Sexuality notes week 7
Sexuality notes week 7 HDFS 3040-001
Popular in Human Sexuality Over the Family Life Cycle
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This 3 page Class Notes was uploaded by Ashlyn Masters on Sunday October 2, 2016. The Class Notes belongs to HDFS 3040-001 at Auburn University taught by Carol L. Roberson in Fall 2016. Since its upload, it has received 3 views. For similar materials see Human Sexuality Over the Family Life Cycle in HDFS at Auburn University.
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Date Created: 10/02/16
Chapter 7: Love and Communication (cont.) 9/26/16 Types of Love (cont.) • Falling in love (cont.) o Factors that contribute to falling in love § Proximity • Mere exposure effect § Similarity (demographics, personality, even looks) § Reciprocity: we like people who like us back § Physical attractiveness • Gender differences in preference • Men- youth and attractiveness • Women- ambition and providing o Gender and love § Men tend to fall in love more quickly, score higher on the romantic beliefs scale in terms of “love conquers all,” a “one and only true love,” a “perfect/ideal” partner and “love at first sight” § Women tend to believe it is possible to love more than one person and tend to be more pragmatic. They do more emotion work in which they manage emotions to get a better fit between what they want and what they feel Sexual Orientation: Attitudes About Love and Sex • Generally seek loving, trusting and caring relationships • Sex differences among lesbians and gay men are consistent with general sex difference in attitudes toward love and sex o Gay men are more likely than lesbians to separate love from sex o Lesbians more likely to postpone sex until intimacy has been established Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction • Ingredients in a lasting love relationship: o Appreciation of each other’s qualities o Commitment o Good communication, realistic expectations and shared interests o Ability to face and deal with conflict o Maintaining frequent positive interaction o Think Gottman 5:1; also avoid “horsemen” § 5 good interactions for every negative (5:1) § Defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, contempt (horsemen) Maintaining Sexual Satisfaction • Initial sexual excitement and novelty declines as a relationship develops • Ways to increase variety o New locations and time o Spontaneity o Plan for intimate time o Don’t be restricted by what is “normal” § Normal- both feel good thinking about it before, during and after • Sexual communication is essential o In general, sexual communication tends to be nonverbal and ambiguous o In beginning relationships, communication seen as flirtation, nonverbal cues o Moving to sexual activity most discussions, if any, are about safe sex/contraception o **In established relationships, most people still don’t talk unless it’s to say “not tonight, honey” o In terms of initiation in heterosexual relationships, typically the male Talking about sex • Getting started o Obstacles to sexual communication § Lack of models § Threat to relationship – don’t want to talk about fantasies, feelings, fears; afraid to bring up problems § Problems with sexual vocabulary – too medical or too slangy § Concerns about sharing sexual histories o Discussing sexual preferences § Open discussion of preferences is more efficient sometimes than trial and error § For some, it may be difficult to discuss preferences without knowledge or first experimenting Chapter 7: Love and Communication (cont.) 9/30/16 Talking about sex (cont.) • Getting started (cont.) o Making complaints § How to talk (the talker) • Start with something positive – “I love making love to you, but…” (softened startup) • Make requests specific • Use “I” language • When expressing and receiving complains o Choose right time and place o Temper complains with praise (softened startup) o Avoid “why” questions o Limit to one complain per discussion o Express your feelings § Listening and feedback (the receiver) • Use active listening • Provide feedback • Maintain eye contact • Support communication efforts • Saying no o Three step approach § Show appreciation for invitation § Say no in a clear fashion § Offer alternatives
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