INTERPERSONAL COMM SPCM 1500
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532011 43100 PM SPCM REVIEW Same structure as last exams Exams will not be the same as other class s exam 8am Wednesday Same room Pen or pencil graded by Friday relationship between mood emotions and feelings duration 5 emotion management strategies o simulation expressing an emotion you don t feel o miniaturization downplay o maximizingintensification exadurating o inhibition not expressing o realtrue accurate What are universal emotions o Emotions Recognizedperceived the same way in all cultures o Facial meanings test How to tell what people are feeling o Nonverbal cues o 3 regions of face Signals facial and head changes o Static 0 Size of your head 0 Slow o wrinkles Rapid o Emotions Know the knapps stages of coming together and coming apart o 5 stages o know them o short answer predictors of affiliation proximity propinquity 0 because people are close in space they are more likely to affiliate with each other 0 Apartmentdorms example Attitude similarity 0 People with similar attitudes are likely to get along 0 More important in maintaining not initiating 0 Example with free rent guys Complementary needs 0 Opposites attract Dominantsubmissive Submissive is usually attracted to submissive Dominants are usually attracted to submissive Heterosexual malefemale relationships Maximizing dating a 9 when you re a 5 Matching dating a 5 Femalefemale friendships don t match or maximize Everyone else does Physical attractiveness 0 Halo effect 0 We want to affiliate with attractive people Familiarity 0 We form relationships with predictable people 0 We hang with who we re comfortable around 0 O O O O O O Dialectical tensions 2 opposite forces must maintain balance Goffman s tensions Opennessclosedness is the most important at the beginning of a relationship 0 Self disclosure Autonomyconnectivity is the most important later on Predictabilitynovelty Relationship dissolution o Directindirect strategies for ending relationships o Leaver vs left 0 Longest road to recovery 0 KNOW what West both said and know what Vaughn left said about who has more pain in ending Stages of development and decay Steps of Grit process to resolve conflict Social exchange theory o Costs vs rewards o People stay when rewards outweigh costs 3 kinds of disclosure o self description 0 physical description o apparent self disclosure 0 appears to be disclosure but no risk involved 0 Mimics genuine self disclosure o genuine self disclosure 0 risk involved in sharing Deception o Actual vs perceived deception c We think we re better at detecting deception than we are c Reasons we re not good at detecting 0 Truth bias 0 Probing Behavioral initiative if they don t change story it must be true 0 Focus on wrong cues o Cues carry multiple meanings Technology V Graduated amp Reciprocated Initiative in Tension Reduction GRIT PPN proposed by Osgood System has been used in a variety of contexts between countries governments etc Usually works if people work through it 10 step process a r In 7 Make a conciliatory statement Scene quotI know we ve been having some issues in our relationship and lwanna fix themquot You do not say what those issues are This step is basically acknowledging that there is a problem and that you are willing to try and fix it Announce behavioral initiatives i A list of observable behaviors that you are willing to do to fix the relationship ii These behaviors have to be behaviors that are clearly observable the partner can verify that you are doing these Perform the initiatives i Do what you said you were going to do ii Carry out step 2 or b Invite reciprocation i I ve been doing these things making changes to the relationship and you ASK INVITE the other person quotAre there any changes you would like to make or anything that you would like to do to help maintain our relationshipquot ii Osgood found that most of the time the partner usually turns down this invitation of reciprocation initially Continue the performance i You continue with your behavioral initiatives regardless that you are doing this in the face of rejection ii You continue because this relationship means something to you and it shows good will on your part Make initiative verifiable i Meaning that the initiatives must be verifiable and observable in some way ii If you can t verify it then there is mistrust and doubt Maintain ability to retaliate i Never negotiate your ability to enact punishment ii You always some arsenal of punishments ie you never negotiate away your strengths Punishment Precise in Kind i A punishment needs to be tied to a specific misdeed so that the behavior can be modified ii 50 you never use global words such as quotneverquot and quotalwaysquot by saying things like quotYOU NEVER LISTEN TO MEquot Diversify very important Stages of Decay or Coming Apart o Dissolution typically comes in 5 steps or phases A Breakdown quotI can t stand this anymore a Breakdown may occur as a result of a single event or rule violation b Breakdown may occur as a result of an accumulation of negative events c It is the point at which the person decides they do not want to continue B Intrapsychic Phase a Focuses on the thoughts of the dissatisfied partner b Phase is largely cognitive and not behavioral c Focuses on the negative d Concept of Social Exchange Theory comes in e Pros and cons of a certain relationships reward and costit s subjective i Physically abusive relationship llIt s the best I can do If you leave the relationship then you might get into a worse relationship or end up alone Therefore this may be a reward to some to others this would be a terrible terrible con f First time repress or express their feelings i Even though dissatisfied most will repress their feelings to say anything and hope things will change C Dyadic Phase a Face confrontationavoidance dilemma b Confront partner c Negotiate in llour relationship talks d Attempt repairreconciliation e Assess joint costs of withdrawal or reduced intimacy i Who gets the pets kids friends etc D Social Phase a Negotiate past dissolution state b Initiate groupdiscussion in social network c Create publicly negotiate face savingblame placing stories i Make sure you look good and your partner look bad or it s not all my fault ii What do you tell your immediate friend circle d Face up to social networks effects E Grave Dressing a Getting over activities b Postmortem attributes c Public distribution of own version of breakup story F Summary Information a With each phase more people are included b Meant to explain breakups that are voluntary on at least one of the partner s parts i ie cheating tired of the relationship SPCM 532011 43100 PM SS Stevens communication is a discriminatory response by an organism to a stimulus o Elements of the definition 0 Organism communication occurs among living things Stimulus information Response any sort of reaction Discriminatory response reactions are not always the same They Change as stimulus changes o Communication occurs when a living thing responds differently to some stimuli than to others o Definitions are neither good nor bad right nor wrong o Definitions have greater or lesser utility or usefulness 0 Useful definitions describe a concept well 0 Useful definitions discriminate between things that are the concept and things that are not the concept o How useful is Stevens definition 0 Does it describe communication well Are there things that are communication that are left out by the definition 0 Does it discriminate well What would not be communication according to the definition 0 O O O Berlo one can not not communicate West and Turner say interpersonal communication is unavoidable o Communication occurs when one person ascribes meaning to another person s behavior o Does this describe communication well o Does it discriminate well 0 Miller Communication occurs when a source shares a message with one or more receivers with the intent of influencing the receivers behaviors o Does it describe communication well Are there things that are communication that are left out by the definition o Does it discriminate well What would not be communication according to the definition o Describes it well but is wrong in the intentionality aspect Models of communication in slides online and chapter one KNOW IT 4 types of noise know them ACTIVITY DUE FRIDAYdefinitions of key terms in slides InterpersonalWest and TurnerA process of message transaction between two people to create and sustain shared meaning Shared Meaning both parties understand the message to mean the same thing o Coke meaning soda o Establish shared meaning to communicate successfully What are we going to study o Limiting the domain of study 0 Human communication 0 Mostly intentional message exchange 0 Shared and nonshared meaning Shared meaning examples Nonshared meaning examples How do definitions differ FEX Dance o Is communication uniquely human o Is communication intentional o Does communication require successful message transmission Stevens no no no Berlo yes no no Miller Yes yes no West and Turner Yes no yes You no no no 532011 43100 PM Several existing definitions of communication o The process of message transaction between two people to create and sustain shared meaning Five principles of interpersonal communication o Symbolic learned used to manage our relationships social process and irreversible 2 dimensions o quantitativepatterns that relationships follow o qualitativeeach situation is unique Two views of Interpersonal communication Situational View or perspective o Five criteria used to judge whether communication is IP 0 Small of communicators dyads Facetoface close proximity Maximum sensory inputs No intermediariesno third party involvement No mechanical devices No intermediaries 0 Immediate feedback o All five must be present for IPC o More than a dyad small group or organizational com 0 Done from a distance public speaking mass com or cmc computer mediated communication 0 Limited sensory inputs mass com cmc o Intermediaries Mechanical devices cmc or mass com Intermediaries small group 0 Delayed feedback mass com or cmc o Why the situational view is not useful 0 Omits communication we think of as intimate or private 0 Includes communication that is mundane impersonal or public 0 O O Paper Due Friday Feb 4 532011 43100 PM o Instructions on ELC o 5 pages max minimum of 3 pages double spaced 1inch margins 12pt font o Title page is recommended o Heading does not need to be double spaced o Use good grammar CHAPTER TWO Communication Perception and The Self Self o Assumption an individual s self influences o How one communicates 0 With whom one communicates o How one interprets messages o Self awareness selfconcept and selfesteem o All three interrelated but slightly different 0 Each influences the others 0 Self Awareness the information that we have about ourselves Johari windows chart of unknownknown by self and unknownknown by others Boxes are unknown hidden blind and open 0 Self Concept Relatively stable set of perceptions we hold about ourselves self definition I am n n n n a Unique Fun Smart Wellrounded friendly Source of information about the self a a Self reflective act o Interactions you have with your self o Reinforce what you think about yourself Significant others o People who s opinions matter to you c Definers o They will confirm or disconfirm things you think about yourself o Reflected appraisals 0 When you judge what they say and take it or leave it a Social comparison o Occurs through reference groups or models o People you look up to o Some group of people that have characteristics you admire and compare your performance to 0 Athletes models etc 0 Self Esteem An evaluation of how we perceive ourselves to be Exist along an evaluative continuum Relatively stable and enduring 532011 43100 PM On the first paper follow the directions and include everything asked for Developmental Perspective An underlying assumption is that communication at some level is purposive or goal oriented o The goals may be quite conscious eg how can I get my roommate to lend me 10 0 They may be almost automatic or subconscious eg phatic communication o Level of information used to make predictions 0 Cultural MO if Q Ability to identify aspects of the person that are shared by their culture I P o Sociological Sociological levelYou know them based on group affiliations Known by what groups they affiliate with o Psychological Know individuals based on their idiosyncrasies o Level of knowing 0 Descriptive You can physically describe the person Impersonal type of knowing o Predictive Able to describe AND predict how the individual is going to behaveact o Explanatory Able to describe predict AND explain why the individual does what they do o Rules that govern the relationship 0 Extrinsic Behaving off of socially imposed rules don t share your criminal record on your first date 0 Intrinsic Implicitly or explicitly negotiated by relational partners Rules that aren t necessarily understood by the overlying culture Skipping the greeting on the phone to go into an exciting message o Stimulus generalization versus discrimination O Stimulus generalization occurs when we ask how is this person like others with similar qualities It occurs when when we make predictions based on cultural or sociological info know someone at the descriptive or predictive levels or respond based on extrinsic rules Stimulus discrimination occurs when we ask how is this person different than others with similar qualities it occurs when predictions are based on psychological information knowing is explanatory and rules are intrinsic West and Turner s stuff o Definition the process of message transaction between people usually two who work toward creating and sustaining shared meaning o Principles of IPC give a clue O O O O O O Unavoidable Irreversible Involves symbol exchange Rule governed Learned Includes content and relationship meaning emotional what are we to conclude O O O O O O Unavoidable situational Irreversible either Involves symbol exchange either Rule governed developmental Learned developmental Includes content and relationship meaning either 532011 43100 PM Know self awareness self concept and self esteem o Self Presentation 0 Assumption we can manipulate the self that we convey to others Different selves Perceived back stage who you really are and presented self on stage the character you play what you show people Selfmonitoring High and low self monitors a Low always act the same a High constantly adjusting to the situation When an individual monitors and adjusts his or her behaviors to fit was is appropriate for the situation 0 Self presentation through identity management Identity defined a Front stage presented self Identity management a The communication strategies people use to influence how others view them Goals of Identity Management Selfgratification n The process in which you reinforce a positive image of who you are and build it up Selfconsistency n Where you present a consistent view of who you are across a variety of situations a Reason 1 to give us a sense of selfstability a Reason 2 to give others a sense of our self stability Accuracy n Important to some people but not to others a Where you present a self that is close to your backstage perceived self a Being real 0 O O Perception o Defined using our senses to interpret information 0 Also how we filter and interpret what our senses relay so that we can develop a meaningful picture of the world o Assumption communication is subject to perception biases 0 First and second order realities First what we see perceive or create Second the actual reality that exists objectively Example illusion pictures a First what picture we saw first a Second both pictures are actually there despite what you see first o 4 divisions o attendingselecting the process of what you take in and what you focus on example moonwalking bear in passing video 0 Organizing Take all the information given to you sometimes confusing or contradictory info and you organize it in some way that is understandable to you Proximity a Space people who are physically close with other individuals are likely to be perceived as members of the same group and posses the same valuesgoalsetc Resemblance a Physical appearance people who look similar will be assumed to be members of the same group race dress style hipsters frat boys athletes o Interpreting The process of assigning meaning to what we perceive Subjective process our background influences this 0 Retrieving Recalling information that is stored in your memories Selective Tetention recalling info that agrees with your perception you remember things the way you want to everyone left on my birthday when they were actually there but at a later time Perception Attribution Theory o Attribution Theory 0 O 0 Defined attribution is a process through which we attempt to understand the behaviors of others as well as our own particularly the reasons or motivations for these behaviors Happens between organizing and interpreting Involving the decision of where responsibility lies for a person s actions InternalDispositional The person s disposition caused them to act that way ExternalEnvironmental The environment caused the person to act the way that they did 3 questions to decide between internal and external Consensus do most other people act in a similar way in a similar situation If no deduce that the action is internal If yes than the action was caused by the environment Consistency does this person behave the same way in similar situations If yes this means there is high consistency and it is an internal attribution If no it has low consistency and therefore is external Distinctiveness does this person react in similar ways in di erent situations If yes the situation has low distinctiveness and therefore is an internal attribution If no high distinctiveness and it is an external attribution When it comes to positive things about ourselves we are more likely to interpret them as internal attribution that test was easy vs I m a good student When bad things happen we assign external attributions I didn t study vs that test was hard When other people do bad things we assign it as internal they failed because they re dumb And when good things happen to them we assign it as external luck vs that person worked hard for that Perception perceiving others behaviors o Implicit Personality Trait o Assign a person an attribution with having little or no information about that person 0 Halo effect seeing someone in a positive light without any info to back that up 0 Horn effect seeing someone in a negative light without any info to back it up o Key attribution biases o Fundamental attribution error We are much harder on other people than we are on ourselves o Hedonic Relevance Effect the ultimate attribution error In labeling negative behaviors we are less forgiving o Defensive attribution bias Much more forgiving if we think that person is similar to us in some way o Why are we biased in our attributions o Perception salience When we perceive something differently when we re in a situation vs when we see it from the outside 0 Selfconcept concerns why when good things happen to us we internalize the cause We want to see ourselves in a positive light 0 Predictability concerns Ability to explain our behavior and other people s behaviors Othersgt negative eventsinternal a Positive eventsexternal a vice versa for ourselves 0 Physiological influences 5 senses ages O n can interpret negative events to be internal a I m getting old I m losing my mind health fatigue a negative events can be internal but because we were sick Psychological influences Based on feelings or moods that effect our judgments Good moods produce forgiveness Social influences How our role in society effects what judgments we make about attributions Politicians externalize problems Lower people in society internalize their problems Perceptual salience self concept and predictability concerns are all theoretical CHAPTER 3 532011 43100 PM Communication and Culture Culture o Groups are collections of people with common identities 0 Don t have to be physical or perceived by others o Culture is the shared personal and learned life experiences of a group of individuals who have a common set of values norms and traditions O O O O 0 We can learn about other peoples cultures We take it personally when people insult our culture We are taught culture core system of values etc Can be different cultures among generations Urban dictionary example Cultures for almost any category o Intercultural Communication is communication between or among people who have distinct cultural traditions O O 0 Wedding dresses are white in America for purity White in other countries may symbolize mourning Basic principles ICC can occur when people speak the same language or a different language Focus is frequently in verbal cues and use of nonverbal cues ICC frequently involves miscommunication 532011 43100 PM Basic Principles o ICC can occur when people speak the same language or a different language o Focus is frequently in verbal cues and use of nonverbal cues o ICC intercultural communication frequently involves miscommunication Underlying principles o Culture is o Learned not innate 0 Dynamic constantly changing Diffusion a When a culture borrows or adapts beliefs values or traditions from other cultures Invention a When a new way of doing something is discovered o Selective Select rituals are deemed more important than others holidays marriage birthdays graduation o Ethnocentric We perceive things through the lens of our own culture Hinders us from fully understanding other cultures Dimensions of culture Hofstede s cultural dimensions Hofstedecame up with cultural dimensions o Distribution of power 0 Power distance how a culture deals with power 0 High power distance Large difference between those with power and those without Clear class system Bluecollar whitecollar CEOs India s caste system 0 Low power distance Power is equally distributed among people in control Equal opportunity o Masculinity femininity o Masculine cultures Focus on achievement competitiveness material success Assertive cultures Italy and Austria Most countries are masculine o Feminine cultures Emphasize sexual equality nurturance quality of life affection Do not focus on achievements one makes in the business world Sweden and Denmark o Individualism Collectivism o Individualism Competition over cooperation Individual over the group a Group may be family town club Private over public Americans work best when they sign their work and work alone 0 Collectivism Self is secondary About the group identity Value duty tradition hierarchy High expectations of loyalty Chile and Columbia Chinese work best when they work anonymously in groups o Intercultural context theory High context low context Assumption cultures can be broadly categorized into one of two contexts that reflect the culture s world view Is the meaning derived from cues outside of the message or from the words in the message High Context 0 Meaning drawn from surroundings Nonverbal cues read with high degree of accuracy More comfortable with silence Asian cultures 0 Low Context Meaning drawn from words What you say is what you mean Very little is left open to interpretation USA read uncertainty avoidance in text book p93 Barriers to intercultural understanding o Ethnocentrism o The process ofjudging other cultures based on the lens of our own culture o Prejudice o A negative social attitude held by members of one group toward members of another group 0 Cognitive biases o Discounting o Knocking other cultures down 0 its not important to know about other cultures o Fundamental attribution error 0 We re harder on other people than we are on ourselves o Polarization 0 We tend to compare people to ourselves and place them on one end of the spectrum thus polarizing them 0 you can t be a Muslim and not be a terrorist 532011 43100 PM Test is 200 points 20 of grade 34 Multiple choicetruefalse 3 short answer questions 64 points definitionsexamples Chapters 13 and Miller article Language and verbal communication o Assumption We cannot effectively communicate without language o Language and words as symbols 0 Symbol defined A word sound or visual device that represents an image sound concept or experience A referent is a thing that a symbol represents o The digital nature of language 0 Language relies on a common ground of shared meaning 0 Language allows for the expression of abstract ideas 0 Language is a code system 0 We can describe anything 0 Concrete vs abstract terms dog large dog large dog with blackwhite spotseDalmatian 0 language is selfreflective metacommunication the words we use to talk about communication affect how we communicate o Rules of Language Use 0 Phonological level how we pronounce words Words may be pronounced differently n Jesus part orange pecan crayon oil sweet heat thief these e sound is the same despite the different letters forming it o syntactic level gug vs grg we expect a vowel to be present have you the cookies brought yoda talk The ship sails vs ship the sails the same words form different meanings when arranged differently 0 Semantic level The meaning we attach to words and symbols and what those words do Denotative meanings Connotative meaning a lonely green ideas sleep furiouslyquot can be interpreted differently Doesn t really make sense but we can add connotative meaning to understand poetic language 0 Pragmatic level The appropriateness of the use of symbols and rules in a given circumstance n will you marry me Phatic communication a What is expected in terms of a response in a particular situation a Serves as a point of connection a how are you 9 good how are you If you violate the pragmatic level you may be violating any of the other rules too TEST 2 info starts HERE 532011 43100 PM Languages and Verbal Codes Continued from Friday o Language in context 0 Language reflects and shapes contexts The individual level The relational level n Using more relaxed language with friends The group level n Groups of people tend to use and pronounce words the same way The societal level n Linguistic determinism o If we have a word for something it is an important concept in that society a The SapirWhorf hypothesis o A higher level of linguistic determinism o What we have words for are things that are important to society and expose our reality o Ex Eskimos have 25 words for snow o How the American culture approaches time Speech Acts o Speech Acts 0 Illocutionary acts Words that motivate action provide info are directed at a receiver intend for something to be done nothing in the definition about how or if the other actually receives the message Asking Asserting Promising Reporting a Expectation is for the receiver to take some information in Requesting Etc 0 Perlocutionary acts What you add in order to motivate the person to take in the info you want or to do what you want Inspiring n Orphan stories Persuading n Using reasons X Y and Z Embarrassing a Make them self conscious to gain complience Impressing Etc o Speech Accommodation Theory Giles O O O O Assumption some individuals are able to tailor their messages to a specific audience 2 core concepts convergence B using language that will make you seem similar to your audience a parents saying yo and lol divergence u when you set yourself apart and emphasize these differences to the audience a the I m smarter than you professor 2 main premises during communication people try to accommodate or adjust their style of speech to others the adjustment is performed to make yourself like or dislike your audience intercultural interactions how do people from different cultures make themselves like or dislike the other cultures intergroup interactions in group settings how do people relate to one another intergenerational interaction between generations how do they fit in together respectful language to grandparents 532011 43100 PM 226 Terrell Hall Colloquium Tuesday feb 22 1230130 write a 2 page summary One page on each person Tuesday mar 8 1230130 Mar 29 our teacher April 12 Verbal Codes and IPC o Code systems are a way of communicating o They all have two qualities 0 A set of elements that comprise the code 0 Rules for patterning the elements together o This creates four types of codes according to some and two according to others see diagram Verbal and vocal verbal and nonvocal nonverbal and vocal nonverbal and nonvocal Verbalvocaltalking Verbalnonvocalwords not spoken writing Morse code sign language signaling Nonverbalvocalscreaming crying groaning sighing Nonverbalnonvocalbody language A Defined what are verbal code systems 0 O O Verbal codes systems involve the use of language expressed in the form of words They can be communicated orally in written form in the way of gestures and sometimes mechanically B Universal characteristics of verbal codes or language Specialization the primary purpose of language is communication Productivityalso referred to openness or creativity Verbal codes or language have productivity n The notion of novel utterances n Creation of new words and meanings over time Displacement language can refer to past present and future tense O Evanescence language is so much more than an alternative rock band from little rock a Language has the ability to disappear gradually and fade away no kids know what a cassette is Arbitrariness the meanings of words are arbitrary Cultural transmission like so many other things that are learned what language we learn depends on the culture in which they are raised Universal principles of verbal interaction Principle of adjustment a Communication takes place only to the extent parties share the same symbols Principle of imminent reference a The idea that all verbal communication makes reference to the present in some way Principle of determinism a All verbal communication is in some way purposeful o This does not mean that all verbal codes are conscious or voluntary o Eg unusual verbal tics associated with Tourette s syndrome are not voluntary sleep talking too a Determinism means that verbal expression is a reaction to something Principle of recurrence a What someone finds important in some way generally and immediately will recur in their language Principle of relativity of signals and noise a Signals are things that are meaningful n Noise distorts the message intended by the source a Ex Time sensitive references as relative signals and disfluencies as relative noise Principle of reinforcement or packaging n The concept that meaning is best derived by looking at the verbal and nonverbal cues There are several different way in which verbal and nonverbal codes interact to create meaning packaging This will be discussed another day n n Verbal Barriers o Six barriers to effective verbal communication 0 Polarization We deal well with extremes but not the middle range Tallshort vs average Fatskinny vs healthy Weakstrong vs average 0 Intentional orientation A way to think about objects people or events in ways they are talked about instead of how they actually are the label we attach to things UGA as a party school 0 Extensional Orientation A tendency to view the person object or even first and then consider the labels attached to it o Factinference confusion There is a difference between a fact and an inference Factual statement made after the observation is limited to what was actually observed has certainty is made only by the observer is made only about the past and present and is verifiable Inferential statement made at any time goes beyond an observation is made by anyone is made about the past present or future involves varying probability and is not subject to verifiable standards 0 Allness The tendency to think that we know everything there is to know about something 0 Static evaluation A failure to recognize change The belief that someone or something is as they were in the past 0 Indiscrimination Stimulus generalization Approaching people at the group level not as an individual Basing communication on stereotypes 532011 43100 PM Nonverbal communication o Defined o Nonverbal communication all behaviors other than spoken words that communicate messages and create shared meaning between people o Principles 0 Often ambiguous o Regulates conversation o Is more believable than verbal communication 0 May conflict with verbal communication o Visual Cues o Kinesic cues focus on body movements Illustrators n Gestures a Does not make sense without the verbal cue present waving your arms around when talking Affect displays a Indicators of emotional states a Mostly facial expressions Regulators n Affect the communication pattern in some way u Using body movements to lengthen or cut off a conversation n Walk awayorient your body toward someoneovert gaze turn your backlean toward them Emblems n The quantities of emblems that exist differ from culture to culture a The behaviors of certain emblems differ between cultures a Functions remain the same a greetings departures insult gestures complements n We have different customs to show the same message Adaptors a Self adapters o You re touching yourself in some way o Touching your hairface n Object adapters o Touching an object o Playing with a pen 0 Physical appearances Physicalcharacteristics Body artifacts n Piercingstattoosclothinghairstyles read this section in text Physicalattractiveness a How attractive a person is does affect how others approach the person 0 Facial cues Another way we can visually communicate 532011 43100 PM Nonverbal codes auditory o Paralanguage vocalics 0 Vocal qualities Tone tempo range pitch volume inflection pronunciation 0 Vocal distracters Things that pull you away from the verbal message The umms and errs Clearing throat 0 Vocal characterizers Nonverbal behaviors such as laughing crying groaning o Silence The absence of sound Nonverbal codes Contact codes o Haptics o The use of touch to communicate o Hug tap on shoulder punching slap o Functions of touch 0 Positive affect Touch to communicate supportappreciationinclusion to a groupsexual interest Hug kiss high five touch on arm or leg 0 Playfulness An attempt to lighten the mood Playful punch poking 0 Control Directing behaviors toward another person to gain compliance or a specific response The arm squeeze being placed in a police car holding the person s head holding someone s hand to lead them Ritualistic Greeting and departure Handshake hug kiss on cheek Tasks O O Behaviors necessary to complete the task Officer guiding a person s head to get them into the car spinning a pinata player to disorient them 0 Hybrid touch Some combination of 16 Officer touch is a hybrid between control and task Mom s hug positive affectritualistic 0 Accidental Where touch occurs without intended meaning A source of miscommunication Running into someone Nonverbal codes place o The environment 0 Color Specific colors evoke specific emotions 0 Lighting Low lightingclassier last resort vs mcdonalds 0 Room design Corner office is superior Principal s desk between you and him or her Counselor s desk against the wall with no barrier between you and him or her Mall layouts with flooring carpet makes people linger longer Nonverbal codes Time o Chronemics the use of time 0 Technical time The scientific use and measurement of time Time is broken town into very very small units Ten one billionths of a second 0 Formal time The way time is measured on the calendar and on a routine daily basis Taught at a young age 7 days in a week days in a month knuckle trick When holidays are o Informal time How a culture uses related time in a way that is negotiated or learned through trial and error Trial and error When to show up for a party Monochronism vs Polychronism n Monochronistic cultures o Complete tasks one at a time o One at a time we wait in line for services a Polychronism cultures o Multitask o Several people being helped at once Diffused vs displaced time n Diffused o An approximation o Time to show up at a party a Displaced o Time is measured accurately and precisely o Time to show up for a job interview o Date needs to be on time or early Nonverbal codes Proxemics o Territoriality 0 Public Open to anyone a The beach a The park 0 Interactional Open to anyone who has a legitimate reason for being there a Doctors office a Classroom a Movie theater buy a ticket a Coffee shop must make a purchase 0 Home Privatepersonal territory a Apartment O a Car n Office a desk body Your actual person a Touchingpersonal space o Personal space 0 O 0 Edward Hall came up with the concept of personal space and measuredcategorized what happens at each level Intimate space From 0 to 15 Private conversations Affectionate behavior Personal space 15 to 4 casual conversations realistically not Hall most business interactions Social space 4 to 12 most business interactions according to Hall Public space 12 or greater any public event 532011 43100 PM Theories of Nonverbal Communication o Assumptions 0 Adjustments to nonverbal behaviors can be strategic to accomplish a goal 0 We make decisions regarding our nonverbal behavior with respect to our own and others behavior o Equilibrium theory 0 Any relationship can be plotted on a scale of a level of intimacy o The ApproachAvoidance ratio 0 Maintenance involves adjusting your nonverbal behaviors o The case of distance and eye contact 0 Elevator phenomenon 0 Used to counterbalance each other in a subconscious attempt to maintain equilibrium HOMEWORK write up an example of equilibrium theory you observed to turn in Monday 532011 43100 PM Wednesdaymake people uncomfortable Friday teach some of class Expectancy Violations Theory Burgoon c We have communication goals and communication expectations o Our expectations about communication influence our judgments about others communication o Important principles 0 O Communicators develop expectations Violations of communication expectations are arousing and distracting When something goes differently than expected we pay attention to that oddity pacman library video Communicator reward valence moderates interpretation of behaviors Our feelings toward a person will affect how we perceive their behaviors Violation valences are a function of The evaluation of the enacted behavior The direction of the discrepancy between the expected and enacted behavior The magnitude of the discrepancy n Handshakehug vs handshakepunch in the face Positive violations produce a more favorable outcome and negative violations produce a more unfavorable one Positive getting a card from family Negative getting a ticket 532011 43100 PM Presentations of nonverbal awkwardness packaging processes Repeating when the verbal and nonverbal code match The nonverbal code repeats and reinforces the message holding up three fingers when you say three repeats the message of three Emphasizing using nonverbal gestures to EMPHASIZE a point Often uses hands video of man who emphasizes everything Dwight s speech in The Office Any nonverbal action used to indicate mood or make a statement more powerful the nonverbal cold emphasizes the verbal codes I didn t say you were stupid changes based on what you emphasize Regulating nonverbal codes making the verbal stream longer or shorter To make longer smile lean in look interested To make shorter act disinterested video clip from Hitch Complementing nonverbal codes provide new and additional information but not contradicting or repeating any verbal communication skit Lauren says she doesn t want to go to the movie her nonverbal codes say she s scared Contradicting verbal and nonverbal codes disagree so nice to meet you from the ex girlfriend to the new girlfriend or thanks grandma for my sweater I love it Substituting nonverbal communication for a verbal message waving to a friend on the bus because yelling is pointless winking at a love interest Natural cues o Cues associated with the body o Difficult to change Body Type 0 Ectomorph Thin and small body type Stereo types nerdy o Mesomorph Athletic fit body type Stereo types jock jerk o Endomorph Round fat soft body type Stereo types lazy sedentary hates outdoors Artifactual codes o The use of objects in order to communicate o Have communicative value in 3 ways 0 Can directly communicate signs 0 Can define the communication context mallsshopping food court eating 0 Can guide our social behavior Sociofugal spaces hold people apart Sociopetal spaces bring them together o Three types of artifactual codes 0 Fixed Objects that is permanent or difficult to movechange Buildings 5point intersections foundations o Semifixed A little less permanent May not be difficult to change but expensive n Furnature wall hangings 0 Personal Personal belongings n Clothing jewelry 0 Codes tell you what a community cares about 532011 43100 PM exam Friday true false multiple choice short answer Listening o Assumption 0 In order to communicate we must be able to engage in effective listening o Definitions 0 Listening is the dynamic transactional process of receiving recalling rating and responding to stimuli messages or both west and turner 0 Listening is a process of receiving aural stimuli o Key elements and distinctions 0 Listening is an aural activity It is related to hearing Listening includes receiving information making sense of information and being able to retrieve it later from memory Listening differes from hearing Listening is making sense of sounds hearing is sounds entering the ear drum Hearingthe physical process of letting in audible stimuli without focusing on the stimuli Listening differs from the general perceptual process Listening has more steps than the other processes or perception 0 Listening differs from memory o Stages of listening process 0 5 stage process hearing a sounds entering the ear drum attending a the process of focusing on the stimuli n a decision is made of what to pay attention to understanding a evaluate and assign meaning to the stimuli remembering O O O where we put the noise evaluation and meaning to memory this is the difference between the 5step and 4 step processes responding n n the process of providing feedback in some way this is when it becomes a communicative event all 5 stages must occur for the listening process a receiving 2 west and turner the process of acknowledging the message recalling n rating a where you remember the essence of the message evaluate the message responding a providing feedback o Why do we study listening 0 Because we do it often Corporate employees a n n Writing 9 Reading 16 Speaking 30 mg As position status increases so does time spent listening K8 Students 1 n n a Writing 30 Reading 52 Speaking 10 Listening 8 College students a n n a Writing 14 Reading 17 Speaking 16 Listening 53 Difference is no active classrooms o Lecture classes 0 Because we re bad at it Immediate efficiency 50 Efficiency after 48 hours 25 0 Because much of our knowledge is gained through listening o Different types of listening 0 Informative Listening for facts 0 Deliberative Require information and process it between good and bad value judgment on information o Emphatic How someone is feeling Related to empathy Communication process is always unique to that situation and person 0 Active Most complex type Involves all of the other types of listening o Bad listening habits o Pseudo listening Acting like you re listening when you re not Mimicking active listening 0 Selective listening When someone feels bad and the listener offers some support Then they move on minimizing the other person s feelings o Ambushing Listen carefully to a message then later use the information to attack the sender Or jump to a conclusion and try to solve a problem for the other person in an attempt to end the communication process 0 Advising The know it all Listen and then give advice 0 Egocentric listening Listen to the information and then make it about themselves 532011 43100 PM Telephone game o How we change the meaning of messages 0 Sharpening Focusing on specific bits of content and add nonexistent content 0 Leveling When we lose detail by only remembering the bare skeleton of the content c Barriers to effective listening 0 Why do we listen poorly We focus on language and delivery a Teacher cussing example distracts us from the message Prejudging the message a Occurs because you deem the message is uninteresting or unimportant from the start Thoughtspeech speed differential n We process words faster than we can speak them Filtering messages a Focus on what we disagree with and miss out on a lot of the content a Or just focus on what you agree with Essentially focus on one part of the message and ignore the rest Rehearsing a response a It doesn t matter what the speaker says you already have your response planned out o How to improve listening 0 Active listening When you ask questions and paraphrase o Meanings Listen for different meanings Looking at the content level meaning as well as relational and emotion meanings o Empathy O O Listen for empathy Empathy is taking the perspective of the other individual but you don t necessarily agree Ex Friend goes through a bad breakup but stays in close contact with ex So you empathize with where they re coming from but don t approve of the actions Critical listening Trying to identify the speaker s bias and keep it in mind Open mind If individuals were to go into every listening situation assuming there is something new they could get out of it Critical listening and Open mind are the most difficult o Good listening habits O O O O O O 0 Silent listening Don t jump in Questioning Making sure you understand the communicator Paraphrasing Related to questioning Feed a summary back of what you heard to see if you re correct This creates more shared meaning Empathizing See above Supporting Offering positive feedback Evaluating Shouldn t always be applied verbally Don t evaluate unless asked Advising Shouldn t always be applied verbally like evaluating 532011 43100 PM 532011 43100 PM SPRING BREAK ENDS Emotions o Commonly thought of o Observable behaviors Smiling frowning punching o Expressed feelings Feelings are more short term than emotions 0 Changes in the body state Heightened senses shaking with anger unable to concentrate o Defined o A critical internal structure that orients us to and engages us with what matters in our lives West amp Turner 0 Emotions are Fundamental feeling states Some scholars argue that emotions involve one persons feelings happiness feer sadness excitement Others say emotions are experienced only within the context of relating to others jealousy competitiveness love Turner and West take out the middle ground in saying that emotions are fundamental feeling states that orient us to what matters in our lives o Relationship of emotions to Self and Perception processes 0 Information Info about how we see ourselves can encourage the display of one emotion or another 0 Orientation Our perceptual filters make some aspects of a situation more salient than others If you re more keen to see the negative things you re more likely to have negative emotions 0 Motivation Facilitative n Contribute to effective life functioning n Pride Happyness Joy Debilitative n Prevent performance a Guilt Shame Fear Rage extreme emotions o Basic dimensions of emotions o Valence positivenegative Happiness excitement surprise interest pride anger fear anxiety sadness contempt 0 Activity passiveactive implies passivity or action passivetiredness content depression activefear astonishment excitement o Intensity weakstrong You can feel emotions to different intensities Annoyance to anger to rage o Importance of emotions 0 Survival Tells us when our natural human needs are not met Feeling lonely is due to not being around others Fear need for safety is not met 0 Decisionmaking We trust what our emotions are telling us Emotions provide information to us to make decision 0 Predicting behavior Our feelings help us predict our own and others behavior 0 Boundary setting When people encroach on your personal space or they make you uncomfortable in some way you will react Our emotions alert us to people being too close Physical and mental boundaries 0 Communication Our emotions help us communicate Facial expressions 0 Unity Our emotions are perhaps the greatest potential source for uniting all the world s people o Features of emotion nigh iiiquot J N o Intensity not on he Eu hi it w rill Paper Emotions are felt on a continuum from strong to weak 0 May be primary or secondary Primarywe feel them first instinctive n Fear sadness happiness Secondaryoccur later on n Anger Depression 0 lildSVP HE F C El l El39v lijquotr39jiMinil3L lmileLgiujiilrl li o Paper is due April 15 Friday 0 Select one communication episode from any familiar mediated context Choose 4 of the six above features of emotion and define them explain how the scene exemplifies that feature a brief discussion and provide a conclusion for each characteristic O O O O 0 Part 1 describes scene Parts 25 definition of the characteristic Analysis of the scene Title page with name class time coles 810 title for paper Put the title at the top of the first page too 532011 43100 PM READ EMOTIONAL INTELLEGENCE SECTION quiz likely Know steps to become a better communicator Emotions continued o Distinguishing feelings and moods o Feelings Short term reactions to events that generate a limited arousal and do not trigger attempts to manage their experience or expression miniemotions We do not manage these ValanceePositivenegative scale Subjective Can be behaviorally expressed sometimes 0 Moods Moods are low intensity states that are not caused by particular events and typically last longer than feelings or emotions Last longer than feelings and emotions Usually it takes a series of bad events to put you in a bad mood Can be influenced by emotions and feelings but moods are more of a long term trend Moods are not adaptive Not much behavioral expression Not much physiological arousal Not much thought interruption o Emotional display rules 0 Display rules are the management of feelings or emotions for the purpose of creating a public display 0 Four probably five emotional display rules Simulation n Expressing an emotion you do not feel Intensification maximizing n Expressing an emotion more intensely than you actually feel it Miniaturization n Expressing an emotion less than what you feel a Ex Playing down your anger when talking to a friend you re upset with Inhibition a When an emotion is felt but not expressed a Extreme form of miniaturization n Poker face real natural n accurate depictions of our emotions How are emotions displayed 0 Bad estimates 93 of emotional meaning is communicated nonverbally o Emotions may be displayed verbally 0 Most often emotions are displayed nonverbally May be conveyed through a host of nv cue types eg Proxemics haptics chronemics Most often the are displayed via kinesic cues and specifically through affect displays ie Facial expressions whose function is emotional display body language The role of facial expressions 0 A facial meaning sensitivity test 0 Happiness sadness surprise anger fear contempt bewilderment disgust interest determination o Decoding accuracy Happiness is easiest to determine Followed by sadness surprise anger and fear These are universal emotions that appear the same across cultures 90 Contempt disgust interest determination and bewilderment are more difficult to sense We can still sense them 8090 of the time though 0 Regions of the face 3 kinds of facial cues a static o change very slowly o the size of your head a slow o a little quicker to change than static cues o wrinkles a rapid o micro momentary changes of the face o Very quick changes to the face micro expressions and momentary changes like a smile 3 regions of the face a brows and forehead n eyelids to bridge of nose a nose to mouth emotional expressions encoding vary by small changes in those three regions 532011 43100 PM Communication in personal relationships description and self disclosure o Relational Development self disclosure 0 Social penetration altman amp taylor Onion analogy Depth and breadth a Level of intimacydetail vs amount of topics Moving from noninterpersonal to interpersonal non intimate to intimate relationships 0 Types of disclosures Miller amp steinberg differentiate 3 types of disclosures n Selfdescription o Nonintimate o Available from several sources a Apparent selfdisclosure o Mimics selfdisclosure o Appears intimate to the listener but isn t to the source o The source may tell this info to many people a Genuine selfdisclosure o The information is intimatepersonal o Info available to a only a limited group of people o Involves some risk for the source to disclose this information 0 Dimensions of disclosures Depth n The intimacy of topics Breadth n The number of topics Valence a Positive or negative n More likely to disclose positive info Frequency a How often the communication occurs Duration a How long the disclosure takes in any single setting Honesty n n 1 Some scholars say it should be removed from the list The continuum to which the information is true or not If info being disclosed is not true than it is not true disclosure Intentionally n 1 Did the source mean to disclose this or not Yes or no no spectrum 0 Consequences to disclosures Potentially positive consequences 1 n n Catharsis Improved physical health Achieve self awareness o Becoming aware of information about yourself Relational initiation o Relationships have a starting point Relational maintenance o Relationships involve continual disclosure Escalating a relationship c To become more intimate the info shared must become more intimateinterpersonal Potentially negative consequences 1 n a Possible hurt or rejection o Physical hurt o Physiological hurt damages self image May lead to increased conflict Decreased impression management o Impression formation 0 A receiver oriented process 0 Receiver has expectations for how people should act o Coworkers vs friends at a party o Impression management 0 A source driven process 0 The source engages in certain behaviors in order to fulfill the roles he or she is expected to play o Personal acknowledgement 0 Not always positive o Increased relational obligation o Reciprocity 0 When one selfdiscloses the other may feel like they have to do the same 0 If one person self discloses they may feel like they have to listen to the other person next Factors Influencing disclosures n Individual Differences o The extent to which you are a social person a Cultural differences Different cultural expectations o USA we value free open exchange of information Americans disclose more info than any other culture a Gender biological sex o Women disclose more than men about previous relationships feelings about closeness with their same sex friends their greatest fears and what they don t like about their romantic partners o Initial interaction exception 0 Men and women disclose the same amount o Androgyny v biological sex n n n n o Androgynous males disclose more than sextyped males 0 Androgynous females disclose less than sextyped females Listeners Depending who is listening to you will influence the amount you disclose We tend to disclose more information to our close friends and people we perceive as being like us People do not always disclose the most info to their relational partners Valence More likely to disclose positive information Stage of relational development You disclose differently with different people Note on reciprocity If you disclose you expect the other to disclose Gestalt general thought that over the span of a relationship there will be equality in what is shared 532011 43100 PM Chapter 10 Predictors of Affiliation o 5 predictors of affiliation o propinquity physical proximity n Frestinger Schacter and Back o Studied relationships among apartment residents the middle apartments knew the most people because they were closest to the most people 0 organizational romance Dillard n Found that generally 13 of people in the workforce have had a workplace romance and it is increasing a People within a company have things in common and are around each other a long time 0 long distance relationship 4 million people are in LD relationships 2540 of college students are currently involved in a long distance relationship Face to face relationships last longer 0 attitude similarity Byrne s Bogus Pipeline n Surveys about social attitudes and asking if they think they would have a relationship with someone with a similar survey a Unrealistic study a People think they will form relationships with people similar to them Sunnafrank n Replicated byrne s study but changed it to make it more realistic u Had people actually interact and then asked them how they liked the person People instructed to talk about the questionnaire responded as byrne said If they were sent in without instruction half of them didn t even mention the questionnaire Homogeny vs Heterogamy n Newcombe got grant money and bought a house near a campus and put up a sign free rent all males applied The catch was they had to participate for his study In the first weeks of school the roommates spent a lot of time together But over time they spent less time with their roommates and did with other people 0 physical attractiveness maximizing and matching a n maximizing is dating above your level matching is dating someone equal in attractiveness who matches a Feingold said the matching hypothesis overrules the maximizing hypothesis o Male to female relationship o Malemale friendship o Female to male relationship o Femalefemale friendship o Maximizing existed in each relationship except femalefemale friendship Males put more emphasis on physical attractiveness 0 need complementary concept that opposites attract being able to fulfill where the other is lacking Only if you are heterosexual Deals with dominance and submissive personalities However more often we see submissivesubmissive matching and dominancedominance matching 0 Familiarity We gravitate toward things we are familiar with Xajonc mere exposure effect a Gravitating to what you re familiar with Listening to the same radio stations eating at the same restaurants talking to the one person you know at a party even though you re not that good of friends Stages of Relational Development and Decay The process of coming together vs coming apart Mark Knapp and Anita Vangelisti The model presented has 10 stages five for development and 5 for decay Stage identification is a matter of emphasis o Behaviors from several stages may occur simultaneously 0 The stage is characterized by the proportion of related behaviors that are displayed 0 The model relates to voluntarily formed relationships 0 Development is not inherently good and decay is not inherently bad 0 Stages can repeat with the same participants Initiating stage first stageinitial interaction 0 Ritualized content 0 How we interact with a stranger basic questions 0 Stereotypes and expectations are considered 0 Determine if the person is cleared for the encounter check the ring Experimenting stage this is a period of information seeking predicting anticipated outcomes of additional interactions and reducing uncertainty about the other 0 Marked by a high degree of reciprocity in the exchange of information o The information exchanged is mostly cultural and sociological o This stage is a kind of initial testing period Intensifying stage the level of intimacy increases psychologicalphysical o Attempts at increasing intimacy typically are very cautious 0 Deviation testing occurs O Testing boundaries of contact arm around girl Communication behaviors include use of nicknames and terms of endearment use of first person plural private symbols begin to emerge verbal shortcuts occur communication becomes less necessary direct expressions of affect occur partner s express help in daily understanding o Integrating stage two individuals andor personalities fuse or combine into one entity Interdependence develops O O O O O Attitudes opinions and tastes that differentiate the pair are emphasized we have something special Social networks merge and begin to treat the pair as one entity eg one invitation is sent one present is given Intimacy trophies are exchanged Jewelryflowersgifts Similarities are overtly accentuated verbally and nonverbally Fusing combining or penetration of bodies may occur Common property identified as simply as something purchased together or as large as joint bank account Synchrony of routines occurs o Bonding stage a public ritual announcing formally contracted commitments O 0 going steady engagement cohabitation marriage are all examples of bonding rituals Bonding can occur in nonintimate relationships eg contracts becoming roommates 532011 43100 PM Quiz 1 p 331 role relationship relatively interchangeable parties 2 coworkers are not close relationships 3 positive feedback causes recalibration and change 4 relationship dialectic a tension in a relationship between forces that are mutually desired but mutually exclusive 5 social exchange theory rewardscosts III 5 stages of Decay o Dissolution 0 Acknowledgement that something is wrong 0 I cant take this anymore 0 may occur due to a single event or rule violation or multiple 0 The point of decision I don t want to continue in this relationship o Intrapsychic o All your thoughts are focused on the part that you re dissatisfied with 0 Social exchange balancing the rewards and costs in a relationship People tend to be in relationships where the rewards outweigh the costs 0 Is the relationship worth terminating o Faceexpress or hide the problems 0 The focus is extremely negative o Dyadic 0 Continue to face confrontation vs avoidance dilemma 0 Face that things are going downhill and figure out how to get out o Confrontation sit down and tell your partner everything that bugs you and let them go o Avoidance disappear delete them on facebook don t answer calls 0 End our relationship talk I can change they usually don t 0 Assessing the joint cost of a breakup o Social 0 Negotiate past the dissolution stage 0 You ve ended the relationship and you figure out how things are going to be between the two of you Are you still friends Do you ever talk Initiate discussion in your social networks about what happened 0 Create a more public facesaving story that favors you c Grave Dressing o Purposeful use of the death metaphor 0 Make the breakup seem not so bad 0 Gettingover activities Go on a trip with friends Go out Stay busy 0 Post mortem attributions Where people make themselves seem more positive Public distribution of your breakup story Top 5 reasons for ending relationships o Boredom 1 o Difference of interest o Desire to be independent o Interest in someone else o Indifference of intelligence Direct vs indirect strategies to end relationships o Direct strategies 0 Fait accompli Used very rarely Just telling them we re over we re done we re through No reason given 0 Stage of the relationship talk Stage it as a conversation with hints at ending we re in different places right now this isn t going anywhere then cuts it off 0 Attribution conflict Pinpoint some disagreement or conflict as the reason to end the relationship 0 o Negotiated farewell Both work on saying goodbye distributing shared property and mutually likely slowly split o Indirect strategies 0 Withdrawal Already have plans Spend less time with them 0 Pseudo deescalation We need to slow down we need to take a break meaning you want the relationship to end 0 Cost escalation Making your partner s cost in the relationship increase Spend more of their money leaving laundry all over the place embarrass them become a slob o Fading away You just disappear No contact Taking withdrawal to the extreme o Leaver vs Left effects 0 Leaver the one who terminated the relationship 0 Left got left 0 Vaughn findings the left person has a more difficult and longer recovery The left person didn t have an immediate part in the dissolution o Weiss findings who leaves whom after a longclose relationship may not be clear Though one person terminated it the other may have been checking out and looking for an end in the relationship Both parties are likely to feel mixed emotions including guilt 532011 43100 PM Relational dialectics balance between two forces o Relational dialectics the tension that exists between two opposing forces and the process of relational dialectics is to try to find a balance in the forces 0 Mutually desired but mutually exclusive o Interpersonal Communication Baxter o Openness closedness most important early on Sharing vs holding back openness predictability 0 Novelty predictability Where individuals prefer a cirtain level of predictability Desire for some routine Noveltywinging it Predictability having a plan 0 Autonomy connection most difficult later Autonomy the extent to which you want to be your own individual Connection the need to be a couple in a way that makes the relationship work o IPC text only 0 Acceptance rejection Constantly accepting everything the person does Constantly rejecting everything they do 0 Affection Instrumental Affection developing a relationship where the relationship is the end itself a Developing the relationship just to have a relatiopnship Instrumental the relationship is a means to another end more selfish n Going to prom so you can not be alone there a Dating someone to get higher on the work ladder c When do relational dialectics matter 0 Opennesscloseness matters first 0 Different stages require different compromises 0 Relationships don t tend to work when there isn t a balance 532011 43100 PM Love attitude styles o Origins o Sociologist John Alan Lee 0 Proposed a theory of love that had 6 major love styles 3 primary ones eros ludus storge 3 secondary ones pragma mania agape Secondary styles are combinations of the primaries Color wheel analogy both colors and wheels having primary and secondary features Also emotions are equal like colors There is no right or wrong However further research showed that some styles are more congruent with satisfaction and commitment than others Research based on Lee s work has found that his color wheel analogy is faulty o The love styles are 6 separate styles or attitudes no primary and secondary 0 However people do tend to have characteristics of one or more style Each style can be thought of as being on a continuum Usually stable can change over time Love styles seem to be both personality traits and malleable attitudes o Eros erotic lovers Romantic lovers Characterized by passion Idealistic and sentimental about love Strong physical preferences Early attraction fall and commit quickly Strongly committed to lover Intensity of emotions High selfdisclosure sex early amp perfect Stable loyal serial monogamists Love is highly valued by Eros types 0 Ludus Ludic lovers 0 O O O Love is a game No serious outcome in mind Do not have a preferred visual type Deception of lover is acceptable within proper role limits Not a great depth of feeling actually wary of emotional intensity from others Can be manipulative Emphasis on FUN Avoid commitment and dependence Goal is to enjoy relationships with a variety of people with everyone having fun and no one getting hurt Can be explorative and abusive all about power Not as socially desirable as some other types People usually identify themselves as ludic are anever been in love or b been in love multiple times 0 Storge storgic lovers Friendly love merges love and friendship Romantic love is a deep friendship No fire very downtoearth solid love Don t fall into love love builds out of friendship Don t fantasize about ideal lovers Value stability predictability and security over passion Sex occurs later in the relationship Seek longterm commitment Similarity is much more important than physical appearance or sexual satisfaction 0 Pragma pragmatic lovers Practicalpragmatic Planners or shoppinglist lovers Love is based on practical choices Don t fall you choose to be in and out of love Always looking to optimize rewardscost ratio May be warm giving and romantic but always logical May or may not have a preferred physical type but will have a shopping list of qualities visual or actual The pragmatic lover isn t looking for great excitement and drama but rather a suitable partner with hom a satisfying rewarding life can be built Hendrick amp Hendrick May benefit from online dating service or matchmaker to eliminate inappropriate candidates 0 Mania manic lovers Obsessive and possessive lovers fall fast and hard insecure based on uncertainty of self and lover extreme highs and lows Eminem song love the way you lie Can be intensely demanding controlling and jealous Usually seen in adolescents not common in older ages Yearns for loving committed relationship but worries that the lover will find someone else Always seem to be looking for the cloud around the silver lining o Agape agapic lovers Allgiving Nondemanding Forgiving lovers Selfless unconditional love Don t fall into love Value patience acceptance and compassion above all Altruistic loves Stems from personal strength Rarest type Most pure form of love Spiritual love o Discssion O O O O The loves style attitudes scale Mania lover isn t compatible with ludic Pragmatic not with ludic Ludic isn t good for anything Good matches Storge and agape Pragma and mania Eros and agape 532011 43100 PM Paper Due Friday at 5pm 110 terrell hall Chapter 9 Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships o Occurs often o Potential negative influences have a greater effect on our lives than positive influences o General definition of interpersonal conflict 0 An interaction between two interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals scarce resources and interference from others in achieving their goals o Components 0 Interaction o Interdependence o Perception Perception of scarce resources cant nap while roomie is playing drums May not be reality 0 Incompatible goals o Nonrealistic conflict 0 Bickering o Pseudo conflict 0 Disagreement no tangible prize getting a nap or playing drums 0 Competition o True conflict 0 Image conflicts Ego conflicts Concern selfpresentation 0 Content or substantive conflicts Issue centered conflicts Revolve around one or a set of issues Public or personal 0 Value conflicts Centered around a set of beliefs Often public 0 Relational conflicts Focused on the relationship between two or more parties and the conflict is focused on the relationship itself 0 Serial conflicts Repetitive conflicts that focus on the same issues or goals Can include elements from other kinds of conflict Money sex kids most common serial conflicts o Communication patterns in conflict 0 Avoid or engage Decision to have or avoid the conflict 0 Symmetrical escalation One party offers a complaint and the other party offers a counter complaint 0 Symmetrical withdrawal Both parties figure out that they do not want to engage in the conflict and they don t want to talk about it in the future 0 Pursuit One person is engaging and one person is avoiding o Symmetrical negotiation Rarely the start of a conflict Sounds easy but isn t Both parties decide to compromise in how the conflict will be resolved o Variation on doing conflict 0 Conflict styles Fairly enduring communication behaviors on how you handle conflict Concern for self assertiveness vs Concern for others cooperation Avoidance n Characterized by c Denial of conflict o Equivocationevasive remarks o Changing and avoiding topics o Irreverent joking remarks o Lose lose situation you both lose Competition 1 n n a Personal criticism Rejection Hostile imperatives Denial of responsibility Competitive people can put people down without realizing they ve crushed people to raise themselves up Winlose situation you win Accomodation n n n n 1 Giving upgiving in Disengagement Denial of needs Expression of desire for harmony Losewin situation Other person wins Compromise n n n 1 Appeals to fairness Tradeoffs Offering a quick short term solution Loselose Collaboration 1 n 1 Descriptive statements Disclosing statements Solicitation of disclosure Supportive remarks Winwin putting in headphones to take a nap while roomie plays drums both parties get what they want 0 Conflict tactics Within any specific conflict the strategies you use at that point 532011 43100 PM Graduated amp reciprocated Initiatives in Tension Reduction GRIT System has been used in a variety of contexts Usually works if people work through it 10 steps developed by Osgood o 1 make a conciliatory statement acknowledge problems and that you want to fix them 0 2 announce behavioral initiatives here are things I m willing to do to make our relationship better must be observable initiatives 0 3 perform the initiatives do what you said you would do 0 4 invite reciprocation invite not demand only do this after following through with the stuff you said you would do They usually decline initially o 5 continue the performance keep doing what you said you would do even in the face of rejection 0 6 make initiatives verifiable they must be things that are observable Not I won t do X and hoping they wont catch you doing it Countries deal with this step a lot 0 7 maintain ability to retaliate never negotiate your strengths in any conflict situation people don t change behaviors without being punished in some manor Hold onto some way to punish the other person 0 8 punishment precise in kind punishment should always be tied to a specific deed so that it can be modified l This is key The analogy of an investment Don t put all your eggs in one basket Diversify your initiatives to minimize your risk 0 10 spiral over time as you continue to perform the initiatives your partner s refusal to reciprocate will soften Positive behavior spiral 532011 43100 PM Deception o Who lies how often and why 0 DePaulo et al 1996 Everybody in the study reported lying daily Mean was 196 lies per day 0 Content of lies Feelings 1 n I love your hair a I m fine a This food is delicious Achievements n Exadurating Actions places whereabouts 2 Explanations Facts and Possessions 0 Reasons for lying Benefit self versus benefit other We use less persuasion tactics when lying to protect ourselves o What Forms do lies take mccornack 0 Quantity of Information Holding back part of the truth is still lying 0 Quality of the information How accurate is the information given 0 Relevance of information You respond but not in a way that is relevant a What did you do last night I m looking forward to this weekend 0 Manner of Presenting the Information Deflecting lets talk about this later Refusing to answer o How is Deception Detection Research Conducted 0 Slide Paradigm Two kinds of slides shown a Pleasant scene a Unpleasant scene Subject is asked to describe what they see Experts then try to discern if they re lying and have them lie to see the differences 0 Interview Paradigms Many different stimuli Used to show court footage and ask subject what was going on in the footage Then asked to lie about it Then the clips were taken out of context and tested Jim Stiff one research participant and one confederate someone who is in on it n The two people are asked to accomplish a task Jim is forced to leave for 20 minutes The confederate proposes to look at the answers Research participant always takes the bait n Some people admit some people continue to lie o Perceived vs actual detection accuracy 0 If a complete stranger lied to you 10 times how many times would you detect the lie 0 If a friend lied to you 10 times how accurately would you detect the lie 0 People can only predict lies around 0050 of the time and they are better at detecting them from strangers o How do we detect deception 0 Lay Hypothesis A liar can t look you in the eye a FALSE Eyes are the easiest of nonverbal behaviors to control 0 Leakage Hypothesis Your body will leak cues that you are lying Your nonverbal gives you away Focuses on hands or feet a Facial tics and other difficulttocontrol nonverbal movements Difficult to determine 0 Distraction explanation Ignore all nonverbal cues and focus just on verbal cues n n a How are they saying it n Focus on inflection and word choice a Continue asking questions 0 Most social scientists support some version of the Leakage Hypothesis or Explanation 0 Highest accuracy occurs in verbal only conditions o Why are we so poor at detecting deception o The truth bias makes us poor detectors We expect the truth Truth Bias is even stronger among friends 0 We focus on wrong cues o Leathers Leathers type 1 don t memorize list a No serious or negative consequences if deception was discovered Gaze aversion Pupil dilation Blinking Smiles Head nods Illustrators Eye contact Blinking Eye contact Leathers type 2 don t memorize list a More severe consequences if the deception is discovered Foot movements Smiling Eye movement Illustrators Postural movements Eye contact a People are more aware of their cues and control their nonverbal behavior better when lying about big deal things o Burgoon et al Pupil dilation Blinking Adapters o Stiff and Miller s list is the only reliable cues 0 We focus on wrong vocalic cues Leathers type 1 n of pauses a length of pauses a speech errors a repetitions a rapid speech rate Leathers type 2 a Rapid speech rate a of pauses a speech errors Burgoon et al a Response length n Speech errors a of pauses a pitch height and range Miller meta analysis looked at what all past studies said u Speech errors a of pauses a pitch height and range c We have false confidence in our abilities 0 We often probe Probing hinders our ability to detect deception o Probing decreases our accuracy scientists disagree on the following Behavior adaptation occurs There is a probing heuristic mccornack amp Levine Deception probe fear of suspicion behavioral adaptation wrong conclusion stiff amp miller o Deception cues carry multiple meanings O O O O 0 Lack of affect State Anxiety Situational nervousness Trait anxiety Nervousanxious by nature Low self esteem How you evaluate yourself People with low self esteem think little of themselves They shift away be nervous overt eye gaze Maybe it is Deception 532011 43100 PM Communication and Technology o Characteristics 0 Ability to reach mass and diverse audiences 0 Use of electronics and electronic devices 0 Ability to communicate immediately across great distances o Functions of the Internet 0 Commerce Ebay amazon paypal 0 Information seeking Google Yahoo Wikipedia 0 Social networking Facebook Myspace Xanga Twitter 0 Entertainment Hulu youtube Netflix online games Communication Instant messaging Skype Email FB Chat oovoo Social influence Fox news CNN Campaign websites political websites prolifeprochoice sites Guide society toward certain views o Access to new technology 0 Over 19 billion internet users worldwide Top users are Asia Europe and North America Cell phone use mirrors internet use Demographics of use Income n Income uptechnology up Geography suburbangturbangtrural n Suburban have the most access to technology a Think of cell phone servicetowers Education a People who are more educated use technology more a There is a correlation between education and income Racial divide US only 0 O O O O n CaucasiangtAsiangtLatinoHispanicgtAfrican American o Most accessed sites 0 Google 0 Yahoo 0 Facebook 0 Youtube o IPC and Technology 0 Nonverbal cues Content is lost when technology filters out means of communication texts get misinterpreted o Relational Development Internet dating 475men 525women Mean age 48 years Higher in self esteem n They re putting themselves out there Most used sites yahoo personals matchcom American singles eharmony webdate o Narcissism People who love themselves Gaston beauty and the beast o Narcissism and social media Facebook a Narcissism predicts More friends More wall posts Selfpromoting info Selfpromoting quotes Attractive sexy fun selfpromoting photos a Strangers detect narcissism from o Selfpromoting main photos o Attractive main photos o Quantity of social interaction