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The Language of Composition: Reading, Writing, Rhetoric | 2nd Edition | ISBN: 9780312676506 | Authors: Renee H. Shea, Lawrence Scanlon, Robin Dissin Aufses
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In Politics and the En glish Language, George Orwell cites the following paragraph as an

Chapter 10, Problem EXERCISE 2

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QUESTION:

In “Politics and the English Language,” George Orwell cites the following paragraph as an example of “bad writing.” Revise the paragraph by eliminating pretentious diction and improving clarity.

On the one side we have the free personality: by definition it is not neurotic, for it has neither conflict nor dream. Its desires, such as they are, are transparent, for they are just what institutional approval keeps in the forefront of consciousness; another institutional pattern would alter their number and intensity; there is little in them that is natural, irreducible, or culturally dangerous. But on the other side, the social bond itself is nothing but the mutual reflection of these self- secure integrities. Recall the definition of love. Is not this the very picture of a small academic? Where is there a place in this hall of mirrors for either personality or fraternity?

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QUESTION:

In “Politics and the English Language,” George Orwell cites the following paragraph as an example of “bad writing.” Revise the paragraph by eliminating pretentious diction and improving clarity.

On the one side we have the free personality: by definition it is not neurotic, for it has neither conflict nor dream. Its desires, such as they are, are transparent, for they are just what institutional approval keeps in the forefront of consciousness; another institutional pattern would alter their number and intensity; there is little in them that is natural, irreducible, or culturally dangerous. But on the other side, the social bond itself is nothing but the mutual reflection of these self- secure integrities. Recall the definition of love. Is not this the very picture of a small academic? Where is there a place in this hall of mirrors for either personality or fraternity?

ANSWER:

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Revised:

On one hand, we have the free personality which does not denote being neurotic for it has neither conflict nor dream.

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