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Indiv Marriage & the Family

by: Clifford Dickinson

Indiv Marriage & the Family HDFS 145

Clifford Dickinson
GPA 3.53

Joy Jacobs

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Joy Jacobs
Class Notes
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This 5 page Class Notes was uploaded by Clifford Dickinson on Saturday September 19, 2015. The Class Notes belongs to HDFS 145 at Michigan State University taught by Joy Jacobs in Fall. Since its upload, it has received 49 views. For similar materials see /class/207355/hdfs-145-michigan-state-university in Human Dev And Family Sciences at Michigan State University.

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Date Created: 09/19/15
Child Sexual Abuse Handout FCE 145 The Individual Marriage and the Family What is child sexual abuse Forced tricked or coerced sexual behavior between a child and another usually older person which includes secrecy and fear To whom does this happen Usually a female child 7 9095 of sexually abused children are girls Typically it starts with the oldest daughter in a family and then other female children in succession Most often to a child between 5 and 12 years of age Who abuses in this way In 8090 of cases the abuser is someone in the child s immediate family Most commonly child sex is between siblings stepsiblings or cousins but adult perpetrators are livein boyfriends of the child s mother stepfathers uncles grandfathers and fathers Usually the man is also physically and sexually abusive to the child s mother Usually the man uses physical abuse to control his partner and the children A young girl may escape physical abuse by submitting sexually What are signs of sexual abuse of a child Physical problems urinary tract infections sore bottom tummy ache vaginal infections sexually transmitted infections staph or strep infections tearng or splitting of the skin in the vaginal area or anus pregnancy Sexual problems sexual knowledge at an abnormally young age use of slang words for sex organs or sex acts talkng dirty preoccupation with sexual ideas playing with undressed dolls in sexual ways masturbation nudity or exposing the genitals at inappropriate times and places Social problems truancy getting in trouble at school acting out running away from home initiating sexual activity with other children compulsive or ritualistic behaviors washng hands dozens of times a day greater risk of sexual abuse by other male relatives or family intimates Emotional problems fear anger hostility guilt shame eating disorders sleep troubles traumatized sexualization What problems show up in older children who have been sexually abused running away behavior problems at home and at school learning difficulties clinical depression suicidal behaviors drug abuse sexual promiscuity prostitution low selfesteem early young marriage What are the long term effects of having been sexually abused In grown women depression which manifests itself in shame stigmatization feelings of being spoiled goods betrayal difficulty trusting in relationships If the victim iswas a boy he typically would bewould have been younger than the average female victim feelings of powerlessness we socialize our boys to feel in control distorted views of sexuality he is no more likely to be homosexual than a boy to whom this has not happened It is not true that boys who are sexually abused will become homosexual What s wrong with a mother who allows her child to be sexually abused she typically is passive has a poor selfimage is overly dependent on her male partner emotionally financially etc is isolated from others by her choice or by her partner s is likely to have less education than the average mother may not realize it is happening or may be suspicious but unbelieving may feel relief to be left alone sexually by the abusive male will not confront her partner for fear of making it worse MIGHT be a religious fanatic not just religious but fanatica fanatic religious beliefs hold that the man is supreme in all things that he is not to be questioned or refused and that women and children have few rights What can 1 do ALWAYS believe a child s claims of sexual abuse Support ageappropriate programs for sex education in schools and programs that strengthen families especially the mother s role in the family this happens much less often to the children of mothers who have high selfesteem and other personal strengths Encourage professional treatment for ALL family members in a family where there is sexual abuse Types of Families Thursday September 01 2011 900 Alvl Homework Today39s Topics Colonial family and marriage I Important Points Lecture Topic During the lecture take notes here Insert a subpage for each lecture topic I Married in Colonial times I Catholic church if they thought they were married than they were married I Division of labor stature in community Marriage is marker ofadulthood Love was not a factor in marriage you learned to love and if you couldn t they saw it as a character defect I Colonial father decided who you married Divorce occurred for better inlaws not because lack of love I Widow or divorced women were looked down upon It was hard to marry after widowed Usually the children stayed with the father after the divorce Marriage was an economical advantage best investment to make I For men bride price is property animals etc I Woman can now divorce husband Back in the day a woman could not initiate a divorce Reproductive technology came out when contraceptive came out Sex marriage and children isnt connect like before I Don t have to be married to have children or sex I In colonial times women couldn39t hold property for a certain amount of time All change isnt positive 39 Cohabitation because breaking up has the same effects as getting a divorce I Divorce is at its lowest since 1970 Peolple is older and there is also less marriage I Cohabitation has risen 12x and marriage has dropped 30 I Most all state have no fault divorce I People are having fewer children Most mothers have children under 1 is working which is highly unusual from colonial times I Define marriage in the US I a legal contract you cant get out without another legal contract I In all states is between a man and a woman n In all states there are age restrictions Each state sets its own laws I Cannot be already married to get married again I Who are united socially sexually and financially May or may not have children I Who have a consistent relationship over time Intimate Relationships Measures of Intimacy Focus on relationship instead of self Concern care for other person put them first Commitment Primary in your life Forsaking all others Communication Openness selfdisclosure reveal self Sexuality emphasizes mutuality and sharing not personal satisfaction Equality and fairness Moves both forward not onesided Give and be given to Not give and take Treat each other like equals Good equality leads to stability Intimacy is selfsustaining reinforces itself Loneliness also reinforces itself Females a little better at picking up nonverbal signals usually First impressions important Nonverbal comm Physical attractiveness quotThe Halo Effectquot Because they are attractive we assume they have a good personality Not good They could be attractive AND shallow Tradeoffs accept a person that is not a bombshell because they actually have a good personality Do opposites attract Yes and No Similarities lead to better relationships keep you with that person Dissimilarities not always good Similar values personality attitudes more settling and acceptable Build our selfesteem Tuesday September 27 2011 8246 AM Intimacy quotFailure to thrivequot failure to handle touch care for a child Touch first form of intimacy Important to relate to others in environment Same sex relationships important in younger years Opposite sex relationships important after middleschool years Intimacy can buffer or shockabsorb conflict Dangers of Intimacy Child abuse Sexual abuse Spousal abuse Strong families Good intimate relationships Open trust commitment selfdisclosure Obstacles to Love Lack of trust Being unpredictable Being undependable Being unfaithful Lack of commitment Dissatisfaction time to talk nsecurity need to feel sure that other person has commitment too nstability need to feel strong and steady in relationship No such thing as 5050 in relationship You do marry a family when you marry a person You should get to know that family Three Ts to develop a good relationship Time together spending time around them Togetherness actually being with them Talking get to know each other Bonding forces of Love Knowledge about each other Brain understand the other person Takes the longest time Trust also takes a while Have to earn trust Value their trust in you Don39t break it Reliance Being able to count on them Know what to expect Commitment put each other and relationship first Mutual road Touch Emotional touch of heart and physical touch of sexuality Both important ALL 5 OF THESE NEED TO MOVE AT SAME PACE WITH BOTH PEOPLE Differentiation ability to develop self maintain self even with involved with another person Changing self from parents39 values a little becoming own person Must allow people to influence you Not choosing to break off from family Controlling own self making up own mind Have to differentiate self from family to be yourself Need this to develop relationships with others Best relationships are between people who are differentiated KNOW who they are Endogamy influence of parents39 values with self and association with others Similar Similarity strengthens group structure Exogamy different weakens group structure Partner Selection Guy wrote a book for daughters quotHow not to marry a jerkquot Book written for both men and women Very eye opening and funny


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