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Lecture 9 - Chapter 7: Love and Intimacy

by: Leslie Ogu

Lecture 9 - Chapter 7: Love and Intimacy HLWL 1109

Marketplace > George Washington University > Health and Wellness > HLWL 1109 > Lecture 9 Chapter 7 Love and Intimacy
Leslie Ogu
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About this Document

The way we love each other tends to differ by person. According to Sternberg and Lee, there are different levels and depths to love. These determine the kinds of relationships we have with others.
Human Sexuality
Philip W. Lucas
Class Notes
Human, sexuality, sex, casual, hook, ups, sternberg, Lee, colors, Of, love, triangles, eros, storge, mania, pragma, agape, ludus, Romantic, unrequited, companionate, infatuation, fatuous, empty, liking, consummate, Childhood, attachment, Styles
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This 3 page Class Notes was uploaded by Leslie Ogu on Friday October 14, 2016. The Class Notes belongs to HLWL 1109 at George Washington University taught by Philip W. Lucas in Fall 2016. Since its upload, it has received 5 views. For similar materials see Human Sexuality in Health and Wellness at George Washington University.


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Date Created: 10/14/16
Leslie Ogu HLWL 1109 10/04/2016 - ​Chapter 7: Love and Intimacy Colors of Love ● Opposites don’t tend to last long ● Similar people tend to last longer but it’s not always as passionate ● The styles are pretty representative of our generation and society today ● It is possible to have combinations of them What is Love? ● One of the greatest mysteries of humankind ● Strong emotions toward another individual ● When people love each other, they experience less stress in their lives, stronger immune systems, and better overall health Love in Other Times and Places ● Mst of western history is filled with marriage for economic reasons ● 19th century brought the idea that romantic love was the most wanted form of a love relationship ○ Unrequited love:​ loving those one can not have The Forms and Measures of Love ● Romantic love​: passionate love that includes sexual desire, physical attraction, and elation ○ We tend to idealize our romantic partner ● Companionate love (conjugal love)​: deep affection, attachment, intimacy, trust, loyalty ○ Although passion is often present, companionate love lacks the high and low swings of romantic love ● Colors of Love (Lee) ● Love Triangles (Sternberg) ● Can We Measure Love? Colors of Love​ (Lee, 1974, 1998) ● Based on research ● Six basic colors ○ Eros: Romantic Lover ○ Ludus: The Game-Playing Lover ○ Storge: The Quiet, Calm Lover ○ Mania: The Crazy Lover ○ Pragma: The Practical Lover ○ Agape: The Selfless Lover ■ Manic and ludic:​ poorer psychological health ■ Storge and eros:​ higher psychological health ● Men - more socially acceptable to have eros or ludus styles; less to have agape; more likely to have ludic style ● Women - more socially acceptable to have agape; less to have ludus; more likely to have pragmatic style Love Triangles (Sternberg) ● Passion is sparked by physical attraction and sexual desire, and drives a person to pursue a sexual relationship ● Intimacy involves a feeling of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in a loving relationship ● Commitment, in the short term, is the decision to love someone; in the long term, it is the determination to maintain love ● Liking - only intimacy ● Infatuation - only passion ● Empty Love - only commitment ● Romantic Love - passion and intimacy ● Companionate Love - ranges from long-term, deeply committed friendships to married or long-term couples; commitment and intimacy ● Fatuous Love - don’t really know the other person; passion and commitment ● Consummate Love - balance of all 3 elements Childhood ● Attachment to the caregiver can affect attachment throughout life ● May be harder to be intimate with another as an adult if it was not experienced as a child ● Three attachment types: ○ Secure:​ accepts caregiver leaving ○ Anxious / ambivalent:​ panic if left alone ○ Avoidant:​ caregiver forces parting early ● Childhood attachment styles may influence type of intimate relationships we form as adults ● Children with divorced parents decreased well being after parent’s divorce; less trust of partners; more likely to experience a divorce in own lives ● A strong and secure bond with a caregiver can have profound effects on the ability of the person to form attachments throughout life ● When babies are born, they are looking to make that connection with the parents Adolescence ● Time to learn how to love, manage emotions ● Creates a foundation for adult relationships ● Role repertoire:​ varied ways to relate to others ● Intimacy repertoire:​ collection of behaviors used to create intimate relationships in life ● Usually begin with an unattainable crush; romantic love more likely if parents’ relationship is stable, at ease with own body ● Young love lays the groundwork of adult intimacy Adult Love and Intimacy ● Field of Eligibles ○ Proximity:​ people you know or see often ○ Similarity:​ background, values, attitudes ○ Physical Attraction:​ “matching hypothesis” ○ Personality:​ openness, sociability, humor ○ Economic Resources:​ especially in men, how does one stay funded ○ Mutual Attraction and Love ● Ideal qualities are consistent across gender, culture, and sexual orientation Class Stopped Here


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