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Chapter 7 notes

by: Melanie Rios

Chapter 7 notes Psych 243

Melanie Rios
Penn State
GPA 3.5

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This is a detailed outline as always of the material covered in the book and during lecture (Dr. Frederick Brown).
Psychology 243
Frederick Brown
Class Notes
Psych 243
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This 6 page Class Notes was uploaded by Melanie Rios on Saturday April 2, 2016. The Class Notes belongs to Psych 243 at Pennsylvania State University taught by Frederick Brown in Spring 2016. Since its upload, it has received 42 views. For similar materials see Psychology 243 in Behavioral Sciences at Pennsylvania State University.


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Date Created: 04/02/16
Chapter 7: Building Positive Relationships Part 1: Features of a Positive Personal Relationships A. Preview 1. New Technology - It has changes the way we communicate. › Verbal communication- using words either spoken or written in symbols › Nonverbal- information about how the speaker feels based on facial expressions, body posture, and/or mannerisms 2. New Challenges - Past generations did not grow up with all of the devices we have today for communication › Seems to have a constant stream of non-personal abusive verbal communications/ crude everyday language › Hackers, identity thieves, and others exploit the way humans communicate personally with each other › It allows us to instantly communicate with each other over vast distances 3. Fundamental Relationship Needs - Relationships with others allow us to discover ourselves and develop our own personal meaning. - Interpersonal relationships with others make our relationships worthwhile. › It is based on unconditional positive regard: communication with one another and mutual respect B. Viewing Different Relationships 1. Each of Us in Our Culture - Something we are born into and have no control over; it usually has a definite set of values that differ among cultures a. Attitude of independence - Idealized view of individualism: emphasizes personal priority to reach our own goals and to define out own self-esteem in terms of the personal characteristics that we develop for ourselves (not for a group) - Societies that emphasize individualism are economically better of, citizens have greater mobility, and they choose where they want to live. b. Attitude of interdependence - Valuing collectivism: emphasizes the welfare of the group over the individual, there is dependence on one another - No humans can survive completely independent to other humans 2. Descriptive Models of Human Relationships a. Biological model—need for human contact - Humans are very social and need others in order to survive. We need to feel a sense of belongingness and love. - Without it, we wouldn’t learn language because it is acquired through interaction - Need for belongingness and love change over time: › Babies and young children’s relationship with their caretakers is based on survival › School age children and adolescents’ relationships with their peers allows them to build friendships, help each other and share stories/secrets › Adults form relationships for work support and join others in mutual hobbies/ interests, or share ideals. › Sexual relationships are often made in order to reproduce and care for offspring b. Psychological model—Parent- Adult- Child: PAC model - Explains the basic components of our personality that reacts with others › Our emotions come from our biological “child” part  “natural child” is happy and smiley and feeling good  “hurt child” is compromised; feeling sad, lonely and hurt. They are likely to engage in emotional outbursts › Our values of right and wrong come from our “parent” part  “Nurturing parent” helps, supports, and cares for others  “Judgmental parent” critical and punishing of others when things go wrong › Our thinking and and reasoning abilities about our world and needs comes from our “adult” part. This personality component “keeps it cool” and reasonably tries to figure out what is best 1) Complemental social transaction › Then interactions between individuals lead to the use of the same PAC personality component—they have the same response to situations. This often occurs with peers. 2) Crossed transactions › These are interactions between personality components of the PAC model. The roles individuals take in response to certain situations differ. › In complex interpersonal interactions, the roles can rapidly change as situations change › It is important for each person to become consciously aware of which personality component they are a functioning from to most effectively understand their transactions c. Social model—roles and expectations › We adjust the way we speak or behave depending on who we are speaking to —we take on different roles to act as we are expected to by a certain individual or group (or culture) › These role switches are genuine. It only becomes fake when it is done to make others believe they are something different than they truly are for their own benefit d. Economic model- fair exchange › This model is based on the science of economics:  If you are getting at least as much as you are giving “profiting,” and you are happy with it, then it is a good relationship  If you are constantly giving more than you are getting, than you are suffering from the exchange, than it is “costing” you which may make you feel upset. This is a negative relationship C. Social Transactions—Meetings 1. Types of Meetings - They are defined by belongingness (the type of friendship), social exchange (the gaining of information), social role (the individual’s role in the relationship), and setting (the situation and people involved/ where the exchange is taking place) a. Implied meeting “rules” - In North America, they start on a less formal basis. Structure normally develops as the relationship progresses and each person learns more about the other person’s status, position, or other relevant characteristics - It is customary to stay “how are you” followed by the response “good” or “okay” it is considered socially unaware to lay out your life story with personal details during the first interaction. - In the second stage, conversations/ interactions are limited to safe topics until the respective roles of each individual become clear › How trusting they are with the other person usually determines how much they are willing to share their private self b. The first meeting - One person signals that they would like a response. The signal is a transactional stimulus and how we act in response is a transactional response › The signals generally take form of a “pick-up” line in romantic encounters 2. Seeing the person - When we meet someone for the very first time, we immediately try reduce the uncertainly about this person based off very little information—this is usually incomplete and possibly very wrong. a. Stereotypes - These are fixed beliefs made based on a first impression. There is little past experience and incomplete information - Confirmation bias- when we decide not to replace the wrong information, and only select information that supports our position, disregarding/ ignoring the rest b. Primary effect - The impression made of the person in the first meeting can influence our selection or rejection of them › overcoming a negative primacy effect can be very difficult because it leaves an emotional negativity that outweighs all positive information c. “Halo” and recency effects - an expectation of the way an individual or group will perform based on some factor that is not at all related to their past performance - ex: a person’s intelligence being based upon their outward appearance—these are mistaken halo effects - a newly changed impression od a person based on the most recent meeting— recency effect 3. Terminating the meeting - If the goals of the meeting are met, no additional meetings are needed - If they want to meet again, information will be exchanged and plans will be made PART 2: The Relationship Process A. From “Small Talk” to Intimacy—Onion Model - How we decide that we want to get to know this person: 1. Peeling Back the Layers - Moving gradually from safe public topics to more vulnerable private topics › the most meaningful level of self disclosure at the very core (of the onion model) 2. The Self-Other Overlap - In a good relationship: mutually wanting to share some of ourselves with each other (this is the self expansion theory—later expanded into the broaden-and- build theory of close relationships) - The more comfortable one feels, the more likely they are to share personal information and feel a closer “oneness” - Self-other overlap—the increase in “we” thinking as the relationship deepens 3. Developing Mutual Support with Increasing Vulnerability - Begin to express personal opinions and get to know one another in increasing depths 4. Reaching Intimacy - Trust each other enough to share emotions. A more intense mutual sharing develops with the most private emotions. - Intimacy: a deep emotional relationship based upon caring and trust B. Personal Attraction 1. Physical Attractiveness - We often underestimate how much it affects our overall attraction to them - After the first meeting physical attractiveness decreases the more we get to know them—these are often replaced with some personal characteristics 2. Availability - The possibility to make a connection with someone must be present so that it can be pursued - Depending on the type of relationship we wish to start with another person determines which aspects of psychosocial availability will be limiting factors 3. Propinquity (physical closeness) - Physically distance is a big determinant of how likely one is to start a conversation with another person - Similarity aspect: familiar faces that we see around us as a genetically determined survival feature. This is because people with whom we feel familiar are perceived to be more predictable and safe 4. Complementarity - Viewed as a balance of needs and talents between partners who have a relationship in which together their different features fulfill each other - difference can be exciting, in that it can add a new dimension to explore, as long as the person also shares personality features with us C. Personal Respect - Without relationships with others, we cannot become all of the things that we humans are capable of becoming - Dr. Maslow’s theory indicates that we must receive certain things that we do not have, both physiologically and psychologically, if we are going to survive/ flourish (becoming a self actualized person). This can only be gained through relationships with others D. Making Room for Individual Differences - Accommodation: considering differences and being sensitive to them - A relationship that includes openness and honesty allows for dissatisfactions with the accommodation arrangements to be adjusted for greater satisfaction E. Control - An expectation of all healthy relationships is the belief that each person has some control over what goes on in the relationship - Unhealthy relationships have one party who feels powerless and taken advantage of; the other party can be manipulative for some kind of gain (this is potentially destructive) F. Openness - The directness/clearness of communication between individuals. - Not being told everything or having important information left out can be misleading—leading to a lack of openness - If demand is placed on someone to share information, questions about the demanders intentions may arise 1. Self Disclosure - Any personal self-information voluntarily shared with another person might be defined as self-disclosure - As relationships progress and people begin to trust each other more, they tend to share personal aspects of themselves, as long as they trust the other 2. How Much is too Much? - There is some unshared information that could change a relationship if uncovered later leads to the question of why is wasn’t disclosed earlier - At some point the person who decides to share their personal information must get a sense from the person that they are confiding in that they will be understood and cared for. 3. “Dumping the Load” - often an attempt to relieve themselves of any guilt over personal wrongdoing G. Honesty - Saying things that are true of the way things actually are PART 3: When Good Things Go Bad A. Intentional Deception - Deliberately misinforming or misleading someone into believing something that is not true - “intentional deception theory” occurs in 3 ways: deliberately lying, hiding (not telling) important information, or “skirting the issue” B. Divisiveness - Conflict arising simply from the fact that the needs of different persons are - Eight common sources of conflict: › Resources: limits that people may have with their time, energy, finances, and available supplies › Life and work styles: toleration is needed for these two different perspectives › Perception: cultural and educational experiences that determine our viewpoints › Goals: whether you strive for perfection vs. doing things adequately › Rules: who does what and whether or not those roles are clearly understood › Values: what is seen as important › Unpredictability: not knowing what to expect in a relationship can produce tension C. Violence - In personal relationships, the issue od control becomes a problem when one person feels they are no longer being treated respectfully, fairly, or humanely - Power can be expressed as threats of harm or actual harm (i.e. sexual psychological. Social, religious, economic, legal, and reproductive) - What domestic abusers have in common is power and control over their victims, maintained by threats, actual violence, or the use of strategies or tactics - Tactics: › Intimidation: making the victim fearful for their safety › emotional abuse: putting them down, using insulting and degrading labels › isolation: by preventing them having other relationships and contact with anyone other than the abuser › denying their cruelty and harm to the victim: shifting blame to the victim as being the cause, and minimizing their victim as a person › using victim’s own children against them: or threatening to have them taken away as unfit mothers › “male privilege” to make all decisions, as if the victim is incompetent or does not have the right to make decisions about their own life › economic poverty: by controlling all money, possibility of a job, and access to all finances › force or threats like physical harm, or the abuser threatening to kill themselves, or force victim into illegal activities to blackmail them. - One never needs to accept this kind of behavior, there are people to help get you out of these types of situations (hotlines and safety alert) PART 4: Keeping a Strong Relationship A. Social Structure - is an outline for participants in a relationship to follow. This orderliness of among people allows for successful relationships because everyone knows what is expected of them. B. Good Communication 1. Verbal Communication—Words Alone - Specific sound combinations made by the lungs, throat, and mouth that represent complex messages carried between each other - Errors in communication can occur when the there is a misunderstanding of language depending upon the participant’s background, selective attention leading to a partial message, or incorrect interpretations based on emotions 2. Nonverbal Communication—Adding to the Words - 30-35% of information is received nonverbally. - Communication is enhanced with nonverbal cued that help us better understand the emotions associated with the message - We often need emotional signals along with written words to get the message right (emoticons) a. Facial expressions - Interpreting them depends on the context in which they occur because they often have several meaning or appear on people differently b. Head and hand movements - These provide added signals of what a person is thinking or what they feel c. Body postures - Most single body gestures seen alone are not good indicators of any hidden meaning. Oft en, they must be in a special context or situation before they can be interpreted with some accuracy. d. Needing our own space - Surrounding us, we have a very flexible privacy zone, this varies upon our age, gender, cultural background, social status, relationship and personality. - Physically proximity is studied among people of different cultures (proxemics) e. Multiple communication channels - Because communication comes from our whole body rather than just our voice, we have to be aware of the incompleteness in electronic messages C. Positive Growth-Producing Relationships 1. Who Am I? - There are parts of us that are known socially to others but not to us, these are our “blind spots.” (i.e. the unconscious wrinkling of one’s nose when they think) - We become more aware of ourselves as we mature, gaining the strength and wisdom to accept who we are. This is helpful in communication, because we become more aware of our unique style of communication - Knowing who we are can help us understand the types of relationships we might want and learn how to keep them 2. Who Are We? - For relationships to work, it requires all parties involved in in to be accepting of each other and work to eliminate things that may conflict with those goals. 3. Positive Affect and Flourishing - “If we are to enhance our lives, it means we must admit others into ours, just as they can admit us into theirs.” This increases self-other overlap. “Together we become more that what we are by ourselves.” - Positive emotions in relationships include: love, gratitude, joy, pride, interest, amusement and laughter


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