Weekly Notes for Intimate Relationships
Weekly Notes for Intimate Relationships IFS 2071
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This 0 page Class Notes was uploaded by email@example.com Notetaker on Friday November 6, 2015. The Class Notes belongs to IFS 2071 at Florida State University taught by Nari Jeter in Fall 2015. Since its upload, it has received 133 views.
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Date Created: 11/06/15
Dr Nari Jeter IFS 2071 Con ict as a Source of Understanding What is con ict A con ict requires that an individual or dyad must be presented with two different options choices opinions thoughts feelings We can have internal con ict We can have interpersonal con ict Often times the process of choosing the outcome of the con ict is dif cult thus giving con ict a negative connotation Are Con icts Healthy According to a leading marriage researcher and therapist Dr John Gottman ghting or airing out grievances and complaints con ict is one of the healthiest things that a couple can do for their relationship The Magic Ratio To reinforce his point about quality of con ict Dr John Gottman found through extensive research that there is a magic ratio of positive to negative things that occur in marriages 51 positive to negative known as master 81 positive to negative known as disaster Notice he doesn39t say that negative things do not happen they need to be balanced out by many more positive things in the relationship Avoiding Con ict One negative way of handling con ict is avoiding it When people avoid con ict directly they still nd a way to manage their thoughts and feelings toward it Building up of anger or resentment towards the other person in the con ict Being Selfdestructive Passive Aggression indirect expression of anger Sabotage Displacement By doing these things people are only increasing negativity in the relationship Beneath the Con ict Many times the con ict is an event on the tip of the iceberg What we disagree about it based on our thoughts feelings and emotions What you see gt The Event What you get gt Perceptions Attitudes Values Cultures Interests Gender Communication Feelings Needs Moods Assumptions Consequences of Con ict Avoidance So what happens when you avoid con ict Problems do not get solved There is a missed opportunity for learning and understanding in the relationship By missing out on learning and understanding you are missing out on growing and building intimacy Problem Understanding before Problem Solving Problem Understanding Many times people get frustrated in problem solving con ict resolution because they are trying to solve the problem before fully understanding it Some people are not as concerned with the problem solution outcome only that they are heard and understood Especially true for women Before Problem Solving Therefore it is critical that you and the other person fully understand each other s perspectives to understand the problem How do you know that someone understands you and your view of the problem What are the signs that someone is trying to understand you What are things you try to do to let others know you are trying to understand Asking questions Are All Problems Solvable Solvable a con ict or problem that has a solution Perpetual a con ict that within a relationship can never be solved or solved with extensive exhaustive work Con ictgt Understandgt Solvablegt Yesgt Solution Solvablegt Nogt You39re decision most likely not continuing relationship