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HDFS 129 notes 11

by: Camryn McCabe

HDFS 129 notes 11 HDFS 129

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Camryn McCabe
Penn State
GPA 3.81

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notes from 3/22 (guest presentation) -3/24
Intro to HDFS
Molly Countermine
Class Notes
HDFS, young adulthood, Emerging Adulthood, Intimacy
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This 6 page Class Notes was uploaded by Camryn McCabe on Thursday March 24, 2016. The Class Notes belongs to HDFS 129 at a university taught by Molly Countermine in Spring 2016. Since its upload, it has received 41 views.


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Date Created: 03/24/16
Notes from 3/22-3/24 Emerging Adulthood  Ages about 18 to mid-late 20s  When an individual doesn’t feel quite like an adolescent, but also not a full-fledged adult o They feel somewhere in between Romantic and Sexual Relationships in Adolescence and Emerging Adulthoods  Romantic Relationship: mutually acknowledged, ongoing interaction o Affection, current, or anticipated sexual behavior o Distinctive intensity (“limerence”)  Intensive, obsessive thoughts  Involuntary  Need for reciprocation  We start dating in adolescence because… o Biological factors (puberty) o Cognitive factors (understanding of romance) o Familial factors (expectations, restrictions) o Societal factors (expectations, restrictions)  Typical Timeline for development o 15- first kiss, first date o 17- first “I love you”, first time having sex o 18- first serious relationship o 21- cohabitation, moving in together o 27- marriage o 13-16: initiation phase o 17-18: affiliation phase o 19-22: intimate phase o 23-27: committed phase  Typical Timeline for the development of gay/lesbian adolescents o 8- first aware that something is different o 10- first same sex attraction o 14- first self-labeling, disclosure to a friend o 15- disclosure to parent, same sex activity o 18- same sex relationship Notes from 3/22-3/24  Why is adolescence dating important? o Sexual identity development o Sexual/romantic competence development o Romantic attachment o Positive effects on development  Positive affect, self-esteem, social competence o Negative effects on development  Depression, conflict, mood swings Nonromantic Sexual Relationships “Hookups”  Based on research, hookups are not taking over college campuses o People tend to think their peers are hooking up more than they actually are o About 50% of college students have hooked up at least once in a year o Only 8% of people, when asked, say their last hookup was with someone they were NOT dating  Are hookups bad? o It depends on…  The person  Attitude toward hookups  Motivation for the hookup  The relationship  Knowing the partner before the hookup  Comfort during the hookup  Relationship after the hookup  The situation  Consent  Behaviors and safe sex  Alcohol use  Effects from the first time o If the first time was satisfactory, the person is more likely to have satisfaction with future times o If the person felt guilt or unsatisfied, the person is more likely to not be as satisfied in future times Notes from 3/22-3/24 o Girls are more at risk than boys for negative effects  More likely to feel guilty  Report pain during first time, while boys only report not being satisfied  Importance of the first time o Says a lot for consistency  If satisfied first time, more likely to be satisfied rest of times (and vice versa)  If a condom was used, more likely to continue to use condoms for rest of times Young Adulthood Intimacy v. Isolation  Intimacy o The ability to experience an open, supportive, and tender relationship with another person without fear of losing one’s self o The desire to understand the other person o Concern for the other’s well-being o Disclosure of personal feelings o Demonstration of affection o Ability to put aside one’s self at times because the self is secure o Commitment first to own identity, second to other  Isolation o Self-absorption o Unwillingness to compromise o Fear of losing one’s self The key issue here is connecting to another without fear of losing one’s self; you can only do that when identity is achieved  This applies to both friendships and romantic relationships  Friendships o Friendships come BEFORE romantic relationships o Beginning in adolescence, female friendships are “face to face”  Male friendships are “side by side”  Female friendships Notes from 3/22-3/24 o Emphasis on self-disclosure o Emotional revelations o Spend a good deal of time talking together o Feel shut out when friends refuse to self-disclose o Friendships are therapeutic  Male friendships o Males derive less enjoyment from “relationship talk” as they get older  This is mainly because of socialization o Males emphasize cooperation, leadership, competition o Lower levels of self-disclosure than females  Self-disclosure in friendships o Lowest level: male-male o Higher: male-female o Highest: female-female o Females feel lonely if not self-disclosing o Males do not necessarily feel lonely when they’re not o Data from heterosexual males and females  Food for thought o Do male friendships lack intimacy?  Maybe not necessarily, but they lack expression o Females tend to want the same type of intimacy in romantic relationships as they have in close friendships o Males do achieve deeper levels of intimacy in romantic relationships than they are used to in their friendships with males o Potential for trouble here…  (Girls being good at intimacy and want it in romance) + (boys not so good at intimacy and not used to it) = ????  Trouble  Girl needs to bring down her expectations and guy needs to up his intimacy  Identity precedes intimacy o Males are more likely to enter into a committed relationship AFTER career plans are made  To them, this is AFTER their identity is established (career = identity) o The interpersonal (between 2 people) component of identity is more central for women than men Notes from 3/22-3/24 o Clarification of interpersonal relationships often precedes career plans for females o Women are figuring out who they are in the context of relationships (especially romantic) o Woman marry younger (27 v. 29)  Friendships and marriage o In heterosexual marriage, males often name their wives as their best friend o Women most often name another female as their best friend o Men tend to be more satisfied than women with the amount of empathy and companionship in the relationship o Divorce can be more devastating for males because they lose their best friend and their primary source of intimacy o Woman initiate divorce/break-ups more often than men  Identity status and intimacy o Foreclosed: avoid conflict o Diffused: difficulty with commitment, adopt partner’s identity; lack depth o Moratorium: lack of fidelity (more likely to cheat); or a series of monogamous relationships o Achieved: most successful; higher levels of fidelity  Attachment and intimacy o A positive correlation exists between our ability to be intimate as adults and our attachment status in infancy (longitudinal and retrospective data) o Securely attached (55%): feel close to partner; can depend on them; expect partner to be available and attuned o Insecure anxious (20%): (equivalent to ambivalent) not trusting, clingy, experience jealousy, are overly dependent o Insecure avoidant (25%): uncomfortable being emotionally close; feel uncomfortable with emotional expression; find intimacy unpleasant o Those who are insecure can modify/revise expectations when paired with a secure partner  How do we foster intimacy in relationships o Mutual empathy: being attuned to each other’s feelings and thoughts; being open, vulnerable, connected o Mutual authenticity: to feel and know I am being real, genuine, and honest in relationship, and so is my partner Notes from 3/22-3/24  Authenticity requires being in a relationship; you have to be it, express it, communicate it


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