance  –  absence  of  all  three   § Liking:  high  level  of  intimacy  but  low  or  no  level  of  commitment  and  passion;  a  new   friend   § Infatuation:  passion;  fixated  on  thinking  about  somebody     § Empty  love:  only  commitment  and  nothing  else;  stay  together  because  of  a  vow  or   cultural  force;  an  arranged  marriage  could  start  out  this  way   § Romantic  love:  intimacy  and  passion,  no  commitment  (maybe  haven’t  gotten  to  that   point  yet);  beginning  of  a  relationship   § Companionate  love:  intimacy  and  commitment,  there  is  passion  but  it  has  subsided;   reality  of  long-­‐term  relationship;  excitement  of  having  sex  with  a  partner  dies  down   because  of  habituation   § Fatuous  love:  foolish  love;  passion  and  commitment  but  no  intimacy;  shared  social   support  is  missing;  Bachelor  and  Bachelorette,  sleeping  with  an  ex  consistently,   couple  with  great  chemistry  and  they  elope  quickly  –  build  intimacy  later  possibly   § Consummate  love:  relatively  rare,  high  levels  of  all  three  –  goal  for  many  people;   physiologically  humans  cannot  sustain  a  level  of  passion  for  that  long  (a  full  lifetime)       Research  associated  with  Sternberg’s  Theory   § All  three  components  are  strongly  correlated  with  relationship  satisfaction,  but   emphasis  placed  on  each  changes  over  time     o Traumatic  life  events  (death  and  illness),  distance  (stay  in  contact  or  not),   having  children,  etc.     “The  Brain  in  Love”  TEDtalk   § Evolutionary  theorist  Helen  Fisher  –  three  biological  systems  play  a  role  in   partnering  to  people  together   o Lust  –  free  floating  thing  that  everyone  has;  motivation  to  have  sex  and   evolutionarily  it  gives  us  the  drive  to  procreate   § When  you  meet  someone  you  could  see  yourself  having  a   relationship  with,  lust  is  focused  on  one  person   § Passion   o Attraction  –  drive  to  pair  up  with  one  specific  person  (or  multiple  people),   all  consuming  phase;  neurochemically  produced  because  brain  is   producing  a  lot  of  dopamine  (rush  and  euphoria)     o Attachment  –  relationship  can  continue  long-­‐term;  the  pair  is  bonded  and   you  feel  comfort  and  security;  neurotransmitter  oxytocin  is  produced   (produced  when  woman  breastfeed  to  bond  them  with  their  baby),  also   produced  when  you  have  an  orgasm  (sex  coma)   § Commitment  &  intimacy     o Dopamine  and  oxytocin  paly  a  role  in  pairing  up  –  if  your  brain  doesn’t   produce  these  chemicals  then  a  relationship  that  “should”  work  out   might  not  end  up  working  in  the  end   Research  on  Romantic  Love   § Feelings  of  arousal  enhance  feelings  of  romantic  love   Rubin’s  Love  Scale  –  3  components   § Intimacy  –  friendship,  support,  and  companionship     § Dependence  –  like  passion,  but  you  have  a  longing  for  your  partner  (not  only   sexual),  need  your  partner  to  feel  satisfied   § Caring  –  willing  to  put  the  welfare  of  another  person  ahead  of  your  own;   selflessness  and  altruism     Romantic  love  leads  to  partner  idealization     § Partners  tend  to  overestimate  positive  attributes  and  underestimate  negative   attributes   § Point  when  couples  may  move  in  together,  get  engaged,  or  have  babies   § Couples  look  at  each  other  through  “rosed-­‐colored  glasses”  and  make  life-­‐ altering  decisions  during  this  time   Self-­‐expansion  model  (Aron  and  Aron)     § See  yourself  through  a  more  complex  light  –  where  are  you  coming  from,  where   are  you  going;  what  are  your  successes  and  failures   § Higher  self-­‐esteem  when  you  are  in  romantic  love  than  when  you  are  not     § Change  in  self-­‐concept  during  romantic  love  because…   o You  are  valued  by  someone  else,  they  are  choosing  both  the  good  and   bad  of  you   o Looking  at  the  future  and  you  have  to  reflect  on  yourself  to  find  out  what   you  want   The  decision  to  marry,  or  cohabit,  occurs  when  romantic  love  is  at  its  highest  point   § Should  take  a  step  back  and  look  at  the  whole  person  because  once  the  romantic   love  phase  wears  off,  you  will  have  to  live  with  this  person  (the  good  and  the   bad)  forever     Companionate  Love   § Intimacy  and  commitment  with  passion  in  the  background   § Exhibited  by  long-­‐term  couples     § Sense  of  humor,  friendship,  shared  interests  sustain  the  relationship   o Couples  that  have  a  high  level  of  friendship  are  the  couples  that  stay   together  the  longest   § Oxytocin  may  be  more  prominent  –  bonds  the  couple  together  for  long-­‐term   § Can  co-­‐exist  with  romantic  love,  but  comes  to  be  the  dominant  love  type  over   time  –  Rated  as  the  number  one  type  of  love  for  couples  married  for  15+  years   (long-­‐term  couples)     Compassionate  Love   Additional  type  of  love  identified  by  Fehr  and  Sprecher     § Intimacy,  compassion,  and  caring   § Very  highly  correlated  with  relationship  satisfaction   § Deep  selflessness;  selfless  type  of  love  –  would  put  your  partners  needs  ahead  of   your  own  and  expect  NOTHING  in  return     o Invested  in  their  happiness  and  their  basic  needs  are  met   § A  more  “realistic”  style  than  romantic  love;  more  limitations  because  of  aging   and  the  couple  accepts  that     § Examples:     o One  spouse  who  is  taking  care  of  their  partner  who  has  a  long-­‐term   chronic  health  condition   § Alzheimer’s,  dementia,  etc.     § Expectation  of  long-­‐term  couples,  romanticized  in  movies  as  an  expectation  or   what  might  eventually  happen  (Me  Before  You);  taken  for  granted       John  Lee’s  Styles  of  Love   § Eros  –  passionate,  focused  on  intense  passion  and  physical  gratification;  the  way   their  partner  looks  is  important   o Fetish  –  attracted  to  certain  types  of  people  (physically)   o Young  adolescents  like  to  date  the  “popular”  kids  who  are  “cute”   o Attractiveness  ranking  –  common  in  all  age  groups,  but  especially   younger  groups   o Attracted  to  what  you  look  like,  couples  look  similar  to  each  other;  true   to  race,  religion,  income  also   § Ludus  –  invested  in  game  playing;  love  and  sex  is  something  they  want  to  “win”   at;  getting  the  partner  is  the  prize;  may  move  from  one  partner  to  the  next  or   juggle  multiple  partners;  non-­‐committal     o “Player”,  Charlie  Sheen,  chronic  cheater,  “slut”  or  “whore”     § Different  titles  depending  on  gender   o Men  score  higher     § Storge  –  slow  moving  type  of  love;  friendship  evolves  and  develops  into   something  that  is  passionate,  intimate,  and  romantic   o High  school  sweethearts,  long-­‐term  relationships;  people  who  were   friends  first  and  evolved  overtime     o Doesn’t  start  with  fun,  exciting,  passion   o Getting  out  of  the  friend  zone  is  difficult  but  also  risky   o Women  score  higher   § Mania  –  dramatic,  lots  of  highs  and  lows,  ups  and  downs;  the  person  who  has   this  love  style  is  very  demanding  and  always  needs  to  keep  tabs  on  their  partner;   enjoy  the  breaking  up  and  making  up  aspect  of  love   o High  school,  celebrities,  relationships  involving  abuse   o Mindy  from  The  Mindy  Project  –  layer  of  obsessiveness,  wants  the   fairytale  in  movies   § Agape  –  giving  type  of  love;  selfless;  directed  at  another  partner  or  how  people   approach  individuals  in  general     o Associated  with  certain  religions   o Pragma  or  Storge  can  evolve  into  this     o Athlete  who  isn’t  playing  this  season  because  his  wife  is  having  surgery     o Someone  who  compromises  their  career  for  their  partner   § Pragma  –  practical  love;  put  in  a  level-­‐headed  assessment  of  partner’s   characteristics  and  determine  if  the  person  will  satisfy  your  practical  needs  –  do   they  have  what  you  are  looking  for   o Shared  goals,  religion,  economic  status,  etc.     o The  passion  you  have  with  a  partner  takes  a  back  seat   o Someone  middle  aged  +  and  is  very  particular  in  what  they  want,   someone  with  more  life  experience     o Arranged  marriages  –  blending  families     o Women  score  higher   Does  not  overlap  with  Sternberg’s  Triangular  Theory  –  choose  someone  who  has  the   same  style  or  complimentary  styles  of  how  you  approach  love     Variation  in  Love   Gender  differences     § Feeling  passion  –  men  feel  it  more  quickly   § Men  say  “I  love  you”  first  70%  of  the  time;  women  are  more  hesitant     o Women  more  selective  because  they  are  finding  a  partner  to  have   children  with  (evolution)   o Men  are  very  capable  for  deep  level  of  feelings  for  their  partners   Differences  across  age  and  relationship  duration   § Less  intensity   § Romantic  love  is  less  predominant  –  habituation  (familiarity  with  partner);   novelty  subsides  and  passion  wears  off   § Relationship  between  habituation  and  sexual  frequency  –  sexual  frequency   decreases  with  increased  habituation   o People  who  remarry  or  who  move  from  one  relationship  to  another  have   sex  more  frequently  because  they  are  less  habituated  to  their  partners       “The  Mask  You  Live  In”  Documentary    


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