FAD 2230 Week 5 Notes
FAD 2230 Week 5 Notes FAD2230
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This 12 page Class Notes was uploaded by Lauren Carstens on Friday October 14, 2016. The Class Notes belongs to FAD2230 at Florida State University taught by Dr. Mallory Greer in Fall 2016. Since its upload, it has received 7 views.
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Date Created: 10/14/16
Chapter 8: Love and Loving Relationships Love is o An enduring bond between two or more people o Based on mutual affection o Includes a feeling of obligation toward another Obligation is not the right word Love Languages (Gary Chapman) o A= Words of Affirmation o B= Acts of Service Attending to your needs o C= Receiving Gifts o D= Quality Time o E= Physical Touch o What does this mean for our relationship? We need to be attentive to how our partner receives/ feels love Attachment Theory st o Learn about love early in life (maybe it’s the very 1 thing) Brand new babies require love all the time because they can’t do anything themselves o Ainsworth’s Strange Situation Means to measure “attachment style” in kids o Attachment: having someone as a ‘secure base’ Secure Attachment: Confident the secure base will always be there for me When the mother returns to the room, the child calms down and is able to focus on playing again o Not immediate, but the child uses the parent as a way to calm down and then does calm down 70% of children Insecurely attached: lacking confidence that the secure base will always be there When the mother returns to the room, the child does not calm down and remains resistant and/or angry/upset Anxious-Ambivalent: 15% o When the mom came back, the child could not calm down Anxious-Avoidant: 15% o Looked down and kept themselves separate from mom when she came back Disorganized/ fearful: Very few o Behaviors that don’t make a lot of sense o Sometimes might not need to be comforted Why this is such a small number o Childhood Attachment Style Influence adult romantic relationships Other Perspectives on love o Biological Sociobiological: Instinct to pass on genes Biochemical perspective Humans are attracted to certain people o The brain releases natural chemicals (dopamine and norepinephrine) Then, the brain releases natural chemicals Gives a rush as we experience attraction Dopamine and Oxytocin Dopamine: Natural stimulant produced in brains; acts upon the pleasure center o When people are newly in love, they tend to have higher levels of dopamine (craving and motivation) Oxytocin: The “love” or “cuddle” hormone o Related to feelings of deep friendship, trust, sexuality, love, bonding and commitment o Facilitates nurturing behaviors o Naturally produced After sex After giving birth o Macro-level Cultures have different “rules” about love Do Americans generally marry their cousins? Does your family prepare (or receive) a dowry for (or from) your future in-laws? We buy a big ring, the male asks permission, who pays for the wedding, etc o Micro-level Theory of love (Sternberg) Triangle o Passion: Physical attraction, romance sexual arousal FWB, one-night stand Quickest to develop and quickest to fade o Intimacy: Closeness and bonding (self- disclosure, respect, trust, warmth) Friendship Develops more slowly Determining if it’s worth it to open up o Commitment: Determination to develop the relationship; expecting to ‘stick through it’ (expecting the “good” and the “bad”) Develops gradually/ slowest Understanding the loving relationships between two people These three components develop at different times These three equal consummate love Relationships change over time o Liking: Intimacy o Companionate Love: Commitment and Intimacy o Infatuated Love: Passion o Empty Love: Commitment o Romantic Love: Passion and Intimacy o Fatuous Love: Commitment and Passion Styles of love (Lee) Table in the book Eros: Passionate, strong physical attraction Storge: Companionate, mutual love, respect Pragma: Practical, sensible Ludus: Playful, carefree, casual Agape: Altruistic, kind, patient Mania: Obsessive, possessive, intense Theory of love development (Reiss) Wheel: continuous, not linear and ending o It doesn’t stop, you have to continue revealing new things 1. Rapport: sharing interests and activities 2. Self-revelation: Sharing intimate info 3. Mutual dependency: depend on partner 4. Personality need fulfillment- lives intertwined**** Men are both more likely to be looking for a relationship and report falling in love sooner o Feminization of love o Not the first to say I’m in love, but the first to think they can see the relationship moving forward Do men and women care differently? o Not really, but o Men tend to be more ludic (carefree) o Women tend toward storge (comfortable) and pragma (rational) Both value psychic and sexual intimacy Theory of Uncoupling o Unrequited love (One person is showing love and the other does not want it) There is a turning point Initiator: knows it is over and has time to process the breakup Uncoupling: Complete when being partners is no longer a major source of identity Keeping Love (John Gottman) o 5 to 1 ratio For every 5 positive/healthy interactions there will be one negative interaction Unhealthy couples are less balanced o Turn towards one another When a fight happens, turn towards each other to talk about what’s happening Early detection of trouble/ negatives o Enhance your love map That other person is who you want to know more about (little and big things) Continuous process of ‘do I know my partner?’ o Soft start up Can you go into the conversation calm and move up? o Let your partner influence you Think of things your partner enjoys doing o Solve your solvable problems Don’t let things build up Same Sex Relationships o Similar trends People have a need to be close Relationships can be fulfilling o Challenges: handling stress from outside the relationship Discrimination Others less accepting of PDA Friends with benefits o 7 kinds Sex and sexuality are pervasive in our culture o Universal human experience Influences 1. How relationships are formed 2. Their trajectory o How do we talk about sex in the US? Myths Stereotypes Sexual scripts Sex and Sexual Identity o Sex refers to the biological characteristics of a person’s body Male, female, intersex o Gender Expression Feminine, masculine, neutral or a combination o Gender Identity Cis-gender: the gender they were assigned to at birth Transgender: gender other than what they were assigned to at birth o Sex How individuals view and interpret themselves o Sexual Attraction Who are you attracted to o Sexual Practice The ways in which individuals sexuality expresses themselves Fetishes, number of partners, frequency of sex o Romantic Attraction Which gender individuals are romantically attracted to Aromantic: don’t have romantic feelings towards other people o Sexual Attraction Which gender individuals are sexually attracted to Asexual: don’t have sexual attraction to other people o If someone “comes out” to you: Don’t: Say you already knew Tell everyone Act like they are a different person Ask probing questions Make assumptions Do: Know this is a sign of trust Check in on the level of confidentiality Show interest Ask them how you can be supportive Studying sex o Freud (1856-1939) People are born with biological sex drives and these have to be channeled constantly o Alfred Kinsey (1894-1956) Asked to teach a course on sexuality and there was no information Did a bunch of surveys N= 11,000 surveys Sexual identity and behavior are not the same construct o William Masters and Virginia Johnson (1960s) N=700 observational research Couples would come live in an apartment for a month willingly This sample is weird Learned about the Sexual Response Cycles Excitement Phase Plateau Phase o Everything intensifies from excitement o Sustained feeling about to orgasm Orgasm Phase o Climax o Shortest phase (few seconds) o Release of sexual tension Resolution o Arousal goes up over time until resolution o Body returns to normal function Do you think this cycle looks the same for men and women? o Yes, but the timing is different o Guys require a resolution before another climax o Terminology Coitus/intercourse Oral Sex: mouth to sexual organ Cunnilingus: given to women Fellatio: given to men o Cohabiters report higher frequency and more physical pleasure, but married persons report HIGHER levels of satisfaction with their sexual relationship Sexual Satisfaction is highly correlated with relationship satisfaction Sexual satisfaction is inextricably related to relationship satisfaction Women’s sexual satisfaction increases after increased relationship satisfaction o Men are the opposite Extramarital Affairs o 78% people say it is wrong o 21.2% of men and 11.3% of women have had an affair o They tend to be planned (given thought to) o Risk factors for affairs Lower relationship satisfaction -Especially emotionally for women -Sexually for men (reduced frequency) Opportunity Permissive views towards extramarital affairs Higher number of sex partners Sex as a social problem o STIs, disease and education o Sex education in schools Abstinence only 23 studies Comprehensive education 66 studies Reduction in o Sexual activity o Risky sexual behaviors (# of partners & condom use) o Pregnancy o STIs Sexual Dysfunctions o Recurring persistent problems in giving and receiving erotic satisfaction Primary vs. secondary dysfunction Primary: something the person has always had Secondary: Someone begins with healthy sexual relationships Situational vs. Total dysfunction Situational: occurs in some situations/under certain context Total: occurs always o Cannot reach an orgasm anytime o Primary sexual dysfunctions for women Hypoactive sexual desire Lack of interest Painful sex Inability to achieve orgasm 3 in 10 women report having a current sexual problem o Primary for men Erectile dysfunction Inability to get or maintain an erection Premature ejaculation 4 in 10 men report having a current sexual problem Communication, Conflict and Power Symbolic Interactionism o Communication is symbolic o Words, gestures and actions have meaning o Communication defined: Interactive process that uses symbols like words and gestures to send and receive messages Is a transaction Is a process Co-construction of meaning o What shapes our communication Race and ethnicity Social class Cultural differences Cultural Organization o Individualist I-consciousness (all are individuals) Independence/achievement Speak your mind Ex: Going to school to better yourself and your education o Collectivist We-consciousness (us and them) Group goals Emphasis on harmony Ex: going to school to better your family and how they are doing o High context Indirect/ non-verbal communication/ tone Intuition/ feeling “Say one word to understand ten” South Korea o Low context Direct communication/ explanation/ content Reason/ logic/ facts “Say ten words to understand one” Types of Communication o Listening Receiving Hearing Attending Understanding Learning Deciphering meaning Remembering Recalling Retaining Evaluating Judging Criticizing Responding Answering Giving Feedback o Verbal Communication Spoken exchanges of thoughts, feelings, etc There can be communication barriers Language barriers o Non-verbal Communication Communication without words Gestures, expressions and body language o Written Electronic Communication Informality is the new norm Writing influences our speech “Volume control” over messages More relationships with less depth Can live in the moment Barriers to Communication o Bypassing- when a word has several meanings o Biased Language- our words can reflect biases o Lack of Precision- when someone misunderstands one word for another o Overgeneralizing- clearly exaggerating, sweeping conclusions “She’s always late” o Polarization- tend to see the world in extremes and without a middle ground “This is all your fault” o Static Evaluation- you made an evaluation at one point and assuming that it’s still the same thing o What makes communication in close relationships different? Shared meaning Sensitive to responses Honesty Self disclosure: Sharing private information about yourself that the other person would not know Now that person has that information and can do what ever they want with it Conflict o Unavoidable o Not inherently negative o Common o Helps you learn more about the other person o Healthy if you actively try to work through it o Not all conflict is the same Pseudo conflict You think a conflict exists and it does not Easiest to manage People jump to conclusions and are ready to fight Content conflict When there is a disagreement about information Relatively easy to manage because you can look it up Value conflict Different opinions on subjects related to personal values Issues with what’s right/what’s wrong Difficult to come to a conclusion, but sometimes it’s okay to have different opinions Ego conflict Most difficult to manage When an individual believes they need to win an argument at all costs o How do we communicate and deal with conflict? Regulating couples Use intimacy, closeness and constructive statements Non-regulated couples Far more negative interactions Four horsemen of the apocalypse o John Gottman o Four negative patterns that can predict divorce Criticism Making disapproving judgments or evaluations of one’s partner How is it demonstrated? o Pointing out the flaws and imperfections Contempt An attitude of superiority How is it demonstrated? o Talking down t the partner o Rolling one’s eye Best predictor of divorce Defensiveness Defending one’s self against a presumed attack How is it demonstrated? o Point fingers, blame, counter- attack Stonewalling Resistence or refusing to listen to one’s partner, especially their complaints How is it demonstrated? o Flat effect, non-use of non- verbal cues of listening Not unaffected by the situation, but ignoring it to not make it worse 5ht Horseman?? Belligerence A provocative behavior that challenges the spouse’s power and authority Power play How is it demonstrated? o “What are going to do about it?” o “So what, what if I do, huh? What can you do?” o the presence of conflict is normal How we handle conflict impacts our relationship
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