Weekly Notes: Week 5 CMN 134
Weekly Notes: Week 5 CMN 134 CMN 134
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This 9 page Class Notes was uploaded by Brittney Bui on Thursday October 29, 2015. The Class Notes belongs to CMN 134 at University of California - Davis taught by Professor Puckering in Summer 2015. Since its upload, it has received 26 views. For similar materials see Interpersonal Communication in Communication Studies at University of California - Davis.
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Date Created: 10/29/15
Lecture 6 Tues 1027 C Puckering CMN 134 Relational Maintenance Relational Maintenance communication and other actions that partners use to sustain a personal relationship at a standard and desirable level of functioning and satisfaction how to keep your relationship functioning at a satisfactory level Research No such thing as a relationship that is always happy 0 How to keep your relationship in the big picture so there are more ups than downs the goal 0 Overall perspective not momentbymoment Assumption about Relational Maintenance Relationships will deteriorate unless efforts are made to keep the relationship in tact You have to put in time energy and effort into a relationship going out spending time together talking and conflict management Stages of relational maintenance Not all relationships are worth maintaining Relational Maintenance Strategies What we can do to keep our relationship functioning at a satisfactory level 1 Positivity 0 Has the strongest positive correlation with relational satisfaction Being happy to see the person when they walk in the room Avoiding constant criticism and complaining Telling them how much you enjoy them Complimenting them Seeing them from a grateful perspective and appreciate them instead of focusing on their flaws 2 Openness o Willing to engage in conversations in the relationship 0 Selfdisclosing 0 Unique because it s the only strategy that we measure that you can actually have too much of negative there are times when you shouldn t be too open 0 Have to be strategic 3 Assurances o Strongest positive correspondence with relational commitment OOOOO 0 Messages that we send that let our relational partner know that we re committed verbal and nonverbal o Hugs touches to communicate assurances Social Network 0 Willingness to invest and engage in each other s social circles Sharing Tasks 0 Helping each other out with whatever jobs that life faces you 0 Ex Friends helping you do laundry helping you move Conflict Management 0 Willingness to engage in a conflict that arises in a way that is productive as you can 0 Don t run away from it confront it 0 Sit down and work it out with your partner Joint Activities 0 Going out and doing fun stuff together MetaAnalysis Communication and Marital Happiness What is required to make highly committed relationships work 1 2 901 Open Communication Partners taking responsible for their feelings 0 You are not responsible for my entire happiness 0 I get very frustrated when you do this Communicate respectfully Genuinely value partner s feelings Communicate regularly about issues that bother them Use strategies to couch criticism positively o I really get frustrated when you don t clean up after yourself Vs calling your partner lazy 0 Point to specific behavior rather than labeling the person Relational Outcomes of Investing in the Relationship 1 FDP RPON Commitment Liking Trust Love Satisfaction Equ y Love Styles Romantic 2 primary love types 1 Passionate Love the fire chemistry like a drug 0 A state of extreme absorption 0 Intense feelings sexual desire anxiety ecstasy o Passion s Rapid Course Usually comes on quickly Can lead to premature commitments Similar to an addiction intensity causes a powerful craving Physiological response Can fade quickly 0 When you re experiencing passion be careful not to move too quickly into the relationship 2 Companionate Love the friendship love Based on having a shared number of experiences trust sharing values 0 Friendly affection and deep attachment 0 Less intense o Endures after passion evaporates O Passionate love can reemerge as companionate love The reverse is also true and friends can transform a companionate love into a powerful passionate love 3 Primarv Love TVDes 1 Eros 0 Same as passionate love 0 Based on chemistry high emotions high degree of selfdisclosure 0 Quantity of communication is high 0 Common way for a relationship to start 0 Tends to fade quickly IF relationship is only based on eros o If your relationship is absent of eros your relationship will be very boring and may not last long either 0 You need eros in a relationship 0 Equally shared with males and females 0 Passion is a universal experience 2 Storge o Friendship love 0 Slight tendency for females to experience this more but it s very important for both 0 Results in relational satisfaction 3 Ludus Gameplaying love Pursuit of love and a relationship is the fun The conquest is not the fun Does NOT result in relational satisfaction Young people engage in this for a short amount of time OOOOO O O 0 It is acceptable if the other person is playing the game too Complicated if the ludus lover is not clear to their partner about hisher intentions which will create relational conflict Males are more ludus Secondarv Love TVDes 4 Mania Eros amp Ludus O O O O O O O Passion and gameplaying Wildly attracted to relational partner A lot of jealousy Extreme highs and lows Little trust Ex Read their text messages follow your partner places NOT a good relationship to be in It could be the ludus loving quality of a man that makes a woman experience mania love 5 Agape Eros amp Storge O O O O 0 Perfect love Friendship and passion Can be completely selfsacrificing so you would do anything for your relational partner Put them on a pedestal If you are an agape love with someone who isn t giving back it can be destructive and problematic Males and females are both agape lovers Tends to result in relational satisfaction 6 Pragma Storge amp Ludus 0 000000 0 If you are a person that has a list of what you want in a relational partners sense of humor education 6 0 and on your first date you have the mental checklist in your head Very practical about love Not really about chemistry Does this person fit my list Making sure there is compatibility not concerned about passion Can get boring Result in moderate relational satisfaction but not as much as eros or storge does Sex difference females are more pragmatic Eros storge and agape are the most successful but it depends on the other partner Mg Eros Eros Storge Storge Pragma Pragma M Storge Eros Agape Eros Ludus Ludus Storge Pragma Storge Agape M M Difficult ErOSL EM PL AL MS AM PA AA Dangerous PE LS LM MP Lecture 7 Thurs 1029 C Puckering CMN 134 Relational Maintenance Cont and Relational Dialectics Review 7 strategies of relational maintenance 1 Positivity strongest correlation with relational satisfaction Openness Joint activities Sharing tasks Conflict resolution Assurances strongest correlation with relational commitment Social Networks N979 39gtP 3 Equity Theory concerned with how fairness works in different relationships Equity the principle of fairness that is based on a comparison of what two people put in inputs and obtain outcomes 0 How much are you putting into the relationship And how much are you getting out of it How much shared tasks are you doing How much assurancescomfort are you giving and how much are you getting back 0 Overall do you feel like it s equal or not 1 Equitable Relationship the inputtooutput ratios are equal 0 The most satisfying and healthiest type of relationship 2 Overbenefited you receive greater rewards relative to your relational partner 0 Outcomes of being overbenefited 0 Highly overbenefited Make you feel guilty Agape love playing out Dissatisfaction o Moderately overbenefited Express relational satisfaction but still not as much as equitable 3 Underbenefited you receive fewer rewards relative to your relational partner 0 Outcomes of being underbenefited o Strongly associated with negative emotional responses when you feel like you re not getting much from the relationship anger depression etc You stop putting effort to maintain the relationship Relationally dissatisfied More likely to have an affair Decreased psychological intimacy you don t feel as close to them 0000 How you assess whether you are underbenefited or overbenefited gt It s based on your PERCEPTION which could be problematic gt Study sharing chores at home and asked spouses to identify what age they contributed to 0 Both spouses said they were doing 75 of the chores Resolving lneduitv Change your perception 0 Am I truly underbenefited Or am ljust not seeing it o Create actual equity 0 Communicate with your partner about putting in equal effort into the relationship 0 End the relationship 0 Not all relationships are worth maintaining Relational Dialectics Both parts of the tension are important for relational maintenance Autonomous and togetherness you cannot lose your independence and you can t be together 247 0 Internally figure out how to manage both o Is their autonomy and togetherness different than mine How do we match these characteristics 3 Major Types of Tensions IntEEtratli internal TE Si g E fl l EiEtlh f39fl re ictabiilitty pefnness Etan ir firs its r us EHpE EH IEE within Hummer Netfelt glutamate the relaitirnshtigpji iEsttrnal T gm Inclusion unventinaaity Fljefreatjinn tEi nsis n j v5 IW 7 V5 Emmameg Serlusion Uniqueness C l lliilEEl 39lEll lit bEtwtJEH the Eniupile and I mmurnit Integration Connection Vs Autonomy Internal We need to feel connected and spend time together At the same time we need to have our own independence Inclusion Vs Seclusion External We need to spend time just the two of us and with our social circles How much time do we spend alone How much time do we spend with our friends Certainty Predictability Vs Novelty Internal When you first get into a relationship you like the novelty and spontaneity It s exciting not to know what will happen next But if the relationship progresses you need predictability because you need to know that the person is going to be there for you If there is predictability and no novelty the relationship will be boring Conventionality Vs Uniqueness External You need some elements of conventionality and uniqueness Conventionality means that you need relational aspects to be aligned with social norms Your relationship can t be so bizarre that it deviates from the norm An example would be getting married after dating for a year or an arranged marriage But you need to find uniqueness through experiences shared together Expression Openness Vs Closedness Internal You can be too open and on the other hand you can be too closed off You need to figure out a balance between both Revelation Vs Concealment External As a couple you need to have some social support for your relationship which means you need to tell people about the dynamics of your relationship revelation Some people don t tell anyone about their relationship concealment But you cannot be telling everyone everything about your relationship You need to figure out how much you re going to share about your relationship to other people The tension exists in the relationship not just you Baxter and Montgomery state that theses are NOT the only tensions of relationships Resoondinq to the Dialectical Tensions 1 Destructive a Denial thinking that if you ignore it it will disappear or you may not even see it b Disorientation you see it but you do a lot of negative things to manage the tension you are experiencing fighting yelling 2 Constructive a Selection you can choose to favor one side of the tension over the other i Ex We re both social people We understand that we need some alone time together but we are just going to go out with our friends all the time b Separatio compartmentalizing your life i Ex Work is autonomy and home is together we re going to do a certain activity together but not others This part of relationship is going to be this part of the tension c Neutralization equally honoring both sides of the tension and live in the middle somehow d Reframing discussion you have to help you try to understand which part of the tension compliments the other negotiation perspective change ON TEST The degree in which you are willing to engage in an open and honest dialog in discussing the tensions and actively negotiating engage in openness and conflict management If you are doing this Baxter and Montgomery think you are doing a great job maintaining you re relationship