INTERPERSONAL COMM SPCM 1500
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This 16 page Class Notes was uploaded by Jillian Graham on Saturday September 12, 2015. The Class Notes belongs to SPCM 1500 at University of Georgia taught by Westerman in Fall. Since its upload, it has received 42 views. For similar materials see /class/202363/spcm-1500-university-of-georgia in Speech & Communication at University of Georgia.
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Date Created: 09/12/15
FINAL STUDY GUIDE CONFLICT In order for con ict to exist people must have incompatible goals important goals and scarce resources De ning Con ict Con ict can be characterized by negative or positive communication E Broadly de ned as Disagreement between two interdependent people who perceive that they have incompatible goals E Interdependence Interference with the ability to attain goals the incompatibility leads to struggle when resources are scarce Con ict is most likely when incompatible goals are important to both people are hard for both people to obtain Con ict in Romantic Relationships Most couples tend to have one to two con icts per week One to two per month are particularly unpleasant The number could be so low because of de nition issues Distressed couples have about 54 con icts over a 5 day period Violence in Romantic Relationships E 16 married 35 cohabiting 30 dating can recall at least one incidence of violence E Most common types include pushing grabbing shaking handling roughly E These are probably underestimations E Violence is cyclical it gets more severe Subject of con ict E Division of household labor E Jealousy and possessiveness E Sex E Work E Money E Social networks inlaws E Many more Four Levels of Con ict Concrete behavior properly cleaning the kitchen toilet seat up Relational rules and norms Forgetting anniversary not calling to say you ll be late Personality Traits Sel shness Metacon ict Con ict over the process of con ict 0 5 Con ict 39 LOOK AT PICTURE TOO E Avoiding 7 E Leave well enough alone E Low assertiveness low cooperation E Loselose EUseful when the issue is trivial can t win or it leads to potential damage is greater than bene t good to let people cool down or when the issue is tangential or symptomatic of another issue 1 Competing 7 E Might makes right E High assertiveness low cooperation E Win lose I win you lose EUseful when you need quick action emergencies with unpopular important issues cost cutting discipline you know you are right and what is best to protect yourself 1 Accommodating 7 E Kill your enemies with kindness E Low assertiveness high cooperation E Lose Win I lose you win EUse when others can resolve con ict more efficiently issue is more important to others build up social credits when you are outmatched or losing When preserving harmony is important 1 Compromising 7 SETTLING E Split the difference E Moderate assertiveness moderate cooperation E Loselose EUse when goals are moderately important but not worth effort of more assertive models Two opponents with equal power are strongly committed to mutually exclusive goals to achieve temporary settlements to complex issues to arrive at speedy solutions under pressure or as a back up when others fail E Collaborating 7 MOST USEFUL E Two heads are better than one E High assertiveness high cooperation E Win Win EUse when both sets of concerns are too important to be compromised nd an integrative solution objective is to learn to merge insights from people with different insights on the problem to work through hard feelings interfering with a relationship ypes of Con ict Image Con icts Disagreement about selfdefinition You see yourself differently than someone else does Content Con icts Substantive Revolve around a particular issue either public or private Public con icts are more enjoyable because they are not related to the relationship itself Value Con icts A question of right or wrong Relational Con icts Focused on the relationship between two people Serial Con icts Refers to a time frame rather than a subject Issues that come up repeatedly and are not resolved 1 Gottman s Four Horseman of Con ict Relationship Killers Used to predict the dissolution of a relationship with 90 accuracy E Criticisism if the cap is off of the toothpaste then you are lazy this is used more often by women E Contempt Attacking self concept using sarcasm because the self concept is formed by what others think of you through symbolic interactionism E Defensiveness See yourself as a victim E Stonewalling Put up a wall and being done there is no disclosure results in the dissolution of a relationship Communication Patterns in Con ict Symmetrical Escalation One party matches another with more con ict argument results in a slap continuous escalation Symmetrical Withdrawal Both avoid con ict Results in the end of a relationship PursuitWithdrawal WithdrawalPursuit Asymmetrical Both partners are doing what they wish the other would do for them Introverts tend to withdraw extroverts pursue Symmetrical Negotiation Both parties talk and resolve the con ict The ExplanatOQ Process Model Con ict is a process that occurs in the following episodes distal conteXt where con ict begins contains the history proximal context rules emotions and beliefs involved in the con ict con ict interaction occurs when the differences becomes a problem proximal outcomes Immediate results after the con ict interaction distal outcomes Residue of having engaged in the con ict The con ict is never completely over POWER Ability to in uence others Power Perspectives Finite vs Infinite Finite Power is a fixed sum there is only so much to go around Ifyou want power the only way to gain it is to take it away from someone else ED Dominance Power is an advantage and it is an ultimate goal ED Empowerment Centers on compassion Infinite power is limitless there is no fixed sum you can have as much as you want 1 Synergy the whole is greater than the sum of its parts 4 Modes of Power Direct Application of Power Using any resources to compel the other to comply cell phones and parents Direct and Virtual Application of Power Use of threats and promises to communicate the potential for direct application blackmail Indirect Application Using power without making use explicit often involves relational messages Hidden Power Decisions avoided in interest of one of the parties may result in inaction 7 Sources of Power E Referent Power Derived from charisma and attractiveness present when one has the desire to be like others E Legitimate Power Position and credibility accompanying it The title equals power E Expert or Information Power Having superior knowledge some have it others want it only power if you want the information E Persuasive Power Use of logical arguments and ability to connect with others Smooth talkers E Reward Power Ability to reward E Coercive Power Tied to reward use of force the ability to punish E Empowerment Power as coconstructed or as social contract NEGOTIATION Negotiation Goals Should produce a wise agreement fair and durable Should be efficient Should improve or not damage the relationship People engage in negotiation because there is a relationship of some form Cost of not Negotiating oStarting salaries of MBA grads Men s 76 higher than women s 7 of women BUT 57 of men asked for more money Those who negotiated raised salaries by 74 Hypothetical Example At age 30 Pam and Mike two equally qualified applicants get job offers for 1001dyear Mike negotiates for a salary of 107600 7 6 while Pam accepts the 100K They receive the same 5 increases each year By age 40 Pam s decision not to negotiate has cost her 107972 By Age 65 it is a 728356 cost If Mike put the difference in the salaries into a savings account the discrepancy would be over 1 million dollars Problems wit quot quot Positions vs Interests Produces unwise agreements Is inefficient Endangers relationship Being nice is not an answer Focus on Interests Not Positions Interests silent movers behind positions such as needs desires concerns fears Examples I am trying to get him to stop the real estate development next door We disagree She wants 100000 for the house but Iwon t pay a penny over 95000 Be hard on the problem soft on people Ne gotiation Process 1 Separate People from the Problem Negotiators have 2 interests relationship and substance Perception Perspective taking Don t blame Make sure they participate in process Facesaving Emotion Recognizeunderstand emotions theirsyours Make explicit and acknowledge legitimacy Don t react to emotional outbursts Communication Listen actively Speak about yourself not them and with purpose 2 Focus on Interests Not Positions Interests silent movers behind positions Needs desires concerns fears Examples I am trying to get him to stop the real estate development next door We disagree She wants 100000 for the house but Iwon t pay a penny over 95000 Be hard on the problem soft on people 393 Invent Options for Mutual Gain Separate Invention from Deciding Look for mutual gain Identify shared interests Dovetail differences Jack Sprat could eat no fat His wife could eat no lean An so betwixt them both They licked the platter clean Make their decision easy 4 Insist on Using Objective Criteria Develop fair standards Reason and be open to reason Never yield to pressure BATNA What if they are more powerful Protect yourself Develop your BATNA Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement Consider the other sides BATNA 393 Dirty Tricks Deliberate Deception Psychological Warfare Positional Pressure Tactics CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Maslow s Hierarchy of Needs o TOP TO BOTTOM o Self actualization Selfesteem o Based on how others see us o love and belongingness Safety and security o Physiological needs Stages of Relationship Development Stages of coming together are not necessarily good and stages of coming apart are not necessarily bad Stages have characteristic behaviors This is an oversimplification Stages have overlapping behaviors behaviors are not exclusive to the stage Move forward or backward Don t think of the valence of the direction A developing relationship could be valenced negatively Abusive manipulative Break ups can be good in similar situations Stage Models Step By Step HOW HANDOUT TOO Initiating Consider Own stereotypes knowledge of other s reputation previous interactions Picked book up said hello feel better about interaction reduce uncertainty expectations for interaction Is other person cleared for an encounter Busy In arelationship TIMING Appropriate opening line What do you say Generally exercise caution and communicate using conventional formulas Don t play dumb in certain situations How you present face Experimenting Trying to discover the unknown Exchange demographic info Characterized by reciprocity Levels of information cultural sociological psychological Relationships in this stage are typically relaxed uncritical casual No judgement Acquaintances Most relationships don t move past this stage Intensifying Active participation and greater awareness of process Feel out situations and wait for confirmation Asking for favors Comfortable enough Increase in personal disclosure more intimate information Verbal characteristics Forms of address become informal Use offirst person plural we Increase in expressions of commitment Nonverbals become more sophisticated No need for words clothing becomes more coordinated personal space permeable More comfortable with silence Integrating Personalitiites fuse more than any previous stage Interdependence Verbal and nonverbal characteristics Attitudes opinions interests distinguish pairs Social circles mingle Shared friends and family Intimacy trophies exchanged Promise ring Common property 0g Able to predict behavior Routines Bonding Public ritual that announces formal contracted commitment Institutionalized relationship Any given stage May change nature of relationship Provides guidance for relationship can rely on law MARRIAGE engagement too Differentiating Become distinct of different in character Process of disengagement Talk about how different we really are Related to Attitudes interests personality Joint endeavors are now solitary May happen because bonding took place too soon Circumscribing Restrict communication to safe areas Info exchange decreases Depth and breadth Typical messages Don t ask me about that Let s not talk about that May have an impact on public social performance Example Going to a party Stagnating To remain inactive Many areas closed off Attempts to communicate effectively are at standstill Language choices and strategies are closer to those with strangers Little sense in bringing anything up because you know how its going to go Avoidance Suggests a more permanent state of separation Communication is designed to avoid face to face interaction Forms of distancing Avoidance preventing an interaction from happening Disengagement hiding info about self engaging in less personal communication Cognitive Dissociation Disregarding messages showing emotional detachment a form of avoidance in the presence of the other Terminating Message of Distance Psychological and physical barriers between communicators Message of Disassociation Messages preparing one or both individuals for life without the other Terminal Dialogue A summary statement Behavior signaling the impending termination or decreased access Messages that indicate what at the future of the relationship will be 39 J J Theory HANDOUT A comparison between what you are expecting from societal norms and what you could have from the social marketplace Comparison level What you expect Person s expectations for a given relationship Comparison level of Altematives Social marketplace Comparing current relationship to the possibility of doing better in a different one Outcomes What you get Outcomes greater than Comparative Level equals satisfaction Outcomes greater than comparative level alternative equals stability Eguity Theory Under Benefited Over benefited Equitable Who is most satis ed When the relationship is equitable Social Exchange Theory View that all human relationships are formed by the use of a subjective cost benefit analysis and the comparison of alternatives rewards vs cost Social marketplace Compare to others and pick and chose relationships SEE HANDOUT Social Exchange Perspective May not be important People do things that are rewarding Conditioning Rewards gain value when they are deprived and vice versa Failure to get rewards expected results in anger Getting rewards not expected results in happiness The frequency of a person doing an action depends on the value of the outcome and probability of getting it Social Exchange Theory from the book Assumptions of Social Exchange People are motivated to maximize rewards and minimize cost People are motivated by rewards and wish to avoid punishments People evaluate costs and rewards differently People are rational Dialectics Theog Focuses on tensions resulting from the desire for opposing things at once Autonomy and connection desire for independence and connection with the partner Novelty and predictability desire for excitement and stability Judgment and acceptance desire to criticize a friend and accept them Affection and instrumentality desire for friendship as an end in itself vs a means to another end Public and private some things should be kept in private while others are socially acceptable Ideal and real Idealized version of friendship vs the actual friend 5 T I 439 I 39 l I 39 V Assurances Commitment Predicts equality Positivity Good time Predicts equality Openness Disclose Predicts equality Networks Mutual Friends Tasks Task sharing Love Ways o Represent the experiences of 90 of lovers 0 7 Love ways o Collaborative love Partnership that involves mutual support Increases energy intensifies emotion o Active Love Doing things together Increased strength and self confidence o Intuitive Love Nonverbal behavior Touch Feeling warm all over nervous losing appetite o Committed Love Based on commitment Spending time together talking about future o Strong feelings of connection o Secure Love Based on intimacy Communicated through selfdisclosure Feelings of safety warmth o Expressive Love Overt behavior Doing things for partner saying I love you o Traditional Romantic Love Involves togetherness and commitment Feel beautiful and healthy Friendships o An interpersonal relationship between two persons that is Mutually productive Not destructive Works for both of you o Characterized by mutual positive regard You like them Basis for trust shared interest o Characterized by mutual free choice Voluntary Choice to be in or out ofit Types of Friendships o Three types of friendships Reciprocity o Loyalty self sacrifice mutual affection and generosity o Receptivity A comfortable and positive imbalance in the giving and receiving of rewards o Each person s needs are satisfied by the exchange o Typically role relationships 0 Association o A transitory relationship o More like a friendly relationship than a true friendship Friendships of the heart WOMEN o Deep relationship where time passes and you re still friends o Friendships of the road MEN 0 Time passes they are more likely to fall apart Maintaining Friendships o Samesex friendships o Women face to face and talk 0 More emotional supportiveness and affection than men s o More nonverbal affection than men sit across from each other o Men side by side because activity o Not SO different 0 Sit beside each other to talk o Both men and women view friendships as a source of happiness in lives o Both men and women value intimate talk and engage in activities 0 Women disclose a little more o Men and women spend similar amounts of time together o Men engage in more focused activities 0 Women get together to spend time and talk CrossSex Friendships o For heterosexuals include characteristics of samesex friends o Same bene ts but MUST down grade sexuality 0 Characteristics o Attraction of the spirit rather than the body o More egalitarian than romantic relationships equitable distribution of power o Not exclusive o Unlike romantic relationships 0 An end in themselves not ameans to an end o Reward is being friends with the person o Face special challenges because of ambiguity Emotional Bond Challenge Socialized to see opposite sex romantically o Sexual challenge The sex thing gets in the way o Public presentation challenge Others assume you are romantic Despite challenges friends maintain platonic relationships o Why do you keep relationships platonic o Safeguard relationship 0 Avoid awkwardness o Not attracted o Network disapproval Friends don t like it o Third party o Other romantic interest 0 Risk aversion o Avoid rejections o Timeout from romance Friends with Benefits o In contrast to platonic friends some friends decide to have sex but stay friends o 677 and 485 of college students on two campuses reported having been in at least one of these relationships o Rules for Maintenance o Negotiate rules o Staying emotionally detached no jealousy no love o Sexual behavior 0 Communication o Secrecy o Permanence how long o Friendship o Things become complicated when expectations for relationship differ Systems Theog o Wholeness Must study the unit as a whole in order to get an accurate picture o Interdependence o Hierarchy How the family is organized things centered around grandmother o Family in the neighborhood community o Hierarchy within and beyond the system Boundaries o Boundaries within family to establish relationships o Mother daughter brothers sisters etc o More about de ning the subsystem o Calibration o How you manage or renegotiate the boundaries 0 If you don t calibrate relationship falls apart o Helps to meet the needs of both parties o Equifinality Multiple means to the same end 3 Lenses to De ne Famin Role lens relationships can be either voluntary or involuntary Emotional Attachments If they feel like family then they are family Sociological lens Recognized by law Adoption Behavior performed by members enact law and create roles Biogenetic lens Share a genetic or reproductive link Family as a System o Interdependent In uenced by the environment o Collective personality and identity o Who you are in the system is not the same as who you are on your own 0 Can be divided into subsystems Communication Issues 0 Family Roles o Societally imposed socialized to know what the role looks like o Family Stories 0 Stories told as a means of constructing identity o Family Rituals o Repeated patterned event in family life Sustains intimacy and commitment o Everyday interactions traditions celebrations o Dinner routine things 0 Family Secrets o Intentional concealment of information o 3 types Wholefamily secrets held by the entire family and kept from outsiders o Intrafamily secrets Some members have info kept from other members o Individual secrets Held by one individual Vangilisti 1994 o 97 wholefamily 99 intra family 96 individual C 39 quot Privacv Theorv CPM o Petronio 1991 2002 o How people cope with need to maintain privacy o Control risk in disclosure o Information is a possession The people who share the information have rights to it help to know what it means can go behind someones back and spread the information o Once shared others become coowners Rules for boundary management o Says who is allowed to know Terms Metacommunication Communication about communication Comparison Level A person s standard level for what types of costs and rewards should exist in a given relationship Comparison Level for Altematives A comparison of the costs and rewards of a current relationship to the possibility of doing better in a different relationship Relative Power Position A situation in which a partner in a relationship believes he or she has a higher power status that the other partner and so will engage in risky strategies without fearing the costs TECHNOLOGY Terms Content Aggregation The process of collecting online data from different and multiple sources to suit a particular need such as populating search engine or preparing digital slides for a presentation Convergence The integration of various technologies such as online radio or cell phones with cameras Computer Mediated Communication The use of various technologies to facilitate communication with others Technological Determinism A theory that states that technology is irreversible inevitable and inescapable Global Village The concept that communication technology ties the world into one political economic social and cultural system Flaming Exchanging malicious hostile or insulting comments over the Internet Characteristics of 39 ium T 39 39 v 0 Technology is everywhere o It has the ability to bring people together o Because of the lack of nonverbals people may view the meanings differently The Accessibility of Communication Technology o Digital Divide o Suggested by a racial and geographic difference 0 Especially seen in telephone ownership and usage o As income falls so does telephone ownership LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS Defining LDR s o Those in which daily face to face contact is not possible due to distance o Controversy over how to measure distance 0 Miles Geographical boundaries Self defined Prevalence Among College Students o 2540 report being in a LDR o More prevalent among firstyear students 0 Around half first years are in LDR Reasons for LDR s Why so prevalent Technology Seeking higher ed Dual earner houses Immigration Unigue Challenges
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