Chapter 9 Notes: Friendship and Love
Chapter 9 Notes: Friendship and Love 21211
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Date Created: 11/03/15
Chapter 9: Friendship and Love CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Ingredients of close relationships? Important Interdependent Longlasting Types of close relationships family friends work romantic marriage online relationships Capacity to arouse intense feelings positive (passion, concern, caring) negative (rage, jealousy, despair) Paradox of close relationships relationships that have good and bad feelings Types of intimacy emotional social recreational intellectual sexual ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS Emphasis on love western value (people should be together because of love; it's a western thing) individualistic culture Alternate Emphases appropriateness childbearing capability companionship Initial encounters and attraction proximity ("Absence makes the heart grow founder" is not true familiarity: The Mere Exposure Effect an increase in positive feelings towards a novel stimulus (person) based on frequent exposure. Increased familiarity leads to increased positive regard unless the initial meeting was bad physical attractiveness gender differences>exaggerated? not the most important aspect for men or women unless it is a purely sexual relationship crosscultural research suggests that kindness, understanding, and intelligence>physical attractiveness socioeconomic standard of attractiveness "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" Matching Hypothesis "proposes that people of similar levels of physical attractiveness gravitate toward each other" Resource Exchange an evolutionarybased theory proposing that "in heterosexual dating, males "trade" occupational status for physical attractiveness in females" Parental Investment Theory states that women choose mates that will supply resources needed to support offspring for many years Relationship Development Reciprocal liking: we like those who like us Desirable personality characteristics: Warmth, Good sense of humor, Social assertiveness, Kindness, Consideration, Honesty Similarity age, race, religion, social class, education similar personality characteristics and attitudes (opposites do not attract) Relationship Maintenance involves the actions and activities used to sustain the desired quality of a relationship what is important? (Minding the relationship) communication and conflict resolution skills self disclosure, emotional intimacy, intimacy in general commitment and optimism about your future together shared goals and dreams recognizing your partner's support and effort making positive attributions about your partners behavior Conflict Resolution Skills Mutually constructive communication (the only good way for conflict resolution) Mutually destructive communication (adverse communication; critism, contempt) Demandwithdraw Mutual avoidance and withdraw TYPES OF LOVE Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love Passion= the intense feelings (+/) experienced in a relationship, including but not limited to sexual desire Intimacy= warmth, closeness, and sharing in a relationship Commitment= the decision and intent to maintain a relationship in spite of the difficulties and costs that may arise 7 different types of relationships: Liking, Companionate love, Empty love, Fatuous Love, Infatuation, Romantic love, Consummate love. RELATIONSHIP SUCCESS OR FAILURE? Best predictors of longterm relationship success are commitment and intimacy Why do relationships fail? premature commitment ineffective conflict resolution and conflict management skills boredom with the relationship not getting enough out of the relationship Social Exchange Theorycost benefit analysis interdependence availability of a more attractive relaitonship BAD RELATIONSHIPS Poor communication skills Poor conflict resolution skills Lack of intimacy Unhappy with the relationship, partner, or self Needs not being met Jealousy, lack of trust, and insecurity Possessiveness (Passion=Love) Controlling (Power within the relationship) Power struggles Lack of acceptance and support Diminished selfesteem Loss of self in the relationship Dependent or codependent (interdependent=good) "I can't live without him." Unable to leave the unhealthy relationship FRIENDSHIPS What makes a good friend? Psychology Today surveyed 40,000 readers and the result was loyalty is the main factor Other important factors include warmth, emotional support, unconditional affection, and letting friends be/have friends Similarity Shared interests/activities; values/goals Peer Group FormationRobbers Cave Study Role of cooperation and competition Popularity and social competence emotion regulation and social skills communication skills conflict resolution SelfDisclosure Social Cognition understanding of friendship perspectivetaking and empathy Function of Friendships Reduces loneliness (companionship) and boredom (stimulation) Affords us physical and emotional support Lowers anxiety and stress Improves selfesteem Helps us develop and practice social skills Facilitates social comparison Teaches us about intimacy and affection Gender differences Men: Friendships based on shared interests Friendships regulated more by gender roles Women: Friendships focus on talking and emotional intimacy More likely to discuss personal issues and feelings
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