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Week 11 Lecture Notes

by: Emily Swanson

Week 11 Lecture Notes COMS 2060

Emily Swanson
GPA 3.7

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All of Dr. T's lecture notes from week 11(11/2-11/7)
Communication in Interpersonal Relationships
Charee Thompson
Class Notes
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This 6 page Class Notes was uploaded by Emily Swanson on Saturday November 7, 2015. The Class Notes belongs to COMS 2060 at Ohio University taught by Charee Thompson in Fall 2015. Since its upload, it has received 14 views. For similar materials see Communication in Interpersonal Relationships in Communication Studies at Ohio University.

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Date Created: 11/07/15
COMS 2060: Interpersonal Communications Week 11 Lecture Notes 11/3: Romantic Relationship Development  1. Two Theories of Romantic Relationship Development a. staircase model(stages)­Mark Knapp b. turning point model­Baxter & Bullis 2. Staircase Model a. each stage is characterized by differences in communication b. stages apply to all types of relationships  c. 5 Stages of Coming Together i. Initiating  1. occurs when you first meet someone 2. involves initial display of self and small­talk 3. putting best foot forward  4. nature of relationship is unknown at first contact ii. Experimenting  1. occurs if you’re interested in the other person 2. conversations to learn more about each other  3. finding things in common­­what you talk about 4. decide if relationship is worth pursuing  iii. Intensifying  1. move from acquaintances to close friends  2. breadth and depth of disclosure  3. start to share more intimate information with each other 4. express commitments to the relationship a. “you’re really important to me” b. meta­talk: how the relationship itself makes us feel  iv. Integrating 1. deep commitment has formed  2. relationship has its own identity(use of “we” 3. you(and others) see/treat you as a couple 4. integrate social circles  v. Bonding 1. public announcement of your commitment  2. moving in together, getting engaged, married, commitment ceremony a. involves institutional and social support  3. monetary benefits in tax institution 4. friend/family support  d. 5 Stages of Coming Apart  i. Differentiating 1. start to see you differing from one another 2. separating from one another  3. begin to see differences as undesirable or annoying 4. use less ‘we talk’ and more ‘me/you’ talk ii. Circumscribing 1. relationship decreases in quantity and quality  2. safe and unsafe topics  a. what you are and are not willing to talk about  3. avoid dealing with conflict a. not talking about future, kids, holiday plans 4. spending more time apart  5. superficial talk and less reciprocity  iii. Stagnating  1. relationship stops growing  2. barely communicating 3. just going through the motions or coexisting  4. avoid communicating about anything important  5. can last for a short(sudden death) or long period of time(passing away) a. afraid of change, face threatening to break up b. aspect of connection­­kids, pets, lease  iv. Avoiding 1. creating emotional and physical distance 2. can be direct(moving out) or indirect(making excuses for being apart) 3. no co­presence  v. Terminating 1. relationship is deemed officially over  2. what comes next for each person? 3. sense making conversations  a. “where did we go wrong” 4. involves future ‘apart talk’ 5. negotiating rules for future talk a. mutual friends/family vi. Complications with Staircase Model 1. model is only from one person’s POV 2. each person may think the relationship is in different stages  3. not all stages apply 4. can move quickly or skip steps  3. Turning Point Model a. the idea that relationships don’t develop linearly, but according to important turning points in  relationships  b. turning points are events/occurrences associated with change in the relationship(good or bad)  c. specific relational moments, stages are lengthier with unclear boundaries  d. can be relational ‘gains’ or ‘setbacks’ that you toward/away from commitment  e. Types of Turning Points(How they affect commitment) i. Get­to­Know­You Time(positive) 1. first meeting 2. activity meeting 3. first date ii. Quality Time(positive) 1. alone time 2. meeting family 3. getting away time iii. Physical Separation(negative) 1. moves 2. vacation  iv. Reunion(positive) 1. after physical separation  v. External Competition(negative) 1. old/new rival 2. competing demands(jobs and school work) vi. Passion(positive) 1. first kiss 2. sex 3. ‘I love you’ vii. Disengagement(negative) 1. conflict/first big fight 2. taking ‘breaks’ 3. break ups viii. Making Up(positive) 1. “I’m sorry” 2. negotiate new rules for relationship  ix. Exclusivity(positive) 1. joint decision to be exclusive  2. dropping all rivals  x. Serious Commitment(positive) 1. living together 2. marital/commitment plans xi. Sacrifice(positive) 1. crisis help 2. favors/gifts  xii. Positive Psychic Change(positive) 1. no identifiable cause 2. relationship/partner is more attractive to you  3. moments & revelations  xiii. Negative Psychic Change(negative) 1. no identifiable cause 2. relationship/partner is less attractive to you  11/5: Family Communication 1. How do we know things about (family) communication? Where does the info. in our  textbook come from? a. quantitative and qualitative research methods 2. What makes a family? a. genes­­­> blood connection b. laws­­­> parent responsibility/marriage laws  c. **roles­­­> the ways we act and the roles we perform d. A family is a varying blend of genes, laws, and roles i. all 3 don’t have to be present ii. work together on different scales and capacities 3. Importance of Family Communication  a. Family of Origin i. the family you grew up in b. Family of Procreation i. the family you start as an adult 4. Communication & Families a. Roles i. What function do you serve in the system? 1. peacemaker, clown, mothering type ii. Different than a ‘position’ 1. mom, dad, brother, sister iii. All enacted through communication b. Rituals i. What repetitive activities do you have that have special meanings? c. Secrets i. What information do you keep inside the family and consider inappropriate to share with others? d. Stories i. What narratives does your family tell over and over again that sends a message about you as a  group? 5.  Family Identity    a. routines b. rituals c. stories d. secrets  6. Routines a. everyday activities/tasks that don’t have a special meaning behind it i. dishes, getting ready for bed, dinner etc. 7. Rituals(symbolic meaning) a. Patterned Family Interaction i. informal and frequent  b. Family Traditions i. rights of passage and special occasions  c. Family Celebrations i. holidays, Thanksgiving, Xmas, etc.  d. Ritual Use in Families i. under ritualized 1. don’t celebrate it ii. rigidly ritualized 1. inflexible, always the same, always have to have it iii. Skewed Ritualization 1. only one part of the family is represented  a. Ex. If partners have different religions and only one is celebrated  iv. Hollow Ritualization 1. You do it because you have to­­no meaning in it  v. Interrupted Ritualization 1. something happens or interferes to where you can’t celebrate the ritual  vi. Adaptable Ritualization 1. changes/grows with the family and the context of life  8. Family Climates  a. Family Communication Patterns(way things are) b. Family Communication Standards(way things should be) c. Influences on Family Climate  i. Conversation 1. (+) everyone participates freely and frequently in interactions, thoughts and feelings are shared 2. (­) time spent talking and topics discussed is limited  ii. Conformity  1. (+) Having same beliefs, attitudes, and values. Harmony, relying on each other, and obedience  are very important  2. (­) Different beliefs, attitudes, and values. Individuality and uniqueness are valued  d. Family Communication Standards i. Families should….. 1. express affection/openness 2. regular routine and interaction 3. mindreading 4. politeness  5. discipline 6. appropriate use of humor and sarcasm  7. emotional support 8. avoid personal/hurtful topics 9. Family Stories a. accounts of family experiences reflecting beliefs about families and social institutions  i. shared among family members ii. change over time iii. fulfill important functions  b. Functions i. referential ii. evaluative iii. socializing iv. belonging v. identity vi. security  c. Family Narratives i. narratives=the form of stories ii. 3 components 1. coherence 2. interaction 3. relationship beliefs  10. Family Secrets  a. some information is left out of stories i. money, conflict, “shameful” situations b. Communication Privacy Management(CPM) i. families have rules they follow to regulate information  c. Families are likely to share information if…. i. you’re in a close, accepting, relationship ii. there is an important or urgent reason  iii. you’re going to join the family  11. Conclusion/Overview  a. Rituals, Climates, and Stories define family i. history, membership, values, internal or external relationships  ii. create meaning for self and relationship with others  iii. locate self in larger social context  b. Communication constructs your family c. stories, secrets, rituals, and roles create a family identity  d. understanding how you communicate can help create a more supportive family climate 


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