INTERPERSNL COMMNCTN CMST 2010
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This 9 page Class Notes was uploaded by Gaetano Price on Tuesday October 13, 2015. The Class Notes belongs to CMST 2010 at Louisiana State University taught by S. Pride-Shaw in Fall. Since its upload, it has received 17 views. For similar materials see /class/222684/cmst-2010-louisiana-state-university in Communication Studies at Louisiana State University.
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Date Created: 10/13/15
The dark side of communication l Bullying o particular form of con ict where abuse is persistent and the person being bullied nds it difficult on himself or herself 0 1550 involved 0 Communication behaviors consistent with bullying l Isolating ignoring l Nitpicking or excessively criticizing l Humiliating o How do we combat l Bully back I Talk to superior be consistent and clear do not add things to your story I Jealous o Emotion and typically refers to negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity 0 An interpersonal pain 0 How does the universality of emotion affect relationships 0 Some jealousy is healthy I Can see how you can improve yourself strengthen relationships 0 Eckmandiscreet emotions I Jealousy is made up of these 0 Anger disgust sadness I Anger 0 Strong emotion feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance o Anger is an interpersonal even 0 Not showing enough or showing too much is unhealthy o Anger cluster Rage irritation exasperation disgust envy torment o Anger provocation Identity management One s selfconcept or public image is under attack Aggression Presence of some actual threat or harm Frustration Goal interference violation of expectations Fairness Inequality lack of fairness Incompetence Due to ignorance or egocentric motives Relationship threat Jealousy unfaithfulness betrayal Predispositions Experience stress fatigue alcoholism behavior inbom General reaction aggression related tendencies following negative affect Aggression leads to anger o Prototypical responses to anger l Verbal attacks 7 obscenities yelling l Physical attacks 7 hands sts clenched aggressive gestures throwing things I Nonverbal disapproval 7 heavy walk stomping slamming doors frowning gritting teeth I Uneasiness 7 crying feeling of nervousness anxiety and discomfort l Internal withdrawal 7 brooding thinking I m always right 7 others are wrong I Avoidance 7 suppressing the anger l Silence 7 to keep from provoking other person 0 Not the same as brooding or avoidance Emotions l Emotional traits o Longlasting emotions we have 0 baseline emotions 0 Some people are always happy some are always sad l Emotional states 0 More speci c shortlived o Happens with certain event 0 Being told a joke laugh I Emotional contagion Idea that we can catch each other s emotions 0 Someone is happy you may feel happy I l Emotional experience 0 Feeling of emotions or emotion we experience 0 Intrapersonal communication 0 How we talk to ourselves about emotion I 2 Emotional communication 0 Where we talk about emotions o Describing our feelings it makes me sad when you don t tell me good morning I 3 Communicating emotionally 0 Displaying our emotions o Allowing emotions to come out o Sadcry happyjump and squeal l 4 Effects 0 Way we communicate display describe etc have effects on our relationships 0 Try to communicate to help our relationships 0 Debilitative l Emotions are harmful to our relationships 0 Angry 7 yell at someone may hurt them 0 Facilitative l Emotion is helpful or bene cial to our relationship I Feeling connection with someone Anger parent yelling at child 0 No good or bad debilitative or facilitative emotions o Cooping I What to do in relationship I Remove emotion from problem I Change the way we interpret situation I When its not appropriate to display emotions 0 Society expectations ok for a girl to cry not ok for a boy 0 Issue of vulnerability Don t want to let someone know how upset you are 0 Bene t other people Want to protect other people hide emotion 0 Professional roles Keep emotions in check for professional standards I Firefighter saving a house I Emotional intelligence 0 Re ectively regulating 7 open and monitor emotions 0 Understanding emotions 7 can you label and interpret emotions o Assimilating emotions into thought 7 connect emotions with thought 0 Perceiving and expressing 7 can you perceiveunderstand others emotions Can you express emotions Listening l Difference between hearing and listening 0 Hearing 7 psychological process 0 Listening I More than hearing I Hearing is part of listening I Interpret and understand what we hear and see I Have to work on something not done well all the time I 1 Receiving o Physically hearing 0 Things can get in way I External obstacles Noise physical noise I Infomessage overload Someone talking music playing someone yelling I Message complexity Hard to follow complex message 0 Not automatic thing has problems I 2 Responding 0 When we listen have to respond 0 Skillful listeners give feedback 0 Feedback types I Positive or negative 0 Positive tells the speaker you re on the right track we re following 0 Negative tells the speaker you are lostnot following I Personmessage focused 0 Person feedback is about person 0 Message feedback is about messaged I Immediatedelayed 0 Immediate happens automatically 0 Delayed has a time period I Low or high monitor 0 Low 7 honest quick no censor honest opinion 0 High 7 spend time creating message or feedback I Supportive or critical 0 Supportive 7 supports us our message 0 Critical 7 has some form of judgment I 3 Remembering or recalling Important especially in relationship 0 3 R s I Record 7 helps to remember I Repeat 7 repeat name when you meet someone I Reorganization chunk 7 come up with sayings for notes when studying o HOMES 7 ve great lakes I 4 Rating 0 Critically analysis information 0 Internal obstacles I Preoccupation 7 day dreaming I Prejudgment7 or second guess 0 Try to finish someone else s story I Lack of effort 7 tired don t like person I Types 0 Peoplecentered 7 try to understand people 0 Actioncentered 7 looking for organized o Contentcentered 7focused on facts or details I Ask questions Time centered 7 looking for quick message How quick message can get out 00 Con ict I Some sort of incompatible goalissue in a relationship Con ict object 0 Have to understand to know what con ict is 0 It s inevitable 0 Not all con ict is bad I Lost of self disclosure l Managed effectively relationship can grow In order for con ict to exist 0 1 Expressed disagreement Con ict does not exist until disagreement is communicated Can be done verbally or nonverbally Overt way 7 I m angry here s why Covert way 7hide anger use nonverbal l Passive aggressive 7 say something that hints at anger o 2 Interdependence I We have relationship with person who cuts you off in traffic 0 3 Need to resolve I No true con ict unless you want to resolve I Don t resolve con ict can damage relationship Types of con ict 0 1 Simple 7 basic con icts we have over a speci c con ict issue I Image content of message value relational l Serial 7 same issue ght over repeatedly o 2 Pseudo con ict l Communication misunderstanding l Quick to resolve o 3 Ego con icts I Take con ict move away from con ict object and becomes personal I Want to see two different movies I Can harm relationships hardest to resolve Process 0 1 Prior conditions 7 experiences we have before hand 0 2 Frustration awareness 7 start to realize disagreement before expressing o 3 Active con ict 7 have to express frustration I Enter into con ict stage 0 4 Resolution 7 sometimes may take a long time o 5 Follow up 7 one of the most important I How you deal with it after con ict Big ght 0 Romantic relationships 0 Look at before after and during 0 Establishes code of conduct 0 If taken to ego con ict next there is a ght it is taken to ego con ict 0 Resolution and follow up are very important Game theory 0 Have to think about how it effects other person 0 Helps us understand con ict 0 Winwin 7 helps you and other person Loselose 7 hinders you and other person Winlose 7 one person is helped and the other is hindered Orientation o 1 Exit 7 walk away from con ict and relationship 00 o 2 Neglect 7 deny problem or minimizes it o 3 Loyalty 7 our commitment to relationship we avoid con ict I Can become problem 0 4 Voice 7 address con ict directly and manage it I Thomas and Kilman 0 Con ict styles I 1 Avoid 7 low concern for self and others I 2 Accommodate 7 low self high other 0 Bad 7 end up exploding o Winlose situation I 3 Compete 7 high concern for self low for others 0 Winlose I 4 Compromise 7 in the middle somewhere o Technically loselose 0 Both give up something 0 Have to know con ict object I 5 Collaborate 7 trying to nd solution that is best for both parties 0 Need to know all five types and know which ones to use Deception I Can you tell if someone is lying 0 Looking at nonverbalverbal communication 0 Hard to tell with nonverbal alone although people think they can I Eckman Looks at micro expressions I Deception can be very damaging to our relationships I Eckman s de nes lying as one person intending to mislead another doing so deliberately without prior noti cation and without being asked to do so I Types of lies 0 l Benevolent 7 little white lies I May tell to not damage relationship 0 2 Malicious 7 lies that are harmful to our relationship can hurt or damage our relationship I Ways people lie concealing o l Concealment 7 tell lie and leave some info out I Understatement 7 don t hint at the whole truth 0 2 Falsifying 7 prove false information takes concealing a step further I Understatement 7 play down and give false information I Exaggerate 7 give too much info and giving false info I Equivocation 7 purposefully ambiguous I Motives 7 reasons why people lie 0 l Partnerfocused 7 don t want to hurt the feelings of another person I Want to protect them 0 2 Selffocused 7 to bene t self 0 3 Relationship focused 7 trying to limit the damage of the relationship I Tim Levine 0 Professor that studies deception o Says there is no sure way to tell if people are lying o Says it is false that we can tell better if they are lying if they are close to usfamily I We have a truthbiased 0 We tend to assume people are being honest with us if we are in a relationship with built trust I Can we be better at determining if deception exists I There are verbal strategies we can use I Verbal strategies tend to be better at helping us I Determine deception 0 000 00 OO 0 Chapter 7 l Intimidation 7 can use it to get people to tell the truth 2 Discomfort and relief 7 playing on the fact that people feel bad stressed etc when lying and can be relieved by telling the truth 3 Bluffing 7 pretending that you know the truth calling out their bluff 4 Gentle prod 7 ask little questions that take little steps to getting to the truth 5 Minimization 7 minimizing the deception offer face saving or identity management to person telling the lie Get them to tell the truth and say its no big dealwon t hold it against them 6 Contradiction 7try to point out contradiction or inconsistency in someone s story 7 Alternate information 7 tell a lie to trick someone into telling us the truth but relieve later 8 Deception cues 7 point out deceptive cues 9 Concern 7 tell person that you re concerned about their lying 10 Direct approach 7 directly ask if their lying or say their lying and tell them to tell the truth ll Silence 7 people try to talk more to convince you if they see you are quiet and really don t believe them or are upset I They can dig themselves a bigger hole I De ning emotion more than just a feeling 0 O O O Involves one person like anger fear anxiety happiness and so forth Emotions we feel in relationships with others like envy and ove Real and manufactured feelings I ie manufactured 7 smiling at work when having a bad day Also called emotion labor emotion 7 the critical internal structure that orients us to and engages us with what matters in our lives our feelings about ourselves and others I explaining emotion biology and social interaction 0 O the biological theory of emotion emotion is mainly biological related to instinct and energy people from variety of cultures should experience feelings in the same manner emotion exists separately from thought emotion is our experience of the body ready for an imaginary action people enact gestures as a result of experiencing emotion and when people enact a certain gesture they experience the related emotion the social interaction theory of emotion I how people interact with their social situation before during and after experience of emotion I focuses on how the reactions of others to our gestures help us de ne what we are feelin l the dark side of emotional communication 0 O O embarrassment guilt hurt jealousy anger depression and loneliness hurtful messages I hurtful messages phrased humorously were perceived as less intentionally hurtful and thus caused fewer wounded feelin s schadenfreude 7 to take pleasure in another s misfortune l comes from the words damage and joy I o o o O I choices 0 000 0 Chapter 6 I was used to describe how many people felt when they saw Martha Stewart s image tarnished by her suspected involvement with insider trading I public s fascination with the problems of young celebrities such as Lindsey Lohan and Brittney Spears the bright side of communication offers comfort social support warmth affection forgiveness or desire does not present simplistic picture trying to stay positive in a tough time I daughter coming to terms with mother s cancer interdependence of the bright and dark sides of emotion hate grief fear forgiveness love joy for developing emotional communication skills competence in expressing emotion and in listening and responding to the emotional communication of others is critical to your success as an interpersonal communicator know your feelings I recognizing your emotion I establishing that you are stating an emotion I creating a statement that identi es why you are feeling the emotion analyze the situation own your feelings reframe when needed to change something that has a negative connotation to something with a more positive connotation empathize I difference between hearing and listening 0 O 0 Hearing 7 the physical process of letting in audible stimuli without focusing on the stimuli Working memory theory 7 a theory that states that we can pay attention to several stimuli and simultaneously store stimuli for future references Processing and storage is done simultaneously and all of it is conducted at the point in the communication process that we call hearing Listening 7 the dynamic transactional process of receiving recalling rating and responding to stimuli messages or both Four R s of listening I Receiving 7 the verbal and nonverbal acknowledgment of a message 0 Mindless 7 being unaware of the stimuli around us I Responding 7 providing observable feedback to a sender s message I Recalling 7 understanding a message storing it for future encounters and remembering it later 0 Chunking 7 placing pieces of info into manageable and retrievable sets I Rating 7 evaluating or assessing a message inion 7 a view judgment or appraisal based on our beliefs or values Importance of listening I An ongoing interpersonal activity that requires lifelong training I Employers rank listening as the most important skill on the job I Good listening is considered to be the doorway to leadership for every executive manager and supervisor I Important for medical students I Associated with more positive teacherstudent relationships I Intimacy level between two friends is related to listening skills The barriers Why we don t listen O O O l Noise 7 physical semantic psychological o Marcy tries to listen to Nick s comments but his racist words cause her to stop listening I Message overload 7 the result when senders receive more messages than they can process 0 Multitasking 7 the simultaneous performance of two or more tasks I Message complexity 7 messages we receive that are filled with details unfamiliar language and challenging arguments are hard to understand I Lack of training 7 more can be done to learn about listening I Preoccupation o Conversational narcissism 7 engaging in an extreme amount of self focusing during a conversation to the exclusion of another person I Listening gap 7 the time difference between our mental ability to interpret words ant the speed at which they arrive at our brain I Poor listening habits o Selective listening 7 responding to some parts of a message and rejecting others 0 Talkaholism 7 a compulsive talker who hogs the conversational stage and monopolizes encounters 0 Pseudolisten 7 to pretend to listen by nodding our heads looking at the speaker smiling at the appropriate times or practicing other kinds of attention feignin o Gap lling 7 listeners who think they can correctly guess the rest of the story a speaker is telling and don t need the speaker to continue 0 Defensive listening 7viewing innocent comments as personal attacks or hostel criticisms o Ambushing 7 listening carefully to a message and then using the info later to attack the sender Style of listening I People 7 centered listening style 7 a listening style associated with concern for other people s feelings or emotions I Actioncentered listening style 7 a listening style associated with listeners who want messages to be highly organized concise and error free 0 Second guess 7 to question the assumptions underlying a message I Contentcentered listening style 7 a listening style associated with listeners who focus on the facts and details of a message I Timecentered listening style 7 a listening style associated with listeners who want messages to be presented succinctly Culture and the listening process Choices for effective listening I Evaluate your current skills I Prepare to listen I Provide empathic responses 0 Empathy 7 the process of identifying with or attempting to experience the thoughts beliefs and actions of another Use nonjudgmental feedback 0 Feedback that describes another s behavior and then explains how that behavior made us feel I Practicing active listening 0 Paraphrasing 7 restating the essence of a sender s message in our own words 0 Dialogue 7 supporting statements such as I see or I m listening that indicate we are involved in a message Questions Silence Chapter 9 l Myths about con ict and communication 0 Not all con ict come from miscommunication or unclear communication could come from disagreement o All con icts can be resolved through good communication 0 Relational partners often believe that they simply need to communicate more to reach a mutually satisfying solution to their con icts l Factors in uencing interpersonal con ict 0 Gender and sex 0 Culture l Communication patterns in con ict ymmetrical escalation 7 in a con ict each party choosing to increase the intensity of the con ict 0 Symmetrical withdrawal 7 in a con ict neither partner being willing to confront the other 0 Pursuit withdrawal 7 in a con ict a pattern consisting of one party pressing for a discussion about a con ictual topic while the other party withdrawals o Withdrawalpursuit 7 in a con ict a pattern in which one party withdraws which prompts the other party to pursue o Symmetrical negotiation 7 in a con ict each party mirroring the other s negotiating behaviors