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Leslie Ogu PSYC 2012 04/20/2016 ­ Attraction & Relationships Pt. 2 Attraction & Relationships ➢ Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg) ○ Intimacy:​ feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness ○ Passion:​ drive towards intense emotions ■ Sexual attraction ■ Intense longing, physiological arousal, heart pounding ○ Commitment ■ Short­Term: decision to love someone ■ Long­Term: decision to maintain love ➢ Types of Love ○ Liking (intimacy alone) ■ Bondedness, warmth, and closeness ■ friends ○ Infatuation (passion alone) ■ Love at first sight, can be obsessive and great sadness when love is not reciprocated; intense longing for a person coupled with physiological arousal ○ Empty Love (commitment alone) ■ Beginnings of an arranged marriage ■ No emotion or physical relationship ○ Romantic Love (intimacy + passion) ■ Physical attraction and sharing of emotions ■ Not long term ● Like a summer fling ○ Companionate Love (intimacy + commitment) ■ Family relationships; long­term, deep friendships ■ Intimacy, affection, and deep caring, but no passion or arousal ○ Fatuous Love (passion + commitment) ■ Whirlwind courtship and marriage in which commitment is motivated by passion without intimacy ○ Consummate Love (intimacy + passion + commitment) ■ Ultimate, ideal love; combinesal components ➢ Love Styles ○ Romantic partners tend to have similar love styles ** ○ Eros: ​passionate love ■ Love at first sight ■ Men typically have higher ratings ** ■ Sample Question: My lover and I were attracted to each other immediately after we first met. ○ Agape:​ selfless love ■ Putting one’s lover above one’s self ■ Highly correlated with religiosity ** ■ Sample Question: I would rather suffer than let my lover suffer. I would endure all things for the sake of my lover. ○ Mania:​ possessive love ■ Feeling of ownership over lover ■ Women typically have higher ratings ** ■ Sample Questions: I cannot relax if I suspect that my lover is with somebody else. When my lover doesn’t pay attention to me, I feel sick all over. ○ Pragma: ​logical love ■ Cognitive appreciation for other’s quality ■ Women typically have higher ratings ** ■ Sample Question: It is best to love somebody with a similar background. ○ Ludus:​ game playing love ■ Flirtatious and not committed ■ Men typically have higher ratings ** ■ Sample Question: I have sometimes had to keep my two lovers from finding out about each other. ○ Storge:​ friendship love ■ Very close friendship becomes love ■ 66% of subjects in a study rate “high” on this scale ■ Women typically have higher ratings ** ■ Sample Question: Love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion. Love: Evolutionary Theory ➢ Both men and women want kids who will survive adulthood and have their own kids. ○ But, they have different strategies: ■ Men: It’s easy to reproduce. So, have as much sex with healthy women as possible! ■ Women: It takes 9 months. So, be picky, choose a man who will stick around to help and provide resources to you and your baby. ➢ This theory can provide an explanation for current gender differences in three specific things: ** ○ Mate selection ○ Jealousy ○ Promiscuity ➢ Questions *** ○ When selecting a mate, which of the following are most important ■ Physical Attractiveness (Men scored higher) ■ Ambition and industriousness (Women scored higher) ■ Exciting personality (Men scored higher) ■ Good financial prospects (Women scored higher) ■ Good looks (Men scored higher) ■ Caring and responsible personality (Women scored higher) ○ Would you prefer a younger or older mate ■ Men wanted younger; Women wanted older ➢ Why gender differences ○ One possibility is that man and women have ​ evolved​ different preferences ○ Mate Selection ■ Men and women have different mate preferences due to their differences in reproductive ability ■ Men “prefer” women who can reproduce ● Youthfulness / fit = reproductive capabilities ● Attractiveness = reproductive health ■ Women “prefer” men who have resources for self & child (want stability) ● Older men = more resources ● Money and status = more resources ■ Women’s desire for mates with resources and men’s desire for youth found in 37 cultures ■ Both motivated to display what is desired (appearance v. resources) ■ Derogation of competitors ● Women: Physical ● Men: Resources ○ Jealousy ■ Men tended to be more jealous if a partner cheated for physical reasons and were not emotionally attached; Women tended to be more jealous if their partner was deeply in love with someone but wasn’t physically intimate with them ■ Men ● Paternity uncertainty ● Never sure if kid is theirs ● Don’t want to waste resources if not ■ Women ● “Need man” to stick around after impregnated to give his resources ● Don’t want resources given to other women ○ Promiscuity ■ Men are predicted to be more so (easy to reproduce) ■ Women have limited supply of eggs, time, and resources; thus must be choosier & less promiscuous ■ Evidence Clark & Hatfield (1990) ● Had attractive assistants approach students of opposite sex on a campus and ask questions (Go on a date Go back to my apartment tonight Have sex with me) ● Men were more likely to agree to all (women were pretty close when it came to dates) ■ Casual Sex ● Men = ideally have 18 partners ● Women = desire 4­5 in lifetime ● 94% of women said they would feel guilt after a one­night stand **; 50% of men report the same ■ Is long­term commitment necessary for sexual activity to take place ● 1­5 scale (higher numbers = commitment is necessary) ● Men = 2.5 ● Women = 3.7