Weekly Notes: Week 6 CMN 134
Weekly Notes: Week 6 CMN 134 CMN 134
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This 0 page Class Notes was uploaded by Brittney Bui on Tuesday November 3, 2015. The Class Notes belongs to CMN 134 at University of California - Davis taught by Professor Puckering in Summer 2015. Since its upload, it has received 21 views. For similar materials see Interpersonal Communication in Communication Studies at University of California - Davis.
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Date Created: 11/03/15
Lecture 8 Tues 113 C Puckering CMN 134 Conflict Management Interpersonal Conflict the interaction of interdependent people who perceive opposition of goals aims andor values 1 Perception of incompatible goals 0 Sometimes our perception is not reality 0 What I want is not what you want if you get what you want I don t get what I want vice versa 0 Ex We have 100 in our joint savings pot We want to travel but you want to go somewhere different from where I want to go 2 Interdependence 0 Lives are interconnected somehow 0 Ex Cannot go on separate vacations at the same time because then we wouldn t be interconnected 3 Interaction 0 Awareness of the incompatible goals existing 0 Talk about it or seen it Sources of Conflict 1 Intimacy issues affection amp sex 2 Power issues expressive demands or possessiveness lack of equality friends leisure time 3 Personal Flaws issues drinking smoking personal grooming driving style 4 Personal Distance issues frequent absence heavy school or job commitments 5 Social issues politics social policies parents amp personal values 6 Distrust issues previous lovers lying Content Conflict vs Relationship Conflict I Content Conflict centers on objects events and persons in the world external to the people involved in the conflict 0 The merits of a particular movie The best way to spend your money Who should do the dishes How you should spend your time Relationship Conflict centers on the relationship between the individuals 0 Who s in charge 0 The equalityinequality of the relationship 0 Who has the right to establish rules of behavior Relationship conflicts are often DISGUISED as content conflicts Some fights can simply be content conflicts It gets messy when it turns into relationship conflicts Conflict in Marriage Couples who DON T fight are more likely to get divorced than those who do If they are not fighting they are not dealing with the issues at hand and ignoring them which leads to more resentment and hurt Advice from researchers you need to fight because it s heath Over 60 of all conflicts will NEVER be resolved only managed Conflict Management Styles Which of the following is the single best strategy NO SINGLE BEST Depends on the situation Competing Collaborating Gomlproimising g E E g 5 l Avoiding AmtmOdE 39 Q Congeem for Others Competing I m going to get what I want we will do it my way ol win you lose Useful o When others will take advantage of your noncompetitive behavior when you re in an underbenefited relationship 0 Might be the strategy you use to change the dynamics of the relationship 0 Important that you stand up for yourself o Asymmetrical power relationships 0 To force a discussion of critical importance when you stand up for yourself it is good because you are competing for something you believe in Weakness o Fails to treat the reason for the conflict 0 Often competing just gets you a win 0 People walk away with hurt feelings Avoiding true loselose lowest concern for self and others ignore the conflict altogether lloseyoulose A lot of people avoid because it s unpleasant to be involved in conflict 0 Useful 0 With trivial issues if someone is trying to pick a fight with you over something small walk away because it s not worth the effort 0 Longterm costs of winning outweigh shortterm gains Cost of emotions feelings peace o If others can resolve the conflict more effectively than you can 0 Relational partners tend to be aggressive with conflict not a good dynamic and you need to get away from it Weakness 0 Provides no productive resolution of differences Accommodating I ll do whatever you want to do don t stand up for your own needs 0 I lose you win 0 Useful 0 When you discover you re wrong 0 When the issue is important to the other party and not to you 0 To build social credits for later you can t win all the time 0 When harmony and stability are more important Weakness 0 Leaves issues unresolved especially when the problem really matters to you Compromisino loselose winlose I m going to give up a little bit but I get a little bit neither one gets fully what we want just a little bit 0 I win and lose you win and lose 0 Useful 0 Goals are important but not worth the effort or potential disruption of more assertive modes 0 Opponents of equal power are committed to mutually exclusive goals Ex Divorced couples have to negotiate when they get to see their kids 0 To achieve temporary settlements of complex issues 0 As a backup when collaboration is unsuccessful doesn t always work not everyone can get what they want all the time Weakness 0 Everyone gives up something loselose Collaborating figure out a way where you both get what you want fully I win you win 0 Useful 0 lnteractants concerns are too important to be compromised 0 Longterm relationship is important it s important that we stay together so we have to figure out a way to get both of our needs met Weakness o Timeconsuming requires to redefine conflict generate additional resources reframe perspective lots of conversation and time to come to a solution that works well for both partners 0 Inappropriate with legitimate differences should not be a winwin Ex Abusive relationship no collaboration with that because it s impossible legitimate differences should not be worked with because what one partner wants is not acceptable 0 Try to fight in private 0 Say what you need to say without worrying about others 0 Fight about problems that can be solved 0 Be sure you re each ready to fight 0 Sometimes one partner will need some time to process the issue so that they re ready to talk it through 0 Make sure timing is right 0 Know what you re fighting about Context conflict vs Relational conflict Confronting Relational Crises Strategies vary on active vs passive and constructive vs destructive Active Vs Passive degree of which you are willing to engage in the issue and confront it Constructive Vs Destructive perspective on conflict 0 Destructive relationship is doomed because you re having a crisis 0 Constructive you recognize that conflict is a natural part of the relationship Strategies 1 Voice Strategy active constructive a Express how you re feeling b Ask partner s perspective c Name the problem d Decide what to do 2 Loyalty Strategy passive constructive a Don t want to talk about it b You know the conflict is normal so you try to figure out a resolution on your own without having to talk to your partner 3 Exit Strategy active destructive a Have no problem confronting it and fighting about it b But when you see a conflict you see it as a signed that the relationship is doomed or flawed in some significant way 0 I m going to fight about it but I m out of here short term or permanently 4 Neglect Strategy passive destructive a Passive aggressiveness b I don t like to talk about it because I don t like the confrontation AND it means we re doomed c Walking away Research findings gt Voice strategy contributes significantly to relational satisfaction gt Loyalty is weakly related to satisfaction gt Exit and neglect strategies have strong negative effects on relational satisfaction and on the likelihood of survival